• Member Since 11th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen May 10th, 2017

ThePwnzorMuffin


Inconsistent story writer with too many half-baked and outdated ideas.

E

How do you cross an ocean?

For Twilight, there is no easy answer to that question. Especially when she created that ocean herself.

(In other words, a generic TwiDash story.)

Based off of the song "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie.

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 30 )

I'd read now, but I need sleep. I'll post again later. This looks promising though.

-_-

Cute fic.
Like, "holy shit someone call the ambulance my heart my heart has stopped beating" level cute.
Not to say it isn't without its problems though.
Can't say I noticed any grammer or spelling errors, but...
The ending feels really rushed. RD rushes back in to Twilight's room, says a few words, then leaves. Bit of a disappointment imo, especially after such an excellent introduction and build up
Regardless, it still was a rather adorable read. I greatly enjoyed it.

well .. I'm disappointed,

you promised a generic twidash story, but this is a great twidash story

have my like

849481

To be honest, I did rush the ending.

After 19,000 or so words, the rest of this fic sat unwritten for about a month. I just wanted to finish it by that point. So yeah, I figured that the ending wouldn't be as good. I didn't think it was very good either.

Yet another well written Twidash fic?

I approve. :moustache:

Not bad. Very emotional. :ajsmug:

Dang. Great introduction and buildup, and then this ending.
I'm sorry to say this, but that ending was a bit of a letdown. It was still a good story though. It's just that the ending felt rushed and unresolved to me.

Great fic right up till the end witch was disapointing this fic could use anothr chapter or an epilog and I think it would be perfect maby even one of my all time favorits but as it stands id give it a solidB-

852551

Yeah, I did rush it. I feel that myself.

To me, the ending of this story could've gone a few ways, other than the one I wrote.

1) Rainbow rejects Twilight, and yadda yadda crying and that stuff. I didn't do that because I hate sad endings.
2) Rainbow accepts Twilight, reveals that she has returns her feelings, they live happily ever after. I didn't do that either, because the way the story is written, what with none of it looking into Dash's mind, and that she never shows any notion of an attraction to Twilight, so it would seem like I'd have pulled it out of my butt.
3) The story could have been expanded instead of ending where I did. I didn't do that one because that doesn't really connect to the song that this is based off of. I also didn't do that because I'm too lazy.

Of course, none of that means that my ending is any more justified.

(In other words, a generic TwiDash story.)

I've found recently that some of the best Twidash stories are the ones that outright tell you they're just a normal Twidash story.

Reading with the fury of a thousand Sonic Rainnukes!

853517 Well, at least it's a sorta happy ending. Rainbow is open to it and they're still friends at least. :twilightsmile:

856233

I dunno. Maybe I'm not good with endings. I'll just have to improve upon that in the future.

855445

Read at your own risk.:derpytongue2:

I actually liked how you ended it, you are definitely right not to go with the sappy good ending where Rainbow just accepts it and ends up with no real development outside of two short scenes.

...of course now you're going to have to write a sequel from Dash's perspective.

884559

...
...
...
I'm hard-pressed to come up with my own ideas. Actually, 100% of my ideas for stories (so far) come from songs, like this one. So that would be hard to think of.

I never really intended for this story to expand on the relationship, and become one of those 20+ chapter shipping stories. In fact, I still don't want it to be:rainbowwild:

So I'll give it some thought, but don't expect anything. It's marked "Complete," after all.

Darn, I hate stories like this. The kind of "perhaps in the future", to be honst, this is of naturally a lot better then "WHAT?! I NEVER!?", still, I need my, even if there are so many, happy-end romance with all the sappy stuff you can imagine.
Of course, this story is well written and full with emotions but nevertheless it's something I hate to read in the night (the time where I'm mostly emotional).
In my opinion, the best shipping stories are thoses which have the sappy happy ending and a good, thoughtful, and well written story.
However, this was a good story, take my fav and thump up ^^
Cheers,
Galicorn
:heart:
(sorry for my english, it's pretty late and english isn't my first language :twilightblush:)

I really enjoyed reading this! It was a good fic. And there's nothing too major I have to point out, just a few formatting things.
Dialogue should always be its own paragraph. You did this for the most part, there were just a few places where I saw it was neglected.
Now, this might just be a preference, but I think that thoughts and writing should always be italicized. For example:

Oh, she was just so... Beautiful. Now that I think about it, I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind ever since we stargazed just... -she stole a quick glance outside, seeing the stars and moon still hanging in the air- hours ago. How her mane falls across her face, her amazing eyes, the way she literally shone...

Should be:

Oh, she was just so... Beautiful. Now that I think about it, I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind ever since we stargazed just... She stole a quick glance outside, seeing the stars and moon still hanging in the air. hours ago. How her mane falls across her face, her amazing eyes, the way she literally shone...

It makes it much easier to differentiate between thoughts/writing and the other content.

I really enjoyed this fic, though, and it's definitely going into my favourites!:pinkiehappy:

1171155

I definitely could've developed that ending more, but as it is, I'm sorry that my BS ending wasn't satisfying. I rushed it too much. Thanks for the feedback though, and actually, I enjoy those "yay they're together" endings the most. Don't think it could've been pulled off with this kind of setup though.

1172336

Thanks, and those formatting errors were actually corrected when I typed this out in Gdocs a few months ago. It's just that I didn't know how to import stories (whoops) and I just copy-pasted the whole darn thing. That didn't exactly turn out the way I expected.:twilightsheepish:

I can just imagine Twilight seeing the cloud following her and an exclamation mark appearing above her head...

How have I not heard of this fic, or better yet the author, until now? Props to you, my friend, this is a well-written story!

I like this story a lot. I'm surprised it hasn't gotten more attention. The TwiDash seems a little rushed, though. I'll see where this takes me. :twilightsmile:

1968311 Hah, no way. After the pacing of the last few shipfics I've read this wasn't rushed at all. I'd go so far as to call this nearly perfectly paced. Simple, contemplative, easing into the concept through Twi's perspective. Try queueing up the song the fic's based on and reading it again. It's a decent mood setter, and I've never even been a huge fan of Death Cab.

'Course I haven't read the other two chapters yet.

I loved this story. Awesome characterization - you made them much more mature, a nice touch. I'm glad you didn't end with Rainbow liking her back. This was a lot more realistic and satisfying. Nice job. :twilightsmile:

A very nice story. You got a little wordy at parts, but its clean and well-written style makes up for that:pinkiehappy:
EDIT:
I agree with the others. The ending felt a little rushed, but sometimes an open-ended story is good!

Twilight's having some kind of inner tumoil; that's the storm. She can't decide where her loyalties lie; the holes. What else...

Okay, new idea! The meaning of the dreams, if what I know about the subconscious is any help. These dreams seem to be centered around Twilight constantly failing Rainbow to make it to Rainbow's side. Her brain is basically saying that she'd have no chance to be with Rainbow no matter what. Their differences are too great.

“...And you still don’t know why you keep having these dreams about her?” Pinkie sounded almost incredulous, her eyes widened slightly. At least she had leaned back in her chair, so she wasn’t making Twilight uncomfortable by being in her face.

“No! That’s why I’m asking you!” Why did Pinkie act like she knew everything all of a sudden? If she did, well, it wouldn’t be all too surprising, but-

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re the one causing those dreams! Since you’re not doing anything about your feelings for her, she’s only getting farther away from you.” Satisfied with her explanation, Pinkie resumed her signature grin.

:rainbowlaugh: took ya long enough!

Violet eyes met rose.

Rainbow's eyes are magenta, not rose. Rose is a very dark red while magenta is a dark pink.

Also, the first four lines of Hairline Fracture by Rise Against fits the part of them kissing and before they talk. What's funny is that's what played as I was reading that part. Possibly is the only reason why I found the similarity.

A sinking ship, an awkward kiss
A chance to set things straight
The kind of hurt that burns and burns
Like fires we can't contain

6247058
Well, the colour "rose" doesn't have a specific place in the spectrum, as roses can be from a deep red to a pearly white, where as magenta is much more specific. But, in this situation, magenta may be more accurate to describe her eyes though doesn't have the same emotional connection as rose. (and yes I know that stereotypically roses are red, but they're not always.)

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!