- Member Since 2nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
Honey Mead
"In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.
Honey Mead
Joined 2nd Feb, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Exelzior · 15k words · 30 0 · 885 views
- Silver Hoof · 1.3k words · 116 4 · 5.5k views
- TheOldPonyFromScene24 · 1.4k words · 109 2 · 2.4k views
- Lady Grey · 1.6k words · 179 1 · 2.7k views
- Blue Print · 2.4k words · 79 1 · 2.7k views
- Vic Fontaine · 1.6k words · 66 3 · 1.2k views
- The Usurper · 42k words · 48 5 · 1.5k views
- Midnightshadow · 1.5k words · 41 5 · 1k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.122 seconds
Total duration
922 users online
349,732 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Just because you didn´t use me as a pre-reader am I now going to steal this first post! And there is nothing that you can do to stop me!
2969137
I could have stopped you, but I didn't...
2969137
You said you were busy.
"Beads?"
"No, bees."
"Bees!?"
"Twilight's not a fan."
2969169
Ohh... that is right... But I do still stand with my opinion!
Ah, that ending... now it all makes sense. Great little story.
2969182
Thank you
2969172
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m382hc6AHe1rui1gfo1_400.gif
Aww... I wanted to do the obligatory Nick Cage.
Good SoL story.
2969212
Obligatory Nick Cage is obligatory. I'm glad you liked it.
Long live the queen...
This deserves to be featured. I mean, seriously. Really, really impressive, dude.
You say you're completely full of shit, but if this is the shit that comes out of you when you write, then it smells pretty damn good.
Oh.
That's how I felt at the end.
I wasn't expecting it to just end there
Nice short read right here
2969276
For she is huge and her stinger doesn't fall out.
2969917
Your vote of confidence is appreciated... It may have even happened if not for a story about a certain background pony whose name escapes me being a changeling...
2969936
It'll be okay, I doubt Celestia would force Twilight to... Do the deed...
2970034
Don't blame Mr. Friendly... if anything, blame the story about the OC that isn't even written by the author who created said OC.
2970034
Mr. Friendly is all right, and I enjoyed his first story well-enough. Still, Bees! What's not to love?! Besides their death stingers of painful doom? And the annoying buzzing when they go past your ears.
2970351>>2970438
I have nothing against Mr. Friendly... just his timing....
I would cut all the stuff about taxes. If we're supposed to be going "oh my goodness CELESTIA IS DYING", then you need to focus the narrative on the bees and the metaphor/allegory/thing associated with them. Otherwise, pretty well done.
But... but...
I DIDN'T WANT THIS FRIENDSHIP LESSON!
2971332
I did consider that, but you just proved why it needs to stay. This is not about Celestia dying (note the lack of sad tag). It's all about the imperfect analogy comparing Celestia and Equestria to a queen and the hive. The tax part is important because it demonstrates the analogy in action (though carefully hidden behind bad jokes). I just uploaded a slightly edited version that should flow a little better (stupid prepositional phrases).
EDIT: Well it's not necessarily about Celestia dying... telling Twilight that she is leaving and that Twilight needs to understand this and be prepared for it.
Reading the comments, I saw that the author stated that this wasn't about Celestia's death. To be honest, without that clarification, it's almost impossible to tell that. My first assumption was that you simply forgot the sad tag. The way Celestia talks about the bees fails to establish that it isn't analogous to herself. It's quite misleading to the reader.
That aside, I'm not exactly sure what the end result of this was supposed to be. Neither Celestia nor Twilight seemed to change. Twilight's realization came so close to the end that there was nothing but her realization. She didn't come to terms with it, or even ask why. Twilight figured out what Celestia meant, and the story stopped instead of ended. If it weren't for this story being marked as complete, I'd assume it was the start of a multi-part story.
In the end, I enjoyed some of the narration, but as an entire experience, I can't say I like this. It feels misleading and incomplete. I apologize if the author or anyone else finds this offensive, but I feel that honesty leads to better feedback.
2971491
Quoted for agreement.
Is it Twilight and Nic Cage crossover?
2971491>>2971821
You're right. I knew going in that people would make the assumption that Celestia is dying, and I'm not saying that it isn't true, just that that isn't what it's about. What it's about (or meant to be about) is Celestia having limited control over the actual workings of Equestria, how she more or less only provides a seemingly eternal center point for the ponies. and how she has every intention of leaving in the future (whether through death or retirement is not something I wanted to tackle as Faust never said). I guess perhaps it is rather unfinished in that regard and I jumped the gun a little on releasing it. Bah, now I'm thinking of adding a second chapter to finish it off, We'll see.
Wow...
That's fucked up depressing.
2971373
I think that the analogy is badly flawed, unfortunately. If I understand correctly, Celestia is leading Twilight to compare the social conduct and roles of the individual—specifically, her new role as a princess—in Equestria to those in a beehive. Tax law defines how a government levies taxation on economic transactions within a nation and has relatively little bearing on governing social behavior, so it's a big jump to connect the Code to the behavior of bees.
2973670
Ah, well, thus proves the uselessness of authorial intent.
However, allow me to explain what I meant to convay. (Again, the bad jokes probably get in the way.)
The tax code exists due in no part to the princess. It is the result of thousands of years of build up that make understanding it impossible (not unlike current tax codes...). How the taxes are actually handled? I don't know, but the E.A.T.A.T.J.'s are not followed properly (they can't be). The idea I had was that the Princess does not run the government, so much as ensure that it does run... The Code is a mess, but it works, so why get involved. She only interviens when things aren't running smoothly.
Twilight spending five hours on two pages of tax code is a waste of time... Celestia maintaining three beehives is not...
Look, I never claimed to be a good writer. *sigh* I'm definitely going to have to make a second chapter aren't I?
-Honey Mead
2973922
I disagree strongly, you do NOT need to write a new chapter.
In my opinion, you have a strong foundation already. I would suggest expanding on the silly-minutae-aspect of the tax code, demonstrating to us that Twilight was working on taxes and really wasn't enjoying it, then pulling the tone at the end back a bit from the almost-despair-cannon you have right now.
Regards tone, Twilight going all teary is the biggest factor, so I would make her confused and alarmed instead. In general, however, you take a dive into the "Oh no oh no oh NO" sort of tone, so find any words related thereof and change them to be less depressing/terrifying.
As to the taxes bit, I'd recommend that you start with Twilight in the Library, possibly headdesking into a legal tome, and just make up a series of puntacular tax laws. The key is you have to demonstrate that, despite popular opinions, the laws do, in fact, work, and the "queen bee" doesn't really need to do much about them.
As a final note: authorial intent is NOT useless, it's a critical underpinning and you should always always ALWAYS be trying to use it in your work. Your understanding of such things is clearly rather good, which means that you're in a good position to expand and edit from this as a baseline.
2974253
My wording on authorial intent was bad, it's important only as far as it's successful. Thus, fifty/fifty for this attempt... maybe forty/sixty...
As to your suggestions, I'll be revising this again over the next week.
-Honey Mead
p.s. Btw, you guys are wonderful for taking the time to think and comment and point out where I erred, thanks.
2974253
Regarding the analogy, I think you've hit the nail on the head. It's not made clear that despite growing ever more draconian in its complexity—perhaps literally!—the way the Equestrian tax code works has been "good enough" to not require royal intervention.
2974322
Were you trying to say that Twilight was studying the tax code, possibly at Celestia's behest? Because the phrase "working on taxes" to me implied that she was calculating how much she owed the government in taxes, i.e., filling out an income tax return. If she were studying the tax code, however, and had started wondering why Celestia had never involved herself with it just as the invitation arrived…
Oh snap, what beautiful symbolism. Poor Twilight.
Though I understand what some people say about how the analogy is not really that clear, and it seems it indeed leads most to think that Celestia is dying , I personally think that it's inccopleteness works very nicely, at least for me.
It made me think on many possibilities of how Equestria could be like a beehive, maybe even more than the author intended. I guess I just like to fill the blanks on a story by myself.
Also, being completely and absolutely terrified by bees myself (All bees should just DIE... oh but that would practically end life on Earth... ALL bees should DIE.) I really can understand the state of mind of Twilight, and that is a good point, maybe if she weren't terrified at that moment she would have reached a different conclusion, but being in the state of mind she was while surrounded by horrible horrible bees, I would have reached the worst case scenario of the analogy, and I think she did too. That would actually lead to a very interesting chat between her and Celestia.
2978673
)
Don't be hatin' on the bees. Honey bees won't sting you unless you mess with their hive (or you smack them against yourself). Heck, I pet bees while they are harvesting from my flowers. (Wasps on the other hand....
I appreciate your words, but if I want to be a better author I need to be able to guide my readers to the lesson that I want them to learn. Leaving it open for interpretation is great sometimes, but because there were specific things I was aiming for...
Anyway, thanks.
-Honey Mead
2969169 I'll be sure to read soon. I can so relate to not liking bees! I got stung on the tongue by a bee when I was 6! I hate the little fuckers!
2980078
Ouch, that would suck. I've managed to avoid something like that, but I have had a bee sting right below my Adam's apple. (I've since bought a better bee suit.)
This story is scarily similar to mine...
I love the edited ending.
I'm curious what the original ending was. That said, I feel it'd be a bit stronger if it were clear she's leaving rather than dying of old age - I know you want ambiguity between the two, but right now the parallels make it seem far more heavily 'Celestia is going to die' than 'Celestia is making her exit one way or another'
3005674
You are correct, I do want a fair amount of ambiguity. I am not trying to make any statement for one side or the other because, in the end, it doesn't matter. If you decide that it is the former, more power to you. The original ending, however, leaned a great deal in that direction mostly through poor word choice on my part.
3005875
I'm curious what the original is/was, now! Though my point was even in the edited ending it still seems to lean more towards the 'I am dying' rather than 'VACATION WHOO!' interpretation.
3005907
It was mostly changes to the mood than what was actually happening. Instead of talking about how long bees live, it talked about how soon they died. It also included Twilight having an emotional reaction instead of an intellectual one. Finally, Celestia was more serious, less smiley.
As a personal opinion, I've never seen Celestia as an 'immortal', long lived, yes, but not forever. The idea that Twilight is her apprentice in regards to taking over the throne is one that Faust has commented on and that is pretty much the extent that I was aiming for. I don't see Celestia dying as this horrible outcome (anymore than any pony dying). Rather it's something that most ponies just never think about and Celestia needed to make sure Twilight (of all ponies) understood what was going on (no matter how far in the future those events might take place).
-Honey Mead
3006276
I can see the point of it! Though...I don't entirely agree on the immortality thing, but hey, it's a wide world open for many a viewpoint
Woah...good story.
So few people understand this sort of teaching via parables... bravo! A very touching and elegantly crafted story!
4557483
Teaching? I was just jumping on the 'X does Y' bandwagon.
Seriously, though, I'm glad you liked it.
I rather enjoyed this, and for what it's worth I didn't event contemplate the 'Celestia is dying' angle until I read through the comments.
2979075
This, indeed. Through my own stupidity, as a child I was stung on the hand by a rather large wasp; it was like being stabbed by an ice-cold metal spike coated in flaming acid... and then the real pain started.
I try to avoid bees, but I fucking hate wasps. Predatory, don't pollinate, aggressive as hell and can sting multiple times without dying. Nasty bastards.
My heart was pounding the entire time I read this, by the way. Just the thought of all those bees...those stingers...like a thousand tiny rifles pointed at you...
Twilight: Princess Celestia, does this have anything to do with the jar of Royal Jelly you sent me last week?
Celestia: Maybe.
Twilight: Because that would explain why Spike grew wings and a horn.
Celestia: Quite possibly.
It started a bit too telly and repetitive, but the way you characterized Twi and Celestia's relationship was really well executed. I really liked it!
6 years later, and Twilight truly gets what Celestia meant. In a very roundabout way, you predicted Season 9's overarching story arc.
Celestia and Luna leaving, and Twilight taking on their roles. Yeah, the sisters aren't dead (I don't care what some say, they're not dead). But still. They left.