A Conversation
The Sun rose. It rose amidst a brilliant glow of red and orange, a show of colours and lights that Princess Celestia was quite proud of. She had been raising the Sun for a long time, and her experience showed.
She watched the newly risen Sun for a moment, and then turned to the purple unicorn at the other side of her balcony tea-table.
“Now, Twilight. What is it that you wished to talk to me about?”
Twilight took a deep breath. This was going to be a difficult conversation. It would be better to get the biggest obstacle out of the way first, to place the least believable statement out there at once. She could then go into the reasoning behind it, the hundred little things that had told her precisely what was going on, which had led to this unbelievable conclusion. She braced herself for questions, for disbelief, for shock.
“Rainbow Dash is a changeling drone.” she said. She braced for the Princess' reaction, taking a sip of tea to steady her nerves.
“Yes, I know.” nodded Celestia. “Was that all?”
Twilight spat a mouthful of scalding-hot tea across the table. The teacup she had been holding with her magic fell to the table, wobbling slightly, and might have fallen had Celestia not extended her own field over the cup.
“HOW COULD YOU HAVE KNOWN THAT?” she yelled, jumping up and slamming both her front hooves onto the small table.
“All pegasi are changelings.” Celestia levitated a small tea-towel, cleaning up the tea that had managed to get itself all over the table. “The last true pegasus died some eight hundred years ago. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Luna, by the way; she's still trying to find some actual pegasi.”
“Eight – hundred – years?” squeaked Twilight, sitting down abruptly. “Wait... all pegasi? So Fluttershy -”
“Changeling queen.” replied Celestia promptly. “The animals that live in her house are almost all her drones. For that matter, so are most of the pets in Ponyville.”
“Including -”
“Yes, even Owlowicious.” nodded Celestia.
Twilight sank back into her seat, thinking of the implications. Another name intruded itself quickly upon her mind. “Cadence – I mean, Princess Mi Amora Cadenza – she – she used to be a pegasus before she was an alicorn, right? At least, that's what she told me... does that mean – is she -”
Celestia nodded. “Yes, Twilight. She is a changeling. There are – signs – that one can see. Ways to tell whether anypony is a changeling or not.”
“But – Queen Chrysalis -”
“I knew she was a changeling when I first laid eyes on her.” admits Celestia. “Where I failed, there, was in not realising which changeling she was – or, rather, which changeling she wasn't. She wasn't Princess Mi Amora Cadenza.”
“My brother married a changeling and you said nothing?”
“Your brother is a changeling, Twilight. I'm not sure yet whether each of them have realised what the other one is, but if they haven't, then they're sure to find out soon.”
“Wait, how is that possible?” asked Twilight. “Is he adopted?”
“No, Twilight. You are adopted.”
Twilight sat still in silence, staring at her mentor. “I'm... adopted? Wait, so my parents are...”
“Yes, Twilight. I thought that you might have got the first hint at your entrance exam, when they turned themselves into plants to try to hide when you hatched Spike and lost control. Unicorns are an endangered species. Almost extinct, in fact; to the best of my knowledge, there are only five true Unicorns left, and three of these are children, yet to undergo their final metamorphosis.”
“Final – metamorphosis? So, wait, adult unicorns – if there are two adult unicorns, then...”
Celestia nodded. “Luna and myself.” she said. “No adult unicorn stallions, which has been something of a problem for the last several centuries. Fortunately, recent advances in biology have resulted in the option of cloning – which is where the three of you came from, incidentally. Two female, one male, were all that survived to term. You and the other female were fostered out to Changeling families, under conditions of great secrecy. In order to recreate the unicorn race, incidentally, both of you will have to marry the one male after you come of age and have completed your final metamorphosis.” She sighed. “I had been hoping to wait awhile longer before telling you this.”
Twilight's mouth opened and closed several times, as all that she had believed about the world slowly crumbled around her.
“Earth ponies?” she asked, after awhile. “Surely earth ponies can't be extinct? I mean, Applejack -”
“Changeling.” said Celestia, promptly.
“...what, really? But... they've been living there ever since Ponyville was founded...”
“And did the name never strike you as odd?” asked Celestia. “Manticores don't live in Manticoreville. Griffon don't live in Griffonville. 'Ponyville' isn't the sort of name that ponies choose to name a town; it's the sort of name that's chosen by people who want everyone to think that they are ponies. The entire Apple clan is a Changeling hive.”
Twilight stared at the Princess, her eyes wide. “And... and Pinkie Pie? Surely she's not a changeling?”
“Oh, no, she's not a changeling.” said Celestia, taking another sip of tea. “By my count, she's at least fifteen separate changelings. Have you never noticed how, no matter how fast you run to escape her, she's always waiting wherever you want to hide?”
Twilight stared at her mentor for a long moment. She suddenly realised that her mouth was open, and shut it. “I... I always wondered how she did that... but... Earth ponies in general?”
“Extinct for at least four hundred years. As with the pegasi, if we can ever find a good source of viable earth pony DNA, we might be able to recover the species, though after so long...” Celestia watched her student carefully. Twilight, for her part, stared into space. An entire lifetime worth of assumptions were breaking down inside her head, rebuilding into a new worldview, being examined piece by piece.
The prior probability of Celestia telling an outright lie is low, no more than two percent. However, the prior probability that the world she is describing is true is also low. I should check first for inconsistencies in the provided narrative – ah, I think I have it.
“If almost everyone are changelings,” asked Twilight, speaking with the slow and careful deliberation of someone re-checking the question for consistency even as she speaks it, “then why continue to maintain this elaborate deception? Why pull the wool over everyone's eyes when they can just put us in cocoons and go back to their own shapes?”
“Oh, Twilight. Not all changelings are evil. More to the point, the changelings aren't aware of the extinction of the ponies. There are at least five thousand separate changeling hives trying to take over Equestria, and none of them know of more than one or two other hives. It's like a flock of wolves, all trying desperately to pretend that they're sheep.”
“Oh.” Twilight stared into her teacup for a long moment.
Time passed.
More time passed. Celestia finished the last of the tea in the teapot.
More time passed. Finally, Twilight looked up.
“So... there's five unicorns, and everyone else are changelings?”
“In short, yes.”
“And real unicorns go through a final metamorphosis, in which they grow wings?”
“Yes.”
“And Rarity and I will have to marry that other genuine male unicorn?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “What on Equestria made you think that Rarity was the other genuine unicorn?” she asked.
“But – but – she -” Twilight stumbled for the right words, and then gave up the explanation. “So... none of my friends are...”
“Well, I should hope that they're still your friends. Them being changelings shouldn't change who they are. But no, none of them are ponies.”
Twilight nodded, too shocked to raise an argument. “Then... who is...”
“I believe she calls herself the Great and Powerful Trixie.” said Celestia. “A true unicorn's magic is always somewhat stronger than a changeling's, which is why she had no trouble outdoing anyone who wasn't you.”
Twilight had one final question that she needed to ask before she went to find somewhere to sit, alone, for about six months and process all this new information properly. “And...the one male?”
“Prince Blueblood.”
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I can't wait for the Skeeter the Lurker comment on this one, because this is bat shit hilarious.
Love it! I think she'd rather let unicorns go extinct
MInd. BLOWN!!!!!
Okay, I saw the ending coming a mile away but it was still hilarious. I can just imagine the spit-take.
THIS MUST CONTINUE THE QUEEN DEMANDS IT!
My reactions in order. This is going to get featured.
Also, Blueblood with Trixie and Twilight as wives?
Haha, not bad!
3001336
Probably.
3001506
Well, this was really just a random idea I came up with. I've got no idea where to take it from here. If I ever figure that out, then I have no particular objection to continuing... but I make no promises.
3001687
How did you write this awesomeness?
sequelado.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/poker-face.jpg
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Great ending X3
City of Spies take up to eleven
Genius!
The only twist I did see coming was who the male was.
This is ridiculous, bonus points for being ludicrous and funny as well.
Honestly, I think Celestia is just messing with Twilight's head here.
Funny though.
I knew Blueblood being the male unicorn was coming. From the second you said it, I knew it.
I actually predicted every single pony you said. I predicted that Trixie and Blueblood were unicorns. BUT BLUEBLOOD! HOW COULD YOU MAKE HIM A UNICORN!?
This reminds me a lot of "Changelings, Changelings Everywhere". But In a good way.
Yes. Just yes.
so much yes! have a moustache
Pfffhaaahahaha. This is almost as bad as Changelings, Changelings Everywhere
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
You should have had Twilight leave... and then a few mintues later have Princess Celestia transform back into Queen Chrysalis and have her saying "Too easy..."
3002971
And then Twilight decided she was never going to have foals ever
Eh, you could do worse. It's be difficult but you could indeed do worse.
3001901
I use a keyboard, and Libreoffice.
Of course, it helps to have an idea first... this particular idea I got after reading "The Irony of Applejack" and "When They Found Us" (the idea of Pinkie being multiple changelings came from the second of those) and I wondered... what if everyone were changelings... taking an idea and turning it up until the knob breaks seems to work out well.
I had to adjust that a little, of course.
3002059
Exactly!
3003343
To quote Roger Rabbit: Because it was funny.
3003429
3005690
Hey, someone else had the same idea first! Neat.
3005732
3002772
...maaaaaaybeeeee...
I also considered the possibility that it was all a dream (i.e. Luna was pranking Twilight), but I thought it best to leave that possibility... undefined. Neither confirmed nor denied.
3006261
B-but he's terrible! I think Twilight would probably come up with a spell to make her pregnant rather than marry him.
3006764
Nah, not necessary. Celestia's got all this cloning hardware just waiting for pegasus or earth pony DNA, and Twilight is full of unicorn DNA, so she can find another way to have descendants...
Uhh... Wut.
3006841
I still think that Twilight would come up with a spell.
The introduction in the very first episode does refer to Celestia & Luna as unicorns.
Therefore, this is now canon.
3006261
Not really... Changelings Changelings Everywhere is just way more over the top and ridiculous, whereas you actually went through the effort to make it a somewhat believable situation
Really. In Changelings Changelings Everywhere, everything and everyone, probably up to the background music, was changelings
3006991
You know... on further reflection... I think you're right.
3007017
Yay! Canon!
3007403
Oh, we took the idea in different directions, and did different things with it. So there's lots of differences in the final stories. But the basic idea, the central concept of "everyone's a changeling" was the same in both.
It's about the only thing that was the same in both... oh, that and that Princess Celestia wasn't. (Well, probably not).
3007506
Two things, one, thank you for saying as much. Secondly, HOW COULD THIS BE CONSIDERED CANON!!!!??! Also, if I remember correctly, they were depicted with wings originally.
I just checked and they were.
Am I the only one who thinks that this is more depressing rather than comedic?
Wouldn't it be better to tell Luna and bring her into the search for more DNA samples to recreate her species with?
3007784
Elaborate.
3007888
Basically everything and everyone she knows is a lie. The only other female unicorn is Trixie. Also she has to mate with Prince Blueblood to continue on with her race. Thus, all her hopes and dreams have been burned to the ground to make more of her species.
Best troll story ever.
3006261
Hey, that second one is my story! Neat!
It really is the only way to make any kind of sense out of Pinkie, isn't it?
This story wins so much with its simplicity.
3006261
3005690
There's actually another story that uses the 'Everyone is changlings' thing as well, and goes even further than Changelings, Changelings, Everywhere. It's an amazing mindfuck.
Everyone's a Changeling by Aquillo
Can't get enough of these types of stories, and this one is a good addition!
No. Just no.
3006261
Roger Rabbit must be pretty evil.
3007602
If someone comes up with some convoluted reason to claim that one of my stories is now canon, I have no particular reason to try to raise an objection.
3007784
A lot of comedy is, if you look at it closely. Just look at - well, just about anything Bugs Bunny stars in. And the levels of violence in Tom and Jerry... that poor, poor cat...
3007888
But then... Luna would be sad. Have you ever known anyone who would make their little sister sad? On purpose, I mean?
3008082
That it is, and it's a great story. But it still fails to make sense of Pinkie Pie; it explains some of the things about her, but not all of them.
It's also not the only possible explanation - I think one can do better with "Pinkie is a Time Lord". Of course, her TARDIS has a working chameleon circuit.
3009248
Wow. That is a very interesting take on the idea.
3011425
No, he's a toon. If you've never seen the film "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", I can heartily recommend it.
------------
And thanks for all the positive comments! I really appreciate it.
3011640
I am not trying to argue buuuuuuuuut....
But the reason wasn't sound! It was based on the fact that the two princesses were depicted as unicorns at the beginning of the show, but they weren't. Not to mention Moonstuck was a cute fully version of Luna, thus making her lower than an adult. That and the fact that this has an alternate universe tag. (Can't get out of that part, now can you?) π
3011866
Awwww... you're going to destroy all my illusions...
Ummmm... insert long-winded and improbable justification based on laughably poor logic and highly unlikely assumptions here?
...who's Moonstuck?
3012214
Moonstuck: The Cutest Story of all Time
It's your tag, not mine.