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Rainbow has loved Twilight ever since they defeated Nightmare Moon together. Recent events have broken Twilight's resolve, and her heart. It's up to Rainbow to piece her back together, bit by bit. Can she fix her friend, will she be able to tell Twilight how she feels? And will Twilight return her feelings?
A/N - Thanks to KitsuneRisu and The Abyss for editing and slrvertigo for pre-reading!
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Not a bad start. It will be interesting to see where you take this.
Okay, time to get into "Negative Review Mode". I disagree with anunenka. This is not a good start. Twilight and Dash are very OOC, even by shipping standards. Dash is not this good at being a caring individual. At most, she'd be rather awkward and unsure about what to do. I also don't see Twilight being this emo. The only way I can think of that she could be this hard on herself would be if that vision in "The Crystal Empire Part 2" came true, then her brother rejected her, then she accidentally killed several dozen babies with a spell. Then after all that, she gets Discorded.
The premise of this story is very forced and a prime example of a generic shipping stereotype. I'm not trolling you; I'm just being blunt.
2099260 every one is entitled to their own opinions, I for one see rainbow as caring when she needs to, especially when she likes the pony. Your premise on the story, is In fact a good one, but as I said, I see them differently. I'm sorry if you do not enjoy the story.
2099193 thank you, I hope you like the idea as much as I
2099260
Gotta agree here. 2099325
We do not know the full extent of Rainbow Dash' personality. There are clues that seem to tell us that Rainbow is a very caring person when she needs to be. While she may normally act brash and borderline arrogant, "Sleepless in Ponyville" shows that she can take on the role of a pony that cares for others and cheer them up if need be.
I for one, see Dashie as a coin where we usually just see heads, and a few reflections of tails is seen in the mirror its held up against every once in a while, but that's it.
Also: It's a Fanfic = NOT Canon. That alone is a fair enough reason to alter their personalities slightly. We have never seen anyone of them being in love or heartbroken. Being rejected by her brother and mentor left her crying and clueless as to what to do. It let her ignore everything that really was wrong. Then, doesn't secluding yourself a bit seem 'okay' if she's completely heartbroken?
2099377thank you, hahaha. Very very valid point. We as a whole know that her being the element of loyalty would oblige her to help her friends In need. But being in love... Wouldn't that strengthen the need?
storys good but you need to work on your writing style a bit
2099325 2099377 There goes my excessive bluntness coming back to kick me again. Yes, I realize that all you've said is true. But the way she's acting, it's like she knows what to do. Sure, if she knew a friend was hurting, she'd do what she could to help. But like I said, she doesn't have much practice in the "caring pony" department (that's more Fluttershy's thing), so she wouldn't be quite sure of herself. She wouldn't be 100% sure that what she's doing is being done correctly.
Also, in a situation like this, I don't think Dash would care at all about how she feels about Twilight. Her only thought, her only priority, would be getting her back on her hooves. Only after Twilight was happy again would her own feelings even begin to enter her mind. She's a good friend first. Everything else is secondary.
I noticed you didn't say anything about Twilight's over-the-top depressive behavior.
In the future, if you see me give a negative review, take it with a grain of salt. A less-than-ideal story is rarely, if ever, as bad as I make it out to be. I tend to be overly dramatic to make sure I get my point across. That's just the way I am.
2099483i understand. Thank you for straightening that out more. I shall try to work on it.
Some errors. if you look the story over again, then you should be fine. Very good story so far though. Goodluck with your future writings.
2099575 Thank you
As I said in story description, editing is not 100% complete ^.^ I'll update it when it' all said and done ^.^
2099377
2099260
gotta agree with these
sorry
1. who's coming home?
2. dash's response... doesn't really fit pinkie's comment. pinkie is all about parties, and someone coming home after a long time is kind of something lots and lots of people throw parties for. it's like you didn't want to write actual dialogue at the beginning so you just inserted stock phrases
all in all this isn't terrible, but it's not really noteworthy either
it's pretty much the usual shipping-level ooc wrapped up in a bland, rather substandard package
again
sorry
but that's just the way it is, yo
2099636 I just realized something. I didn't read past the story details and such. >.< I'm sorry.
2099680 Lotsa people dont
hahahaha, they like to get to the story.
2099675 Yeah, I gotta admit, begginings aren't my strong suit. I'll be working on them. I know my writing needs work, but the best way to get better is practice and criticism is greatly appreciated.
2099709
the first chapter is usually the chapter that gets the most views
and if it doesn't grab people's attention, they're not going to read further
so you better go all-out with the awesome
2099738 What I meant with begginings were the start of the chapters. I can sometimes get a good thought for it, but sometmes it just desperate. But once I get going it get's a little better. I want to get better witht hem, cause I know what first chapters do, and I want to make a good one.
2099784
protip: get a proofreader
2099483
I have to agree. Rainbow would want to help, and try to help, but that doesn't mean she'd be that good at it. For reference, go rewatch Hurricane Fluttershy. She was genuinely trying to cheer Fluttershy up (admittedly for selfish reasons, but she was still trying), but she didn't do it gently, and ended up making things worse.
Might want to do some revision, you've made a few mistakes here and there. Apostrophes, for instance, are never to be used for pluralizing anything ever.
I'm interested, though, will definitely be tracking to see where it goes.
Consider my interest interested. will have to see where this goes.
2100708 I'll be editing the story a bit more, so it should be fixed soonish. I'll also be adding a few major details to some parts also.
2099483
No worries :)
And I agree that she probably wouldn't know exactly what to do, but I still think she'd go into that 'caring mode'.
“What’s was that Twi’?” She asked, naturally concerned for her wellbeing, and sat down on the opposite side of the bed.
2102794 Thank you. I'll fix that now
it was cute....I really could care less about grammatical errors...I too am a lowly author who doesn't have a proofreader lol....that being said...I wanna know what the heck happened to have twilight so upset! Knowing twilight it's probably less serious then she thinks lol :) keep up the good work! Can't wait for moar
2103031 maybe... maybe not! hahaha, all imma say is you learn the basics next chapter
daww I gotta see where this road leads.
*taps a hoof to my chin* hmm I find myself intrigued, I do hope the reason lives up to expectation. If I wasn't so sleepy I would be more critical but I wasn't paying attention to grammar and errors and nothing jumped out at me. This chapter had a nice flow to it, that's usually the hardest part for authors to get, aside from grammar, so kudos on that. I look forward to seeing were you take this
2110933 Thank-You!
But you can hold off on grammer and stuff like that for a little bit hahaha, My editor is still going over it, so I should be updating chap 1 soon 
2110944 Kudos, but you would have probably updated by the time I had enough cognizance to actually do any type of work there. Also grammar is my weak spot to so I ain't a lot of help there. :) and your also welcome
2110950 You and me both hahaha. I'm not horrible, so to say, but I'm not great with it either
2110964 I am getting better but the proofreader for my first story had some harsh words when he saw my first chapter of my only several chapter story. I imagine if he had used a red marker I would have had to rewrite it because it would have been invisible behind a wall of red ink
2110970 Hahahaha, I know that feeling haha. My first story was a complete bust. for grammer AND for the accual story part of it. I'm glad I improved with this one.
2110998 I got lucky and it came out okay, my one shots are better than it is though so yea. Though I did have to take it down and start it over once before it got any attention
2111020 I changed my first story I think 4 times on the site itself before I had a friend help me out, and then my editor
I learned tht AppleDash is alot of fun to read but, I can't write it at all... Absolutly NO skill in it hahaha.
2111040 it just takes practice. I have issues with comedy so I plan on practicing it in the future, especially since I want to try something with Pinkie which is like asking a two by four to touch it's toes without snapping
2111041 Hahahaha, Yeah, that's practically me hahaha. I can't write AppleDash cause I can't get Applejacks personality right, or I'm doing something wrong haha, so I settled with TwiDash, and I must say I like it almost as much
2111050 TwiDash is a personal favorite of mine and a lot of fun to write.
2111054 Hahahaha, sorry I put that wrong, after I realized I suck at AppleDash I settled on READING TwiDash and I realized I like it almost as much. NOW it's dead even or maybe even more. and it is a blast to write about ^.^ although at some points it can be hard haha
2111058 that's why I like writing fanfic for this show, it provides a unique challenge to me. Fleshing out a personality while maintiaining the core of the character that was presented is an interesting challenge at times. I find twilgiht is the easiest for me because of the similarities in personality and the same for Pinkie on the opposite end of the spectrum.
2111065 Hahahaha, I'm closest to Twi too. Thus me being a complete organization freak, (when I want to) and a bookworm haha
Other characters are... weird... to say the least hahaha, I can never get em right. Dash is alright for me, Pinkie, is plain crazy making her easy to write haha.
2111073 Rarity isn't to hard either I find, I knew a few drama queens in highschool, I usually have to rework her speech a few times but I can get it pretty close. Applejack personality I can due just not her speech mannerisms those escape me
2111078 They are both meh for me. Applejack I got her speech down and handy, her personality is... slow to start, to say the least. Rarity in herself kinda eludes me completely.
2111082 Flourish my boy, a proper lady has FLOURISH. Really though give her a bit of flair and use more elegant words and it usually captures her fairly well
2111086 Yeah, but never like playing out the "high class" cards haha
It's pretty good so far-keep up the good work!
2121379 Thank you!
Is there going to be a new update? I'm really loving this story
2144268 Yes there will be an update. I don't exactly know when, but I hope soon. I just need to get past writers block and it'll be on its way.
i've always liked this couple as pretty serious
its too common, i think they have good chemistry like they're far apart to where they can argue and all that but close enough to have that connection, they have that same sorta passion for different things lol
2176409 Yeah, difference is the key to everything I guess.