He was a simple stallion, with a simple life in Equestria. That's all he really wanted out of his early retirement after he was laid off during the economic downturn. But, when unfinished business brings him back to Earth after nearly 20 years, he'll learn what happened to humanity while he was living the life of his dreams...

Written for the Friendship is Optimal Writing Contest. Also, it's a horror story, as promised, for my annual Nightmare Night in April Writeoff.

Special thanks to the Optimalverse Community Discord for help with getting and building the initial idea, and for proofreading the story. Please come by there if you want to talk about and read more stuff like this!

I tried a slightly different interpretation of CelestAI here, as having those emotions that people like to give her, but still being a cold and uncaring paperclipper AI on the inside. It's the one I've been using for my community-based rewrite of the original (based off our RP on the Discord), so I hope people like it. Be on the lookout for more FiO related stuff from me, as I've been getting ready to post a flood of updates qnd new stuff!

Equestria is full of wonders, and one among them spent his life defending all others and now, at the end of his days, as his soul ascends the roots of Yggdrasil to the golden halls, he finds himself called upon again to see many more. Truth be told, a peaceful oblivion might have been preferable.

Anon was rather surprised to wake up in a world of magical talking horses. He was even more surprised to discover that said horses already knew him from a TV show.

Inspired by some old prompts in the RGRE thread. Cover art by Nignogs.

Skyrim guard travels the magical land of Equestria, making friends and foes, having adventures and lecturing about proper citizen behavior.

But how will our hero fare against the native ponies with such a short repertoire of phrases? Will he help the land or cause its downfall? Should we follow?

Of course we should!

***

Also, all comments saying anything about anything get a prize!

The human known as Anon is sick and tired of the rules of the universe—at least the one he’s found himself in at the moment. So he decides to pick a fight with the pony equivalent of Jesus.

Nothing good ensues.

Surrounded by the Everfree Forest, filled with delinquents, devoid of morals and any real sources of magic, Ponyville is the worst place to live in all of Equestria. But it also has the cheapest rent and Twilight's life just collapsed to the point where she can't afford to live anywhere else.

Perhaps the only thing Twilight has going for her now is that Rarity, the most powerful pony in town, has taken a liking to her. Rarity is eloquent, but the leader of a gang. She's beautiful and intriguing, but the most irreverent and delinquent pony Twilight has ever met. Rumors swirl around her. Some ponies even say she and her entire gang are all vampires.

But Twilight is smart enough to not give in to temptations. Or join a gang. Or become a vampire.