• Published 1st Jul 2020
  • 13,214 Views, 707 Comments

My Little Human - Some Dickhead



Anon discovers that he's the main character of a popular TV show

  • ...
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Implications

Though the language was somewhat sanitized, My Little Human had shown itself remarkably close to actual events, at least according to Anon's recollections. It wasn't particularly exciting, what with its focus on the lives of some nobody 20-somethings, but the show did have some interesting slice of life elements, and the writing was, all things considered, fairly decent. On the whole, it was good for a kid's show, but certainly nothing to write home about, and Anon would have ignored it completely had he not been the main character.

Neither Anon nor Summer slept very well during the first couple of days that followed this discovery, their time spent almost exclusively learning more about the show and its fanbase. Once the initial shock wore off, and the overpowering sense of cosmic horror lessened a bit, the two had an absolute riot, revelling in a combination of absurdity, narcissism, and smugness. After all, there's something special about seeing fanart of yourself, and Summer couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Anon was already taken.

"I still don't get why so many of these fanfictions have me in a gay relationship with one of my friends." He rested his chin on a hand. "What's the appeal?"

"My money's on exposure. Main characters are usually the most developed, so they end up being the most popular. Besides, you six share a lot of screen time, so these ponies probably don't see it as that much of a stretch."

"Makes sense. Still, some of these stories are pretty disgusting." He pointed at the screen. "Look, this is scat porn starring my little brother. He's twelve."

Summer visibility recoiled.

Anon leaned forward, his nose nearly touching the screen. "Surely there's a point where these writers ask themselves 'hey, would my parents be proud of me if they knew I made this?'" He turned back towards her. "Honestly, like a good third of humare shit is sexual. It's just bizarre."

"Why do you think that is?"

Anon shrugged. "The show's pretty kid friendly, so I reckon it's the fans. If I had to guess, they're fairly lonely in real life, and so turn to this stuff as a form of escapism. You know, living vicariously through cartoon characters."

He clicked around for a bit.

"Is that Princess Celestia?"

"Looks like it. I have to say, I'm flattered by how big they think my dick is." Anon nudged her shoulder. "Bet you wouldn't mind that, eh?"

She pushed him away. "Oh buck off. You know, I couldn't walk for a week after our first time."

He did a little pose. "Heh, mares quake in fear of my mighty column, robust in girth and substantial in length."

"Nonny, you're twice my height." She snorted. "I'm surprised it fits at all."

Anon pulled her close, and she nuzzled his neck. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Heh. I love you."

"I love you too."

They sat there for a few moments, losing themselves in each other's embrace. When their affection cooled, and reality once again reared its head, Summer pulled away and stared him in the eyes.

"Anon?"

"Yeah?"

"Where do we go from here?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"It's just ... this entire situation is incredibly disturbing, and even though we're laughing, I can't imagine that either of us are comfortable with it." She tapped her hooves together. "Even if nothing changes, the knowledge that this show exists will eat away at us, and we'll be all the worse for it. Honesty, I can't see this ending well."

"Summer, we've been through some serious shit, and this is no different." Anon pat her on the head. "It might be rough, be we'll get out on top, don't you worry."

She swatted his hand away. "This is serious. We can't just sit around and pretend that everything's all hunky-dory." Taking a breath, Summer leaned back in her chair. "We could always sue them or something."

"God no, that's the last thing I want. Can you imagine how much of a legal nightmare that would be? Even beyond citizenship and free speech and shit, Haspone has a copyright, and they might pull something to try and take me."

Her ears wilted. "I know, but I'd still like to do something about it, if only to get them off our backs. The best defense is a good offense and all that."

"Trust me, I get it, but I'd rather not provoke anybody. Why don't we wait until something happens and take it from there?"

"Anon ... I really don't think that's a good idea. By then, it might be too late."

"So you wanna jump in blind?"

"No, just ... " She sighed. "I don't want to lose you."

He kissed her on the cheek. "And you won't, but only if we handle this with tact and restraint." He looked up at the ceiling. "We should probably buy a gun though."

She tilted her head. "A what?"

"You know, a gun. Big metal tube, shoots bullets, makes a loud bang." He made a finger gun and shot at the wall, making sure to accompany the display with appropriate sound effects.

"I've never heard of those before."

"You guys have computers but you don't have guns? What kind of backwards tech tree is this world running?"

She shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is, we get along well enough without them."

"I guess." He chuckled. "If worst comes to worst, I can just brain them with a table leg or something."

"Human ingenuity at its finest."

"Hey, if it works." He looked at the wall clock. "Anyways, I'm gonna head in."

She yawned. "Agreed."

Anon stood up and popped the knots in his back, and Summer stretched her wings. The two made their way to the bedroom, her tail wrapped around his leg and his hand resting in her shoulder.

And as his head touched the pillow, there was on a knock on the front door.

"Anon, are you in there? Anon?"

"Celestia Twi, it's midnight. He's probably asleep."

"I need to make sure he's alright. Anon? Anon? Can you open the door? Anon! Rainbow, help me pick the lock, go and ... "

"Summer?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think they'll notice if we jump out the window?"

"Probably."

"Fuck. I'll put the kettle on, you make sure they don't set the house on fire."