• Member Since 24th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 17th, 2017

The Cake Devil

I've been told I always have a comment on everything. I take that as a compliment to my quick wits.I'm an editor on FF, if you need any help, give a shout. Sincerely Yours The Cake Devil


Living in Gravity Falls Oregon, Dipper should be immune to most strange things that come his way. But after a sleepless night caused by a mysterious nightmare creature, Dipper finds himself on an adventure with the fate of two worlds in the balance.

I would like to thank, Viper 9172, Wasabi-Beans, and RecklessRush for helping me edit the first few chapters.

As for the later chapters I have to thank Insula Sol, Dark Matter Butter Flies, and Dudeler. They're all awesome guys, give'em a look!

And a big thanks to serenamidori for letting me borrow her piece for the cover picture.

*Twitch Twitch* FEATURED!? By the the Doctors TARDIS , I never thought it was possible!

Thank you all my dahlings and I hope I continue to impress.

Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.


Chapters (21)
Comments ( 250 )

a mlp and gravity falls cross over? :duck:


Like it so far, although I really would have liked to see the ponies' perspective/ introduction.

I really want to see Twilight (or some other pony) mistake Dipper's Little Dipper birthmark as a cutie mark.

“Ghost, no. Gremlin, no. Lawn gnome, no. Rainicorn, no.”

LOL. Adventure Time reference! :rainbowderp: :pinkiehappy: :ajsmug: :twilightsmile: :raritywink: :moustache:

if you need it, i'd be willing to help with any mistakes you might make!
(i spotted a few in this chapter):twilightsmile:


Your wish is my command! I have made a solemn pledge not to post a chapter until I have finished the one preceding it:twilightsmile:. Each chapter takes me a week to finish so I hope to see you and everyone els back here next Saturday :pinkiehappy:

Yours Truly Thecakedevil

You did Robbie's personality perfectly. Also this would have to take place before the episode where *spoiler* Robbie tried to mind control Wendy with a cd and she broke up with him.

There are a few minor issues with punctuation, and I can tell that you're making good use of spell checker. However, that can lead to errors like this:

His exhaustion was announced most prominently when at breakfast he enjoyed a hearty bowel of pig feed and milk.

Ha ha ha ohhhhh nooooo! :rainbowlaugh: THAT'LL wake you up! This is why it's nice to find a pre-reader or two, particularly if they're sharp-eyed for errors like that. Don't be ashamed or anything, pre-readers aren't crutches, they're wheels.

You're actually doing pretty well, besides niggly little technical errors. If I could give all fan-fic writers advice, it would be these:

1. Avoid Clichés. Amanda shouldn't release breath that she didn't know she was holding while rosy fingers of dawn blech. You're doing pretty well here. Keep it up, and remember that original prose should be, well, original.

2. Show, Don't Tell. "Frieda rounded the corner and saw the murderer with his cleaver." Informative, but not very engaging. "Frieda rounded the corner, but stopped as she saw the man from the news, white apron, blue jeans, speckled and streaked with blood. He held a big, flat butcher's knife in his hand like it was a beer can." Okay, I'm not a writer, and that second example isn't that good, but it's more illustrative, which is more interesting. Which gave you a better understanding of the action. This is where a lot of the artistry in prose comes in. With the right phrase, you can make the audience see stuff in their mind, whether they want to or not.

3. Research If Need Be. Be informed about the details before you write. I don't mean you should present a research paper, I mean that if you're going to have a story set on a submarine, you'd better have the characters using the terminology and they shouldn't be doing the impossible. Unless they do, but it's still better that you know why it's impossible. The reason I put this in my top three for FIMF is because I find myself saying things like "horses can can and do eat grass," "an assault rifle's clip is too small to chew down a four-foot wide marble pillar," and "Twilight has parents." Yeah, LOL FIMF, but still. Wikipedia sets the barrier pretty low on a lot of this stuff. I'm sure that you know the two things relevant to this story, that is to say FIM and Gravity Falls. Keep this in mind for future writing, though.

Finally, the most important thing, the thing that I say over and over again until everyone blocks me because of it. Be aware of why you're writing. What do you want your audience to take away from your work? Do you have something to say? Even a crossover fic written entirely to entertain is going to have some themes, and it's up to the writer to take ownership and responsibility for them. Narrative is powerful. It can change people, their beliefs, and how they think.

Alright, I'm done being an alicorn princess up in here. I hope you found something useful in this diatribe! :pinkiehappy:


Dear Darkmatterbutterflies.

I am far more grateful for your input then you may believe.

But I would really like to address your last question to really make my message clear to all who read this.

I'm not hoping to become some sort of big time author on here (don't get me wrong that would be neat:pinkiehappy:). My reason for writing this is to get the cogs turning for this type of crossover. Gravity Falls and My little Pony :Friendship is Magic are two shows that are adored by young and old and I simply can't get enough of them. But as I have discovered this crossover idea is very much dead on this site . As I stated previously by adding this my intentions are to get the ball rolling on this idea, and my over all goal is to perhaps help spawn another story of the same idea.

I hope this is explanation enough and I look forward for writing for you folks.

Yours Truly thecakedevil.

2640748 D'aww, call me Dark Butt. Everyone else does! :pinkiehappy:

Crossover fics these days tend to be with anime and video games. Just the other day there were TWO Team Fortress 2 crossover fics on the top trending list at the same time. Fallout Equestria is a pretty big deal (that I don't care about). What makes THIS cross-over special is that it isn't thematically clashing. I'm surprised there's not a ton of Adventure Time crossovers, for that matter.

Comment posted by The Cake Devil deleted Jun 1st, 2013


Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celesta slowly made their way down the twisted corridors, deep within the underbelly of a secret palace in the frozen north.

See that comma right there in the middle? This sentence is sound with or without it. I think it flows better without, but it's your preference. This sentence is putting out one heroic effort! It's establishing a lot of where, who and what all at once. Generally, economy of words is great idea, because that tends to make for gripping, page-turning action, but this might be too terse.

“I mean in the letter you sent me for one was hoof delivered by one of Princess Luna’s guards in the middle of the night , and all that was said is that it is of the utmost importance that I meet you at the Crystal Palace.

I quoted it just as it was composed. Two small drafting errors: a comma is making a break for it and it seems that the half of the quotations has already escaped. Also, another very loaded sentence, but you know what -- stick with this style. If this comes naturally to you, maybe it's your thing. You can be, like, the opposite of Short Skirts and Explosions. Long Blouses and Implosions. (Oh... my... :raritystarry: give me a moment to recover from that image darling~!)

“Then at the end of it you told me to burn the letter after I read it! All I'm saying is it must be pretty important if we are going through these methods to cover our tracks,

That comma would be better off as a period. I know that commas in quotations are really counter-intuitive sometimes, but it helps to imagine the quotations as speech bubbles. Like in comics! They're in their own little world, aside form the text around them, sorta. When they're taken together in the 'panel' (that is to say the paragraph), they should make grammatical sense. Example: "I see," said the gryphon. "Pants are butt-covers!" You can even interrupt the same spoken sentence with unspoken narrative several times, but it's considered really bad style, so you virtually never see that. Example: "I can't find my new pants," said the gryphon as he upturned yet another bed. "You know, the butt-cover things," he pivoted from the mess he made to face his bewildered hosts. "The ones with the sexy red stripes. Oh, never-mind. Found them!"

“You’ll have to forgive me for being so secretive about this Twilight*” Celestia said.

Ah-ha! That *! That's where a comma should go. This unfortunate, because look at the end of the next bit of HMPCoE's dialogue. I'm sure you're likely to have gotten the idea here by now, so I won't point this out for any other bits of dialogue.

Directly in the center of the pedestal lied a dark crystal shard.
Oooh. I've ran afoul of this before, at a painfully embarrassing time and place, too. Here is the definition of Lied. Make sure to read the second definition, which is a homonym with the first one. Now to really mess everything up, read the definition of lay. Confused? Yes? Good, me too. But check out this thread http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/archive/index.php/t-427950.html They really get into it. TL;DR: it should be "laid" up there. You can just smile, nod, and trust me if you don't want to abandon all hope in ever understanding English. It might be better if you do both immediately. :rainbowlaugh: Onward!

It was at about this time when Twilight had, had enough.

I would just replace this entire sentence with the simple, "Twilight had had enough." It looks weird, but it's actually grammatically sound. It's amazing that in one chapter, you're running into all these things, sequentially, all at once. I know how you must be feeling. English Is Impossible.

Okay, the N.T. is actually really interesting. I'm leaning forward a bit here. You got me. One tiny thing though.

“The N.T. has produced a vast array of wonderful things; some of the better of these have actually advanced our technologies by hundreds of years,”

You're using common trope in FiM fanfic, particularly as it relates to HiE. I like to call the Uninventable Teacup. Or, just teacup for short. Here's how the trope goes: a pony notices that a lot of things in their civilization only makes sense in terms of another biology. Say, for instance, the teacup. Thusly, their civilization is based upon human civilization, which they are only, ahem. aping. Alternatively, they are finding bits of human tech and are thoughtlessly reproducing it without modification whatsoever.

There's nothing wrong with this trope in and of itself, but it does carry some weird baggage. First, it makes the ponies seem collectively stupid, helpless, and unimaginative. Some authors like that, as do some audiences, but you're going to find some who find it suspect. Also, this trope has a lot of vehement defenders that say that it Must Be because look at the art on the show. I'd say that the art, for the purpose of fiction, is best to be considered more symbolically practical rather than explicitly prescriptive. So the artists couldn't think of a way to show a prop that would scream "this is a broom for little magic horses!" that would still read on-screen like a broom. Fan fic needn't be burdened like that, because we can just say that it's a broom, and Applebloom has no problem using it, and that's that. No need for Olden Ones. Not to say that it doesn't have its appeal. It can be fun. I would say leave it in, but be careful. As the tropers would say, tropes aren't bad writing, but they can be over-used or mis-used.

“First, stealth is highly advised. From what we have found out about the local inhabitants, is that they can be highly unpredictable and you should seek to avoid them at all coast. (...)"

"Particularly the West one. That's where you're going." :trollestia:
Cost, I do believe, your highness.

Second, if King Sombra really has been there all that time by now he has nearly seven days until he has regained his strength at which point he will become unstoppable.

Like he was the first time he was stopped...? Might want to address that. It doesn't have to be apocalyptic. Stomping his phylactery or whatever before he becomes a real pain in the ass again is actually ample motivation for her. "Or else we'll have to go get your friends, the Element of Harmony, unknown battleground, another species gets involved, blah blah blah" you can see why she would want to spec ops the situation before it gets out of hand. I actually recommend that you revise this plot point a bit. "If he's there, he's getting stronger, and could get as strong as he once was." That sounds pretty bad to me, especially when you have the spectre of a bunch of innocent alien bystanders in the picture, too. It actually says something about Twilight that she would want to help however she can. Hmm.

"(...) Even before I was turned to stone I had a summer home back there, Atlantis I think its name was, we'll have to stop by there if we get some spare time.”

Okay, no. No Atlantis. Done to death. Remember: avoid clichés! Besides you get to use your imagination here. Try to think of something that would fit with the tone of Gravity Falls. 1000+ years ago. Something or some place where Discord would hang out and do stuff. Discord could easily be the inspiration for a lot of native American tales and legends. Coyote, I'm lookin' at you.

She sat up in a fright she looked around frantically as she realized that what had happened wasn't a dream .

Nice tie-in with the first chapter. Two protagonists can be difficult to balance, but it can be fun. I have a friend who juggled a lot of protagonists in A Dream of Dawn (highly recommended, great pre-reading team *cough cough*) and it worked out quite well. Imparted an interesting flavour to the whole thing. The idea is to focus on the conflict. In that story, it was Discord versus his own nature, and it achieves an interesting and beautiful resolution. Here, it looks like it's not going to be Twilight versus Sombra, but instead Twilight and Dipper versus a rather crazy situation. They have to wrestle a primal chaos spirit into helping them defeat a mad undead unicorn king while remaining as undetected as possible. If I weren't already reading that, by god I would be reading that. Look at that description.

In this fic, Dipper Pines and Princess Twilight Sparkle have to join forces to convince Discord, the primal spirit of chaos to help them stealthily defeat the evil ghost of a mad unicorn king.

I think I just remembered why I hang around FIMFiction.

Dear followers.

Hey guys I'm just leting everypony know that I'm doing something diffrent this week.
Now before you lose it I'm just touching up a few areas on chapter three instead of blasting off to the next chapter and leaving it in the dust. Now this won't effect it's release(which is still saturday) date but it might just be the cause of a slight delay for chapter four is all (A day at most).

Thank you all for all the support and feed back

Yours truly Thecakedevil.

Dear Followers/Readers

Hey guys so here is the 411. Chapter four won't be released on Saturday. the reason is not that I'm quieting(quite the contrary) in fact I'm going to take a little more time with my proof readers and editors to work out the kinks and then I'm going to finish chapter five before I release chapter four.
This may be a while but I :pinkiehappy: promise that I'm not giving up on this.

I strongly believe that there is nothing more pitiable in the world of fan fictions , then a story without an end.

Yours Truly Thecakedevil.

This is good keep it up there were a couple of spelling errors but that's all

Great! This was an enjoyable read and I do believe that last bit was my favorite; keep it up! :twilightsmile:

Welcome back, my good man/woman/stallion/mare. Glad to see this story back on its feet. There really aren't that many good GF/MLP crossovers, and you'd think that would provide some amazing material. Anyway, keep up the good work!:derpytongue2:

Glad you're back, I'm really liking the development of this story and I am enjoying the pacing.

Another good chapter. I"m curious any chance of Bill Cipher appearing in the story?

A very good chapter. All was good, except for the awkward ending... :pinkiehappy: :ajsmug: :raritywink: :moustache:


Dear Night Master

I wouldn't count too much on him making an appearance. But the jury is still out on this one I'd at least like to wait until the season finally to make my final decision. Maybe, maybe not, who knows the story isn't even close to being done.

Yours Truly Thecakedevil

Thank you guys/girls so much! I'm really glad that I could make something that almost everyone likes. I still have a lot more story to go and I'm thankful you fine fillies and colts have stuck with me this far.

Yours Truly Thecakedevil:heart:

P.S. Oh and I just hit the thousand word mark on chapter six and I'ma still going!

P.P.S It's Mr.Thecakedevil just fyi :pinkiehappy:

Discord? What are you planning?

Hehe, there is nothing like bonding time over reading a list of 273 different hypothetical possibilities!


Hay yeah Bromigo. It's better then doing a crossword puzzle :pinkiehappy:.

Yours Truly Thecakedevil.

Comment posted by The Cake Devil deleted Jul 20th, 2013

read the story while listening to halo: reach soundtrack! try it, it makes it that much more awesome!:rainbowwild:

Dear Shadow Storm.

True,true, but the Discord on my shoulder tells me too listen to this.

Yours Truly Thecakedevil.:pinkiecrazy:

Hmmmm, A Busy Night, huh, *scratches chin* I feel like I've heard that somewhere before. :trixieshiftleft: :trixieshiftright:

Good work as usual, friend. :moustache:


Ah, he he I don't know what your talking about amigo:twilightsheepish:.

Nah but consider it changed.

Yours Truly Thecakedevil.

Ahhh, you didn't have to do that. :derpytongue2: Feel free to do whatever you want. Go with whatever feels best. :twilightsmile:

Although you are right, The Scorpion and the Frog certainly does have a poetic ring to it.

Wow, this is your first story? Its good.


Dear Readers.

Thank you ever so much, but please keep in mind , without my editors and pre-readers, this wouldn't be the same peace of literature you read today.

So a big thanks once again to Wasabi-Beans, Darkmatterbutterflies, and Insula Sol.

Yours Truly Thecakedevil.

P.S. Thank all of you guys for hanging with me and for all the encouragement it helps more then you know.:pinkiehappy:

Login or register to comment