• Member Since 9th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen May 2nd, 2019

Aurora Aura


If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.

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The Doctor is a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. He travels through space and time in his magnificent blue box. But this blue box doesn't always take him where he wants to go, and sometimes he is taken somewhere even he, with over a thousand years of experience, doesn't know a thing about.

Now he finds himself in an altered timeline where, somehow, the primary species of Earth happens to be colourful equines. To complicate his problems, he's found himself in a new body that he hasn't quite figured out yet. And with no foreseeable way back to his universe he does what he always has; protect those who cannot protect themselves.

Follow the Doctor and his companion, Derpy Hooves, as they travel through time and space in a miraculous police box of the bluest blue you'll ever see as they save (and, on occasion, endanger) Equestria and the world.

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note- Fic Image was created by pancake-ss and used with her consent.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 56 )
WHG

always happy to see a doctor derpy fic!

Hey! You're alive! Glad to see you writing again.:twilightsmile:

Also, what happened to that three chapter Derpy/Doctor story you had? Was it cancelled?

2810184

Lol yeah, I am still somewhat alive but I need to actually go through and do some things before I start writing for my other fic though. :applejackunsure:
as for my other Docter and Derpy fic i'm not 100% sure what happened to it. I didn't cancel it. In fact technically it was done and I never planned to go back to that specific fic and any future doctor/derpy fics would be made separate (Even if they branched from that fic) but I leave my stuff signed in on my laptop so I'm hopping a roommate didn't just mess with my stuff (because nothing else is changed) But I genuinely don't know what happened to it.
But that's what this fic is for :twilightsmile: the full Doctor and Derpy fic I've been meaning to write.

Some minor problems with grammer and tenses, but besides that this looks good!

Comment posted by A Madman With a Box deleted Jul 2nd, 2013

I know the tag wasn't there but, will there be any romance? Sorry, I'm a sucker for a good Derpy x Doctor story!:rainbowkiss:

2810541

Thank you :twilightsmile:, I'll go through and clean it up best I can.

2811037

Honestly I'm not sure. I've toyed with the idea and if I do decided to add it in I'll be sure to add the tag to it; but at the same time it wouldn't be something I would rush into. So I couldn't tell you right now. Sorry :applejackunsure:

this is great so far, and i am barely able to keep my curiosity at bay...fav'd thumbs up, and here, have a muffin!

2814940

:pinkiegasp: MUFFIN!!!! :derpytongue2:
And thank you, I aim to please :twilightsmile:

2815940 yup, i am eagerly awaiting the next chapter. i am going onto youtube for some videos while i am in stasis (not really, just bored at this current moment in time) have fun, and may your hunts be sucsessful.

2820558

Thank you :twilightsmile:
but just so you know my family came up to visit me for the 4th of July so I don't know how much writing I'll get done in the next 4 days but I will try to get a chapter out

2821654 ok, take your time, family is really important. it's better to spend time with your family than be busy and not have time for them at all :derpytongue2: have a great 4th of july!

2823520

Thank you, you have a good or bad 4th of July. I'll let you decide (don't like telling people how to live their life :derpytongue2: )

2823778 lol, ok, and i wasnt telling you, just being friendly, and that sounded kinda rude, wasnt meant that way...

2824855

lol sorry. It's something I've been saying this last 2 or 3 weeks. I was at a fast food place and the cashier lady told me "Have a good or terrible day. You're an adult and can make your own decisions so I wont make them for you" I didn't mean to come off any way. I appreciate you being friendly, I was just being a silly pony person :rainbowwild:

2824184

Well thank you for enjoying the fic :twilightsmile:

2825743lol, nah it's all good. i knew what you meant. :derpytongue2: and good job on the story.

Time is weird. That's probably why people go :derpytongue2: when time is explained.

2835451 I honestly don't know why I said "yes" instead of "good" or "bad". But in case you're wondering what "yes" meant, it meant "good". :twilightsmile:

2835484

Well if that's the case then I understand more than I did 5 minutes ago :derpytongue2:
And thanks :yay:

The shadows remind me of the Vashta Nerada.

Comment posted by Aurora Aura deleted Jul 8th, 2013

2840046

I plan on continuing this indefinitely so stick around chum :pinkiehappy:
and I'm glad you liked it :yay:

2840163 woo! indefinite-ness! i will follow it until you run out of ideas, and i will still follow it anyway. :derpytongue2: lol confusing taste like the letter blue

2840469

Well I have plenty of ideas per-say.
I just have to organize them because they either are just a seedling, or I only have the middle or I only have the end etc. etc. :derpytongue2:

But I will say that I do very much plan on adding familiar baddies from Doctor Who as well as one particular friend from the series. I wont say who but I'm going through and re-watching all the episodes with this individual so that a few stories down the line in my fic I can feel confident writing for their character.

2840613 ok, cool, and i look forward to the next chapters and/or episodes. ima go read a fic with caboose in it from RvB. see ya later, and may your hunts be sucessful (lol i love to rp)

Dat Story :rainbowkiss:
I like how you mix the history of equestria and the doctors adventures. Most Doc fics do that but I love YOUR way
I'm gonna look for updates everyday now :ajsmug:

Well done, I must say that I'm a bit surprised by this story. When I saw the cover image and saw Derpy, I thought for sure it was going to be an atempt at writing a story as good as the stories by Squeakanon, Doctor Perseus or Pierce Smolder. But you managed to prove me wrong and I'm glad you did! Keep up the good story, and you'll be seeing more of me :)

2841771

Thank you very much. But as a FYI there is only so much I can do with the History of Equestria (obviously). I do plan on doing Hearts Warming at some point but I'll have to make some stuff up periodically. I'll probably have original ideas in between legitimate Equestrian history. For example, the next story is original.

2842725

I only know of Squeakanan, and even then only vaguely :applejackunsure:
I'm also not 100% sure I know what I proved you wrong about but it seems to be a good thing so I'm glad :twilightsmile:

My idea for your ideas, write down your unfinished idea's and fill in the blanks of your story's as idea's come to you, then because you wrote down your Ideas you can go over them before you start writing the story. But I have no experience as a writer so i might not know know what I'm talking about. :twilightblush: But this is the start of something good an I hope that brain of your keeps spitting out more good stories, because I am loving this so far.

2847750

Damn you spell check!! I know the difference but I guess I derped somewhere and Microsoft Word thought I meant something else :applejackunsure:

And I plan to :pinkiehappy:

It seems to me that at least a quarter of bronies are also Doctor Who fans.
interesting, and with all the Doctor Whooves stories, I may just become a fan myself.

2853759 Haha, I happen to be a DW fan myself.

2889609

What a coincidence! I also like Doctor Who, What are the odds‽

Comment posted by Aurora Aura deleted Jul 23rd, 2013

So I finally put this chapter out, the rest of this adventure should follow suit rather quickly.

Also, do you guys like the pun for the title of this particular adventure? :rainbowwild:

I see what you did there. Also, this episode is good so far.

Onward to new adventures!
This is gonna be good :pinkiehappy:

Spartacus Spartacus oh i loved that episode

Just read through your story up to this point and I must say I'm impressed! You've got a good sense of all of your characters, from the Doctor and Derpy to the younger versions of Celestia and Luna. I love the fact that it was the Doctor that acted as the final tipping point to launching Nightmare Moon, as well as motivating Celestia to act compasionately rather than doing something she would eternally regret.

Quibbles? A few spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but nothing outrageous or that a prereader couldn't help with. Otherwise, your narrative is well constructed and flows nicely, your characterization is well-crafted (as I said before), and as a whole it has that nice blend of fun and whimsy that characterizes both Doctor Who and MLP:FIM, making your story a pleasure to read. I'm interested to see what comes from this new adventure, and judging from the Doctor's name choice and self-admitted propensity for acting stupidly, it should be quite amusing to see play out. Keep up the great work! :ajsmug::pinkiehappy::rainbowdetermined2::raritywink::scootangel::twilightsmile::yay::trollestia::moustache:

Also, do you guys like the pun for the title of this particular adventure?

29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll4jyss56U1qgd3y7o1_500.jpg#I%20see%20what%20you%20did%20there%20My%20Little%20Pony :derpyderp1::derpytongue2::derpyderp2:

Hiya, Aurora. I'm reviewing your story on behalf of the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive directory of grammatically-correct stories on FIMFiction.

There are just a few things you could fix.

"Yeah must be it, but I can’t help feeling I’m forgetting something."

Needs a comma between "Yeah" and "must".

As the Doctor finished his sentence his TARDIS made an enormous noise

Needs a comma between "sentence" and "his".

Though no matter how many switches and levers and dials he tried, the TARDIS was crashing

I have no idea why "Though" starts off the sentence.

But as he did this the TARDIS

Comma between "this" and "the TARDIS".

Hello, there. I’m OtterMatt, of WRITE, and I’m here to try to give you some guidance with your story. I will say that I took this story since I’m a DW fan myself, which does give you some rather large shoes to fill, unfortunately. Anyway, enough preamble, let’s get into this thing.

Right off the bat, I’m going to say that it seems that you’ve got the basics of writing down. I don’t see a large number of errors, from a grammatical and mechanical standpoint. One thing that’s a problem is that you don’t close your dialogue when you tag it.

"I thought you said it was almost nine Doctor" Derpy accused.

should be

"I thought you said it was almost nine, Doctor," Derpy accused.

Two commas that you need are missing. Overall, I’d say that comma usage is your primary problem as far as mechanics go. Go google comma usage rules and read up a little bit, because it’s a little thing that adds a lot when you do it properly.

Really, though, I’m not here to go over your story in an editorial fashion, because that’s not the most helpful thing I can do. The most helpful thing I can do is evaluate the story as a whole and see where it can be improved, and there are a few things we need to cover.

Characters
I gotta be honest here, I just really don’t feel any of the characters in this. On the one hand, you have a much-beloved character that you borrowed from another series, one with more character development, quirks, oddities, and mannerisms than our own ponies. On the other hoof, you have one of the most beloved fan-created characters, one who has been given personalities and fanon-agreed characteristics.

It’s not totally fair to judge characters that have no canon personalities of their own, but I just feel very little personality from anypony in this. Talk about vague and unhelpful advice, I know, but the long and short of it is that you’re using mannerisms of a character without making me believe that it is that character. There are two primary reasons why this is...

Show vs. Tell
One of the most common traits of amateur fiction is this; where an authors tells the audience what they should be able to glean for themselves, were the story well-written.

"Time Turner huh?" The Doctor said, rubbing his hoof on his chin, pretending that he was deep in thought.

"But doesn't far off and distant mean the same thing?" Asked Derpy, now entirely lost as to what the Doctor was doing.

These are two examples of what I’m talking about. There are lots of ways you could show the reader that Derpy is confused (rubbing her chin, quizzical expression, exasperated breathing, etc), but you just outright said it. When you just give an emotion to a reader, there’s a good chance that you’re telling instead of showing.

When you tell, it prevents the reader from attaching to your characters, because they aren’t experiencing anything along with the characters. If you’re telling, then the emotions belong solely to the character, and the reader is just informed of it. But if you do your job as a storyteller, we get to experience the fear of being chased, the thrill of combat, the stress of being forced to solve a puzzle—and we get to do it with the characters in the story. This is a large part of making a character believable, because it’s your whole job to get us to relate to them.

General Storytelling
Overall, this story is... simple. It very rarely gets into the characters’ emotions, it doesn’t dwell on scenes or descriptions. It’s very much like reading the Cliff’s Notes of the story rather than the whole thing. What you have here is what I would have after a good first draft: it’s got all the bones of the story, but no meat. What I typically do at this point is spend the next few weeks proofreading, tweaking, and—mostly—adding to what I have. What you have is good, but I just need more of it. I need more setting, more action, more emotions, and especially more activity during dialogue. Nobody stands still while having a conversation. Well, not normally, anyway.


Final Verdict: 3/5 Pinkies :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiesick::pinkiesick:
fbcdn-photos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/485395_173032319528582_604818167_a.jpg
Closing Remarks:
I realize that I’m probably being a bit harsh, on account of my DW fandom feeling underwhelmed. I critique what I felt needed to be critiqued, and most of the points I didn’t mention are probably not that flawed by omission. The primary point is that this story has good potential, but it needs more love.

- OtterMatt, WRITE Co-Founder and Composer Laureate
djotter.blossers.net/StorageBank/WRITE01.png

3001206

Thank you. I really do appreciate the thought you put into your comment and I will definitely do some self evaluating as well as a bit of research. Hopefully I can improve a bit and should you ever see this again in passing you enjoy it a bit more :twilightsmile:

I forgot what was going on in this, So I'm starting over!

Great so far, Let us see how far I get before I crash for the night.

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