My name is Chronicle. I have been a scribe, an assistant, and a confidant to the Princess; but now I am going blind. The lights in my eyes are slowly fading and I know that my days are coming to an end. As I stare down the darkening tunnel of my future I cannot help but think about the past. I am left with a sense of insignificance. It is not that I regret my life or the choices I have made, but as I look back I am left to wonder at what I leave behind. I am survived by no pony, I have no sisters or brothers, I never married, and children were never even a thought. I leave nothing behind me save for my work; notes, documents, and records compiled and stored surrounded by thousands of others in a vault beneath the castle. Would I even be remembered? So here I sit my final days stretched out before me and all I have to leave is, my life, compressed to the ink stains on so many pages.
(All comments welcome!)
Special thanks to my Editor Inkiepie
A few minor grammatical errors here and there, but whatthefuckeverwhoevengivesashit.
Trackzord.
But then... This was tracked...
An interesting start to a story. Tracked and thumbs up.
This is quite good, tracking and giving you a thumbs up.
Liking the story. Although on the Scottish accent I couldn't understand some of the sentences... and i'm usually good at speaking in and reading accents. not your fault though. If you are gonna write anymore Bullrunner into the story and want any help I could try and scottish up the words for you a bit if you send them my way. Also same for this current chapter if you wanted to resubmit it or something.
I should warn you I am American not Scottish, but have always been told by people I am good at imitating accents and voices and such.
Either way great story and I will be looking forward to more chapters
So I could use some help. I am horrible at naming things. I need pony names for random rich and political ponies.
some spelling and grammar errors here but overall a great chapter
Sonic Rainboom? Sonic Rainboom! Does this mean Twilight will be getting involved in the story soon?
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576460
Durn it River! *fist shake*
Rainbow Dash's first Rainboom? I guess this means that this story will soon be falling parallel to the main plotline of the show. Can't wait
576983
I can answer that one. Yes. Look forward to random mentioning of events in Ponyville. I will say that the next chapters are likely to start skipping larger periods of time in order to move the story along. My original plan was 15 chapters, but then again my original plan did not include any shipping what so ever and we all see how that worked out.
577051
Fair enough. Luna is most likely going to be introduced into the story, yes?
578272
Absolutely.
579462
excellent
Filly Twilight is awesome!!!
711834
711901 *inhales*....yay
Squee, new update!!!!(Sorry had to take time for that, and now to reading)
741823
You have no idea how much it means to me that you ponies get enjoyment out of my story(ies).
741850
Enjoyment? Good sir, I get more than simple enjoyment out of this story. I also gain perspective on characters which shift the image I have of them in my head. I gain respect for you because you hold quality even though you are only pleasing a few people(I would argue that the points of quality and audience can be seen in the thumbs rating). Plus it is always nice to see a true original idea flourish like this. So many other stories are a bit too copy/pasta of what is trending/popular or spin-offs are what have you for my taste.
Now, while I have your attention, let us speak about the contents of this chapter. I like how to developed Celestia. She is wise, caring and foreseeing. A good mix for a ruling goddess if I do say so myself. I still stand by my statement that filly Twilight is ridiculously cute. Finally, Chronicle has turned out to be a rather interesting character. While I am hesitant to read fic with OCs(for a fairly obvious reason if you think on it), I am happy I gave this one a shot. I would be lieing, however, if choosing this fic was partially based on it's originality.
741875
Thank you.
To be perfectly honest my original idea was to have chapter 1-5 focus on building Chronicle as a character and coming into his own as the assistant to the Princess (The entire Silent Stars thing was completely unintentional and just kinda happened as I was writing and is now a focal point for later chapters.), 6-10 were to focus heavily on Celestia and Chronicle running the country, and 11-15 would be... well...
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)
(Sorry, I love using that... It makes me feel like I actually have a plan.
I honestly feel like I have dropped the ball for 6-10. Part of this is because I have no idea how to write political intrigue. I am trying to pick it up again in Chapter 9... we will just have to wait and see how things go.
You've handled the politics a lot better than most authors do or can.
Also; Filly Twilight is causing my diabetes to act up again!
I get the feeling something bad will happen to Stars, most probably as a result of Chronicle's spymaster games when he makes a mistake. I'm split 50/50 on wither she dies in his hooves or he just gets a cold emotionless report on his desk one morning after the Arch-mage is sent on a mission. Every time I read a Stars bit I can't help but think "Yep, she's a goner."
742115
I want you to say it with me... on the count of three
One
Two
Three
Spoilers
741960
Looks good to me.
742173
Spoilers if they came from you, but wild conjecture based on the tropes and stereotypes used in writing from me.
Edit: Something I'm curious about, and have been since Stars was introduced, was what kind of relationship Stars and Twilight had/would have. The position of Arch-Mage just strikes me as something Twilight would strive towards and idolise almost as much as Celestia herself. It is, I am guessing, the pinacle of the magical world a unicorn can achieve.
*prepares for River*
742300
(Sharp inhalation) Spoi- Just kidding. I have thought about that... and I haven't figured out how they will interact. I'm looking forward to seeing how it works out.
I like this. My favorite passage: "But as my mind ran through all these things and more she just smiled at me. Everything stopped, all the sound ceased, the breeze froze, and my mind cleared. For that one moment there was only her, her smile radiating love, and understanding. I felt a calmness enter me, all my worries seemed to melt away, and suddenly I felt that everything was going to be all right."
The grammar is good - mind if I grammar-nazi anyway? Number 1 pet peeve: "Yes, your majesty." I said bowing my head.
should be: "Yes, your majesty," I said bowing my head.
(well, really, "Yes, your majesty," I said, bowing my head.)
If you write "I said, bowing my head," that is not a sentence. The entire quotation "Yes, your majesty" is a relative clause that functions as the direct object of "said". Therefore, it must be part of the same sentence. Check any published novel and you'll see what I mean.
On the other hand: Then she said it, "You are dismissed Mr. Chronicle."
should be: Then she said it. "You are dismissed, Mr. Chronicle."
In this case, "Then she said it" is a complete sentence, with subject, transitive verb, and direct object. It can't take another object; you have to end the sentence after "it". (Okay, maybe it's /not/ really a complete sentence, because it starts with the conjunction 'then'? But good writers write sentences starting with "then" all the time.)
You leave necessary commas out more often than you add extra commas.
Also, some paragraphs have 2 indents instead of 1. Google Docs does funny things like that sometimes; it will import correctly if you strip all the paragraph formatting out of the entire document.
The scene with Granny Smith was confusing, because I didn't know where it was, or why GS would be there. It seemed like he was still somewhere in Celestia's private wing of the castle, and odd for GS to be traipsing through there.
I like the descriptions of the murals, but I think most readers are less patient than I am, and you may lose some readers at that point.
750070
I actually know about the comma problem, but I have yet to actually get around to making the corrections.
Don't be surprised to see it again and again in the next few chapters.
As for Granny Smith... I'll have to get back to you on that...
EDIT: Fixed it. GS part should make more sense now. Now I just need to go over the other chapters....
The loss of readers over something like that does not concern me... I never expected this to be a popular story and I am thrilled that I seem to have about eighty consistent readers... Even if only fourteen of them bother to give me a thumbs up.
A/N: LOOK LOOK! A NEW CHAPTER!
It is amazing how one person can change your perspective on things.
The next chapter will take some time, unless I take a "Hammer of Inspiration" to the head.
It is going to include things that I have been avoiding out of fear and uncertainty.
As always your thoughts and comments (good and bad) are welcome and desired.
Your Writing Apiarist
Honey Mead
Well this was definitely unexpected. Let's read the shit out of this. Be back after reading.
EDIT:
Well this was certainly interesting. I'm sure whatever Stars did to Twilight will rear its head soon enough. And the gryphons, that is not going to end well at all. My guess, stars will be killed/seriously injured and Chronicle will shut down. Twilight will then probably be his saving grace and last emotional connection to the world. But this is all a guess though ^^
That was interesting. Filly Twilight and newborn Spike are adorable! I wonder at the implications of the spell Stars used on Twilight. Celestia certainly wasn't pleased with Stars.
959946>>960147
I don't know how to respond... So I will respond like this
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_layh48WpTD1qds55lo1_400.gif
963552
I'm unsure as to how to how to respond to this, so...HEART EXPLOSION!
(aww, the img file didn't work. Just have a link, I guess. Heart Explosion )
963674
I find your lack of image disturbing.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/121/a/d/nom_nom_nom_pony_version_by_kirakura-d4y5mlc.jpg .
Sooooo..... I bet this is a surprise.
Short, yes, but for the moment I think this is one of my better chapters.
That will probably change before tomorrow.
I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out. It isn't the most complicated of chapters, than again that might be the problem.
I would like to thank all of my faithful readers, if it weren't for you this story never would have happened, much less made it this far. Specifically I would like to thank Zanmatsuken and Tundara . Your constant support has been been the knife in my gut that wouldn't let me drop finish this story. So thank you for that. I think.
Oh, and once again this is going out unedited... because I am an impatient jerk who is lucky that any editor would stick around at all.
EDIT:
There are five more chapters to go. I have rough outlines, read 'ten words or less', for what is happening in each. I would like to finish before the end of this year, but I make no promises.
I would also like to apologize for completely ignoring chekhov's gun. Loose ends and extra bits populate this story, I blame Chronicle, he just doesn't get out enough to find the answers.
Bah, who needs editors?! I don't! Everything I write is un-edited, and I like it that way! *waves cane in the air*
Your writing is top-notch, and I like the addition of Cadence and Shining. I never could write something like this, all the politcal intriege and what-have-you. Glad to see this story is back and kicking!
And... was that Fluttershy's mom!? 
Colouration and mannerisms point that way, but it could be a Red Herring! Ooo, you are a wiley one, you are! 
Oh, something else that struck me about this chapter; Chronicle's anxiety attacks. As a frequent experiencer of said states of mind, I really like how accurately you've managed to portray having a panic attack. You never really stop having them, you can just develop better tools for dealing with them when they arise. The scene with Chronicle in the busy hallway, that was spot on perfect in my opinion, from his realization of what is happening, to his attempt to avoid the situation, and in that way 'deal' with it.
Just wanted to add that.
Sorry for double-posting. =>.<='''
1385520
Editors are friends not food.
And post to your hearts content.
Lacking edits... Yeah, okay, if I was the only 'editor', than that comment is correct.
Poor Chronicle. So sad and lonely and he's becoming a Grumpy Old Stallion. 
I like your take on Fleur. 
I'm trying to match up a timeline here.
How old was Chronicle when Twilight got taken on as a student? How long ago was that relative to this chapter? Granted, he could only be in his 40s or 50s relative and still feel old, especially if his love has been away for so many years, but still... I rather assumed he was maybe, 30ish when the story started, and I doubt they've even reached MLP Season 1.
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I am going to be completely honest, there is no real timeline and I apologize for that.
Suffice it to say that Chronicle started roughly in his late thirties/early forties and is now roughly in his late forties/early fifties.
And honestly, the fact that you guys care enough to ask is absolutely wonderful and makes me sad that I don't have a good answer for you.
it says sex..... like how much sex are we talking about?, one time, two time, every few chapters or games of trhones porn with plot levels.
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PG-13
1974288 Thanks. This is going in my read now list
i just marathon read all this today and i must say it is awesome, you sir deserve a medal
1981974
Thanks!
Was there anything in particular that I did well?
Was there anything that I didn't do so well?
1982157 This is all my opinion, keep in mind that one i did like your history and two i am not good writter
The bad:
Chronicle has inconsistent behavior sometimes but nothing mayor (ie: some of his panic attacks are uncalled for)
Thr passing of time is a litttle mudded. But i dont know if that is bad, personally i like it when time is hard to tell but some people dont.
The pacing is kind of weird, sometimes a little too slow on not so important topics and too fast in important ones (ie: the political points are kind of rushed. Not a big deal soince the history is more about Chronicle than politics)
The good:
Believable word building. The laws and properties of the world you are creating work perfectly and do not play against each other.
Good pace breakers. Right when the history is getting a little too dense you break it with a history about the land past, which are really well done.
The love stuff. Nicely executed relationship believable and does not take that much time from the main plot. This is more of personal preference but i like the inuendo instead of straigh clop.
What i loved (absolutely biased):
Chronicle is adorable and easy to identify with.
Twilight is lovable (and sadly but necessarily does not steal the spot light)
Albeit the speed at wich the time passes can be a little confusing you can tell it does pass be it by including events of the canon (sonic rainboom) or the physicall and emotionall growth of chronicle (another good point secondary characters ARE secondary characters and you do not waste time giving each of them a personality and a history wich gives more space for Chronicle evolution)
This is my opinion, i by no means hold the truth. Read it with discretion always keeping in mind that your history is very good and entertaining.
1982391
Thank you, your thoughts are greatly appreciated.
I like it! a few minor errors but i enjoy it.. i also wanted this to have a comment.. so.. have a comment!