• Published 1st Jul 2020
  • 13,214 Views, 707 Comments

My Little Human - Some Dickhead

Anon discovers that he's the main character of a popular TV show

  • ...


Up until that point, Summer was having a pretty good day.

Now, she knew that marrying an apelien would add a certain measure of excitement to her life, that much was obvious, but, with this, the entire situation had entered the realm of absurdity. A literal sun diety, the ruler of the most powerful nation on the planet, just outed herself as a fan of the children's show that starred her husband, and Summer wasn't sure whether she should fight, break down, or grab Anon and run.

And in much the same way that three fat people would prevent each other from going through the same door, Summer froze up when she tried to react. She ended up standing there in a sort of daze, her mouth upturned in an disheartened grimace, and legs held uncomfortably straight.

"Princess, he isn't ... he's not a ... "

Engulfing his arm in a golden glow, Celestia watched in awe as she curled his fingers. "Remarkable ... truly remarkable." She turned to Rainbow. "Did my faithful student help you with this, Miss Dash? She's quite the humare herself, and something like this is right up her alley."

"So this is where she gets it. No, Princess, you don't understand, Anon ... "

She let go of his hand and began to circle him, wide eyes appraising Anon as if he were a used car. "Correct proportions, natural feeling flesh, independent movement ... this really is something else." She gave a quick nod. "I'm impressed."

"Princess Celestia, my husband isn't ... "

Celestia shot her a wry grin. "Husband? We all know that Incognito is best human, but I suppose an argument can be made for Anonymous here." She tittered. "Perhaps we can make ... "

He decided to speak up. "I'm going to stop you right there. I'm the actual Anon, like from Earth and everything. I showed up in Equestria five years ago, and only just learned about the show."

Celestia jumped back with a shrill yelp, her pupils constricted to pinpoints.

"I don't wanna end up in some laboratory or corporate boardroom, and from what I've heard, you're pretty good at helping people."

Shaking her head, Celestia scanned Anon for active magic, and took a further step back when it showed he was clear. "Sweet merciful Goddess, you're real."

"I am."

"You're ... you're Anonymous, the Anonymous, from ... My Little Human."

"We've established this, yes."

"You're ... "


She surged forward and wrapped her legs around him, giggling like a little filly. "You're real! You're Anon and you're real! Stars above I can't believe that ... "

Anon cleared his throat, and Celestia realized what she was doing.

"I ... apologize for that, my little human." She couldn't help but giggle as her hooves met the ground. "Get it? Because I call my ponies that, and the name of the show is ... " Seeing his deadpan, she shook her head and ran a hoof through her mane. "Right, sorry."

Taking a moment to breath, Celestia managed to restrain her excitement, and took on a wide, if bashful, smile. "If ... it isn’t too much trouble, can ... can we watch an episode together? I mean, I ... I get it if you don't want to, but ... "

There were many, many things that Anon would rather do, but he was trying to get something from her, and was, as such, prepared to make a sacrifice.

"Uh, sure."

Her smile grew, somehow, and with a flash, the human and the princess were gone from the throne room, starbursts dancing in the eyes of the pegasi.

Rainbow blinked, her vision swimming.



"Would you believe it if I said this is a quiet week for me?"

Summer stared straight ahead, her emotions looping back around to a dizzying numbness.



"This figure has brushable hair!"

Celestia stood there with shining eyes and a beaming smile, her tail swishing back and forth.

"I see."

Giggling, she placed the toy inside the display case, and picked up its neighbor with her magic.

"And this is a Humicon exclusive! You can tell because it glows in the dark!"

"Right." He looked around the room, drinking in the worryingly large amount of human merchandise. "So, you have an entire room dedicated to this stuff?"

"Uh-huh! The show's great, and the characters are even better! If you want, I can show you my Timfiction account!"

He repressed a shiver. "No, I'm good. Do you want to watch the show now, or ... ?"

The princess jumped a bit and hurriedly put the figure away. "Ohmigosh, I totally forgot about that! Come on!"

Grabbing his hand, she bounded towards her bedroom, hoofsteps ringing heavy in the empty corridors of the castle's living quarter. Wrenching open the engraved ivory doors, she practically landed on the couch, dragging Anon alongside her. Apparently trying to imitate a human, she sat in a rather unfortunate upright position and wrapped a forleg around his shoulders. Popping a DVD into the player, she looked him dead in the eyes.

Anon was decidedly uncomfortable, but knew better than to criticize the big white horse Goddess thing.

"Sister, what in Tartarus is with all the noise, I am trying to sleep! If I didn't know any better, I would say you are trying to summon ... "

Luna stood in the open doorway, and her face scrunched up in disgust when she spotted Anon.


"Yes, Lulu?"

"Is that one of the apes you keep pornography of?"

Celestia gave a happy nod.

"I see." Luna wanted nothing to do with any of this, and shambled back to bed with a frustrated snort.

"Is she ... "

Celestia scoffed. "Luna's always been a drama king, just ignore her." Her smile returned, and with a vengeance. "We have human to watch!"

" ... great."