• Member Since 19th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Stryke


Just a Brit who likes writing fics about ponies (with a very high percentage chance of Trixie turning up).

T

This story is a sequel to Random Elements


Pinkamena, Captain Fluttershy, Sparks, Rock, Applejack and the Awesome and Stupendous Rainbow Dash are back home again after their time in the other Equestria where the sun still shined.

Now all they've got to do is to use the Elements of Harmony on Nightmare Moon in Canterlot to end the eternal night.

With such a simple plan absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong.

~~~

Sequel to my first story Random Elements which you really should read first or none of this is going to make much sense.

Courtesy of another equally awesome brony Coincidences can Happen now shares the Random Elements tropes page.

(Cover art was made by me based off the Fluttershy vector used in the Bridlemaids poster)

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 87 )

Can I say that this is going to be excellent? I can? :pinkiehappy: Well I just did. :pinkiehappy:

Congrats on getting featured! :twilightsmile:

Interesting story. Will watch.

nice i really liked randoms elements and this is going great

Crap! Changelings. Wait, if the Elements aren't ready yet. Couldn't Discord get out?

This day is going to be perfect~
...
Yeeeeah. I don't believe it either.

Anyway, hooray! I loved the prior fic (especially given you used much more original alternate versions of the 6, rather than the same sort of types that so many fanfics seem to use) so i'm really looking forward to how you handle NMM (already i'm quite liking her), possible-Luna and... well. I think I can guess who's been dreaming of a perfect day, ahaha.

Ooh! A sequel! Yay!:yay: Looking good so far!

Wait, something's missing.

*Hands out bottles to all the Pinkie pie's* There, all better! :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::derpytongue2:

Oh, this is gonna get insane rather quickly, won't it. Cannot WAIT!

I'm digging the cover image too, by the way. For some reason, I always had trouble mentally picturing Shadowshy. That picture totally sells it for me.

Captain fluttershy!!!?? :pinkiegasp:

I must read!


Seriously, I've been dealing with a lot of hate on my favorite characters lately, even from my fellow bronies. I need this :ajsleepy:

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH

SHIT

Honestly was not expecting a continuation of this. Can you tell?

Let's see how the Randomverse turns out, because there were a few things in the (MASSIVE fingerquotes) "canon" timeline that I found objectionable.

Still, the first one ended on a passable level of quality, and you haven't been an asshole to me in the comments, so you have got yourself a return reader.

(I was smacking my fist into my open palm to punctuate every SHIT, just so you know)

Ambitious.

Well the honest truth...
Pacing was bad, in my biased opinion. Too much time was wasted on Nightmare Moon, whilst the main stars had back row seats. Additionally, the characters were just thrown in there. Felt more like a bag of cameos, rather than a story.

I am still curious.
Best of luck-!!!!! :pinkiehappy:

My best bet?
Better editing with the first half.
And more detail (and less rush) on the second half.

Also (IMPORTANT) -- do not force yourself to write -- then post that.
Rather... write it out, take a breather, re-read, then re-write.
Bestest Best of luck-!!! :rainbowkiss:

1946218
There's plenty of story to get the focus back on the Randomverse Six. Random!Luna needed some face time.

1951328

The intro is the hook, and sets the tone for the entire chapter.
Sure. Luna needs screentime. But in my biased opinion, it wasn't very well done.

1945903

I still hold that while certain aspects and interpretations are a stretch (Empress Rarity for example) nothing in the fic is outright contradicted by the show up to when the fic was finished.

Still glad to have you once more on board.

1946218

Hopefully you'll bare with me as all of that did need to be established and will pay off later hopefully if I can pull this off. I assure you none of the characters are there just to have face time and will have their parts to play in the fic.

Then this chapter somehow managed to hit the feature box which the last fic never even came close to pulling off so it can't be too awful, right? :derpytongue2:

1951328

My thoughts exactly, thanks.

1949717

I assume you're probably taking the smeg, but on the off chance it's an honest question it's Random Elements like it says in this fic's description and you can find it under my stories which should be easy to find as it's the only other one there.

The first one was less a story and more a collection of good ideas with no real connection. I hope you'll expand on them here.

Oh dear... wrong day to stage a revolution!

Love this. :pinkiehappy: Poor, poor guard. And poor Moondancer, too. And go, Fluttershy! :yay: Send those changelings back to the wastelands!

Well it makes sense, no Cadence or Royal Wedding meant their invasion plan was set back a bit.:derpytongue2:

Wow!:rainbowderp: The Awesome Rainbow Dash certainly gets around.
Liking the various origins of the Night Guard, the Everfree Forrest army and the multiple invasion plots.
Looks like Pinkamena may have an apprentice in the works.

That poor guard...got the G3 face full blast.

Soooo.... magical Pinkamena swarm vs Zecora's beast army...

...
My pebbles are on Pinkamena.

2060855

I think the Pinkamena swarm and Zecora's Everfree Army may be on the same side.

Favorite moments: The guard being horrified by the G3 faced Pinkamena clone, the New Academy Record, the emergency ties, and Moondancer.

Oh my gosh this is amazing! More please!

A surprise entrant at the last minute! :pinkiegasp: This should shake things up!

Not much more I can say except this was fast-paced and I loved it. Chrysalis was suitably cackling evil there. Still laughed at the fake fangs bit. :rainbowlaugh:

Was that chapter trying to be fashionably late? :raritywink:
we were awaiting for a long time, but visibly that was for a good cause.

Oh, snap, plot twists everywhere.

And another challenger appears!

Yes, Pinkamena... by comparison, Pinkie Pie had it a lot easier than you guys are. Of course, the Mane 6 only had to deal with Stephen Magnet, a Manticore, and some mind games from their Nightmare Moon.

The Season 3 references are amusing because they're all happening at once. Poor Ms. Harshwhinney.

Cadance looks like she's going to go all Majin Vegeta on Nightmare Moon.

2318139

Heh, at least I do update faster than some writers I could mention.

:trixieshiftright: *glances in the direction of the eternal flame kept burning in hope of a new chapter of The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle*

2318521

And you've spotted my cunning plan :pinkiehappy:

Yes a lot of my amusement in writing this sequel is seeing how much season 3 stuff I can fit into the fic without the whole thing falling apart. Though I will admit there's a few episodes that resisted my efforts to mine something out of them so I assure you you're not going to be seeing say Babs Seed or Fiddlesticks for example popping up in chapter 4.

Well, that's lot of craziness at once. Looking forward to seeing what happens next.

(sarcasm)
Babs and Fiddlesticks can wait until the Randomverse Apple Family Reunion chapter, when in a shocking reveal, we finally discover what color Fiddlesticks' eyes really are (Seriously, the color guides all say "none known"), as well as her real relationship to Octavia, if any.
(/sarcasm)

NMM seems to have more usurpers than Julius Caesar had assassins. Fluttershy could even present herself as the kinder, gentler revolution, lol, depending on how exactly the Alicorn Amulet is affecting Cadance.

2324441
"Support us! We only want you kind of dead!"

Oh Dash.
Wat u doin, Dash?
Dash, stahp!
(But I give her credit for having good taste in evil abominations all the same.)

Loved this chapter. Poor Fleur!

Huh. Okay, Rainbow Dash X Chrysalis is now a thing. Not a bad thing, but a surprising one.

Also, I really do love the way one Nightmare Moon's reign is being challenged by every heavy hitter in the series, it's logical even if the timing isn't. Rather like a story I once read where she won and then ended up being de-throned by Discord. It makes perfect sense that all the other powers of the world would want to challenge her and it's something many people miss (not just in this fandom) when writing a 'villain X wins' story, that the heroes aren't the only ones who'd be upset at that.

The thing you did with Cadence was a very interesting twist that made for a very compelling motivation for Cadence's action and character interaction, so I applaud you for it even if it was a retcon. This was a fun ride of a story and I enjoyed every twist and turn. Good job, 5/5 :twilightsmile:

*Grins and applauds* Bravo! Bravo! Very cool concept and I also congratulate myself for knowing t least a few of who was getting which element before you told us XD

Small typo: Unnoticed to the young sleeping filly Luna stood in quiet vigil over her dream and smiled.

There should be a comma between filly and Luna. :twistnerd:

Celestia cutting loose was AWESOME! I love how you're twining elements of the show into the story, but causing them to have different effects or using them in different ways. A lot of the time AU fics are just "it's like FIM, except opposite!", which is not as interesting.

I also just noticed you're basing the chapter names off of episode names . . . Niiiiice. :pinkiehappy:

Well done. I like this ending.

Congrats on finishing! I really enjoyed both this story and its prequel.

What a wonderful finish to this story.

I did notice several grammatical errors and suchlike; I'm too tired to go back and catalog them all now, but if they're not gone by tomorrow I may leave a rather large comment. (Or I might be lazy:twilightsheepish:)

2562147

Thanks for the spot. In a deeply unwise move I was out all night after posting the final chapters and ended up adding that comma on my phone which was somewhat nerve wracking :derpytongue2:

2562381

Given that Chyrsi lies a lot and that Cloudchaser's going to have the best magic in all of Equestria available to her either way I'd say yeah almost certainly. Possibly effected by the experience in more ways than one, but should be mostly back to normal before too long.

2565173

I'll see if I can go on another hunt for the blighters today, but any you do bring to light would be massively appreciated. Thank you.

A draconequus confidently strolled out of the rubble, the effect was somewhat let down by him only being two hooves high, he was though wearing shorts and a pair of shades for the occasion.
The commas are incorrect. They could be semicolons, but having two semicolons often seems weird to me. Fortunately, "though" is also incorrect, suggesting a solution:
...rubble; the ... high, although he was wearing...
:twistnerd:
Discord said gleefully then his face grew stern.
Again we need a separator like a semicolon or a period (after gleefully). Or you could use a different transition like "before" which wouldn't require any new punctuation IMO ... although you could optionally still put a comma in.
:twistnerd:
over dramatically
I believe this should be written so as to indicate it's being used as a unit, e.g. "over-dramatically", but that doesn't necessarily reflect a universal belief among authorities on the English language. It's what I would see as correct but others might see your way as fine, or still others might recommend "overdramatically". Alternatively, you could just say
melodramatically
which I believe has the same connotations as what you're looking to convey.
:twistnerd::twistnerd::twistnerd:
as he suddenly found him unsure of himself.
Technically "found himself" would be correct, but would sound very awkward with two "himself"s. You could alternatively slightly rewrite it, perhaps to ...
as he suddenly became unsure of himself.
:twilightsmile:
receded rapidly into they had disappeared entirely.
Straight typo, I presume.
into --> until
:twilightsmile:
Ignoring him Trixie concentrated
I'd suggest a comma after "him".
:twistnerd:
“While not a bad look; the one of the alicorn folk,” ... “But on who exactly is supposed to be the joke?
"While" and "but" are conflicting (incorrectly redundant), I believe. You could change "While not" to "It's not" (and drop the semicolon), or only drop the "but". Also, you forgot to close the quotation marks.
:twistnerd:
leaning up against a quietly, unprotesting Rock.
quiet, unprotesting or quietly unprotesting
My own completely personal preference would be for the second one, but grammatically they are equally correct.
:twilightsmile:
new magical wings almost as mortified
Comma after wings, I believe. You could optionally throw in "looking" as a bonus.
:twilightsmile:
as she says that it'll take her ... exile, so Luna
Drop one of "as" and "so"; they are incorrectly redundant.
:twilightsmile:
any-more
I don't believe I've ever seen that hyphenated before, only either "any more" or "anymore". But it may well be valid usage.
:pinkiehappy:
special friend
Wouldn't that be "special somepony"?
:twilightsmile:
Unnoticed to
I would say it's "unnoticed by", but I've noticed a lot of British English speakers dropping "to"s where I'd say different things are required, like "differ to" versus "differ from". So you may not be using this incorrectly for your English.

There were several and varied grammatical errors in characters' speech which I left alone in the view that they were likely to be intentionally indicating the characters' own speech not being perfectly constructed. e.g. "Me, Scoots and Dinky"

2566884

Thanks massively for the spots :yay:

'Special friend' from Sweetie Belle was intentional, as in that case I just thought it made the line funnier. I can see the case for changing it though.

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