Nurse Redheart feels herself overcome by emotion as she writes a letter about one of her adolescent patients, a Ponyville stallion with Hooftington roots named Sunbury Sparkle who just so happens to be Twilight’s cousin. She’s had to do this countless times before, but every patient has their own, compelling story. Some mean more to her than most.
It probably goes without saying that this is mostly autobiographical, with things such as the timing of events and such jumbled about. It’s also a loose sort of spiritual sequel to my very first fanfic, Rarity’s Raspberries. I’d like to thank all of my fimfiction friends for their care and support. I’m also indebted to the work Against Depression by Dr. Peter Kramer. Thanks very much for reading.
P.S. Why the hay does Nurse Redheart have no character selection icon?
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Ermergerd.
TEARS
1805608>>1805629 There... can... only... BE ONE!
1805643
K
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1805643
So, ah, what exactly do you think of the story?
1805673 It was heartbreaking!
Wow. The feels, man...THE FEELS!
1805673
Ouch, double wrong word, that's grating.
But that said your pacing is coming along fantastic.
1805673 You need to buy me a new heart.
Why, you make me sad now.
1805682
If I could, I'd get us both one.
But, again, I'm happy at least that you liked reading it. Or, at least, felt something strong after reading it.
1805680
I'm glad that you enjoyed it! And I'll fix that soon!
I may not have the disorders you speak of, but I do have Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, Dermatillomania, Trichitillomania, and Onychotillomania, so I can say that I know that some people aren't understanding, and I hope you feel better.
1805713 My feelings are drowning me.
ALL THESE FEELS
AND ALL THIS STUFF
READING MORE
IS NOT ENOUGH
1805755
1805730
1805723
I just had to let this out. And, seriously, thanks for reading.
[ramble]
I'll try not to include the word "feels" in my comment because that would be generic of me--though rest assured,there are plenty of them.
I don't usually get emotional over stories. If I start to feel the feels (dangit) welling up inside of me, I just rationalize the whole situation; these are just words, and words don't carry emotion--at least, not to me they don't. They're just letters and numbers and symbols, incapable of projecting anything else than their intended meaning.
That being said, I felt emotion oozing from this story. Except, this time I didn't try and rationalize anything. I didn't think bout blocking out the emotion like I usually do, I didn't contemplate any greater significance that would detract from the feels (again, darn) this story has--I just went with it.
I'm glad I did, I am so glad that I did.
I've known you... what, almost ten months now? That sounds about right. I've had a lot of fun in that time. I've laughed a little, cried a bit too much for someone my age, and somehow became a semi-descent writer along the way.
But seeing those words, seeing suicide attempt casually stuck into the middle of a paragraph like it was an irrelevant footnote--that scared me. Despite all my efforts to not slip into a morose state of mind, I couldn't help but start thinking about it all. What if you succeeded?
I'd be crushed. Your friends on fimfic (don't discount their numbers) would. I'm sure your family would, as well. From reading your blog, your mom seemed to take the news pretty well--and that's fantastic. I know how badly trying to hide a secret of that caliber can tear at you, though certainly not to your extent. But still... what if.
I've had friends cry openly about how someone they knew killed themselves. Thankfully, I've never had it happen to anyone close to me, but whenever I listened to them, the one word that always came up was "scared." "Scared" about this, "scared" about that. No matter what, fear was always present in one way or another. When I saw that word in your story... I don't know. That hit home.
I still hate modern medicine with a fiery passion equal to the glowing uranium I'm so sure that my doctor is secretly pumping into my alka-seltzer, but for this one time (and--don't tell anyone else I said this) I think I can tolerate it. Anything that might help you get better is nothing but the best in my book. I'm no good at endings, as evidenced by the dribble of fanfics I churn out, so I'll just bring this ramble to a horrendous, screeching halt and say it.
I hope you get better. I sincerely do. Words don't carry emotion for me, but believe me when I say that my heart does. I hope with all my silly little words and all my silly little heart that you get better. Everyone here hopes you get better. Don't ever forget that we're all here for you, and as long as you keep on doing your best to rid yourself of this horrid disease, we will be here to back you up and support you.
[/ramble]
There are not enough moustaches in the world to describe how impressed I am by this. Do you work in nursing? Do you know parents that have gone through this? I know that "Write what you know" is a very loose guideline but this... you have done extraordinarily well. I think I should blog about this story like Art Inspired. This ought to be brought out to as many people as possible.
EDIT: Oh, I saw your blog post. I can say that as an autobiographical work, it's amazing. As a regular old fan fiction? Still amazing. Independent of the author's background, this work is truly impressive for dealing with such matters in a realistic and creative manner, using the Nurse Redheart perspective was truly impressive.
1805884 tl; dr--our of all the stories you've written, this is my favorite.
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Thank you very much for your comments! I should say that, like I said in the intro "with things such as the timing of events and such jumbled about", that this wasn't quite referring to something recent w.r.t suicide. What I did was take information about my suicide attempt back in 2010 or so and then splice that into my current treatment. I did that to try and compress into a neat, 5,000 or so word package a set of problems that have been with me for years and years. Had I really gotten into detail, then this would have seemed more like a novel.
And, well, I have to say that I had no joy whatsoever in writing this. But I had to do it. It's basically like shouting in an empty room, punching a pillow, or something like that-- trying to get all these bottled up emotions out.
Again, thanks for your words. Now, and in the past... seriously... thanks for your support. It means a lot.
1805885
I don't have a medical background per se, but I've read a lot and I'm pretty interested in the topic-- I do have an A.S. in Chemistry so I can follow along with a lot of the nitty-gritty details. I haven't worked in nursing, but... well... I think I should expand on what I wanted to do here.
I initially wanted to write this from Sunbury's / me's point of view. But I suddenly was struck with the inspiration that I should challenge myself and my skills as an author. What about writing from the point of view of Nurse Redheart / my psychologist? And I just went ahead and did it.
Part of it comes from adoring Nurse Redheart, whom I had sort of marry the reader-self-insert in another fic. And a good part of it comes from just me putting on those shoes. The book that I mentioned in the introduction also helped a lot.
Anyways, thanks for reading! And, yeah, please put it up on your blog!
1805755 Dat avatar.
16 upvotes.
Featured.
Wat?
1805965 Ah, well if you look to my previous comment that I just edited, I did love the decision you made to have Nurse Redheart be the focalizer.
Also, the blog is up, and I realized that for some reason I hadn't been following you. That last problem has been amended.
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1805976
Beats me how the site works!
I'm confused by the re-design to begin with!
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I COULD DRAW A MILLION OTHER THINGS BUT NO
I came here after just reading one of your stories and my god, I can't even think of what to type about this. I really am kind of speechless in a way. I only can say hang in there, although that doesn't even feel right. I don't know. You made me feel. Ugh I feel so awkward writing this. I really don't know. Know that you have people there to help you at those times.
I don't know how to accurately show my emotions over the screen, but 
doesn't seem like enough. brb need to find some hugs. 
will stick around and read stories.
1806075
Right, thanks for reading and for everything else!
(Joke) Alt. Titles: Fallin', Yes You Are Fallin', And I Can't Catch You Time After Time and Free Fallin'
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1806182
The title of this fic actually is a reversal of a line in:
Lauper says "if you fall, I will catch you", which I messed with for dramatic effect. I'm totally obsessed with that song.
Also... funny!
1806209
Thanks for telling; I just changed it.
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It's not often I'm in tears. I felt things; you made me feel. Good for you.
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Yeah, writing it took a lot of out of me. But I had to do it. Thanks for reading and for the fav!
this story is great, love the premise to it, but, one thing...
MAOR
*waits for second chapter*
1806282
This is an autobiography!
I can't write more until I, ahhhh, live more!
But, in all seriousness, I'll seriously think about it, a lot. And thank you very much for reading and for the fav!
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Dunno, spa ponies need their icon too, maybe they´ll listen to you if you ask them nicely.
1806332
I'll probably bring it up in a blog post soon!
Nurse Redheart used to have a character icon, but for whatever reason it was taken down in the last two updates.
1806511
Well, isn't that freaking weird or what?
Anyways, what's your opinion of the story?
There was an issue with the purple colors.
I think that's resolved.
Now, it looks exactly how I had envisioned it in my mind.
It doesn't help that I was listening to Auld Lang Syne while reading this. The feels man, the feels just killed me
1806896
At about the half way mark, the text is all purple. I think a text color closer is missing
I honestly don't know what to say concerning your autobiographical fic.
I'll come back and comment once I process it a bit more.
Though I think you need more hugs, have some.
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I still think it's bullshit that Nurse Redheart doesn't have her own character tag on this site. I mean fucking winona has a character tag!!! Why can't best pony have a character tag??!!!!!
I do work in the medical field, though not in a hospital, I'm an EMT. This story touched me pretty deeply, especially when I read it was inspired by events in your life. I have seen many psychiatric patients fall through the cracks or get mistreated by their families. I'm glad that your story has a happier resolution, and even though you are still in a rough patch, it's good to see that MLP is therapeutic for you. I actually started watching it to relieve stress from a work-related incident, and it's helped immensely.
Edited twice for derp/wording.
...
I am always shocked at the amount of emotion that story's on this site can make me feel.
I hope that you continue to write such stunning story's
Hopefully if you ever do another story about you, you'll have something good in your life to write about.
well i am beginning to be concerned about my own mental health be cause my feels are at 100% stability after reading this
Y
1806051 Oh you.
If only I could like this more then once.
Regardless this is an excellent story, keep it up man keep it up.
- The Sumareian
That was a story of the most tragic proportions, but you know that. Wonderfully written, emotionally involving, and painfully yet sorrowfully beautiful. Two things though, a medical professional never talks about patients to someone who isn't involved. Mr. Cake might not want his heart problems know to Midnight Sparkle or Rarity her diabetes. Lawyers get disbarred, not nurses or doctors. Medical professionals just lose their licensure.
All in all, a beautifully heartbreaking story, you've shared something powerful here and I thank you for that.
Ciao
When I read this, I felt the pressure of both Red Heart and Sunbury combined... it was... heavy (the only word I could think of after reading this fic) and... I can't come close to think to know how Sunbury or Redheart feels... but the way you've worded it, you put your heart and soul so much into it, that the empathy was strong.
I do not want to say "I'm sorry" but rather much so "I'm happy" as in, I'm happy and proud to know such strong, brave ponies out there such as Sunbury can continue... but, he must always know that he should not be afraid, and that, he has friends out there to help him.
EDIT: Maybe I'm more wrong on the first part. I need to look over that a little more. Idk. And you said this is an autobiography...
Are you the patient or the psychologist?
Original review ish thingy:
So I finally got around to reading this...
As my mom is a psychiatrist, I know a LOT about this sort of thing (or I think and I'm going to sound like a dick). How do I put this...
Nearly everything--from a medical standpoint--seems pretty much wrong.
First off, you talk about Nurse, psychologist Redheart prescribing medication. Uh... no. I understand the limitation with her being "Nurse" Redheart and all, but that's not the main issue here. Psychologists do the groundwork, shall we say. They don't actually treat patients, and they don't do therapy. Back in ye olden days of 1980, no one gave a shit and a half; psychologists, therapists, nurse practitioners and psychiatrists could pretty much do each other's jobs. But now, a therapist does therapy, a psychiatrist prescribes medication, nurse practitioners are fill-in, and (as I said) psychologists just sort of "pass it on." That's because psychologists don't go to medical school (I'm pretty sure), so... yeah. Now, these three/four groups may all work with a patient, and may continue to work together and see the patient at the same time, but they are separate jobs (from my understanding). Again, I'm probably totally wrong here, but it feels... off to me in the story.
Secondly, Nurse Redheart is writing a letter to Sunbury's mom. You seem to indicate Sunbury is over legal age--yet, the doctor is clearly violating confidentiality against his will. It is a special case, what with Sunbury being related to royalty and all, but... I don't know. I think here you have some leeway, and that the family or whoever is currently caring for Sunbury would know a whole hell of a lot about his condition. I'm sort of winging this here, btw, so I might be wrong too. Maybe that's the point you're going for, that she needs to know what it is despite Redheart's confidentiality? I'm not sure here, really.
There was something else, I think about the condition itself, but I'm even more hazy on that. Medical textbooks from thirty years ago might not be so up to date with terminology, and I usually never discuss specifics of that type with my mother.
On the whole, however, it was a very well written and emotional story. I think there's a bit of a dragging feel, and I'm not sure if you were going for that, but it sorta works. Having a little more spice in the adjectives at the beginning might help.
For me, knowing that Redheart shouldn't be that close to the patient and that it's not realistic sorta ruined it. I might read it again later.
Overall: EDGY AS FUCK, very good describing symptoms of schizophrenia.