• Published 11th Jul 2011
  • 8,535 Views, 58 Comments

In The Rain - Ebon Mane

  • ...
8
 58
 8,535

Alternate Ending: Silence

As soon as Rainbow Dash was out of the library, the weather assaulted her. Heavy drops of freezing rain pounded the pegasus pony in a torrent that drenched her nearly instantly. The wind whipped at her, and she dug her hooves into the mud to keep herself from being blown backward. The world was consumed by a flash as a brilliant jagged lance struck the lightning rod of a home just a few dozen yards from her. The accompanying thunder was deafening, but the light revealed Twilight Sparkle not too far ahead of her, standing calmly in the rain, facing back toward the library. Dash shouted at the unicorn, but if Twilight heard, she gave no sign, not that Dash would have been able to see it in the dark or hear it over the cacophony of wind and water. Unwilling to risk taking to the air for such a short walk, the pegasus fought forward on hoof, intending to give that madmare Twilight a piece of her mind for getting them both drenched for what appeared to be no reason.

Dash made slow but steady progress forward until a white flash of lightning revealed that she was just a few feet from Twilight. The unicorn's horn glowed a brilliant purple for a few seconds and then winked out; with it, the light seemed to take sound, vision, and feeling. Rainbow Dash could no longer feel the rain, hear the wind, or see anything. The impression didn't last long; a silent bolt of lightning revealed rainwater flowing feet above the ponies' heads, cascading silently over the surface of an invisible dome. Twilight was the first to break the sudden silence, her voice barely a whisper, "Why did you follow me out here, Dash?"

A flash lit the world; Twilight had sounded angry in the library, but it seemed to Dash that the fire had gone out of her. She just looked sad, her gaze fixed firmly on the mud, and for an instant Dash felt sorry for her. When the darkness returned, and Dash's anger quickly followed, and the pegasus snapped at her friend, "I wasn't going to let you wander in a dangerous storm, Twilight. What were you thinking? You could have been hurt!"

The unicorn's horn began to glow, its purple light providing a dim illumination, enough to show that her expression had gone blank. "I can handle it, Dash. Clearly," she said, the last word tinged with sarcasm. Rainbow Dash noticed that while she was dripping, soaked to the bone from a momentary exposure to the storm, her unicorn friend was dry as a bone. Dash silently cursed magic as an unseen force stripped the water from her coat. As soon as Dash was dry, the purple hornlight winked out.

The pegasus was happier dry, but wasn't about to let her friend off the hook. "What's your deal tonight, Twilight? You've been acting strange and saying some really weird stuff. It's been getting more and more confusing, and this tops it all. I thought you were smart enough to come in out of the rain, but I guess I was wrong," Dash said, pleased at her own wit.

A flash lit their little bubble; Twilight's gaze had returned to her hooves. "I needed to think," she said.

Dash scoffed, "You can't think in the library?"

"Not with you there!" The unicorn shouted.

Rainbow Dash felt like she should have been offended by the implications of that. She may not have been the most brilliant pony around, but she certainly didn't make anypony around her dumber. Still, she gave her friend the benefit of the doubt and asked, "What do I have to do with you thinking?"

Twilight was silent for a few moments. "...You distract me. I want to tell you something, but I just can't bring myself to. When I try, I just get scared. Knowing you're there, knowing I could get it over with for better or worse with just a few words, it's maddening."

Dash sighed, exasperated, "So tell me."

"It's not that easy, Dash. I wish it were," Twilight replied.

"You have something to say, you have a mouth. I don't see what isn't easy." Some part of Dash really wanted to know what her friend was hiding; she felt like there had been so many hints, but she just couldn't put together the whole picture.

Lightning struck nearby, and its light showed that Twilight Sparkle was staring at Rainbow Dash with an intensity that the pegasus had rarely seen from anypony. Silence hung heavy in the air, the raging fury of the storm inaudible though Twilight's magic barrier. A minute of impatient waiting later, Dash was ready to speak again, but Twilight broke the quiet before she knew what to say. Water sloshed as the unicorn shifted her weight and spoke, "Dash, has anypony ever had a crush on you?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" Dash was caught off guard by the question.

Twilight's voice was quiet, "...Well, one does now."

"Who is it?"

A bright flash revealed that Twilight had planted one of her hooves firmly on her own face. The unicorn murmured to herself, and Dash could barely hear the words over her own breath, "Ugh. You know what? Forget subtlety. Just like in the bog. A brave pony like her."

"A brave pony like who?" Dash asked, as Twilight's horn began to glow, "What bog? What do you mean...."

Dash was struck speechless as Twilight leapt forward, wrapping her hooves around the pegasus' neck. The light from the horn died, and Dash's eyes widened in the darkness as she felt Twilight's lips upon her own, moving softly. Too shocked to react, the pegasus found herself beginning to enjoy the moment as she breathed in the clean air of freshly fallen rain, the scent made all the better accompanied by the subtle aroma of Twilight. The pegasus found that her heart was beating quickly and that she was suddenly very short of breath.

Dash's lips parted slightly as she gasped, and Twilight's tongue made its way between them. The pegasus found herself moaning appreciatively, and the last thought on her mind was 'Mares, huh? I could get used to this....' before even that faded. The storm was forgotten while Twilight held her.

As they kissed.

In the rain.

Comments ( 35 )

I prefer the alternate ending, are you going to write another chapter? I would definitely like to read the events that follow :)

49

Actually, Lunafyre on deviantart ( http://lunafyre.deviantart.com/ ) did a sequel titled "Through the Storm". It's longer than the original fic. You might find it worth checking out, though I warn you that it has adult content, so avoid it if you dislike lesbian ponysex.

I like this second ending, the happier one. I've never been one for sad ends.

#4 · Jul 25th, 2011 · · 2 ·

Other one is sader but I prefer it, Dash is STRAIGHT people! :trixieshiftleft:

First you have Twilight in love with Dash instead of the other way around, and now you have Dash as the clueless one instead of Twilight? Such reverse cliches you got going on here! I love it! :D

#6 · Sep 26th, 2011 · · ·

good story i like this ending than the other one

I'm a sucker for happy endings :heart:
I'll have to check out that sequel, thanks for the suggestion!

:yay: ending 2! I love when everything works out for the sake of the to-be couple!

Happy ending for the win!! good work,. this was a great read and I had fun reading it

:twilightblush::rainbowkiss:

pegasusususususus! XD
nice story!

Oh this ending was a nice pick me up after the last Rainbow dash fic I read, made me end up in tears. Unrequited love makes me want to just kind of shrivel up and die in stories lol :fluttercry:

this is a much better ending than the other one

Personally I enjoy endings with more emotional impact (whether it be happy, sad, or down right depressing) so I kinda have to go with the first ending. Ya its sad, but it has the emotional impact that frankly the second is lacking. I have seen some otherwise great stories end up drab and boring because the writer tried to force a happy ending. Besides some of the best fan fics out there have sad endings, My Little Dashie would probably be the best example of this.

727
is there something wrong with mares liking mares? :rainbowhuh:

Well- written. You did a good job on the 'it could go either way' sense.

Regardless whether one thinks the mare(s) in question ought to be het, homo, or bi- it's well-written and it's about two people (in the psychological sense, not the 'humans' sense....).


Well-written bit of entertainment. :twilightsmile:

64
I don't suppose you could provide a link? I can't seem to find it on her page.

"Dash, has anypony ever had a crush on you?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" Dash was caught off guard by the question.

Twilight's voice was quiet, "...Well, one does now."

"Who is it?"
i55.photobucket.com/albums/g140/MeepChick/Friendship%20is%20Magic/Facehoof.jpg
Good story, anyhow.

Hmm. I prefer the sad ending. Has more punch.

Well, I'm glad I read this. Occasional LUS and frequent derps in dialogue punctuation aside, this paints a pretty compelling picture of Twilight. I've never particularly been a fan of the ship, but you justify it nicely in a very short time with her speech about storms. The use of dramatic irony is very nice here: we know what Twilight's really talking about, but Dash is oblivious.

Both endings are good, I personally like the happy ending, but that is just because I prefer happy endings, if I had no preference the sad ending would probably be the one I prefer, It seems a little better written. I have read the sequel and it is very good I actually read it before this and I thought this looked like it was a precursor to through the storm.

Personally I like both endings equally. Was confused at first though, though the last two chapters both having the "Alternate Ending" title meant that the second part was the original ending. Big wut moment. I see now, though, that you just meant to leave it up to the reader which was "true," ambiguous a word as that is for fiction.

Very nice piece.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Despite finding neither ending satisfying, I'm upvoting this. I will say it was quite a lot of buildup for not much payoff. I guess I just like shipping that much.

2512560

Also it wasn't a very good story.

So there's that.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Both endings were good. I preferred the happy ending, just because I like happy endings. I love how oblivious Rainbow Dash is in this story. :twilightsmile:

This was the first TwiDash fic I've ever read, and roughly the 3rd-4th MLP fic I ever read. That was a few years ago, right after S2 finale- read at Fanfiction originally, not here at FIMFiction.

While this may not be the best-written story on the site, it will always have a special spot in my eyes, introducing me to this great new world of creativity. And for that, I thank you. :twilightsmile:

Dammit, I want clop! Where's the clop?

4029836

Well actually, someone named Lunafyre wrote a clop sequel to this and it is posted here: http://explicit.ponyfictionarchive.net/viewstory.php?sid=221&warning=9

4031822
Wow. Tell me is that flattering or a little insulting?

4251598

Flattering, definitely.

I like this ending better.

I love that ending better:rainbowkiss:

TWILIGHTxDASH LOVE IT!!!!!!:rainbowdetermined2:

well, this was a pretty alright story. Couldn't tell you which ending I liked more though.

While I do love happy endings, the first ending made me shed a few tears. It reminds me of something that is going on in my own life, and even though Twilight is a cartoon horse- it's nice to not feel alone. It's refreshing to have the whole "I love you, but I know you don't love me back" piece in a story because it is realistic. I wish a person would crush on me back as soon I start feeling that way, but it's just not possible. I also love the fact that you didn't have Rainbow freak out about the kiss, as she just wanted to be there for her friend; no matter the circumstance. So, I applaud you for this story no matter how old it is. It's crazy to see that I've been reading TwiDash stories since 2013 but I still find gems.:scootangel:

Login or register to comment