Chapter 5: The Dawn of Harmony
Celestia’s voice echoed around the throne room to no answer other than the puzzled expressions on most of the rest of the ponies present.
“Discord?” Luna exclaimed, “but that’s just not possible!”
“Princess Celestia, Luna is right,” Fluttershy said, moving to her mistress’ side. “I...” she paused as she tried to work out how to explain certain recent events in the shortest time possible and then gave up. “I recently talked to an expert and based on what she said there’s no way he could be free yet here.”
“Nonetheless,” Celestia insisted. “I recognise his works when I see them. There’s just been too many occurrences today for them to have all happened without assistance. Now, Discord you will show yourself!”
From the broken wreckage of the royal throne the sound of slow clapping could be heard. A draconequus confidently strolled out of the rubble; the effect was somewhat let down by him only being two hooves high, although he was wearing shorts and a pair of shades for the occasion.
"Oh Princess, you must have missed me to be shouting so loud!” Discord grinned. “Anyway, it's been far too long, hasn’t it? It was so boring when you went silent for a year and just how is a statue supposed to keep entertained when I can't hear everything that you say?" he asked rhetorically.
Luna growled low and dangerously. "You should still be a statue," she stated levelly.
"Oh do that again," Discord exclaimed. "Just to show that you really do care! But au contraire I am still a statue and I absolutely must protest it really was so very boring with your sister giving the old cold-shoulder wherever she was hiding and you banning everypony from visiting my humble abode. Most, most unthoughtful of you."
"Discord, you're not making sense," Celestia said. "Even for you."
"Sense! What fun is making sense?" Discord said gleefully. Then his face grew stern. "But if you really have to know while I am mainly still encased in stone it is true. Oh, that old captain of yours says 'hello' by the way, my dearest Luna. We have such delightful conversations as we while away the millennia about mossy lichen build-up and the annoyance of pigeons."
Luna grimaced while Fluttershy's face dropped as she worked out exactly what pony he was talking about. "No, no she didn't. Get on with it, will you?" Luna demanded.
"Oh if you insist," Discord said and sighed over dramatically. "I'm mainly still confined, but something—I must confess I have no idea what—opened a crack in my imprisonment allowing little old me loose to cause some chaos. Only whispers on the wind, but it's surprising what you can set in motion with just the right thought in the right place."
"So you're the reason that we were besieged by those constructs?" Luna demanded, moving closer to her sister so that they were standing united together. Pinkamena for the moment decided it'd be wiser to keep quiet about that.
"Not one of mine, actually, but wasn't that so very entertaining?" Discord said and chuckled to himself. "Perhaps you'd prefer it if I showed my work. Of course after so much delicious havoc I may have just enough power even in this form to do this!" He snapped his claws causing a flash of magic in the air that formed a very surprised looking zebra and a very battered, but otherwise identical, Pinkamena.
"—at?" Zecora said as she appeared. Then she spotted the tiny Discord and groaned. "Oh well that would explain a lot."
The other Pinkamena bounced over to Discord and crouched down so she could stare at the minuscule figure intently with her tongue stuck out and her tail wagging.
"I had been so looking forward to wild beasts of all shapes and sizes stalking the palace, but while manticores in the market and cockatrices in the cellars would have been delightful the destruction caused when they met her and her sisters was more than suited to my ends," he said, patting the Pinkamena playfully on the nose. "And all it took was entering the dreams of one zebra shaman to achieve it along with of course my old mirror pool I had quite forgotten about after all this time. Thank you, my dear, a truly bravura performance." He bowed ironically in the direction of Zecora who was swearing angrily to herself in her own tongue.
"Of course there's more!" He snapped his fingers causing a very surprised Queen Chrysalis to pop out of the air. "She was making her plans anyway, but all it took was a planted suggestion to make it tonight."
"You!" Chrysalis screeched and began to advance dangerously on the tiny figure with her horn crackling with power.
Discord held up a warning paw. "Now behave, less you'd like all these ponies to see you how you really used to look. Oh dear old Celestia knows of course, but I imagine you'd prefer nopony else to, wouldn't you?"
Chrysalis paled as much as she was able and sat down on her chitinous rump quietly.
There was a snap of Discord's claws again and this time Cadance and Shining Armour appeared entwined out of nowhere. They very rapidly separated upon realising they now had company both sporting matching blushes. Somehow the Alicorn Amulet had been removed from around Cadance's neck and the captain's ornate armour was equally now missing.
"Big brother!" called out Sparks delightedly to see her elder sibling still alive.
"Shining Armour!" yelled Luna sharply, significantly more reproachfully given the state her captain was in. Shining Armour gave her an embarrassed grin in return.
"I had so been looking forward to a three-way magic duel between Nightmare Moon, the wielder of ol' grumpy Dread Mare's fashion accessory and a changeling queen," Discord interjected into the surprise reunion. "Still they seem to have caused enough chaos anyway to suit my means." He sighed ruefully. "I had hoped to provoke one of the elder dragons from their slumber, call upon the sea ponies to slaughter the land-dwellers, and I was hoping for a few substantial mobs wielding pitchforks for Nightmare Moon to scream her defiance at, but I suppose it's just not stormy enough weather today for that."
"Discord, please, what exactly are you planning?" Celestia asked once more.
"Planning?" Discord laughed uproariously. "Accomplished is the word you're looking for, my little princess! With this much chaos today I've soaked up enough power to finally break free and there is nothing that any of you can do to stop me bringing about a new golden age of disharmony!"
"Ahem."
Discord looked around for who had interjected and spotted Pinkamena stepping forward. "And what exactly do you think you can do to stop me, Ms. Pinkamena Diane Pie?" Then he stopped and actually took in what she was wearing and burst into giggles. "The eye in the flaming star motif is attention getting I'll give you that, but what can you do with the Element of Magic, you silly earth pony, grow some pretty flowers at me?"
"And there I was beginning to think I'd got all dressed up for the party," said Pinkamena, ignoring his barbs.
"Ah you're deluded!" Discord exclaimed. "I do love deluded ponies though they do take some of the fun out of the challenge in breaking them. Tell you what any moment now when the statue finally shatters I've got a nice propeller beanie with your name on it to replace that gaudy golden monstrosity. How's that sound?” he asked, while waving a glass of chocolate milk around to emphasise his words. “Just any moment now."
Pinkamena grinned wickedly. "But nopony was going to ask me to dance."
The crystal eye in the centre of her ruby star headpiece opened wider as pure elemental magic began to form. Five rainbow streams connected the other Elements and their bearers were lifted into the air around the minuscule Discord who was actually beginning to visibly sweat.
"Now you know when I said deluded," Discord said nervously, as he suddenly became unsure of himself. "I really did mean that as a positive!"
From the rainbow bonds holding the mares together their Elements glowed ever brighter as their cutie marks formed around them in shining beams of light. These shot over and over at Discord pinning him immobile under their immeasurable power.
"No, NO!" Discord yelled desperately as he struggled futilely against the magic holding him sealed in place. Hearing the pop of suddenly displaced air he looked up and gulped. Hanging over the much smaller Discord was a very cracked, still mostly intact, and incredibly heavy statue of a draconequus frozen in time held aloft and wreathed by the magical energy of the Elements of Harmony. Without warning the statue sharply descended with a hefty and very final thud. The Elemental magic winked out and the cracks that had been formed in the statue receded rapidly until they had disappeared entirely. There was a pulse of black magic at it's heart for a moment then that too faded leaving the statue the same as it had stood for over a thousand years.
A number of pegasus royal guards flew in from the balcony led by one of the night guard. He pulled off his helmet revealing a shock of orange mane and nodded his head towards Luna. "Your majesty, we saw the explosion of magic. Do you require assistance?"
Luna glanced towards Celestia who gave her a subtle nod. "We thank you for your timely offer of assistance, Lieutenant, but we do wish to know what else has been happening."
"We done here?" Fluttershy asked quickly, as the royal guard were giving their report.
"Looks like it," replied Pinkamena, who was breathing heavily after the exertion of channelling such power.
"Good," she said. "I've got a promise I mean to keep to one of my own and the sooner I see to it the better. My apologies, Luna, but this is Shadowbolt business. I'll be back soon and we'll talk then." Fluttershy wings extended and she took off towards the closest exit that was the broken window. She paused for a moment at the window and looked back. “There’s a new palace guard called Fleur de Lys. She’s owed a commendation at least for loyalty to your rule for what she at least tried to do today.” With that she disappeared into the black. Moments later there was the unmistakable sound of the sonic shadeboom as a yellow streak rapidly headed for the wastelands.
"What was that about?" Luna asked, looking forlorn to be without her confidant so soon.
Sparks gulped nervously. “You don’t think she’s going to hurt somepony, do you?” she said, shaking a little as unwanted memories came to the fore.
“I’m sure she wouldn’t do anything like that again,” said Trixie, moving close to Sparks to comfort her by her presence.
"Well I’ve got no idea," said Applejack. "Might have something to do with when we met her she was getting chased by that changeling... wait, where is Chrysalis anyway?"
There was a very conspicuous absence of changeling queen and also a rainbow maned magician in the throne room.
Trixie sighed. "I'm sure Dash knows what she's doing." She paused and thought about that again. "Okay, I really hope that she knows what she's doing. Still I'm sure they'll turn up before long."
"Just one loose end to tie up then," said Pinkamena, looking over at the last of her doubles who was standing away from the group with a puzzled expression on her face.
Seeing that Sparks was busy shaking her rump with Cadance for some reason Pinkamena called Rock over. "Think you can pull the spell off?"
"Yeah, I think so," said Rock. She pointed her horn at the blissfully unaware other Pinkamena as her horn started to glow.
"What do you think you are doing with your horn so primed?" exclaimed Zecora, getting in between Rock and her target. "To destroy one such as her would be a crime."
Noticing what was going on the night guard lieutenant flew over and landed by Zecora. "Miss, you stand down that horn." He had a very thick, dusky accent that neither Pinkamena nor Rock could place.
Rock let the dispelling magic harmlessly dissipate and turned to Pinkamena for guidance.
"But she's not really real," Pinkamena protested. "We're just sending her back to where she came from."
"Miss, she's a bloody heroine of Equestria," said the night guard. "We couldn't do anything to help from behind the barrier keeping us confined as much as it kept them out, but we were all watching from the battlements and her and the rest of them fought like tigers in defence of Canterlot against an absolute horde of beasts and monsters and that more than makes her a heroine in my book. Whether she's real or not in your eyes doesn't even get a look in the way I see it."
"Come, my dear one," Zecora said, putting a hoof around the other Pinkamena neck who was smiling happily just being the centre of attention. "We must adjourn."
"Okay, stripy pony!" the other Pinkamena agreed.
"Hey you can't take her away yet!" the night guard said sharply. "We're going to give her a tour of honour and I reckon she's owed a set of official armour for her own."
"Ooh, that sounds fun too!" The other Pinkamena was starting to look worried over which of her two new friends she was going to spend time with. Perhaps a trip back to the mirror pool was in order, she wondered to herself before some nagging thought told her that really would be an absolutely terrible idea.
"She does not have time to waste, with paltry tokens such as armour of plate," insisted Zecora pulling the Pinkamena closer to her.
Seeing there was a proper debate starting with no easy solution in sight Pinkamena and Rock wisely decided to back off. As they headed over to where Cadance was apologising so profusely to Luna that she couldn't get a word in to apologise back, Rock said, "you sure that's not going to bother you? Y'know having another one of you running about."
"You think it would, wouldn't you?" said Pinkamena. "Still I don't think I'd ever have the guts to attack monsters, so she's probably different enough now that she can do her own thing."
"You don't reckon it'll send you doolally again like when that changeling turned up?" Rock said, rolling her eyes and sticking her tongue out in a not particularly flattering imitation.
"Absolutely not," said Pinkamena giving her a flat unamused stare. Then she smiled. “Still y’know what I think I can think of at least a few roles she could fill in the guild. Least they’d save me having to attend the more boring side of the businesses.”
Having ducked away from where the Zecora and the night guard were still arguing, the other Pinkamena bounced over. “Hey, you owe me pebbles!” she said, trying to look stern, but was failing badly due to her random bouts of giggling and battered tie that was now hanging off one of her ears.
“Y’know, Pinks,” Rock said, moving to stand by the other Pinkamena. “I think we should have a long talk about what exactly counts as fair wages,” she said, giving Pinkamena a look who gulped.
As Sparks was still busy with Cadance and Luna, Trixie decided she’d take the time to satisfy her curiosity while she had the chance. She sidled up to Shining Armour and nudged him in the side. “Hi, I’m Trixie,” she said brightly.
“I know,” said Shining Armour, not bothering to look away from his new centre of attention. “You’re involved with my little sister.”
“Oh,” Trixie said, her eyes widening. “You know about that already?”
“I do pay some attention to her, Trixie,” Shining Armour said, finally breaking his gaze to glance at the magician. “even if she doesn’t always know I’m doing so. I wouldn’t worry about it too much though, as by all accounts you have helped her grow recently in getting her out of her shell and while your prior relationship with Rainbow Dash is a concern I understand that it is purely on a professional basis now.”
Trixie was silent as she tried to work out if she should be offended by that.
“Though I would appreciate it if you could rethink that outfit you have her wearing on stage.”
Trixie blinked a few times and then coloured a bit. “You don’t think that’s rather her decision to make and not yours?”
“She has had a very sheltered life until very recently, Trixie,” he said, holding up his forehooves defensively. “Please, do not take my concern as her brother too harshly as I just don’t want to see her get hurt.”
“Believe me neither do I,” Trixie shot back fiercely.
“Now that is a relief,” Shining said with a warm smile. “Did you want something anyway?”
“How did you ever persuade her to take the amulet off?” Trixie said, nodding her head towards Cadance. “You couldn’t have got it off her yourself by any kind of physical or magical force as I know there’s a magical lock on there.”
It was Shining Armour’s turn to blush now. “Well we finally ended up in a cave on the side of the mountain that Canterlot is built up against after I was able to grab onto her. Then we...” Shining paused before continuing. “We talked.”
“Just talked?” Trixie said, raising an eyebrow.
“Well mostly,” Shining admitted. “Eventually we agreed that if I took my armour off she’d take the amulet off and well things proceeded from there.”
Trixie started to laugh long and hard.
“And just what’s so funny?” Shining protested.
“Just amused that you apparently have a type,” Trixie said, with her eyes dancing. Her horn sparkled as two translucent glowing blue wings spread wide out from her sides.
“Hey, now wait a minute! I know there were some completely false rumours going on about me and...” Trixie ignored him and concentrated harder as she weaved her casting. All the mares in the room without horns, wings or either suddenly found themselves possessing well crafted illusions of both.
“While not a bad look; the one of the alicorn folk,” commented Zecora, as she inspected the glowing black and white feathered wings now formed upon her sides. “But on who exactly is supposed to be the joke?"
Shining Armour looked to his princess for support, but Luna was too busy having complete and total hysterics leaning up against a quietly unprotesting Rock. He then looked to his sister, but she was quietly hiding under her new magical wings looking almost as mortified as her brother was.
“I think that’s enough now, Trixie,” Celestia said gently, though she clearly was trying very hard to stifle chuckling herself. Trixie dropped the spell leaving Shining Armour looking like another trip out the window might be a preferable option.
“It’s okay,” Cadance said, and kissed the now bright red stallion’s cheek. “I think it’s sweet.” Taking his hoof in hers she escorted him from the throne room.
~~~
"So what happened after that?" Sweetie Belle asked. It was late into the evening of the following day and she was tucked up in bed.
"Well," said Rock, who was lying on the couch she kept in her little sister's room for telling her stories, "it all got a bit political after that." She'd only got off the evening Ponyville train back from Canterlot an hour ago and those discussions were still making her head ache. "As far as I can work out Princess Celestia is the official ruler again, but she says that it'll take her at least a year to even regain the power to control the sun again after her self imposed exile, so Luna is going to serve as regent."
Sweetie Belle's brow furrowed. "But if she's not a scary Nightmare any more doesn't that make her a princess, so why does she need to be a regent?"
"I don't get it either," admitted Rock. "Pinkamena figured it was some kind of self-imposed punishment for what she had done. Applejack just reckoned that while she didn't want to be Nightmare Moon any more she wasn't quite ready to be Princess Luna again either, so being just Regent Luna might be easier for her for now."
"Oh," said Sweetie Belle. "So are you going to get a medal or something for helping out?"
Rock sighed. "Yes actually,” she said, not sounding too keen on that idea at all. “There's going to be a big presentation ceremony tomorrow back in Canterlot."
Sweetie Belle wiggled out of the covers and jumped on the bed excitedly. "That's awesome, sis!"
"You're coming too by the way."
"But, Rock!" Sweetie Belle protested, her face falling. "Me, Scoots and Dinky were going to go exploring tomorrow."
"They can come too," Rock said. "Look, Applejack is bringing her little sister and she's also bringing her niece along from Manehattan to attend. They've never met before so she was hoping that another filly their age might help smooth things out so that everyone end up friends."
"Applebloom?" said Sweetie Belle. "But she's so boring talking about the farm and apples all the time."
"Please be nice, okay?" asked Rock and ruffled her little sister's mane. "Applejack was saying her niece is really self conscious about her not having her cutie mark and her sister doesn't get much time for fun with how much work she does on the farm so a nice day out in Canterlot would be good for both of them."
"Alright, I'll try," conceded Sweetie Belle, as she got back into bed. She remembered how annoying not having a cutie mark had been until she’d worked out the whole tree felling thing, so maybe she could help this blank-flank filly out. It’d have to be easier than trying to work out one for Scoots after all. Then if she wasn’t so obsessed in wanting to be like that griffon weather captain in town she’d probably have got hers by now anyway, Sweetie reckoned. "So did those pegasus friends of yours come back?"
"Well," said Rock, as she quickly worked through in her head how much of this she was going to have to edit out. "Sparks said Dash popped her head into her and Trixie's room just before dawn to say she was still alive, not any more nuts than usual, and that her and Chrysi—yes, that's really what she said—were very happy together and might even attend the medal giving if they weren't too busy and the princess and regent promised not to try and throw Chrysi in the dungeon again."
"Eww," said Sweetie Belle her face screwing up. "Can a pony and changeling actually be special someponies?"
Rock pretty much made the exact same face that her younger sister was making. "Apparently yes and no, I don't want to know the details either."
"So what about the other one?"
"Fluttershy turned up just before I was leaving for the train, so I didn't find out much what was going on with her, but she'd come back with another changeling in her hooves." Rock thought back to earlier. Fluttershy had looked like she'd been through Tartaurus and back again. While most had been blown off in her flight she still had horrible mucus clogging her mane and scratches and bites all over her. The thing that had really puzzled Rock before she'd had to leave and Fluttershy had dragged the heavily resisting and hissing changeling off towards the palace was the most amazing manestyle the changeling had. Especially as far as she knew the drones didn't usually have hair at all. She was definitely going to have to ask Sparks about that tomorrow.
"So Fluttershy went looking for a changeling to be her special friend too?" asked Sweetie Belle, her eyes wide.
"I..." faltered Rock who had really not expected that particular question. "I really, really don’t think so. Now it's time for you to go to bed. It's going to be a big day tomorrow."
"Aww," protested Sweetie Belle, "can't you tell me that story about you and the drunken cave troll again?"
"Just the one story tonight, sis," said Rock shaking her head warmly. "Now off to sleep and you have sweet dreams, okay."
Rock quietly left the room leaving her sister alone to drift off to sleep in peace. Sweetie Belle fell into slumber as dreams came of what tomorrow would bring. Dreams of her big sister and her friends receiving the respect of the princess and regent along with the adulation of the crowds in Canterlot. Dreams of new friends along with Scoots and Dinky and the fun that they all would surely have. Dream of a new dawn bringing happiness across the entirety of Equestria and beyond.
Unnoticed to the young sleeping filly, Luna stood in quiet vigil over her dream and smiled.
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The thing you did with Cadence was a very interesting twist that made for a very compelling motivation for Cadence's action and character interaction, so I applaud you for it even if it was a retcon. This was a fun ride of a story and I enjoyed every twist and turn. Good job, 5/5
*Grins and applauds* Bravo! Bravo! Very cool concept and I also congratulate myself for knowing t least a few of who was getting which element before you told us XD
Small typo: Unnoticed to the young sleeping filly Luna stood in quiet vigil over her dream and smiled.
There should be a comma between filly and Luna.
Will Cloudchaser be okay?
Well done. I like this ending.
Congrats on finishing! I really enjoyed both this story and its prequel.
What a wonderful finish to this story.
I did notice several grammatical errors and suchlike; I'm too tired to go back and catalog them all now, but if they're not gone by tomorrow I may leave a rather large comment. (Or I might be lazy
)
2562147
Thanks for the spot. In a deeply unwise move I was out all night after posting the final chapters and ended up adding that comma on my phone which was somewhat nerve wracking
2562381
Given that Chyrsi lies a lot and that Cloudchaser's going to have the best magic in all of Equestria available to her either way I'd say yeah almost certainly. Possibly effected by the experience in more ways than one, but should be mostly back to normal before too long.
2565173
I'll see if I can go on another hunt for the blighters today, but any you do bring to light would be massively appreciated. Thank you.
A draconequus confidently strolled out of the rubble, the effect was somewhat let down by him only being two hooves high, he was though wearing shorts and a pair of shades for the occasion.
The commas are incorrect. They could be semicolons, but having two semicolons often seems weird to me. Fortunately, "though" is also incorrect, suggesting a solution:
...rubble; the ... high, although he was wearing...
Discord said gleefully then his face grew stern.
Again we need a separator like a semicolon or a period (after gleefully). Or you could use a different transition like "before" which wouldn't require any new punctuation IMO ... although you could optionally still put a comma in.
over dramatically
I believe this should be written so as to indicate it's being used as a unit, e.g. "over-dramatically", but that doesn't necessarily reflect a universal belief among authorities on the English language. It's what I would see as correct but others might see your way as fine, or still others might recommend "overdramatically". Alternatively, you could just say
melodramatically
which I believe has the same connotations as what you're looking to convey.
as he suddenly found him unsure of himself.
Technically "found himself" would be correct, but would sound very awkward with two "himself"s. You could alternatively slightly rewrite it, perhaps to ...
as he suddenly became unsure of himself.
receded rapidly into they had disappeared entirely.
Straight typo, I presume.
into --> until
Ignoring him Trixie concentrated
I'd suggest a comma after "him".
“While not a bad look; the one of the alicorn folk,” ... “But on who exactly is supposed to be the joke?
"While" and "but" are conflicting (incorrectly redundant), I believe. You could change "While not" to "It's not" (and drop the semicolon), or only drop the "but". Also, you forgot to close the quotation marks.
leaning up against a quietly, unprotesting Rock.
quiet, unprotesting or quietly unprotesting
My own completely personal preference would be for the second one, but grammatically they are equally correct.
new magical wings almost as mortified
Comma after wings, I believe. You could optionally throw in "looking" as a bonus.
as she says that it'll take her ... exile, so Luna
Drop one of "as" and "so"; they are incorrectly redundant.
any-more
I don't believe I've ever seen that hyphenated before, only either "any more" or "anymore". But it may well be valid usage.
special friend
Wouldn't that be "special somepony"?
Unnoticed to
I would say it's "unnoticed by", but I've noticed a lot of British English speakers dropping "to"s where I'd say different things are required, like "differ to" versus "differ from". So you may not be using this incorrectly for your English.
There were several and varied grammatical errors in characters' speech which I left alone in the view that they were likely to be intentionally indicating the characters' own speech not being perfectly constructed. e.g. "Me, Scoots and Dinky"
2566884
Thanks massively for the spots
'Special friend' from Sweetie Belle was intentional, as in that case I just thought it made the line funnier. I can see the case for changing it though.
I should mention that this story's predecessor has one of the more memorable "epic lines" that I've read on this site:
"You might have killed that dragon ... but I made him cry."
Heh, this was pretty cool
I do love this alt universe of yours.
Very nice ending, Stryke.
Another great tale told, here.
Good story but I don't think its quite as strong as your first story. It seemed kind of contrived that all these events suddenly happened at the same time so long since Nightmare Moon took control. Discord causing it makes sense, but I would have expected Zecora and Cadance to try something sooner, although you could just attribute that to Discord holding them back just for one night.
I think my biggest problem with this one is that their motivation wasn't ever really clearly established, by the end of your other story it didn't seem like anyone besides Twilight was really that gung-ho about taking on Nightmare Moon and it seemed like the others were only kinda warming up to the idea. We never see what convinced them all to jump on board with Twilight's plan, let alone finding the elements. Especially Fluttershy, who is quite loyal to Nightmare Moon, it should take something extraordinary for her to be willing to actively combat her as opposed to trying to nudge her in the right direction.
2609759
Yeah I totally agree. I think a big reason for that is I originally had no plans to do a sequel as I'd figured it was such a for gone conclusion that things would work out for the best once they'd returned that there wasn't a lot of point covering it.
It was only when I came up with the idea of having everybody turn up all at once and cracking up over it properly with all the possibilities it became a thing that I just had to do
Later it also allowed me to address things I'd struggled with in the original fic like poor AU Rainbow Dash who started as a meta joke about her characterization as the shipper's bicycle back when the fic was just going to be mainly about Rock and Rarity (and about half as long). While the others got their moments as I expanded I did feel I never got a grip on how to do her justice until chapter 3 in the sequel when she finally starts to shine. Plus rectifying the whole Cadance implants thing was good as I wrote it back after the wedding when I didn't think she'd ever show up again.
I'd argue the motivations a bit though. While we never see it explicitly take place it is set up with Pinkamena planning it back at the end of Random Elements of how she'll persuade everypony to go after Nightmare Moon and then it's addressed a few times after the fact that she did so in chapter one. That's possibly bad/lazy writing though along with being more tell than show, as it allowed me to get on with the fun faster it could possibly in this case be allowed. I can certainly see the case for say a flashback to the party in chapter one where Pinkamena talked them round to give the motivations better clarity.
Might add one, but it's probably to late now to make much of a difference now the whole thing is done.
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Really, I think you can skip the getting most of the au mane 6 on board with taking out Nightmare moon, you hinted that Pinkamena had started to view the sun as good for business and I can see her being pretty persuasive for the rest, except for Fluttershy, you do hint that she can see that Nightmare Moon isn't happy though and Fluttershy does seem to have some affection for her. Actually I think just a quick exchange between Pinkamena and Fluttershy about how turning Nightmare Moon into Luna, would help her and make her more loved and happier could be enough to show how Fluttershy would persuaded.
I don't think its too late to add things, I've been going though 'In pursuit of Happiness' and finding little things that bug me or don't read right and fixing them, although I haven't finished that one yet.
I did like how you rolled back the whole Cadance thing to fit with cannon. She was quite boring in s2 but in s3 she got a lot more fun and having Nightmare Moon realize she took away something Cadance was born with helped give some impact to her realizing she was in the wrong.
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So it turns out I changed my mind
Updated chapter one to include the changes and hopefully that's an improvement.
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Fantastic, I just read though it and that really helps the one thing that was always gnawing at the back of my head while I read this story. It does a good job of setting Fluttershy on the path with the others but also ensures we know she ultimately is doing this because she wants Nightmare Moon to be happy.
Well that was some insane fun there. Thanks for changing it to explain exactly what Fluttershy went to do at the end, and sorry for being too dense to get it the first time :fluttershysad. And like I said before, the framing device of Rock telling Sweetie Belle the story is wonderful. It feels like it closes a loop that you started all the way back when she first appeared in the middle of "our-universe" Ponyville. Very satisfying.
Now you just have to outdo yourself with the next story.
You speak of a book where Cadence is said to have been born a pegasus. Might I inquire as to the title of such a manuscript?
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That'd be My Little Pony: Twilight Sparkle and the Crystal Heart Spell. Not read it myself, but I understand it's not bad though very much more aimed at the target audience.
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I'm so glad somebody spotted that
Please tell me there's a follow up to this? I want to see what happens to Cloud Kicker, and Regant Luna.
Good fic btw. Nice follow up to the previous story.
That was AWESOME!
I love how everything turned out well, and the Cadance/Shining thing was both perfect and hilarious. If you feel the inspiration for any sequel stories, I would love to read them; if not, this story was still awesome.
I truly loved these two stories (this and its predecessor).
To me they were up to par with the best like "Lost and Found" and "The Immortal Game" when it comes to plot.
(Crossposted here: [REVIEW] Nightmare Moon and the Elements or Harmony would make a great name for a band)
Years ago (before most of you were old enough to remember what a newspaper was) I first read Dave Barry's humor column work. You can nowadays find his stuff online and in books (yes, even the ebooks thing) and his website. As a humor columnist, he was rather well known for having opinions on everything and poking fun at himself for his blatant (and lampshaded) ignorance on the subject. He was the everyman, who enjoyed beer and sitcoms and cars and computers and wasn't ashamed of it.
So imagine everyone's surprise when he wrote the comedy-suspense-thriller Big Trouble.
In Big Trouble, we're introduced to many separate characters, given smidgens of character development, and watched as these seemingly ordinary individuals go about what starts as an ordinary day and ends with mobsters, terror plots, and even a nuclear bomb. I call this kind of thing "spaghetti writing," because there's uncountable plots and subplots (the pasta) immersed in a rich, vibrant setting (the sauce) and usually mixed with some form of savory or vegetable topping for added variety (plot twists, surprise elements, etc.).
Random Elements: Coincidences can Happen by Stryke is one of the finest examples of spaghetti writing I've ever seen.
Given the clearly different styles of narrative between Random Elements and this entry, it's clear why they can't simply be jammed together into a single book, even though they very clearly tell, between the two of them, a single story. In fact, I'd say that RE was merely the author getting the basic ideas out of his head that laid the groundwork for what turned out to be, IMHO, their finest work yet.
If your'e tempted by that previous paragraph to simply skip Random Elements (see my review here) and jump straight into Coincidences can Happen, don't. You will miss out on several major story points that directly impact what happens in this entry of the fic.
Of course, there may be those who read this review and may be wondering if they should even bother with either. So on with the actual, you know, review portion...
There are a couple of points where the writing sags. Not much, but you can definitely notice the tension reducing to the point you just want the story to hurry up and get on with it. However, rather akin to a transcontinental race where the racers stop at various checkpoints before picking up the next leg of the race, you should view these as an opportunity to take a breather, 'cause the suspense aspects of this story would otherwise be like binge watching a whole season of Flashpoint without mealbreaks or sleep.
For something like this, I prefer not to go into too many spoilers, 'cause the step-by-step reveal is what counts, but I'll give you a bit of the setup:
In Random Elements, we're introduced to alternate-universe versions of the Mane 6, who each wind up representing a different Element of Harmony than they do in the show. Pinkie Pie representing Magic, and Twilight Sparkle representing Kindness, for example. Having retrieved the Elements, Pinkemana puts together a plan to infiltrate Canterlot Palace and attack Nightmare Moon directly, who's been ruling Equestria in perpetual night ever since the abortive Summer Sun celebration. (Seriously, go read Random Elements, it'll make more sense if you do)
When Chapter 1 ends with Queen Chrysalis having already infiltrated the Shadowbolts and trapping Captain Fluttershy, you know sh*t just got real.
Oh, and by the way, the whole "Cadance and midiclorians" thing from last review? Stryke has TOTALLY redeemed himself with this fic!
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Thank you for the wonderful review
I enjyed this, and I'd like to see more in some way shape or form, if it is even possible.
o30 though considering you basically took down all the big abds in one fell swoop (minus sombra who was killed in backstory)
I myself have my own dieas for the thing possessing luna that turned her into NMM, which I am using in my own alternate universe series. But basically, my explnantion for wanting to create a world of endless night was to create a darke age of fear.
Which is something I msyelf wanted someone to bring up in this story: why do you want everlasting night? why does the nightmares need everlasting night?
Anyway, good story, interesting universe, hope to see more hopefully.
also is it just me, or did Pinkamena have a sudden turnaround in her personality again? at the end of the first story she seemed to be acting more like pinkie (and at the beginning of this story) but by the halfway mark she seemed to revert to a more reasonable and friendly version of her original personality. Not that I don't approve, just foudn it weird.
Apple Bloom
Shining Armor
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Yeah still stay by my original comment of wanting to see the story of Regent Luna and Cloudchaser. Still this was a great follow up. And I don't think an Alt. Maud, Cheese, what have you. Would be that good of an idea. If only because of the lack of emotional investment of them being main characters. I mean Maud was a retcon, who'se entire personality was based on Rocks. If it wasn't for the Savage Skies Series, I would have found her to be a boring character (but the SSS made her seem like a canonical Celestial Knight), Cheese Sandwhich. Other than being voiced by Weird Al Yanchovich, was an underwritten character, and is basically a male Pinkie Pie, with less awesomeness, but more mimicry.
The originals Alt.6 are cool though. Anywho. Best of luck if you ever get around to Book 3 / fic 3.
Wonderful, fun ride! I loved it! Apparently, Cadence was retconned but you could hardly tell the way you wrote it in. It also gives Cadence one
of a good reason to break out the Alicorn Amulet. Glad to see Chrysy accepted her fate, and Fluttershy chased down Cloudchaser.
Fantastic story. No doubt about that.
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Thank you for all your comments and I'm glad you liked it
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In that context it's the equivalent of 'taking the piss' or 'taking the mickey' i.e I do not think you are being sincere and I suspect you are aware of that. Smeg is a fictional swear word used in the british comedy Red Dwarf.
This AU's awesome.
Just wish Pinkie could find out she did indeed succeed in getting Pinkamena to smile and gain friends, but I guess she'll have to remain disappointed.
Honestly, this AU might be in my top three now.
After Wibblyverse and Advanced Project Group.
Interesting bit with Dash and Chryssy there. Not a ship i expected. But i can appreciate Dash's taste.
Twixie shipper inside me is heavily satisfied.