.

do {
Sit;
Think;
Eat;
Observe the crack in reality;
} while (true);

/*
An experimental creepy tale coded by me and written by a random number generator. It's a crack-fic in more ways than one.
*/

Twilight asks Celestia for romantic advice.

You know, for a friend.

There is now a Spanish translation of this story, courtesy of Spaniard Kiwi

THANK YOU FOR PURCHASING YOUR ‘PHOENIX-B-GONE’ HOME PHOENIX REMOVAL SYSTEM. USER ASSUMES ALL LIABILITY.

What's better than one phoenix? Two phoenixes.

What's better than two phoenixes? A houseful of them, unless it's your house. Then you have a problem.

Rarity has a problem.

I don't see what all the fuss about death is. Our princesses have been dodging it for over a thousand years. Who's to say Sweetie and I can't experiment a little? No, don't be ridiculous, zombies don't exist. Not yet, anyway.

[As seen on Equestria Daily.]

Twilight finds herself desperately seeking Uranus.

Because we all need to let our inner twelve year-old loose every once in a while. Posted in response to a challenge by MythrilMoth and all blame goes to him.

Disclaimer: Not a real-life religion, so there's no need to get all up in arms over a fic with the 'comedy' tag.

Post-Conversion Earth is a calm, peaceful place. However, it lacks the certain kind of chaos that only religion can bring. Enter a single, fanatical human from space to dish out his own kind of conversion.

Religion is coming to Equestria, brought by a single, oblivious, fanatic. On a divine mission from his God (at least that's what he thinks), this lone human will not rest until he saves the souls of all. With zeal in his heart, a holy tome in his hands and unyielding faith, he shall bring the true meaning of conversion back to Equestria.

Whether the ponies like it or not.

So grab your prayer beads, strap on your finest missionary boots and prepare for a preachin' you won't forget.

Arse-covering:
1. I'm not taking any shots at religion here, it's a shame that I have to point that out but better safe than sorry.
2. Any references to actual religion is purely for comedic purposes.
3. Not a hate-fic, I just can't resist the pun.
4. Disregarding the above points is considered heresy, and punishable by eternal damnation.

.

Twilight invents speed dating.

Rarity tries not to perfect murder.

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members and trope edits welcome.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

A changeling sets up a secret shop inside of Ponyville. He can be anyone you want him to be. The crush you wished felt the same way about you. The boss you want to just scream at. The parent you hoped would return someday. The friend that's now your enemy.

He can be anyone you want him to be. Just don't ask him to be himself.

Now with a youtube reading. HERE!

Stress levels were already high, with Twilight directing her first royal Hearth's Warming pageant and unexpected snowstorms escaping the Everfree. Then the changeling army arrived.

Now, with Queen Chrysalis holding Ponyville hostage and the clock ticking on suspiciously pointless negotiations, it's up to Rarity to match wits with the invaders and save the holiday. However, as she digs ever deeper into the queen's tangled plot, what she learns could force her to choose between her friendships and her conscience.

Off-season note: This is a Hearth's Warming story like Die Hard is a Christmas movie (but with espionage instead of explosions). Don't skip it just because the holiday's over.

Critical praise:

"A high-tension thriller where nothing is what it seems." — Titanium Dragon (rating: "Highly Recommended")

"An entertaining ride from start to finish … watching all the pieces fall into place is fantastic." — Present Perfect (rating: "Highly Recommended")

"Props to horizon for an intricate web of deception. Most writers have difficulty with crafting mysteries … this one, however, had me completely fooled from beginning to end." — PaulAsaran (rating: "Why Haven't You Read This Yet?")

"It’s a rare mystery and thriller that can keep things tense and make the mystery actually tough to guess as you go along, while still feeling like a natural conclusion. ... The end result of layers unveiled and red herrings contradicted makes it sing." — Ghost Mike (rating: "Really Good")

Second-place winner in the "Behind Closed Doors" December writeoff, now expanded and revised! Featured on EqD! Rated "Recommended" by MLPmatthewl419!

Big thanks to Titanium Dragon for post-Writeoff editing assistance.

Comments contain spoilers!

In a world where she sees from a distorted perspective, all Twilight Sparkle can do is cling to the one pony she knows will never let her down: her teacher, the princess... no matter which princess her addled brain tells her that is. Twilight's used to rewriting letters, but when she's the one being rewritten, she finds the sensation to be altogether different.

Many thanks must go to my awesome editors, Varanus, Ebon Mane, shortskirtsandexplosions, Seattle_Lite, and Nick Nack.

Featured on Equestria Daily and The Pony Fiction Vault.
Check out/contribute to this story's TVTropes page!