Damn...You're right...This is the depressing ending....Also, I commend your ability to switch from style to to style like that. Each ending (apart from the romance endings) were totally different. You are awesome

so sad... WHYYY....

Oh my god, I don't know how you did it...but...that was amazing and deep. This story was just incredible, and I loved this ending. It made me forget all the other endings, and this truly seems to be the real ending. Thank you for this amazing story.

It's finally finished. I hope that, in the end, everyone loves the entire piece as a whole. Thanks for all of your comments-- from praise to advice to corrections and everything else. Please let me know if there's anything right now you'd still correct or change. In general, it was a fun ride coming up with this. I hope that reading it was as fun as writing it.

As for the endings, well... Follow your heart as to which one of the four really is the 'true' ending. I don't know how ending number four compares to My Little Dashie or other sadfics you guys have read, but I must say that it did make me cry writing it. Especially the parts about a... certain pegasus...

This ending was clearly the toughest to write, and I'm afraid that it's the worst of them in terms of writing quality right now. But, oh well... It didn't do what I was afraid of it doing: It didn't became the canon ending in my own mind.

Thanks to everyone again.

Eh, this is my least favorite not because it's sad (I like sad), but because Celestia was totally out of character. I know she is supposed to have given up hope, but I just cannot see her becoming a vengeful killing machine under ANY circumstance. I see her as more like the kind to NEVER give up hope, regardless of what's happened. I'd think if she escaped the sun to find the Elements down and out, she'd go into hiding and build up enough strength to organize a resistance.

I must say I loved reading this fic

171397
I don't agree with the way that you're reading it at all. And, at least, that's not the way that I had it in my mind as I wrote it. Putting it into Celestia's eyes=

Celestia was first pushed pretty far to the edge as the ending started. She didn't just see the elements 'down and out'. She saw Moon turn the full power of her nightmare upon the mane six and torture them mercilessly-- to the point that she acted as a vampire to magically suck out their life-force and essence out. Merely by Moon walking around, it was driving Celestia crazy. She could hear the severed parts of Twilight, Fluttershy, and so on crying out for help inside Moon. She saw the horrible effects of the eternal darkness upon the poor Equestrians for sure. And then she spotted Moon about to defile Moon's pure royal body with this insipid little boy-toy, an act of horrible fornication.

Despite all that, she didn't give up hope in the first part of this ending. That's why they fought the way they did. Celestia held back, and then she didn't hold back. She couldn't make her mind up about what to do or what to say. She talked for a long while instead of fought. She said that her sister was dead to her, but then she cried since she didn't really mean it. When Strawberry butted in, she snapped at him to 'Prove it'-- rather than ignoring him or hitting him or killing him or something else. She hung on his every word. Because she still had hope.

And when they make it to the forest, she takes Strawberry out of the picture-- since in her mind the little twerp would just get in the way-- but she lets him live and also lets him watch. Celestia then demands that Moon save the mane six and do it now... rather than fighting. From everything up to that moment, she clings to hope.

It's only after Moon has appeared (in Celestia's eyes) to intentionally activate some kind of magical trap for her that involves the mane six dying in the most horrible way possible-- Fluttershy's hooves crushed and her neck gutted and her vacant eyes staring into space (among other horrible things)-- that Celestia loses hope. And as she sees all six ponies dead, she doesn't really think it through-- Celestia lets out a flurry of passion in which she gets hurt a lot by Moon as they fight it out to the ballroom. Celestia then finishes Moon off.

I suppose you can still object that Celestia would never, ever give up hope... But I thought of it more as that she would eventually snap if you really, really, really pushed her to the absolute limit. And be honest, if I saw someone strangling Fluttershy to death in that way... I would really, seriously think about killing him or her back. As far as characters go, Celestia is not pure and perfectly loving like, say, Aslan is. She's like Apollo or Venus or one of those gods/goddesses-- she has liabilities, frailties, and imperfections. Or at least that's what I get from the show and the fandom.

P.S. It's not mentioned in the story, but I was thinking of mentioning how Moon loses hope as well... So she's in effect begging for her sister to kill her since he can't bear to live with herself anymore... She eggs Celestia on.

I feel so sad

Celestia's lucky that the rules of my first MLP fic do not apply to our world, otherwise she'd have a Human (by the user name of WorldWalker128) assassin going after her right now armed with an Alicorn horn staff. I'd probably fail, but right now I think I don't care.


This one was indeed the saddest. To be honest I'm surprised he didn't hang himself.
Great story other than the random ending, which was just...well, random.

FUCK THAT, FUCK CELETIA! FUCKING FUCK FUCKER!!11 IF THE MANE 6 KNEW WHAT HAPPENED! GAH FUUUUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK!

I'm left with nothing to say. At all.

*offers money*

This will stay the alternate ending for me, I don't like sad endings, but I'm glad I forced myself to read this ending, at least for completion's sake. My favorite remains the first ending though, that's my canon.
Beautiful story, I look forward to more of your work in the future.

GOD DAMN IT CELESTIA

171888 This times one thousand...

So basically she killed the girls and Luna in one...

fuck celestia.......thats all i have to say anymore after reading this...

sadpanda.us/images/828511-D81AMXE.jpg

A sequel, A Nightly Romance, is on the way. I can't keep up the quick posting and uploading, but I'll keep going as I can. I hope you guys are still interested.

S-So sad.....

I just love this story. SO. MUCH. This final ending has touched my heart and I thank you for all of your hard work into this.

Celestia you bitch you killed luna y you mother fker.

171397

my guess is celestia became like that becuase of the fact that suposidly moon "killed" all of the 6 and then banished clestia so she ended up becomeing like nightmare moon in the end...

a being consumed by revenge...

154894

flutershy and the other 5 are just comatosed from nightmare moon (look at one of the endings it explains)

174813 Seeing Luna being all happy and adorable in this comment thread is bittersweet, but the pic makes me want to bear hug her! Not hard enough to where her head pops off, but to where she knows that shes loved to death by least a couple thousand humans that love her regardless of her being herself or NMM.

NOW I can go and read the sequel since I have read all the endings.

I liked the first ending

(I just tweaked this a little bit, adding stuff from the synopsis over)

Well celestia was certainly quite the bitch in this one, wasn't she?

152370 Wow, I'm an idiot. Late reply but yeah... Sorry.

360401
Thanks!

283493
Will fix!

384207
Thanks for reading!

r.e. Nightmare versus Luna, I guess I'm sort of playing with that. As you read on, you'll see two sort of distinct thought patterns popping up in the alicorn's mind-- she kind of bashes herself as well as praises herself in her own mind. I guess I've chosen to interpret Nightmare and Luna as two sides of the same mind, while the former ultimately is weaker because it cannot truly know what love is. And, yeah, I don't see Nightmare as 'evil' either. It's hard to when she's so totally beautiful.

387447
Yeah, overusing ellipses is a gigantic problem that I have. I should probably halve or more my use of them. Anyways, thanks. Glad you liked it, this was really my favorite thing that I've ever written. It's a 'pure heart's, true love' story-- just like what I've always wanted to have myself someday.

I don't know if you've noticed it yet, but every single chapter flip-flops the POV. Chapter one is the boy's POV. Chapter two is the girl's POV. Three flips it over again. I really like seeing the romance from both sides. When I start nearing the ending, I flip-flop a little within chapters (using page lines to denote when that happens). I love that you love the story!

391976
Hehehehe, thanks!

414601
Later on, Twist refers to Strawberry as her very close cousin (I guess that's a sort of 'lampshading', anyway, for the point of this story you can assume Strawberry is a male Twist in every way except male and a few years older).

Glad I read this one first so that the other less sad endings will be more firm in my mind. Good job on this one though!

417696
Thanks!

Imma keep ending one, k?

456951
Sure! Endings 1 and 3 (with the romance and happiness) are the canon endings, anyways...

I hope you like the sequel, A Nightly Romance, as much as this one.

456978 I've actually got that in my favorites somewhere, but haven't had a chance to read it.

It's mmm, okay. And then

Dora the fuckin' Explorer. I died laughing and came back to life with that ending.

472556
Thanks!

I loved writing it!

ah...nightmare date... brings back memories...

this was the first story i ever read you know.

and it is still good.

i am impressed and for that i am giveing you a image.

fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/355/7/6/ask_nightmare_moon_hq___liar_nightmare_by_alfa995-d4jtqru.gif LIAR!!!!

and this one.

th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/101/6/4/nightmare_moon_chibi_by_sallytheechidna-d4vszlz.png

satisfied?

Also you can thank the internet for the images.

530321
Even though there's a lot of things that I'd like to tweak, I have to say that I adore this story. It's so sweet and personal to me.

Glad that you like it. And, of course, Nightmare Moon is totally beautiful.

oh god...the troll ending drove me insane but this just makes me want to cry, AND THAT NEVER HAPPENS! you sir have made an amazing fic. (talking about the canon endings now) you sure you couldint make one more chapter where Nightmare Moon stays Nightmare Moon? she is the one Strawberry fell in love with after all. it would surely be the Good+ ending if that hapened (yes i play alot of Silent Hill games.)

552016
I did seriously think about that, yes. I guess I felt like I wanted to resolve the thing with Princess Celestia. It is a good idea, though.

Thanks for reading and glad that you liked it!

I can't bear the sadness, it's so crushing.

I'm glad I chose to read this first so the other endings can leave me in a better mindset.
But for being such an amazing writer, have all my moustaches.

What an awesome story. I wish I had your talent.

732062
Hey, thanks!

Wow, this sure is the biggest review I’ve ever written! 2175 words (according to MsOffice)!
And I’d like to apologize beforehand if I may seem rude and whatnot on the review... It’s just the way I do it; I like to keep somewhat impartial. It is, after all, a way to help you improve!

Chapter 1
As I began to read, what struck me as odd was the general politeness of Nightmare Moon. Even before she said the please and before the denied Summer Wind's request. She sounds almost casual about being the monarch, humble even. And even though her word was law, I don't think that the guards would side up with her. True, some would, but not all; meaning that it would be difficult to carry out sentences. I won't say that it is a bad thing, since: 1) We don't know much about NMM herself other than the facts that lead to her "creation" and 2) This is an Alternate Universe fic. But still- her emotions are smooth in the sense that they are believable and don't sound forced. I can actually "feel" the duality inside of her: to punish her sister / to punish her subjects. And I can already tell that this is not going to be the end of it!

Chapter 2
In this chapter, I saw one of your vices, Swiper. The dreaded "He ______. He ______. He ______." When done once or twice, those are fine, but if the repetition passes a point, it hinders the ability of the reader to immerse on the fanfic and really enjoy it. Like I said, those look like building blocks of ideas that were thrown together, hindering the normal flow of the story (on a side note: funny how that does not happens during your clopscenes). In this chapter, I also got mixed feelings towards Strawberry Shine. I mean- he is not the dunce he seems to be on the first chapter (which is good; character depth), but he also seems somewhat clueless of what he's getting himself into. He does know what NMM is capable of and yet, he shrugs it off almost too simply. This isn't a bad thing, but I'm already feeling sorry for this fellow.
Oh yeah, nice touch on making him relate more to her than only on the physical level. He likes her body, he likes the silly misconception of a mindset that he believes she have and he also likes what she represents: Night.
And a little nitpick by me: Military boots? On ponies? I think you're meaning the metal plates that Celly, Lulu and Nightmare Moon wore on their hooves. I know the info you tried to convey, but the simple term “boot” gives me the wrong mental image.

Chapter 3
Now we're switching to NMM's POV a bit. Not really, since the story is, from the start, about all the present ponies' POVs. But we get to see more of NMM and her duality. I really am amused at her self control. I mean- with such destructive mentality, I'm really, really impressed that she is keeping her real self on a leash for him. And yes, we can already tell that it is for him. Her love seed is already planted. And, for a walk in order to gaze upon her night, I’m surprised to notice the lack of scenery descriptions. Apart from a few clouds, we never get to see the sky or the setting both ponies find themselves in. You missed a few good chances to make comparisons between NMM and the night itself. Remember: In emotional fanfics, the weather always reflects the pony’s inner emotions.
And a little nitpick by me: Applejack with the tiara? No, she wore the necklace. I can't imagine AJ being the element of magic.
Another nitpick: I dislike how the narrator calls NMM simply “Moon”. It really is of my personal preference, but I like to keep the narrator distant from the whole story, reserving his thoughts, opinions and nicknames to himself and sparing the reader.

Chapter 4
Once again: The chapter starts with a brief description of the setting they’re in, only to never mention it again. This particular chapter is kind of overdoing the “He ______.” In a different way. Now it’s “Moon ______.” and it’s starting to become a bother (for me, at least). I feel like a robot wrote the text on some parts (He did this. She did that. He did that while she did this). This kind of can be forgiven because it isn’t a simple “He did this.”, but a “He did this, looking like that.” Still- it’s not very good. (A good example of a “She ____.” done right would be this: She looked so relaxed, almost as if she would fall asleep at any second.)
Ah, now we’re getting to see some more of Strawberry’s feelings. Good, good. This helps the reader to identify with the character easily.
D’awwww, she smiled at him! Although cute, this kind of killed the “he’s going to get a boot to the face” feel that I had towards Strawberry.
Now I unfortunately can’t see the fanfic ending with something other than the two ponies being together. But I better hold my judgment and continue reading!
She- she! SHE CRIED?! OH MY!

Chapter 5
Remember what I said before about comparing NMM to the night sky? Scratch that. You’ve done a damn fine job with this scene! Really, I am impressed (even though it does sound kind of sappy and lovey dovey). I just have one thing against this whole chapter. Strawberry is starting to sound like a crybaby to me. Starting. Surely he had at least some good times in his life, right? Right? Oh boy... It’s just that I don’t like building the, well, character of a character on top of sob stories alone. He begin to feel a too much flawed to the point of being shallow. I shall see what happens next. ONWARDS!

Chapter 6

There’s not even an us

Get it?
Ok, I’m sorry. Carrying on- Another fine job with NMM’s emotions. Even though the narrator doesn’t tell us her thoughts, we can feel that she’s turning him down in order not to risk hurting him because she really loves him (a little selfish if you think about it; she can’t stand to see him hurt, so she distances herself not to hurt him... whatever happens, there is always a selfish reason behind it). I have to say, though, that this love is somewhat... rushed. Not, rushed rushed, but kind of... too fast? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a heartless bastard who doesn’t believe in true love and who only writes pony suffering for his own amusement. It’s just that... it is so hard to find real, pure love nowadays... what the fuck am I talking about? This is fucking Equestria we’re talking about!

“I… love you too.”

I CALLED IT!

Chapter 7
A lot of “She ____.” on this chapter, Swiper. Wow, NMM is kind of harsh on herself. I mean- IMO, she should act more frigidly towards both Strawberry from the start and to herself as well. She spent one thousand years on the moon cooking up her revenge. Plotting and whatnot. And now she’s... purposeless. I get that she might desire something to fill the void inside of her that was previously occupied by vengeance. But somehow I think she’s exaggerating a little bit.

Chapter 8
Oh Strawberry... love’s foolishness really infected you, has it not? Again, Swiper: you need to focus a little more on the details of the scenery he’s treading through. Interesting thing, what happened with Flutters. Trapped motionlessly in a ghost-like state. Oh, and about his sudden change of heart; you could’ve built that up for another paragraph or two, making the punch on the reader’s muzzle more powerful.

Chapter 9
Now her change of heart (or the death of her other-self) was a little too quick as well... you could’ve built an interesting dialog between NMM and herself, shedding more light on the topic of her feelings. I feel that this fanfic would benefit from a rewrite, Swiper. Not that it is bad, mind you; but it has the potential of being great if you work out a few kinks here and there. The duality that Strawberry is now feeling could’ve also been exploited a little more.

Chapter 10
I think that you overdid Strawberry’s cousin’s (Twist, I’m guessing) lisp a little bit. It was very hard for me to grasp what she was saying. I literally had to read it out loud to notice the resemblance of sounds and construct the dialogs. Hint: Never, ever, ever put your readers through much work. Like I always say; most readers are mediocre (not in the depreciative connotation of the word, but with its real meaning: being on the average) and can’t stand up labor... especially mental. I know, I write hidden meanings on my fanfics all the time. I’m still waiting for one person to pop out and tell me “OMG, THIS!”
Even though NMM was writing the letter in an anxiety-fueled panicked state, I couldn’t help but laugh at her childish and silly behavior.
Once again I feel the need to point out that the character’s feelings are way, way too volatile. My opinion (that this could be re-written into something more than just good) still stands.

Chapter 11
I feel that some of the characters dialogs (to be specific, the onomatopoeic ones) should be rewritten. Sometimes it’s hard to understand what is going on with just an “Ah… ah… ah… ahhhhh…” the unicorn murmured.
Even though she’s still NMM, I can see Luna’s somewhat silly behavior on her. And this, for some reason, makes me smile. But, I didn’t like how the “seriousness” of the conflict between Strawberry and NMM’s past gave way for comedic amusement (in the silly “Where is the room?!” shenanigan). It should’ve lingered longer (and he did trust her much too quickly {but I’ll say that I smiled once more when I heard “Pinkie’s Cupcakes ‘Remix’”)

General comments that serve the whole story:
I just think that the chapters were way too short. It’s not a bad thing and I guess I’m sputtering a lot of hooey since I began to read with this already completed. But I somewhy take pity on the readers and hate to leave them hangin’ and hungry for moar with a 2k-word update.
Noticed that the comments got progressively smaller as I kept reading? It’s just that I didn’t want to point out the same issues over and over again (even though I decided to when they appeared as most glaring).
The fanfic isn’t rushed per se... but it is too quick.
AND THE CLOP BEGINS!
(I won’t be able to properly criticize the clop itself since I read almost nothing of it. But I will try my best!)

Sweet Dreams (A)
For a second there I thought this would be the gore ending.
You got me good!
Wow, this sex scene is just... it’s kinky mixed with an emotional maelstrom! I... don’t know what to say... I mean- it’s sensual, alright but... damn, it was different (not in a bad way, mind you!)

Sweet Dreams (B)
Now this is more like it! And LOL, he’s undeniably, unquestionably clueless (murdered the pun, I know...) about sex in general. He’s like a little kid going “OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!” I love it!
Ahem carrying on...

”Cross-contamination of the central royal bloodline are quite clear. That is not to mention the horrible scandal that would ensue. It is bad enough with what has already happened...”

Oh, Celestia, go fuck yourself! But never mind that, for Luna will find a way. Annnnd... CALLED IT AGAIN!

Derpy Saves The Day
Oh! Shit’s about to get meta as fuck!

“Swiper no swiping,”

Where have I heard that before?
This chapter is too much! Not in the bad way, it’s so, so silly that it got me chuckling as I read that. I mean- Dora?! Billy Joel? Priceless! And that ending!

Saccharin Dreams
That random dance with the asteroid shower made me ponder for a moment which one was the troll ending. Annnnd... Celestia is a bitch once more... except that Strawberry traded sadness for raeg. Poor Flutters (even though nothing that bad happened). Against what you said, this ending -- if only for the sole scene with him and Flutters and not accounting the lack of clop -- is the most mature one for me. He became someone else after Celestia made her bitch-move; which is very probable, given the circumstances. BUT: No clop!

Dawn’s Last Light (A)
Wow... I mean- just wow... fuck you, Celestia. Fuck. You.

Dawn’s Last Light (B)
Ditto. And even though I’m a huge fan of sad endings, I kind of disliked this one. Not for the story itself, but god... Celestia is just... fuck me!

800030
Thanks for the review, and I'm glad that you liked it.

Generally, I agree that there's a thinness to the chapters. There's a rushed kind of tone through it all. There's also a lot of mood swinging back and forth.

You can tell that I wrote this in an A -> B -> C fashion where I was making up the storyline basically as I went along. I also was repeatedly trying to get across that NMM was already about 80% or so Luna when the story began, with her good feelings overwhelming her bad feelings, and then things had already been set up that her heart only needed a slight push.

I really do agree that this could be re-written in a way that makes it go from "a really good story" to "a great story". But I almost feel like it would have to be something else doing the re-writing / re-editing / etc. since I'm too sentimentally attacthed to this story. Can you tell that writing the clop animated me a hell of a lot more than the description / scenery stuff?

And, again, happy that I you loved this story!

860290
I'm very happy that you loved it! *hugs*

1519856 I hope i do too, the thing that throws me off though is what the stallion looks like, i will still read it though, and have a like... an on a different note, i made a rainbow dash pumpkin carving...

A fantastic series of endings, Swiper - though I have to admit that the "sad" one hit me the hardest. These feels, man.

These feels.