This is a scattering of varied shortfics based on MLP:FiM. I got the idea of writing these from an event held by Equestria Daily, where you were to write a 300-word story that made sense. Squeezing a story, or even a scene, into such minuscule length is an interesting challenge, and one that I found myself enjoying, even though I routinely ended up going over the minimum.
The Love Song of B. Macintosh Apple does not quite belong with the rest, but as it's a short story (poem? parody of a poem?), it kind of fits. Eee-yup.
Chapters (11)
good stories! nothing amazing or mind-blowing, but please, have a like and a mustache for your troubles. :)
"-go to bed without eating all their vegetables!"
Well, Black Lotus is banned in most formats.
Delightful little bites of story. I look forward to any others you choose to include.
*grins* Yay for Walter n_m I need to watch the film again sometime. I keep getting this song stuck in my head.
*Grins* Very nice the CMC are an excellent surrogate for such authors n_n
Interesting idea.
*grins* Very cute idea, it could develop in a few interesting ways n_n
*Blink*
*Blink*
*Blink Blink*
I'm just....gonna go over here now....
Ehehehehe oh Discworld how I love thee.
*Grins* I like it!
Very sweet.
2506566 We've all read Kindness' Reward, right?
2506049 But totally necessary for Flasks of Supreme Power.
when I saw the title I thought it might refer to an old SciFi web comic called 'unicorn jelly' perhaps making twilight the title unicorn. if you know the comic , that would be particularly funny and oddly not too cannon breaking.
This is just to say
Trixie has eaten
the peaches
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive Trixie
they were delicious
so great
and so powerful
[And apologies to William Carlos Williams]
Oh great... another one.
# exit stage left
Trixie is so much better at time traveling than Twilight. At least, she's better at shutting herself up. That's a good skill if any. And dressing snazzy for the occasion.
Also, her first order of business is to get her past-self hooked up properly. Good priorities, girl. Very good.
If there's anyone in MLP who could fit into Prufrock's role, it's Macintosh. Fluttershy could be that tongue-tied, and Applejack could feel that far out of her league trying to win over someone of high status, but Macintosh is uniquely qualified to be someone thinking deep thoughts he doesn't dare to speak.
(Though I'm not sure status is the most direct way to speak to what Prufrock's song is all about. When I first read the original poem, I found it striking that Prufrock never identifies his listener's gender . . .)
3647294
That was just about the best kind of a reply I could have hoped for. It captures the spirit of this thing perfectly!
3650292
Good analysis, and I agree; Mac is the best pony for the part.
There is indeed something fundamentally Prufrockian about Mac.
Begin.
This could be pretty cool with some editing passes! There are definitely some excellent moments in here, both metrically (the first stanza's sky/by and the slant rhyme of memory, and streets/sheets; which liberate the poem somewhat from its original form and stake out new ground that makes it more compelling) and thematically (the contrast of fruits, which plays well with the original usage).
But there are a number of parts where it seems like quotable portions of the original words were used heedlessly, breaking the rhymes that made them work (in the halls the women come and go/ talking of michaelangelo; do I dare disturb the universe/decisions, revisions … minute will reverse). It was a little painful to see those robbed of their thunder and nothing of equal gravitas put in to replace them.
The incomplete ponification also caused problems keeping a consistent voice. You're presenting a Mac that is in turns canonically plain spoken, and then cuts loose with something like "Ah know my voice dying with a dying fall / Beneath the music from a higher sphere." Cutting loose some of the poem's original analogies and wandering further afield would help you here. (Same with the dragon-claws thing, which in the original sets up all the marine analogies of the final section, which you've omitted.)
Basically, if you want to revisit and improve it, rework it with a stricter eye toward what you take and what you keep, to make it more consistent. (You can probably also learn here from the criticism on Melt, which was instructive to me.)
Best,
H
4092265
Thanks for the commentary and critique!
This was pretty quick work, based on the "Twilight eats a peach" craze that went through the site back then, so it's no wonder that the rhymes break and the analogies are shoddy if they exist at all. So I very much agree that it could use a rewrite for consistency! Glad that at least some stanzas worked.
I also thought Walter Mitty. Lurks, this is a great idea, and if you don't expand it into a couple of thousand words, I just might.
2506468 You know it's a famous short story by James Thurber? It's even in that book Understanding Fiction that I blogged about.
2506561 Now I want to see the CMC writing a story together and completely disagreeing on how it should go.
5681745 I'm well aware n_n. I just happen to enjoy the film version more.
5681750 Why are you not writing this?
3422202 clicked on da link too.
I see a hint of Admiral Biscuit's The Trouble With Unicorns III in there as well. Hilarious Startrix shenanigans.
9234698
Thank you! Glad that the shenanigans were fun.
And yeah, although I forgot to mention it in my author's note there, TTWU III was another reason I wanted to get this done. (I got the idea before reading that story, honest!
)
Starlight "Mad Magic Means Never Asking Whats the Worst that Could Happen" Glimmer at it again!
9247604
Starlight's kind of like Twilight, only with all the filters removed and without any of the positive influence from Twi's folks, Spike, and Princess Celestia. "Here's to magic: the cause of, and solution to, all the life's problems!" -- Glim-Glam at some point, probably.
soloquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Motivational-Quotes-Stay-Amazing.jpg
Incredibly evocative prose, especially the deep denial of how the Moon isn't even remotely jealous of the life and love of the Earth and the monumental emptiness of the Nightmare's palace and court.