For years now a creature wanders the world of Albion, with questions in his head and sand in his boots. The questions are rather simple: Where do I come from and where will I go? But how do they say? Sometimes, the journey is the reward.
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I really enjoy this story so far and I'm suprised at how fast you updated. There is just one thing in the chapter that annoyed me:
The sentence confuses me, I'm not sure if you are seriously suggesting that one of the reasons that the sheriff arrested him for having a drink in a bar or that the sheriff was just pointing out that his breath smells. I mean really? Hes in a bar, in case you didn't know bars purposefully sell alcohol with the intention for people to drink it
I am rather sleep deprived as I write this so I'm not sure if I sound like a complete idiot/jerk so I apoligise in advance if you take offense to this comment as I am not sure how you would react to criticism/rants
2045886
Chapter 2 was almost finished by the point I posted the story. I wanted to have something done when I publish.
To the small drink he had...
Consider the Broken Laylands as an Area like the wild west, shoot, then ask the questions. If a stranger makes trouble, you arrest him before something worse happens. There is more, but can't tell because it would spoiler the story.
Me like
2045945 Ahhh that makes more sense now sorry for bothering :)
Captain Balu? You mean him? media.steampowered.com/steamcommunity/public/images/avatars/da/da69b8ee2c125085e3a0cf439ff0d4ff398da22f_full.jpg
2053779
Indeed. You're looking at a leftover of the German original.
I think he's called Baloo, what in my opinion is nearly the same and I don't know why the translators changed it anyway.
But yeah, in German the Show isn't called "TailSpin" but "Captain Baloo and his daring Crew". What, if you ask me, sounds better.
OK, I talk too much.Just a bit trivia.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6yMLqGndKg
2054776 static3.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/better+version+_3633bd81fc8c7746fe4d2f9eda64c281.png
Watching :D
YEEEHHAAAAA!!! Now I can read the Story in English, too
I drew the cover
2084582
That you did *throws the dog a cookie*
Being thanked for throwing someone in jail, that would make a fine story
Not a big fan of the two-dimensionalism of the griffins, but I guess I can let it pass if it doesn't become very used.
I'll truck on for now.
Tango Sierra you did wonderful job six raindowdash
New this story was good when I noticed the addition of pictures
nice
Judging by the picture, those gaps are just wide enough for his head. Well done!
well looks like I wont be sleeping for the next couple of days (due to this being awesome) I do want to ask one thing was there any thing lost in translating? there are some sayings that do not transfer well to English for what ever reason.
This is great :D now I'm hoping that he is pretty op.
and his night, not right
I only have room on the Ctrl+C thing for one mistake per chapter as each copy overwrites the previous one
I sure as hell hope I'm not the only one who got that reference.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
You are missing indention on the starts of all of your paragraphs, and your monologue is supposed to b down on a line by itself indented like a new paragraph also.
Just saying, It bothered me.
EXAMPLE:
The Towns Lavender colored librarian was walking down the street, and was confronted by one of the townsponies.
"Hello, how are you today?" The townspony that had a cutie mark of a lyre, that Twilight recognized as lyra ask, as she stopped Twilight who was walking down the street.
"Oh, just fine, lyra, how are you?"
"I was just on my way to the park to practice playing my lyre." Lyra answered, and nodded a farewell.
The lavender unicorn nodded back, and continued down the street, eager to get started on what she had to do that day.
I have to say... i'm impressed. This story's quite a bit higher quality than expected. With English not being your native language, and based on that foreword, I expected spelling errors all over the place. However, it appears you are either better than you appeared, or got an editor, because I havent seen a single error yet. Plus, the OCs are likeable, they didn't do the cliche where they start off in ponyville, the protagonist actually knows what he's doing, and it's actually fairly entertaining.
Hats off to you, dear sir.
Yeah... all according to plan huh?
Whisper: 'not likely'
Well, with the colorful history of this guy present, it is clear we're in for an entertaining adventure from here on out.
Well, are we going to have a flashback, or something in the future talking about his history? Or is it a separate story?
I really hope you go into detail about his past adventures.
5674938 dude first off I agree with the part with the sheriff and partly with the hie part. their scared because he is something never before seen, how wound you feed if an alien or some unusual creature walked it your neighborhood? also not every thing needs a confrontation if It can be avoided just shrug it off and move on. would you be that butt hurt over ponies avoiding you because there scared......wow
Where are you getting this art!?!?
5909991 ... he's one of those guys who deletes the evidence that he was wrong, isn't he? *referring to who you were replying to*
I wonder. Am I supposed to be impressed and in awe at this guy's willingness to just chow down on an intelligent, talking creature? Am I supposed to be apathetic and not care? Or am I supposed to feel as disgusted with the freakish psycho as I currently am?
The answer to that question will inform much of my attitude to the rest of the story, I think. I'm already curious to find out.
8464599
If this isn't a joke, I would still not call him out for that.
I mean those griffons did prey upon him, they were out for a kill as it seems, but got roasted instead.
And depending on the situation, how hungry he was, he might have taken a bite, or perhaps the zebras sneakily offered him some grilled griffon meat. But as he the narrator says, that they didn't taste like chicken (thus implying they probably tasted bad for him), the guy might have stopped eating any griffon meat the moment he noticed that bad taste or realized they had actually offered him griffon meat.
Thing is, we don't know the exact circumstances around that sentence yet, why he did take a bite out of the dead and roasted chicken cats.
And despite them being sapient, again they were out to kill and probably chow him up, so ironically why not do the favor in return? It may look like cannibalism, but technically it isn't, not the same species after all. From a moral point of view it looks disgusting I know, but then again, there were unknown circumstances/conditions. We lack info from that sentence alone.
So while questioning that vague statement, I still give the benefit of doubt to the protagonist.
Doesn't mean I won't raise an eyebrow though...
Is this why he looks like he's missing an arm?