• Member Since 12th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 13th, 2014



RainbowDash has been a wonderbolt for many years but during a show, there is an
accident, that leaves her blinded. She needs the help of one pony, to bring her spirits back

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

another gore story..........................







Its Soarin not Sorian


"Y'all ok back there?" he said, kicking the cart open
"fine, thank you" Sorain nodded, and helped Rainbow out
"t-thank you Big Mac" RainbowDash stuttered
"any time miss" He nodded and walked off

They need to be capitalised and the sentences spread out.

The pacing is also pretty bad, May i suggest getting an editor?

Well, this was disappointing. Clearly, the pacing was terrible and you don't tell us when the scene is changing. The grammar is way off, the story is tell-y, and the idea is dull and predictable.


Wow. I love the plot and stuff.:pinkiehappy::heart: But you are going way too quickly into it. Really, you should explain the accident in one chapter. Rainbow in the hospital in the next. And then her coming out in the third, along with meeting her friends. Everything is crammed into one chapter. And I doubt that the hospital would let her out that early.

But yet again, it is your story. You choose what happens.:twilightsmile: I think this story has potential. It just needs to go slowly and settle slightly. But I still like it.:yay:

Also, to make the edges smoother, just check a few spellings:raritywink: You spelt Soarin as Sorain.

3470363 :twilightsheepish: i know it was a bit rushed, sorry. I know they let her out early, but i have a plan :trollestia: thank for the nice feedback though

3470244 :twilightsmile: nice to know, thanks. And now, you know you dont need to read it again :pinkiehappy:

3470186 yeah...sorry :ajsleepy: i am looking for an editor...but in the mean time in just making do

3469980 thanks :twilightsmile: and its not all gore, im getting there

i wub dissssssssssssss :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

Whens the next chapter coming out??

it's so sad:fluttercry:
but i love it:heart:

So tragic. Very well written though. That's the most important thing. You should continue.

Just a heads up, Soarin’s name is spelt S-O-A-R-I-N. Just saying. :twilightsmile:

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