For years now a creature wanders the world of Albion, with questions in his head and sand in his boots. The questions are rather simple: Where do I come from and where will I go? But how do they say? Sometimes, the journey is the reward.
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Journey? never heard of it. But as soon as i read Albion i though of this
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Well, make sure you have an native English speaker to edit/proofread then. Preferably one with a stylish moustache.
Some useless fact: The term, "Mad as a hatter", originated in the 1800's. Hatters back in the day used to use mercury in the tailoring of the hats. The insanity they suffered was a result of inhaling retarded amounts of mercury fumes. So remember kids, if you want to make somebody less boring, put mercury in their pillow, and watch science at its most fun.
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Nice story! I can tell that this is going to get very popular, looking at the cover and stuff. Also because of the setting, not many story's take place outside of Equestria for sum reason
Darn! I thought I'd be the first commenter
Excellent 1st chapter, a proofreader could easily clear up any errors and it'd be perfect! PM me if you need one, I'm always looking for something to keep myself occupied.
They're going to catch a train? Good.
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2038977
Thank goodness I'm not the only one who got that.
I like this guy already! I won't ever forget the numerous times I got into trouble by talking back, usually with some remark perceived to be an insult.
It's interesting so far, but a bit difficult to read. A proofreader whose native language is English would definitely help this story.
i like it! keep up the good work
also...
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Interesting first chapter...
Hmm...a fic with pictures. Don't see that too often. Add that to an interesting first chapter, color me intrigued
There is still some mistakes, but it's not overwhelming
2038384
Is it sad I already knew that?
anyone else get a Vash the stamped feel from the human?
This is awesome so far :D
I hope there will be good changelings in this story, and good Gryphons
Just so long as there is good with the bad
You are missing indention on the starts of all of your paragraphs, and your monologue is supposed to b down on a line by itself indented like a new paragraph also.
Just saying, It bothered me.
EXAMPLE:
The Towns Lavender colored librarian was walking down the street, and was confronted by one of the townsponies.
"Hello, how are you today?" The townspony that had a cutie mark of a lyre, that Twilight recognized as lyra ask, as she stopped Twilight who was walking down the street.
"Oh, just fine, lyra, how are you?"
"I was just on my way to the park to practice playing my lyre." Lyra answered, and nodded a farewell.
The lavender unicorn nodded back, and continued down the street, eager to get started on what she had to do that day.
2681586 You are everywhere! I just can't hide from you, can I?!
2681586 i may be incorrect in thiemo's pronunciation, but i pronounce it thee-YAY-mo, with a soft TH
... I think I can already tell I'm going to love this story.
Darkwing?
Whelp, you have me hooked, thank you for the start of a tail so... interesting.
Here's to fics where the protagonist simply can't keep his yap shut.
'Spot The Typo':
*was looking*
2038384
I wasn't aware that 'retarded' was a form of measurements. Thanks!
4932780
Spaces between paragraphs are nice.
5222113
YES ALREADY LOVE IT,though there are a few grammatical errors,but it's still not so bad it's hard to read.great work.
6112130 I don't know how you can comment on other people's grammar mistakes when you have a few in your comment.
and with the opening I immediately start singing the word 'sand' to the tune of the opening of two and a half men... wtf is wrong with me?
All hail our lord, Bananarama!
>Orange
>Foal
Then who TF is this yellow filly?
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WHERE DID THE ORANGE FOAL GO?
6297267
Your argument is flawed. I'm not allowed to criticize just because I make mistakes? That's just bad logic.
5831683
He wasn't using it as a form of measurement. Do you use 'large' as a form of measurement when you say "large amounts of fumes"? Do you use incomprehensible as a measurement in "incomprehensible amounts of fumes"? Do you use 'unreasonable'? Because in this context he was using retarded in the same way you would use unreasonable.
8751450
You could just say that it is a very light orange, like pink is "light red"
Successfully hooked on the first page I hope this goes well I'm excited to read more