Chapter 8
(Now edited by Neko Majn C)
Mabel yawned and rubbed her eyes as she made her way to the kitchen table. Stan was by the stove, wearing nothing but his wife-beater, briefs and a filthy apron whilst frying up a few sausage links for breakfast.
“Good morning, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel said, flopping onto the table.
“Morning, breakfast should be ready in a minute!” Stan said. “How bout you go upstairs and wake Dipper up? That boy needs to eat his sausages when they’re warm and juicy!”
“What? Dipper isn’t upstairs; I thought he was down here with you already?”
“Nope, it’s just been me, my weenies, and the sweet sound of suspicious noises outside the window coming from the forest.”
“Hmm, interesting,” Mabel said as she squinted her eyes and rubbed her chin.
“Oh by the way, you wouldn’t happen to know where the spare blankets ran off to, would ya’? Since we’re on the topic of things that are missing and highly flammable and all. To top that, we’re missing the cooler and most of our least expired food! I swear if I didn’t know any better, I think Old Man McGucket’s been breaking in here again.”
Grunkle Stan made his way to the table with frying pan in hand. “But I know that’s not the case, otherwise the trash would be knocked over and all the buttons on my shirts would be gone or slightly chewed.”
Mabel placed her elbows on the table and lightly tapped her head with her index finger as she attempted to assemble all the pieces of this mystery into one clear image.
Stan looked at her and rolled his eyes. He placed the frying pan on the table’s surface, took a seat opposite to Mabel, and unfolded his paper.
“I got it!” She announced triumphantly as she smacked Stan’s paper down, “Using my super-duper-sleuthing skills and the evidence before me, I’m able to come to one conclusion… Dipper went on an early morning picnic with his new girlfriend!” She declared as she stood up in her chair, raised her arm and extended her pointer up in the air.
“Girlfriend, huh?” Stan said, “Are we still talking about the same Dipper? Because, no offense to the kid, but he’s not exactly a ladies man... Ha! Who am I kiddin’! He’s terrible with them! Maybe he just wanted to get an early start to a crazy adventure or… Larping or whatever... I don’t know; it’s too early for this nonsense!”
“No way Grunkle Stan, I’m absolutely positively positive! He even admitted the other night that he was hanging out with this new girl in town. I even have a witness, tell him Waddles.”
Waddles responded by looking up from his breakfast bowl; he gave his owner a small snort before he dove his snout back into his morning meal.
“Enlightening,” grumbled Stan, folding his paper downwards. “Alright kid you got my attention; let’s hear about this so called ‘girlfriend’.” He made air quotations with his figures to emphasize his point.
“Okay, well I knew for sure that it was a girl because he was acting all awkward and weird like when he’s around Wendy.”
“What about me?”
Mabel abruptly halted her speech as she turned around to see none other than Wendy standing at the kitchen entrance.
“Oh we were um, uh-” Mabel fumbled over her words in an attempt to think of a plausible excuse. “-talking about how your name rhymes with shemendy!”
“Oh brother,” Stan said as he smacked his hand to his forehead.
Wendy looked at the two for a moment. “Eh, whatever.” She said as she shrugged her shoulders and pulled up a seat next to Mabel. “So, what’s going on guys?”
Stan grunted. “Well, Mabel was about to enlighten me on some girl Dipper’s, supposedly been hanging out with.”
“Say whaaat? Aw, you gotta let me in on this!”
“Hey dudes, what’s up?” Soos said as he made his way into the kitchen. “Wow, is there like some sort of staff meeting going on that I didn’t know about?” Soos gasped, “Oh no, was I supposed to know about it!? Please, Mr. Pines, I promise I won’t miss any more meetings just don’t fire me, this is all I know!”
Stan groaned and rubbed his temples. “Oi, Soos, you’re not getting fired, and this isn’t a meeting, now get over here.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Pines, sir.” Soos saluted, marching his way to the table. “You really had me going there, dude. I thought I saw my life flash before my very eyes or something, but then I realized it was just one of those weird little eye squiggles.”
“Alright, Mabel, this kitchen is starting to fill up fast, you better get on with it before anyone else-”
“Howdy ya’ll!” Old Man McGucket said as he stuck his head out from under one of the floor boards. “I couldn’t help but overhear that-”
“Get out of here! O-U-T OUT!” Stan shouted as he slammed his paper on McGucket’s head, causing the old prospector to retreat back under the house. “That’ll only keep him away for so long, so talk fast.”
“Come on, come on.” Discord said as he frantically tore through the twins’ bedroom. “I know it’s in here, now where did he put it?” He said with a tone of desperation. He finally turned his head to the top of a nearby storage shelf and instantly located his target.
The book.
“Ah there you are, you crafty little minx, you.” He said as he breathed a sigh of relief and picked it up.
“Now, let’s see if you can help Uncle Discord.” He said as he cracked the book and flipped through the pages. “Water Nymphs, no, Holy Grail, no, Blue Box, no,” Discord groaned. “Oh come now, he had to have written something useful in-”
Discord paused mid-sentence and gasped, a smirk rolled up his face as he gazed upon the page which held the image of someone he was all too familiar with. “Bill Cipher, so this is where you’ve been hiding.”
He closed the book and casually slid it into his ear. “Now that that’s settled, let’s go see what’s for breakfast.” He said as he slithered his way out of the devastated room.
“So, wait, you mean to tell me that even though she knew you had five other friends, she only gave you two tickets?” Dipper asked.
“Oh I’m sure she had her reasons.” Twilight said before she took a bite out of an apple. “Maybe she was expecting only me and Spike to come, or perhaps it was a test of friendship, yeah that sounds right.”
“Or maybe you’re just too dense to realize when you’re being played for a fool.” Spoke a mischievous voice.
They looked up to find the source of the voice to be Discord floating a few feet above them with a cheeky smile upon his face.
“What, no, I’m sure that’s not the – where have you been!?” Twilight demanded.
“Oh, please forgive me, Warden Sparkle. How was I to know midnight jogs were against my probation?” Discord stuck out his tongue and levitated an unopened can of peaches to his mouth which he promptly devoured it in one swift bite.
Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned. “So now that Discord decided to show up, we can finally get started on finding the possible whereabouts of Sombra.” Twilight’s Horn flashed and instantly a detailed map of Gravity Falls lay before them. “Thanks to Dipper’s current knowledge of the area, I was able to compile a rough draft of all the possible spots Sombra may be hiding. It may take a while but as long as we follow this we’ll find him in no-”
“Now!” A voice screamed from the bushes behind the three. The trio watched helplessly as a timberwolf sprang from the nearby foliage, seized the map in between its teeth, and bolted in the opposite direction.
“What the heck was that!?” Dipper asked in a panicked tone as he held a hand to his heart and franticly gasped for air.
“A-a timberwolf,” Twilight said with her eyes widened in disbelief. “But what’s it doing here, and more importantly what’s it doing with our map?!”
Twilight quickly rose to her hooves and spread her wings. “Come on, Dipper, we’re going after it.”
“Ya’ll ain’t goin’ nowhere!”
The three turned their heads and were met by Gideon with his arms crossed and a cocky smile upon his face, accompanied by two additional timberwolves at his sides, preparing to strike.
“Gideon,” Dipper said as he glared at the white haired menace.
“You know him?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, but commanding wolves made out of wood is a new trick.”
“Boy, you’re in way over your head,” Gideon taunted. “I’ll go ahead and give ya a chance to run along inside where it’s nice and safe. Well, safe till I dispose of these two, then I reckon I’ll finish off the rest of ya’ll.”
“Well,” Discord said as he floated down to ground level. “It seems that I’m going to have to get my paws dirty today, which is quite a shame because I just had them done.” He said as he looked to his claws, each of them dotted with a coat of pink nail polish on each claw.
“What, Discord, are you sure?” Twilight asked as she turned her gaze to Discord.
“Oh yes, I’m quite sure I can handle two piles of wood and a piglet in a suit.”
“What did you call me!?” Gideon screamed as his face flashed bright red and slammed a foot to the ground.
“Oh dear, it seems I struck a nerve.” Discord snapped his claws together and in an instant, Dipper manifested onto Twilight’s back. “Just do me a favor and try not to get horribly maimed, at least while I’m not around.”
With concern still shown on Twilight’s face, she nodded and extended her wings.
“Um, Twilight,” Dipper said. “I’m not all that sure about th-” Was all he could manage to say before Twilight gave chase to the fleeing Timberwolf, the sounds of Dipper’s screams could be heard even when the two were out of sight.
Gideon, the two timberwolves, and Discord shared in a moment of disbelief as they watched the duo bolt into the distance. Discord then shook his head and turned his attention back to his adversaries.
“Can we put a rush on this?” He said then pretended to yawn. “I really should be helping them, you know.”
“Ha! You really think you’re gonna make it outta this?” Gideon taunted as the timberwolves slowly began circling around Discord. “Boy, when we’re through with you, they’re not gonna be able to recognize your tail from your head.”
“Well I have to admit, I sometimes have trouble separating the two myself.” Discord said as he snapped his fingers. In a quick flash Discord’s head had switched spots with his tail.
The timberwolves locked their gaze onto their prey, growling as they slowly inched towards Discord’s sides.
“Enough tricks, sick ‘em, boys!”
The two timberwolves sprang into action, each leaping towards Discord with their jaws wide open. As the predators were about sink their teeth into their unconcerned victim, Discord spoke up. “Tag in!” Discord shouted, as he did the beast were instantly frozen in midair.
Gideon’s face turned bright red as a small but very visible vain protruded from his neck. “What the heck are you doin’?!” He screamed, causing his voice to strain.
“Oh, I’m just evening the odds a little.” Discord said as he walked out from between the attacking timberwolves. As he did, he lightly flicked an ear of one of them before he placed his paws firmly behind his back.
“You know, I have a fine group of friends who would just love meet the two of you.” Discord gave a sinister smile to timberwolves and snapped his fingers. In a flash of smoke Discord had vanished, and the timberwolves unfroze, colliding into one another before crashing to the ground.
Gideon coughed and attempted to wave the smoke away and regain some visibility. “W-where is he?!” Gideon froze as he heard movement coming from behind him. Quickly he turned around in a fright but was met with more smoke. “He’s over here, quick get’em!” Gideon could hear the sound of the timberwolves making their way towards him.
He breathed a small sigh of relief as he saw the familiar pair of green eyes glowing from within the smoke. But that relief was replaced with fear, when with a single yelp one of the eyes had vanished under the smoke.
The remaining timberwolf looked wide-eyed at where his comrade had once stood. Gideon broke out in a cold sweat and small tremors were going up his body. “Get over here now!” Gideon screamed as the timberwolf bolted over to him with its tail between its legs. Suddenly, and just mere inches away from Gideon, the beasts leg seemed to give way and with a yelp, it sunk under the smoke.
Gideon fell back in utter shock as the timberwolf fell before his feet. He tentatively rose to his feet, and as he did, he could hear a small noise coming from where the creature had fallen. He mustered up what remaining courage he had and slowly scooted his way to the area. Gideon used his hand to brush away some of the smoke and was taken aback by a grizzly scene. Beavers, dozens and dozens of beavers pinning the creature down and taking turns gnawing on its wooden body.
“You know,” Discord said. “If you’re going to create minions made out of wood, I would suggest doing it somewhere where there isn’t a surplus of creatures whose diet consists of primarily that.”
With that, the smoke cleared to reveal that the same fate had befallen the other timberwolf. Suddenly the beavers stopped gnawing and simultaneously looked at Gideon.
“Well, what are you lookin’ at?!” Gideon shouted. “I ain’t afraid of no overgrown rodents!” It was then that Gideon came to realize that he was no longer in his robin egg blue suit. But instead his entire body was covered by a single hollowed out log.
The Beavers began gnashing their teeth as they slowly made their way towards Gideon.
“No, stay away, get back!” Gideon screamed as he fled into the forest, the beavers in hot pursuit.
Discord fell from his perch to the ground laughing and holding his sides.
“Oh absolutely priceless.” He said as he wiped a tear from his eye. His laughter was interrupted by two heavy clicks and gruff voice.
“You have two options, start talkin, or become an exhibit.”
Meanwhile
Dipper and Twilight were neck and neck with the escaping Timberwolf, with Dipper desperately trying to grab the map.
“Twilight, we need to get closer!” Dipper yelled.
“Alright, but this is as close as I can get, any more and we’re sure to collide with it.” Twilight tilted her wings and the two inched closer to the beast.
Dipper held tight to Twilight’s mane as he made one last attempt for the map. His outstretched hand drew closer and closer to the flailing parchment. He could feel it lightly flick his fingers as he grabbed for it. With one swift burst of energy, Dipper managed to get a firm grasp on the map.
“I got it!” He yelled triumphantly. His victory was short lived, however, as the timberwolf yanked its head in the opposite direction, pulling Dipper with him. As Dipper crashed to the ground his hand was still clenched tightly to Twilight’s mane causing her to crash to ground with him.
The two hit the ground with a fierce thud and rolled out of control down a hill. They only managed to stop when they finally reached the base of the hill.
Minutes went by before Twilight slowly opened her eyes. She tried to move only to be met with a sharp pain emanating from her wing.
“Dipper,” she called out. “Are you there?”
“Yeah,” he groaned as he lied face down close to where Twilight landed. “How badly are you banged up?”
“Well, I think I sprained my wing, how about you?”
“I’m not sure but I think I dislocated my shoulder, let me cheeeeeeeck, yeah that hurts!”
“Dipper, did you get the map?” Twilight’s eyes suddenly shot open as she became blatantly aware of a dark presence. She slowly turned her head upward and was horrified with what she saw.
Standing directly over her with a fanged grin was King Sombra. “I don’t think you’ll be needing that map anymore.”