• Member Since 1st Apr, 2012
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pony-writer/pornographer looking for work. old stories undeleted. i'm sorry. Patreon here

Comments ( 116 )
Comment posted by Twink Bug deleted May 4th, 2013
gapaot #2 · May 4th, 2013 · · 34 ·

Instant clop. Will read later.

instant read later! will person flame josh my- wait...

Instant instant. Instanting this instantly to all instances.

ib4 OP can't inb4

Wait, I think I'm doing this wrong.


instant raeg

I have been looking forward to reading another story by darf. It has been too long...

inb4 birthday sequel


Which, I'm actually really, really intrigued by the prospect of, considering this... :duck:

Well, I came.:moustache:

Having to explain a burned and sperm-lined hole through three walls is going to be awkward...

This was a fun read. Dash really is the best girlfriend ever. :trollestia::rainbowwild:

Why was I downvoted so much?

Oh my god, I didn't even realize this was Darf! Damnit man, why are you so good? :pinkiehappy:

2527759 No one cares about an instant favorite, because it just means you're OPENLY portraying yourself as a tool who favorites stories (or at least this one), rather than giving a reason for it.

Then there's the "read later" part, which means you proclaimed your like for it as "not being important enough to warrant viewing now".

It's not only disrespectful to the author, it's self-patronizing towards yourself as well. That's why it was downvoted.

Sorry for being blunt, but you DID ask... :applejackconfused:

Want to see what the birthday present is.:pinkiehappy:

2527826 What? I didn't ask for votes, I just wanted to tell the author I liked the idea. I'm busy most of the time, and I tend to read these stories at night. Sorry if some people express themselves in a different way. :ajbemused:

2528006 Well, people vote because they have the right to agree or disagree with a comment, or in your case, the style in which you commented.

You didn't tell the author anything they could take into consideration, though! Please understand; it wasn't like you offended anyone directly, but you could have simply posted a comment after taking the time to read darf's story.

I mean, people can like or hate his stories, that's fine, a difference of opinion can do wonders for an author! But just saying "Instant fave, will read later" doesn't sound like you really respect the effort the author put into it. Yes, you put it in with your favorites, but why? Just because it's a darf story? You've got to have more pride than that!

The comment had no place being posted so - for lack of a better word - prematurely. :applejackunsure:

And by "asked" I meant "Sorry for making such a blunt response, but you 'asked' why your comment was down-voted so much".

I hope that explains everything.

2528060 I planned to edit it after I read the story so I can give my opinion of it, I just didn't expected that it would be downvoted at all since I didn't put anything negative in it. If what you say is true, then it sounds like others look at my comment and only thought this:
"Hmmmm, looks like this guy didn't say much and already faved, he must be an idiot then!"

I conduct myself different than others. I don't have to (and shouldn't have to) follow the same way like everyone else. If others disagree with how I conduct myself, well sorry, but I don't have to be like them. I can always favorite, vote, and give my opinion and criticism in any order I wish.

if there isn't a sequel you will make me SadPanda

Darf makes a clopfic - instant feature

Warning: This comment contains spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, DON'T read this comment!

This would be the third story of yours I've read, so I'm still not entirely sure what to expect from you; I'll consider myself surprised, then, with how this story turned out.

I must apologize now, because I can't come up with a witty way to say "This is hot & sexy!" Instead, I just have to offer a long-winded comment about what I liked about it.

I might as well start with the biggest surprise when reading this: the setting. When I read second-person clopfics, I am usually disappointed at how little they go into the setting, making it seem like all of this is just happening in a blank room. Color me happy, then, when your first two paragraphs were about how frilly the room was! Yeah, that was odd, but I think it was a good choice, seeing as how Celestia helped arrange it. Your descriptions were very enticing as well; I don't recall there being any overdescription, and I don't recall being left wanting.

But the story isn't about the setting; we came (to this story) to read about a sex scene. A sex scene between me and Rainbow Dash (and Celestia). I feel like using the second person successfully depends heavily on the use of description, and you provide that quite a bit. From the scenery to the physical feelings to the slight body expressions, I think you did a marvelous job on it. I can't really comment on if I want any more description, because what you had left me satisfied—not feeling like something was missing, but not feeling like I was overwhelmed with unnecessary details.

When it came to your characters, I think you had Rainbow Dash and Celestia characterized well as well. Not only did you have their dialogue down to where I believed it to be them, but you also had body cues and emotional interactions that seemed to fit them. I also like how the "you" experienced each mare differently, and each mare seemed to respond to how I know the character. Rainbow Dash and "I" shared a common roughness, and Rainbow Dash acting a bit submissive—but not too much, mind you—was welcome. Celestia, on the other hoof, is a pony that is more experienced, more dominant, and therefore "I" treat the session with caution; I also very much enjoy the hesitation "I" have in regards to Rainbow Dash. You take special care in dealing with each mare, and I like that a lot.

I think you accomplished something that second-person stories don't usually accomplish, and I may just be being an overanalytical sonuvabitch, but I'll say it anyway: you used your character to explore the characters. Rainbow Dash was confronted with someone that could comfort her and arouse her (that being "me"), and so she reacted by going to Celestia for advice, and I think looking into that type of reaction from a character is pretty nice. I also like how you explored Celestia's curiosity with a new species; usually she just comes off as a dominatrix (I think), and it was nice to see some semblance of natural curiosity in her. The biggest plus for this point, though, is the interaction between Rainbow Dash and Celestia. Rainbow Dash isn't used to this frilly stuff, but Celestia sets it up so all three of the people interacting could be comfortable (I think). Celestia entices both "myself" and Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash falls to the throes of passion endowed by both Celestia and "me". They play off each other in interesting ways, and the interactions they gave in response to "my" actions created great characterization.

I have just one problem with it, and it really hindered my personal enjoyment. I said that the sex between "myself" and Celestia is well-written, but I honestly didn't like where it was in the story. I was getting into letting Rainbow Dash say "thank-you" for something, and then having to switch to Princess Celestia just bothered me. I think it's well-written, but I wasn't engaged by it because I was engrossed in pleasing Rainbow Dash. It felt more like an unwelcome intrusion than a pleasant surprise.

But that's just me.

There was one spelling error I caught:

She looks at you wide-eyed for a second before the perfectness of your position seems to strike her. She tilts her head forward and presses her nose against yours. Her mouth parts just enough to let her words through like they’re a breathe of air carried on a perfume breeze.

Other than that, I thought the grammar was tight, and the prose was colorful without going off the rails.

So that's my opinion on your story. I think the prose is beautiful, the grammar tight, the characters great, the setting great, and the sex good. I was just personally bothered by screwing Celestia. I thought everything else was great, though, and even though I didn't like that part, I can acknowledge that it was well-written as well.

There's my long-winded response. I really enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

thanks for the long review. feedback like this is always fun to read, so i'm very appreciative of someone taking the time to write this much stuff out (even if it's just me feeling good because it's a bit of an ego-stroke)

thanks again


Cool story, darf.

I think you're probably better at description than I'll ever be. :C

'if this is the kind of gift you get as a simple thank you, what kind of present can you expect for your birthday?'
Best. Possible. Ending.


If I get a threesome with Celestia as a "thank you" present, does this mean I get a foursome with Celestia and somepony else for my birthday?

The only 2nd person fic I've been able to read. Good job!

rainbow dash invites you over and has braeburn, big mac, caramel, blues, time turner, and futa-celestia emerge from the shadows to give you all of your 'birthday bumps

"first comment"

Still the essence of an obligatory first post.

2530081 still wrong. please read the rest of the other comments, don't assume.

please stop

2530088 and that's where it ends. :derpytongue2:

Cool story bro

I suspect some people would still read *and* enjoy that :unsuresweetie:

2530298 So is this a rule, or just a suggestion?


There is no such thing as a rule for voting. They can't require you to vote so they can't force you not to, or punish you for using the vote system outside the methods they intended. But these are the methods they intended, as written and posted by the creator and owner of this website.

THere can't be too much instant. :ajsmug:

2530339 But it wasn't for every situation. I'm not going to say to anyone, 'this is how you should express yourself. If you don't, you will be downvoted. If you see anyone not following this, you should downvote them because they're wrong.' Why should I do something like that, intending to undermine free speech? I said that I like the idea of the story and will read it later, but apparently this is taken as something else, that I don't care about the story, that I'm only crying out for attention and that will be the only possible conclusion, but instead I was conducting myself in a different order than others and everyone else just assumed it was nothing but 'first comment.' I think differently then most others and I had to deal with it most of my life and I shouldn't have to deal with it here of all places. This isn't a rule, but it's treated as one. And there has and always will be a time where it's wrong. You said it wasn't a rule, yet you stated it was the guidelines for this site. It shouldn't have even been said since they did not mention that you don't have to follow it but they wanted you to. That's like saying, "hey guys, here's my law and we should follow it, (but I'm not going to tell you that it's not really a law and I can't punish you for not following it)." This is idiotic. I'm not going to shut up and take it and force to express myself like everyone else. Sorry, but no. :ajbemused:

And as far as you know, these are YOUR words:
This cancels out that rule.


The guidelines for what to up/down/not vote on are the way they are for a reason.
My comment there was lamenting how people are not going to follow the guidelines because of the natural urge to down vote anything one disagrees with.
You have the right to express yourself by posting something like Instant Fave Will Read Later, but due to the fact that this is generally considered an annoying, non contributing, placeholder type of comment, it will likely get heavily down voted. That and the fact that faving without reading is also frowned upon as it boosts the popularity of a fic based on a reader endorsement by a reader who has not read the fic they are endorsing. That is why the Read it Later list does not boost popularity but the Favorites list does.
Whether following the guidelines or not, people did not like your comment and gave their opinion via their down votes.

And the only reason these are guidelines, not rules, are that any penalty the mods actually have the power to enforce is severe enough to vastly outweigh the "crime". They're not going to suspend or delete accounts for incorrect use (not abuse) of the voting system.

if this is the kind of gift you get as a simple thank you, what kind of present can you expect for your birthday?

Now THIS just demands a follow-up chapter!:pinkiehappy:

2530570 Stop saying guidelines, there are suggestions. Guidelines and rules are the same thing. If it's not rules, I shouldn't have to listen to it just because someone told me to. If its not offensive, then why would you downvote me? Because an admin told you to? And then later you found you're not obliged to do this. I mean he did say not to downvote comments you disagree with but are not offensive, yet people are doing it anyway.
Why should they even be guidelines for voting if it mean I'm not voting because I like it or not, but instead it would be use for an admin's purpose? Stop trying to convince me to follow this suggestion. It wasn't right this time because it was nothing but assumption. I won't follow it.

I just jizzed in my pants. Great work.

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