- Member Since 16th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 2nd, 2014
SwiperTheFox
This sneaky fox, always clad in a blue mask and gloves, has long been a bane of unwary travelers with loose accouterments.
SwiperTheFox
Joined 16th Jan, 2012 ·
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I like where this is going Ditzy needs some more loving.
Excellent start.
and...
this is now mature also THE ULTIMATE POWER OF THE FIRST IS MINE!!!! *manical laugh*
That has to be one of the most romantic sex scenes in MLP famdom.
>Last sentence
And then Derpy learns why he prefers fading into the wall. He didn't just put his hoof in his mouth, he ate his damn leg.
423694
Yeah, I was really, really trying to emphasize the "love" aspect of it and make it way, way more than just mere flesh meeting flash. Glad that you like it. After all, isn't Derpy so amazingly beautiful?
423787
Yep!
derpy doesn't have her wings in the story picture.
-The Doctor
426716
I just now noticed that!
428043
Oh shit, how is she going to get off of that cloud.
-The Doctor
428972
I'm sure that the pegasii around will help her out.
Cinnamon is also pretty fond of her (and that's a serious understand), so he might have some unicorn abilities to teleport himself up and then teleport them to safety.
Derpy can make it!
I would like to see this continued.
Very romantic, truly well done. Spectacular writing and word choice. The scene in the end was vivid and splendidly written. Bravo good sir.
438681
So much
423694
I am oh so intrigued to hear this.
So, yes, reading this tomorrow. If it's good, weeeelll, I apologize to the entire fandom. Because I shall never stop crowing, "Tough love, bayby. Tough love."
My apologies to everypony. I shall be insufferable. This is nice indeed.
The romance is a solid A. The sex, a C+. You've got your characters in a nice place; you can afford to be more explicit. Let Cinnamon take a good long look, see her blush, the curves of her chest, how she holds her forelegs, the bristling feathers of her wings, the way her belly quivers below her last rib, her inner thighs, teats, erect vulva*, and flicking tail. That sort of thing, except take even more time.
(*a pretty word for a pretty thing, no?)
A well-earned thumbs up and fave.
It is finished!
Thanks everyone for reading, especially Eustatian Wings. I guess my "Take That, You!" story was something that you ended up really liking, so...
There's a broken Youtube link in the middle of the page.
I thought the story would go on for longer, but, eh, not complaining. Great work.
FIRST!!!
great start by the way
brilliant peice of work as always swiper
D'aw. Sweet but the fight scene was a bit too short for my tastes.
Hellz yea.
midnight?!!?
homg, i read that story
i get the reference
YAY ME!
so mushy
me gusta
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/64/tumblr_lkhn1wa80e1qhejp9o1_400_display.png
so hawt
Thanks for all of the great comments!
442805
I'm tempted to go through and volunteer an edit. I think word choice can be improved - some of your connotations are way off in the clop scene, but
Yes. I did enjoy this very much. It's, well...
A nice clopfic.
446231
Scootaderp has gone through it already, and I'll tweak it soon. Anyways, I guess your inspiration was a success.
This story is amazing, I love it. Just check out your spelling and grammar. There are a few errors that could do with fixing. But I have to say this was one beautiful story... A longer story based off of this as a prequel seems to have some potential. Life living with Derpy...
452265
Thanks!
I have seriously thought about making sequels to this... maybe something that involves Dinky getting a new little sister?
I'll let my mind percolate those ideas...
almost every fanfic i've read with derpy in it depicts her as beautiful. Well, you gotta admit...she is kinda cute
I noticed a 'few' grammatical and spelling mistakes...other than that great story (Derpy is my favourite character in the show, by the way, which makes me love this even more)
527837
528037
I'm glad that you like it! I really think that Derpy is totally beautiful!
And, yeah, I've been meaning to proofread this for a long time. Just never really wanted to spot writing new fics to go back and do that.
Grammer problems throughout. Nothing a read through wouldnt fix.
The story was amazing. It could easily be expanded on but I honestly feel it doesn't need to, so..... pointless opinion stated.
A lovely little fiction, I really enjoyed the introverted aspects, many of us out here can relate very well
Good description but severely hampered by typo's and the overwhelming feel of author insert given off by the main character.
The end.
you've got to end one of them here, at this tender climax. As much as I love sex, it would drive me crazy if you would end it here. Silent_Rainbows swooning. crai evrytiem, tears brimming, keep coming back for more, love, lust. THIS is where you simply must end one of your stories.
Tension, but happy and tense. A cliffhanger, but on a good note. No afterglow, and no dicks frozen. It doesn't end, it goes on forever-- only, you stopped writing.
But, you didn't stop writing, so I must read on.
Last chapter was... unnecessary? Cute at the beginning, but then turned out to be pointless-- then just got confusing. I still don't really know what happened in the fight, and then a few weeks later twilight sparkle is there and someone is afraid of someone going to canterlot with fluttershy and you nod at twilight and she just knows, you know?
And, I think the sex was unnecessary and weird. It was fast. It was hasty. I'm not the foremost authority on this type of relationship, but does this kind of meeting usually result in sex?
idk. I think it ends better where Chapter 3 ends. It's strong.
Everything after is...
1490450
I could have ended it here, but it would have just felt so wrong to me, so I kept on.
1491215
Perhaps some of my wording is messy, but I liked the ending myself, especially with the sort of sense that the relationship has already blossomed into something more.
Anyways, I'm glad that you liked it.
I definitely should go back and revise it to get rid of the many errors and such...
1495682
Don't care about the errors, can gloss over the errors, if the writing is good to begin with.
If I am interested and driven I will not feel the need to nitpick. I only have to nitpick when "you didn't even get the spelling right," not when "however you didn't get the spelling right."
1496036
I see.
This looks good, going to read rest of chapters as soon my nap is over har har.
HNNNNGGGGG... Right in the feels man! Its so beautiful
!
I enjoyed this. Mainly cause it has a good storyline of people who are quite alike and meet under real world circumstances. Plus I like derpy and her eyes too XD
Honestly, I just came for the Roxy Music... but I have to say, you are a wordsmith. As an introvert myself, it was mind blowing to see how you bring Cinnamon's character to life.
This. So much, this. It's like looking in a mirror.
I generally only post on the last chapter of a completed fic, but that line, if nothing else, merited comment.
Sweet stuff.
Is this in continuity with other fics? Because Luna having a daughter kind of came out of nowhere, not to mention what does Colgate have to do with anything.