• Published 1st Jul 2020
  • 13,267 Views, 707 Comments

My Little Human - Some Dickhead



Anon discovers that he's the main character of a popular TV show

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Connections

"You're pretty good at this."

A cloud disintegrated as Summer's hoof rammed through it, water droplets clinging to her fur.

"I mean, I'm faster, sure, but it's obvious you've got a lot of skill."

She flapped towards one that floated over a diner, shaking herself dry.

"By the looks of it, you either went to one of those fancy weather schools, or are just plain talented. This town's pretty small, so it's probably the second one."

Her hindlegs bucked, and the cloud dissapeared.

"Hey, uh, how long have you been on the weather patrol?"

She surveyed the skies, spotting another cloud above town hall.

"Summer?"

Another kick, another cloud gone.

"Summer? You alright?"

"Rainbow Dash, please, stop talking."

With a sigh, Dash hopped off her cloud and took to the air. "Just trying to make conversation, no need to be so pissy."

Summer glared at her.

"I just learned that my husband is a bucking cartoon character, and that a bunch of perverted shut-ins want to turn him into some kind of living sex toy. Two weirdos showed up at our house, but we're forced to be all friendly with them so they don't end up murdering us. Sorry if I'm not skipping around and sniffing daisies and shit."

Dash backed off and raised her hooves.

"Whoa, look, I, um ... didn't mean anything by it. Just wanted to help, you look miserable."

"Believe me, that's the last thing I want." She scoffed. "The sooner you're out of our lives, the better—Stars know we're dealing with enough as is."

Dash frowned. "It can't be that bad."

Summer surged forward, their muzzles nearly touching. "Are you kidding me? Best case scenario, we're gonna spend the rest of our lives dealing with ponies like you, stuck with the knowledge that we can't do anything without legions of fanfillies obsessing over it." She backed away and threw up her forelegs. "This entire situation's a bucking nightmare!"

Dash rubbed her forehead. "Okay, I get where you're coming from, but you're totally looking at this the wrong way."

Summer raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Don't give me that look." She somehow reclined in midair, her head resting on crossed forehooves. "If you didn't know, I'm kind of a big deal. Savior of Equestria, Wonderbolts reservist, winner of the Best Young Flyers' Competition, first, and only, pony to ever do a Sonic Rainboom ... "

"Sweet Celestia."

"I know, right? Point is, all that stuff's got me a lot of fans, and a good number of them are, well, horrible." She shuddered. "Tartarus, my best friend's brother stalked me for like a solid year. Yeah, if you look at the freaks, you end up miserable."

She raised a hoof. "However, I'm sure that a solid majority are good ponies, and want nothing more than for you and Anon to be happy." Dash flew closer to Summer, her expression holding unexpected sympathy. "You've got, like, millions of ponies in your corner—well, Anon does, but whatever—use them as a source of inspiration, not dread."

Summer leaned back a bit. "That's ... poignant." She chuckled. "Surprised it came from you."

"Heh. I'm not that good at egghead stuff, but I'm not stupid. When you deal with fame as much as I have, these things become pretty obvious."

"Right. I guess ... I guess I'll take your word for it, then."

Dash slapped her on the back. "There you go! Trust me, it gets better. If not, then you'll at least get used to it."

"Hmm." Summer's neutral frown became a mischievous grin. "I have to say, never expected that someone as accomplished as you would be a fan of the show. Kind of weird to be into little colt stuff, eh?"

Dash laughed, waving the accusation away with a hoof. "Twilight's the humare, I'm just here to make sure she doesn't foalnap anypony."

"Fair enough." Summer flew towards the next cloud. "So, where are you from?"

"Getting pretty chatty there, Summer."

"Just trying to make conversation."

"Heh, fell into that one. I was born in Cloudsdale, but live in Ponyville nowadays."

"Cloudsdale? Huh. My dad's from there, originally at least. He met my mom at school, moved here when they got married."

"No kidding. Must have been a bit of a change, big-city college colt moving to the asscrack of nowhere."

"Yeah, it was. He was ... I mean, I wouldn't call him a stallionist, but he was really focused on being independent from Mom, financially at least." She shrugged. "Guess that's why I ended up with somepony as marely as Anon, never really had that traditional dad growing up."

"Hmm, sounds a bit like mine. Sure, he's a colt, but has a pretty good job at the weather factory, full hours and everything. We never needed the money—my grandma invented liquid rainbow, so we're pretty loaded—but I guess he wanted to be a good role model, show the importance of work and stuff."

"Your grandma made liquid rainbow?"

"Yeah."

Summer whistled. "Heh, and let me guess, you're the one who killed Nightmare Moon?"

"There were six of us, but yeah."

" ... "

"Savior of Equestria, remember?"

"Celestia, you've got quite the resume, don't you?"

"Heh, and I do my own stunts. Why'd you get into weather?"

"My mom did weather, her mom did weather, it's kind of a tradition at this point. Why did you?"

"When I was 14, I dropped out of school and ran off to Ponyville with one of my friends. I'm good at it, but it's more of a job than a career, you know? My real goal is to join the Wonderbolts, and I already made the reserves, so it won't be too long."

"Makes sense. So why Ponyville?"

"It's small enough that it has a strong community and stuff, but close enough to some of the big cities that you aren't isolated. Certainly more exiting than here."

"Might need to visit sometime. What does your friend do, anyways?"

"Oh, she's Princess Celestia's personal student."

Summer's face suddenly blanched.

"Wait, what? But she's ... "

"Yeah. Trust me, Twi's usually better than this, she just gets in these weird moods sometimes. I give it a day or so before everything's back to normal."

"You can't just drop a bomb like that! What do you mean she's Celestia's student?"

Dash shrugged. "Twi was taught magic by Celestia, grew up in Canterlot Castle. She's pretty much a genius."

"Huh ... " She looked off in the distance, apparently absorbed in thought. "Well, that's ... horrifying. Where does the Princess find these ponies?"

Dash sighed. "Like I said, she's usually better. Anyways, need any help with that cloud busting? I'm getting kinda bored here."

"Sure." Summer extended a foreleg. "Honestly, I think we got off on the wrong hoof. My name is Summer Showers. What's yours?"

She smiled. "Rainbow Dash."

"It's nice to meet you, Rainbow Dash. I hope we can be friends."

They shook hooves.

Author's Note:

Today's episode was brought to you by Rossini.

https://youtu.be/3gboQmdKQQY