• Published 1st Jul 2020
  • 24,120 Views, 1,114 Comments

My Little Human - Some Dickhead



Anon discovers that he's the main character of a popular TV show

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Confessions

Rainbow felt like she was going to vomit.

"How long have we known each other? Three months?"

Summer looked up from her cider, furrowing her brow in thought, and gave a tentative nod.

"That sounds about right, yeah."

Rainbow nervously swallowed. Scuffing a forehoof against the floor, the pegasus steadied herself with a sharp breath, and flattened her ears against her scalp as she forced herself to speak.

"So, three months. From total strangers to a herd that quickly, well ... " She bit her lip and tapped her hooves together. "I can't ask him. Not tonight. I-it's just too soon, you know?"

Summer hummed, taking a final sip of her drink before placing the now-empty glass on a nearby table.

"If you don't wanna do this, just tell me. Nothing good comes from forcing a relationship."

A brisk denial nearly ripped from Rainbow's lips, but the words clung to the roof of her mouth, and petered away into a sigh.

"No, I ... look, Summer, I'm fully on board, it's just the timing that worries me. Aren't we going a little too fast?" Her wings ruffled against her sides. "And more to the point, all this humare crap's really been bothering you. Both of you. I mean, buck, you saw Anon at the restaurant earlier, he looked like his parents just died. I think we should give ourselves some breathing room, try for a herd when everypony isn't so ... tired, or lost, I dunno."

Off beyond their little corner, close to the center of the room, a partygoer cackled at some bawdy joke.

"Did I ever tell you how we started dating?"

Rainbow shook her head.

"We'd been roommates for about a year at that point, and the immediate shock of, y'know, waking up on a different planet had more or less worn off. He had a decent job, nice friends, a warm place to sleep—long story short, it was a fairly soft landing for him, or at least softer than it could've been, and he'd managed to make a pretty good life for himself here."

She stared at the ceiling for a moment, apparently lost in her recollections, and turned back to Rainbow with a wan smile.

"And one night, I'm walking by his room, and I hear him crying. Absolutely bawling his eyes out. I run in and ask him what's wrong, but he's completely lost it, so I climb into the bed and hug him—I didn't know what else to do. He hugged me back, and we woke up the next morning just wrapped around each other. I told him that I liked him, he said he liked me too, and we wound up staying like that for the rest of the day."

A melancholy frown crossed Summer's features, and she looked down at her hooves.

"He's an alien. I know I said this earlier, but he's an alien. Anon lost everything, everyone, and yeah, sure, he can replace it all, but there's always gonna be that hole. Do you know why the show bothers him so much? It reminds him of what he used to have, it dangles the people and places he'll never see again right in front of him, and turns them into bucking plastic dolls."

By now, tears were streaming down her face, but she didn't seem to care.

"I love him so bucking much, Rainbow, but one mare just isn't enough. He needs a family, a proper one, and that's why I asked you to join. Even if he misses Earth, he'll at least have us to turn to. M-more love can't hurt him, right?"

Rainbow stood there with wide eyes, simply processing what she'd heard, before resting a comforting hoof on Summer's shoulder. She understood, of course, that Anon's unique situation had an effect on him, but never realized it was quite this bad. Maybe she recognized just how much their friendship meant to her, maybe her Element saw a chance to shine through, or maybe she simply had a bleeding heart, but Rainbow, in that moment, promised herself that she'd do everything she could for Anon and Summer.

"Sorry for ... you know ... "

Summer wiped the tears from her eyes with a wing.

"No, no, it's fine, trust me. Best to get it out in the open. You have a point, the herd can wait. For now, why don't we just enjoy the party?"

"Sounds like a plan. Where is Anon, anyway?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Summer and Rainbow shared a look and rushed towards the window, pushing past tables and chairs and muttering ponies.

The Golden Oaks library was burning. Purple flames danced across its branches as burning leaves fluttered to the ground, the tree a hellish beacon in the night. Glass shattered and wood warped, and a tall silhouette burst out the door and ran for its life, closely pursued by an incandescent mass of fur and fire and magic.

"ANOOOOOOOON!"

"Oh."