I can’t believe Twilight is finally coming home! Rainbow Dash thought as she happily trotted towards the train station. I can’t wait to see her, so I can-
“Hey, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie gleefully said as she hopped up beside Rainbow Dash. “Can you believe it? Twilight’s finally coming home and I’ve missed her so much and you know what that means: a welcome home party! I can’t wait to throw a party for her it’s gonna be the best of the best of the best!”
Rainbow quickly placed a hoof on Pinkie’s lips, who immediately got the hint. Rainbow giggled at Pinkie’s expression and asked, “Pinkie Pie, you just don’t know how to stop talking, don’t you?”
Pinkie shook her head and mumbled a muffled no behind Rainbow’s hoof.
Hearing the train signaling its approach with a loud whistle, Rainbow looked towards the station. Leaving Pinkie Pie in the middle of the road, she galloped towards the Ponyville station, hoping to make it there before the train arrived.
Twilight, I’m coming! Flapping her wings, she lifted herself into the air and shot forward at a speed that caused everything she passed to be a colorful blur. She arrived at the station platform in mere seconds, just as the train was coming to a halt.
Rainbow randomly picked one of the train cars and sat down in front of one of the doors, impatiently waiting for it to open. She sat there waiting for what seemed like forever before the doors finally opened, spilling everypony onto the platform. As everypony started getting off the train, Rainbow started desperately looking through the crowd, searching for Twilight.
Just as Rainbow was about to give up, she saw Twilight step off the very last car of the train at the other end of the platform, looking like she hadn’t slept in days. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, she had bags underneath them, and her mane was an absolute mess. As she slowly walked off the train, Rainbow saw that she was slightly shaking.
Shocked, Rainbow sat down with a worried expression; having never seen her friend in this state was highly unnerving. She watched as Twilight unsteadily picked up her worn saddlebag in her magical grip. Loose papers and clothes were sticking out of it, as if they had been carelessly tossed inside.
She’s always so organized… Rainbow thought as she stared at her friend in shock. What happened to her? Maybe... maybe she‘s just tired.
Twilight turned and walked towards her, her head hung low, tears of pain falling to the ground. Rainbow’s heart broke at the sight of her crush looking so dejected; so miserable.
As Twilight approached her, Rainbow hesitantly asked, “Hey Twi, what’s up? How was your trip?”
Twilight dejectedly walked past her without saying a word, sobbing quietly. Surprised that she didn’t greet her, Rainbow quickly turned and caught up to the crying unicorn as she walked out of the train station.
As they slowly made their way down the street to the Golden Oaks Library, Rainbow glanced over at Twilight, who was still sobbing. Rainbow desperately wanted to cheer her friend up, but she had no idea what was wrong.
“Twi?” Rainbow softly asked, trying to get her attention. “Twi, look at me, please.”
Twilight just kept walking, oblivious to what Rainbow had just said. Rainbow stopped her with a hoof and used a wing to gently lift her head. Twilight kept her eyes tightly closed, her ears flattened against her head.
“Twilight, what’s wrong?” She asked with concern. “I just want to help you.”
Twilight opened her eyes, tears still streaming down her face. It looked like she was about to say something, but she quickly looked away, as if in shame. She pulled her head away from Rainbow’s wing and started walking again. But after only a few steps, she stumbled and suddenly slumped to the ground, unconscious.
What the hay happened to her on her trip? “Twilight!” Rainbow yelled as she rushed over to the unconscious unicorn. She quickly picked her up and tossed her onto her back. I’ve got to get her home!
Making sure Twilight was safely balanced on her back, Rainbow slowly lifted them into the air and flew towards the library, which, luckily for them, happened to be just a few more houses down the street. A few seconds later, Rainbow landed in front of the library’s front door. She glanced back at Twilight, watching as her small chest rose and fell with each steady breath.
She looks so peaceful when she sleeps, she thought with a sigh. What happened to her? She won’t even talk to me, much less look at me, and this is probably the first time she’s slept in days…
Rainbow opened the library’s front door and quickly trotted upstairs. Once she reached the top of the stairs, she opened Twilight’s bedroom door and carefully made her way over to the bed, making sure to not wake the sleeping unicorn.
Rainbow laid Twilight onto her bed, gently pulling the covers over the sleeping unicorn. As she quietly made her way out of her bedroom, she turned around and whispered, “Please Twilight, let me help you...” she walked back downstairs and laid on the couch, deciding to wait for Twilight to wake up. Within a few minutes, Rainbow had fallen asleep, softly snoring away.
~Several Hours Later~
Twilight slowly woke up, with not a clue as to where she was. Sluggishly sitting up, she realized that she had somehow made it back into her bedroom. Glancing over at the window, she saw the sun setting on the horizon. Wow, how long did I sleep? Flipping onto her side and pulling the covers back up, she let her thoughts take over. Failure... I’m a failure... What must Celestia think of me now? I can’t possibly show my face there again…
She tried to hold back a fresh wave of tears, so she shut her eyes as tightly as she could in a vain attempt to stem the flow, but try as she might, a small tear escaped her from her eyes, slowly making its way down her face. And what of my friends? They won’t ever look at me the same again… I don’t think I can face them…
Quietly sobbing, Twilight hid her face in her pillow. As she heard her bedroom door’s latch click, her ears perked up and she stopped crying. She looked at the door just as Spike opened it, a worried expression on his scaly face.
“Twilight? Why are you crying?” Spike hesitantly asked.
“N-no reason, S-Spike, just a bi-it stressed,” she casually replied, trying to play it off.
“I don’t thin-” he started to say, but was interrupted by a loud bang and a small cry of pain on the bedroom window. With a sigh, Twilight wiped most of the tears from her face and looked towards the window. A second later, the window popped open and Rainbow hopped inside, rubbing a hoof on her sore head.
“Hey Twi, how did yo-” she started to say, but stopped as she saw Twilight’s tear-streaked face. “...Twilight, what’s the matter?”
Twilight really didn’t want to talk about her problems right now, especially in front of Spike, so she slid out of her bed and made it about halfway to the bathroom door when she was suddenly stopped by a cyan wing. She attempted to push past Rainbow’s wing, but the pegasus would have none of it.
“Twi, tell me what’s wrong. Please,” Rainbow begged, as she slowly lowered her wing.
“N-nothing is w-wrong, Rainbow,” Twilight haltingly said as she desperately tried to find an excuse. “I’m j-just stressed out, and I-”
Twilight was abruptly cut off as she felt a hoof press against her lips, and she jumped a little bit as Rainbow suddenly pulled her into an embrace with her wings.
“You’ve never been a good liar, Twilight,” Rainbow softly said with a small smile. “You’re upset, and I’m not leaving ‘til you tell me why.”
Feeling helpless and lost, Twilight finally gave in, and she started crying into Rainbow’s shoulder, tears falling freely as she cried in her friend’s comforting embrace. Rainbow held her close, comforting the sobbing unicorn as she cried, whispering sweet nothings in her ear.
Feeling awkward from the sappy display, Spike returned to his chores downstairs. After a few minutes, Twilight finally calmed down enough to stop the flow of tears.
“Twilight, please tell me what’s wrong,” Rainbow said, trying to coax the reluctant unicorn. “I want to help you, but I can’t if I don’t know what’s wrong.”
“I-I can’t...” she softly replied, sitting down and shaking her head. “I-I don’t want to.”
“Twilight, I can’t stand seeing you in pain. Please, if there is any way that I can help, let me! Please...”
Twilight heard the worry and pain in her friend’s voice. She glanced up and saw something completely unexpected; Rainbow was looking at her with a look of absolute care. Twilight quickly looked back down at her hooves. Of course they don’t know... How could they know I’m a failure? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell them... I don’t want to disappoint my friends.
Twilight was brought out of her thoughts when she felt Rainbow’s hoof pass through her unkempt mane. She looked up and saw Rainbow staring at her intently, mulling something over in her head. Without a word, Rainbow gently pushed her towards the bed and made her lay down on it. She quickly flew over to Twilight’s desk, picked up the hairbrush that was lying there, and flew back to the bed. She landed beside Twilight and laid down next to her, brushing her frazzled mane with the tender care of a mother.
“R-Rainbow...” Twilight haltingly said, surprised that Rainbow was tenderly brushing her mane. “Wh…what are you-?”
“Hush… Like I said, I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong, and on top of that, if you aren’t going to care for yourself, I will.”
Twilight was about to argue, but chose to not respond as she found Rainbow’s ministrations to be quite soothing. She slightly relaxed as Rainbow kept brushing; slow, long, smooth strokes, getting rid of all of the knots throughout her mane.
When Rainbow was done brushing her mane, she moved down to her tail, slowly but surely bringing it back to its usual sleek and soft look. Just as Rainbow finished brushing her tail, she heard Twilight groan as her stomach rumbled loudly.
Rainbow giggled and hopped off the bed. “Wait here,” she said with a knowing smile. “I’ll be right back with some food.”
Rainbow placed the hairbrush back on the desk as she made her way out of the bedroom. She trotted downstairs and went into the kitchen, where she found Spike making a fresh batch of hay pancakes.
“Hey Spike! Those sure are a lot of pancakes for such a little dragon,” Rainbow said with a smile as she teased the young dragon.
“Hey Rainbow. These aren’t all just for me; I’m making some for you and Twilight!” He replied, chuckling at the look on her face.
“Oh, good; I thought I was gonna have to make her something, and you probably wouldn’t have had a house for much longer,” Rainbow jokingly said with an awkward laugh. Stupid…Come on, Rainbow; you can do better than that…a
Spike rolled his eyes at Rainbow’s pitiful attempt of a joke and piled two stacks of pancakes on a couple plates. He covered them in syrup and quickly handed them to Rainbow, who carefully balanced them on her back. “Say, Rainbow, what’s wrong with Twilight? She ok?”
“Oh, yeah, uhh… she’s fine! Thanks for the pancakes, Spike!” Rainbow said as she trotted out of the kitchen. She made her way back upstairs and into Twilight’s bedroom, and as she trotted inside, she said, “Hey Twi, Spike made some hay pancakes for us, so… uhhh…what are you doing?”
With a small squeak of surprise, Twilight quickly threw a framed picture into an open dresser drawer, slammed it shut with her magic, and hurriedly said, “Nothing, nothing!” She nervously trotted back over to her bed, hopped up on it, and said, “Well, what are you waiting for? Those pancakes aren’t going to eat themselves, and they smell delicious!” She sat there with an awkward smile plastered on her face, hoping that Rainbow wouldn’t press the issue.
With a small giggle and a shake of her mane, Rainbow trotted over to the bed and laid both plates down beside the unicorn, who eyed them hungrily. As she hopped onto the bed to join Twilight in a late dinner, Twilight’s stomach let out a particularly loud growl.
“What was that a picture of, Twi?” Rainbow asked as she started hungrily munching away at her stack of pancakes.
“Oh… nothing; just an old photograph that I like to look at from time to time,” Twilight simply answered with a casual flick of her mane.
Rainbow shrugged and continued eating her pancakes. Oh well, I guess she’ll tell me when she’s ready…
Sneaking a glance at the distracted unicorn, Rainbow suddenly got an idea. Making sure that she wasn’t looking, Rainbow silently rose into the air and landed behind Twilight. She slowly and sensually slid a wing tip down the unicorn’s spine, causing her to suddenly whip around and accidentally hit Rainbow’s exposed wing.
Rainbow winced as a sudden surge of pleasure coursed through her body, and she groaned in pleasure as the feelings cascaded over her, causing her to fall back on the bed.
Concerned that she had hurt her friend, Twilight hurriedly asked, “Oh no! Rainbow, are you ok?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Rainbow replied as she slowly got back to her hooves, “My wings are just... a little sensitive, is all.”
“I didn’t hurt it, did I?” Twilight asked, on the verge of crying.
“No! No, you didn’t; they’re just really sensitive. All pegasi have sensitive wings so that we can locate the updrafts and such as we fly.”
Twilight’s face melted in relief, “Is it common for all pegasi to have really sensitive wings like that?” Twilight asked, back to her naturally inquisitive self.
“No, not really. The doctor says my wings are a lot more sensitive than most.”
“Why would they be extra sensitive?” Twilight asked in confusion. “Oh! I think I have a book on pegasus anatomy.”
“Glad to see that you’re getting back to normal, egghead,” Rainbow giggled, making Twilight blush. Sweet Celestia, she is so adorable when she blushes… Ugh…what the hay is that smell? Leaning forward, Rainbow sniffed Twilight a couple times, and she reared back as a horrible smell filled her nostrils. Hopping off the bed, Rainbow covered her nose with a hoof and said with a giggle, “C’mon Twilight, you need a shower…badly.”
“What are you talking about? I smell fi-” Twilight paused as she turned and sniffed her coat. “Ah; it seems that I do.” She hopped off the bed and gave the pegasus a playful shove as she walked into the bathroom.
As the bathroom door clicked shut, Rainbow hopped back onto Twilight’s bed and laid down, making herself comfortable. As she slowly drifted off to sleep, she thought, Today has been good…very good…
In the bathroom, Twilight hopped in the shower and twisted the knob with her magic, allowing the warm water to cascade over her body. As the warm stream of water washed away all the dirt and grime from the past few days, she thought, Maybe...maybe I should just tell her. She just wants to help me, after all...
As she pondered whether or not to tell Rainbow of her situation, she grabbed the shampoo with her magic, stepped out from under the stream of water, and spread the cleansing liquid all over her body. But how would she react to it? I don’t want to lose her as a friend... She rubbed the shampoo all over her body with her magic until it covered every square inch of her, and then she stepped back under the stream of water, allowing it to wash away all of the soapy suds. Dash is my best friend AND the element of loyalty! She wouldn’t end her friendship with me; she isn’t that kind of pony.
Finally deciding to tell Rainbow everything, she twisted the knob to the side, halting the stream of water from the showerhead. She stepped out of the shower and levitated a towel to her side. Quickly drying herself off, she quietly opened the bathroom door and found Rainbow fast asleep on her bed. Well, there goes my chance at telling her…Oh well; I’ll just tell her in the morning…
Twilight grabbed the brush off of the bedside table where Rainbow had left it and brushed her mane and tail back to their usual sleek and soft state. A few minutes later of brushing, she put it back on the dresser and glanced at Dash. She’s kinda cute when she’s sleeping. She thought with a giggle. I’m still pretty tired, and there is enough room for two on the bed.
With a yawn, Twilight carefully climbed onto her bed, making sure to leave room in between her and Rainbow. She turned to face the sleeping pegasus and admired Rainbow’s natural beauty as she drifted off to sleep. She looks so beautiful… Tomorrow... Tomorrow, I’ll tell her...
Just as she was about to fall asleep and walk in the land of dreams, Twilight felt something extremely soft and warm cover her. Cracking open an eye, she saw that Rainbow had extended a wing and laid it over her. She sighed in contentment and quickly fell asleep, finally feeling safe and secure.
Not a bad start. It will be interesting to see where you take this.
Okay, time to get into "Negative Review Mode". I disagree with anunenka. This is not a good start. Twilight and Dash are very OOC, even by shipping standards. Dash is not this good at being a caring individual. At most, she'd be rather awkward and unsure about what to do. I also don't see Twilight being this emo. The only way I can think of that she could be this hard on herself would be if that vision in "The Crystal Empire Part 2" came true, then her brother rejected her, then she accidentally killed several dozen babies with a spell. Then after all that, she gets Discorded.
The premise of this story is very forced and a prime example of a generic shipping stereotype. I'm not trolling you; I'm just being blunt.
2099260 every one is entitled to their own opinions, I for one see rainbow as caring when she needs to, especially when she likes the pony. Your premise on the story, is In fact a good one, but as I said, I see them differently. I'm sorry if you do not enjoy the story.
2099193 thank you, I hope you like the idea as much as I
2099260
Gotta agree here. 2099325
We do not know the full extent of Rainbow Dash' personality. There are clues that seem to tell us that Rainbow is a very caring person when she needs to be. While she may normally act brash and borderline arrogant, "Sleepless in Ponyville" shows that she can take on the role of a pony that cares for others and cheer them up if need be.
I for one, see Dashie as a coin where we usually just see heads, and a few reflections of tails is seen in the mirror its held up against every once in a while, but that's it.
Also: It's a Fanfic = NOT Canon. That alone is a fair enough reason to alter their personalities slightly. We have never seen anyone of them being in love or heartbroken. Being rejected by her brother and mentor left her crying and clueless as to what to do. It let her ignore everything that really was wrong. Then, doesn't secluding yourself a bit seem 'okay' if she's completely heartbroken?
2099377thank you, hahaha. Very very valid point. We as a whole know that her being the element of loyalty would oblige her to help her friends In need. But being in love... Wouldn't that strengthen the need?
storys good but you need to work on your writing style a bit
2099325 2099377 There goes my excessive bluntness coming back to kick me again. Yes, I realize that all you've said is true. But the way she's acting, it's like she knows what to do. Sure, if she knew a friend was hurting, she'd do what she could to help. But like I said, she doesn't have much practice in the "caring pony" department (that's more Fluttershy's thing), so she wouldn't be quite sure of herself. She wouldn't be 100% sure that what she's doing is being done correctly.
Also, in a situation like this, I don't think Dash would care at all about how she feels about Twilight. Her only thought, her only priority, would be getting her back on her hooves. Only after Twilight was happy again would her own feelings even begin to enter her mind. She's a good friend first. Everything else is secondary.
I noticed you didn't say anything about Twilight's over-the-top depressive behavior.
In the future, if you see me give a negative review, take it with a grain of salt. A less-than-ideal story is rarely, if ever, as bad as I make it out to be. I tend to be overly dramatic to make sure I get my point across. That's just the way I am.
2099483i understand. Thank you for straightening that out more. I shall try to work on it.
Some errors. if you look the story over again, then you should be fine. Very good story so far though. Goodluck with your future writings.
2099575 Thank you As I said in story description, editing is not 100% complete ^.^ I'll update it when it' all said and done ^.^
2099377
2099260
gotta agree with these
sorry
1. who's coming home?
2. dash's response... doesn't really fit pinkie's comment. pinkie is all about parties, and someone coming home after a long time is kind of something lots and lots of people throw parties for. it's like you didn't want to write actual dialogue at the beginning so you just inserted stock phrases
all in all this isn't terrible, but it's not really noteworthy either
it's pretty much the usual shipping-level ooc wrapped up in a bland, rather substandard package
again
sorry
but that's just the way it is, yo
2099636 I just realized something. I didn't read past the story details and such. >.< I'm sorry.
2099680 Lotsa people dont hahahaha, they like to get to the story.
2099675 Yeah, I gotta admit, begginings aren't my strong suit. I'll be working on them. I know my writing needs work, but the best way to get better is practice and criticism is greatly appreciated.
2099709
the first chapter is usually the chapter that gets the most views
and if it doesn't grab people's attention, they're not going to read further
so you better go all-out with the awesome
2099738 What I meant with begginings were the start of the chapters. I can sometimes get a good thought for it, but sometmes it just desperate. But once I get going it get's a little better. I want to get better witht hem, cause I know what first chapters do, and I want to make a good one.
2099784
protip: get a proofreader
2099483
I have to agree. Rainbow would want to help, and try to help, but that doesn't mean she'd be that good at it. For reference, go rewatch Hurricane Fluttershy. She was genuinely trying to cheer Fluttershy up (admittedly for selfish reasons, but she was still trying), but she didn't do it gently, and ended up making things worse.
Might want to do some revision, you've made a few mistakes here and there. Apostrophes, for instance, are never to be used for pluralizing anything ever.
I'm interested, though, will definitely be tracking to see where it goes.
Consider my interest interested. will have to see where this goes.
2100708 I'll be editing the story a bit more, so it should be fixed soonish. I'll also be adding a few major details to some parts also.
2099483
No worries :)
And I agree that she probably wouldn't know exactly what to do, but I still think she'd go into that 'caring mode'.
“What’s was that Twi’?” She asked, naturally concerned for her wellbeing, and sat down on the opposite side of the bed.
2102794 Thank you. I'll fix that now
it was cute....I really could care less about grammatical errors...I too am a lowly author who doesn't have a proofreader lol....that being said...I wanna know what the heck happened to have twilight so upset! Knowing twilight it's probably less serious then she thinks lol :) keep up the good work! Can't wait for moar
2103031 maybe... maybe not! hahaha, all imma say is you learn the basics next chapter
daww I gotta see where this road leads.
*taps a hoof to my chin* hmm I find myself intrigued, I do hope the reason lives up to expectation. If I wasn't so sleepy I would be more critical but I wasn't paying attention to grammar and errors and nothing jumped out at me. This chapter had a nice flow to it, that's usually the hardest part for authors to get, aside from grammar, so kudos on that. I look forward to seeing were you take this
2110933 Thank-You! But you can hold off on grammer and stuff like that for a little bit hahaha, My editor is still going over it, so I should be updating chap 1 soon
2110944 Kudos, but you would have probably updated by the time I had enough cognizance to actually do any type of work there. Also grammar is my weak spot to so I ain't a lot of help there. :) and your also welcome
2110950 You and me both hahaha. I'm not horrible, so to say, but I'm not great with it either
2110964 I am getting better but the proofreader for my first story had some harsh words when he saw my first chapter of my only several chapter story. I imagine if he had used a red marker I would have had to rewrite it because it would have been invisible behind a wall of red ink
2110970 Hahahaha, I know that feeling haha. My first story was a complete bust. for grammer AND for the accual story part of it. I'm glad I improved with this one.
2110998 I got lucky and it came out okay, my one shots are better than it is though so yea. Though I did have to take it down and start it over once before it got any attention
2111020 I changed my first story I think 4 times on the site itself before I had a friend help me out, and then my editor I learned tht AppleDash is alot of fun to read but, I can't write it at all... Absolutly NO skill in it hahaha.
2111040 it just takes practice. I have issues with comedy so I plan on practicing it in the future, especially since I want to try something with Pinkie which is like asking a two by four to touch it's toes without snapping
2111041 Hahahaha, Yeah, that's practically me hahaha. I can't write AppleDash cause I can't get Applejacks personality right, or I'm doing something wrong haha, so I settled with TwiDash, and I must say I like it almost as much
2111050 TwiDash is a personal favorite of mine and a lot of fun to write.
2111054 Hahahaha, sorry I put that wrong, after I realized I suck at AppleDash I settled on READING TwiDash and I realized I like it almost as much. NOW it's dead even or maybe even more. and it is a blast to write about ^.^ although at some points it can be hard haha
2111058 that's why I like writing fanfic for this show, it provides a unique challenge to me. Fleshing out a personality while maintiaining the core of the character that was presented is an interesting challenge at times. I find twilgiht is the easiest for me because of the similarities in personality and the same for Pinkie on the opposite end of the spectrum.
2111065 Hahahaha, I'm closest to Twi too. Thus me being a complete organization freak, (when I want to) and a bookworm haha Other characters are... weird... to say the least hahaha, I can never get em right. Dash is alright for me, Pinkie, is plain crazy making her easy to write haha.
2111073 Rarity isn't to hard either I find, I knew a few drama queens in highschool, I usually have to rework her speech a few times but I can get it pretty close. Applejack personality I can due just not her speech mannerisms those escape me
2111078 They are both meh for me. Applejack I got her speech down and handy, her personality is... slow to start, to say the least. Rarity in herself kinda eludes me completely.
2111082 Flourish my boy, a proper lady has FLOURISH. Really though give her a bit of flair and use more elegant words and it usually captures her fairly well
2111086 Yeah, but never like playing out the "high class" cards haha
It's pretty good so far-keep up the good work!
2121379 Thank you!
Is there going to be a new update? I'm really loving this story
2144268 Yes there will be an update. I don't exactly know when, but I hope soon. I just need to get past writers block and it'll be on its way.
i've always liked this couple as pretty serious its too common, i think they have good chemistry like they're far apart to where they can argue and all that but close enough to have that connection, they have that same sorta passion for different things lol
2176409 Yeah, difference is the key to everything I guess.