Slightly based off the movie Evelyn Also a sequel to My Little Scootaloo
Rainbow Dash has accomplished her dream. She finally got into the Wonderbolts. But the time away from her adoptive daughter, Scootaloo, has been troubling.
But one day while she's away, Scootaloos' real father breaks in and takes his daughter back by force. Now Rainbow Dash needs to find a way to get her daughter back. Blood related or not.
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awwwwwmigoshh
You have a great start, and a great idea, but it seems very rushed. You don't seem to develop the character's emotions as much as you should in a chapter with as much excitement as this one. Next time, try to take it slower and add more details and explain a little more. It's a great start, and I look forward to seeing more
ok wait..
scoots and dash arnt related.
biological father finds out were daughter is
father takes scoots
conclusion: since hes the real father, she cant just take her..although scoots was abandoned.
Nor does she even know who he is..
is that right??
2167270 Read this.
2167320 lol i just finished reading it, lol and now i see ur reply lmfao..a little too late.. Lol. is the mother gonna be in the sequel
I'll be watching to see where this goes and if it goes bad well............
expect hell to come
"She was always bury on flying to look for any colts."
She was always busy with flying
"Plus you and her daughter"
Plus, you and her daughter
"Well i'm off."
Well, I'm off.
"That doesn't mean we don't prepare for when your wins are developed."
when your wings are developed.
You may want to get someone to proofread this. There were plenty of mistakes like this throughout. Otherwise, an interesting start to the story.
Gods speed Rainbow Dash.
That was a rather abrupt ending to the trial which should have been an easy plaintiff victory. But I can see why, to extend the story further. But there's plenty missing from the trial, namely the witness testimonies of Derpy, and even Scootaloo herself, and the fact that the defendant reeked of alcohol should have been called into question by Dash, the judge or the foreman of the jury.
Normally, the opening statements wouldn't be left to the jury to decide, since the defending side doesn't need one, so instead it'll automatically go to the prosecuting side, which in this case, would have been Dash anyways since there was no prosecutor, you went with Dash anyway, so moot point.
And I should probably point out the proper term of the "mallet" that the judge uses is a gavel.
I'll continue to follow the fic, but I figure I'd point out some of the holes that would need to be filled in since both the jury and the judge were rather easily convinced by the poor defense.
Save scootaloo
I've seen some Law and Order to know how the courts work. But good story so far.
Why Does Scoots' Dad Have To Be Such An Alcoholic?! TOO MUCH APPLEJACK DANIELS FOR YOU
this is succeeding to piss me off, good job. will keep reading. try making the chaps longer.
Uhhh that court case was full of idiots
If Scootaloo Is Dash's legal daughter and some crazed stallion claiming to be her 'father' ,but has no evidence, breaks into Dash home, assaults the babysitter and then kidnaps her child.
That's three charges against him, with no evidence to back him up, two witnesses and a legal document stating who Scootaloo belongs to Rainbow Dash. He should have been sent to prison and a restraining order put on him to stop him going withing 50 ft of Scoots or Rainbow Dash.
shorter and shorter
I like this I am just sad we will have to wait so long for you to get back from Asia, we will miss you.
Sorry I think was to the wrong author but I still love this story.
luvv it
o m g yayy
your going to fix this in one chapter
doubt it good story has got me effectively pissed
I want moooooaaaaarr!!!
It's missing something... I can't quite place what it is. The emotionality just seems off. I'd say "show, don't tell", but that alone isn't quite it. I just don't know...
well this is bull there soul;d not of even been a court session
that law
2280922
My Fathers ex-wife had been letting her boyfriend abuse (broke his arm) their son (my half-bother) while he (my father) was not around.
It got found out and went to court. She and the boyfriend got off with only a conviction of 'neglect'.
My Father divorced her after that. Guess who got the kid? (The Mother)
There is a lot of stupid laws and precedence in the 'who gets the kid' system.
EDIT: this was about 30 years ago.
When I heard that law, I my jaw dropped. WHY?!
I enjoyed the First Story of this Set but this second one is no where as good.
It feels fast adn slapped together to get it out of the way, little to no effort seems to have been put into creating characters, or scenes.
I know the drive to finish something you've started but when you'r not happy with the product it shows. I feel this story is the frame work for something bigger and better and hope that you take you time to rework what you have into a great story.
Strange law considering Equestrias population is mostly females
That was flipping AWESOME
Oh dear, sick while watching Balto? Mush, doggies, mush!
2382630
Also strange considering Dinky, whose mother has custody, though we are not aware of a father; Apple Bloom, although Big Mac could be the 'paper guardian'; but the biggest strangeness is Sweetie Belle, raised by her sister with no male figure mentioned at all... hmm...
3634989 Yeah Big Mac could be seen as AppleBloom's guardian, Sweetie Belle is not raised by Rarity, she has her and Rarity's parents doing that, and Dinky's father could just not be talked about, after all not even Derpy and Dinky has that much time in the actual story.
2382630 Its not that its mostly females its just that mostly females are seen, in the winter wrap up episode there are mostly stallions in the fields, doing labor work, so its less that they are not there more that they are doing jobs, etc that are different from the females requiring them to not be in town/ out and about during the day.
Not guilty?! That's bullshit! Who the hell is backing that drunk to get him Scootaloo?! Even a blind man can see that he's unfit to be a parent. Her mom probably gave her up to protect her from him!
Someone get Scoot out of there. We need Asura. Tyrael. Samara for Celestia's sake!
2167320 am I... Err, is the word sadistic? Lemme look it up...
Hmm, from the looks of it, no? Another word... Hmm... Twisted?
Yeah, I am twisted, because I enjoy grim darks.
2206568 Umm...
His coat is orange?
Probably what the court thought.
I've been hit in the feels....
When I have none.
2259197 maybe he can un-cononly see her garden.
Stay uncannon I need no scootadeath, apple die, swetidecay, silver-rot, or dead-tiara
Totally just thought of those.
3850027 oh god, this is gonna be the earlier to later eighties again, isn't it?
3634989 the universe has it out for Rainbow Dash.
Duh
3951926 heh lol
I'm waiting for the next part for this.
3951819 you're messed up when you wouldn't mind burning kittens.
You make third and me be happy or all of SOVIET UNION be in your ASS!
I'm calling total BULLSHIT on the law that states that only stallions can claim custody of the colt/filly.
No wonder that frail yellow Mare couldn't raise Scootaloo. Legaly she couldn't and also had to hide her away from an abusive father.
WHY IN BLOODY TARTARUS CAN ONLY THE STALLION RAISE FOALS ON THEIR OWN!!! THAT FREAKING BULLSHIT!! THAT'S REALLY BULLSHIT!!
Is this dead?
I only ask because I've had this in my read later list for a while, and I'm trying to clear it out a bit, mostly by removing dead incomplete fics.
9612496
I think he just forgot to tag it as complete