• Member Since 24th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen August 3rd

The Conflicted Writer


T
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*PLEASE NOTE; THIS IS A BABYFUR STORY. IF THIS IS UNPLEASANT TO YOU, PLEASE LOOK AWAY AND JUDGE ME KINDLY*

Late one night, Mrs. Cake found Pinkie Pie staring intently at her two babies, a look on her face that she could not recognize. She watches her charge over time, trying to understand what is causing her to do this. And Mrs. Cake realizes that it might be Pinkie being Pinkie, but Pinkie is something more important and precious than she first realized, and that herself, Mrs. Cake, is a bit more, too.


The first chapter of the first babyfur story I've written. At the gentle insistence of a friend, I have posted on this site for somebody's enjoyment. I hope you like it, and please tell me if there is anyway I can improve this. Also, why isn't there a family or friendship option for the tags?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 228 )

What is babyfur?

1735241
According to google, it is some kind of cross between baby furies, and adults wearing diapers.

WELL I DON'T KNOW WHAT BABYFUR IS
TIME TO READ THIS AND FIND OUT THE HARD WAY

Edit:
I pity the dead who can no longer know such joys...

I love how ponies just downvote without even reading. Very loving and tolerant.

On another note, i'm really happy you ported this over. The story's really touching, and i think it could be even for those who have no interest at all in the different theme it's got. Hopefully it's judged on its quality and merits and not knee-jerk reactions like one would expect from any other group outside of ponies.

1735255
To add to this, I have read through it, and I must admit, while i don't agree with the subject matter, the way it is written is pretty fantastic. The character interactions are pretty great.

Yes, just all of my YES! :pinkiecrazy:

What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.

:rainbowlaugh:

“M-M-Momma!” Pinkie Pie cried as she buried her face in Mrs. Cake’s – her mother’s – shoulder. “Momma! I want my Momma!”

'I want my momma! :raritydespair:' was also my reaction to reading this. But I don't think Pinkie and I meant it in the same way. Cuz I was curled up in a fetal position, sobbing.

On the other hand, you have a good grasp of the English language and you're a solid writer overall.
It's just... well... babyfur. :raritydespair:

Forgive me for downvoting this, because as much as I encourage people to ignore sexual mores on the internet, diapers and pacifiers make my dick go so limp it turns inside out. Just my personal preferences in action. Sorry.

Don't be hatin', yo.

this story is actually well written... while the adult baby thing isn't particularly appealing to me in general I do subscribe to what would be considered an alternative lifestyle... and any story that paints an alternative lifestyle in a positive light as this one has my vote... Good job with this one.:pinkiehappy:

1735255 Ah I see, well you seem to be doing a good job so far. Pinkie Pie makes for an adorable foal. :pinkiehappy: (Just as much as Fluttershy)

1735261
You don't need to be. The only reason this is rated teen is because it considered a slightly mature theme. But, if that doesn't jive well with you, I understand.

1735265
Are you serious about that edit?

1735291
Welp, so far, the likes and dislikes are neck and neck, We'll see how it goes, but thanks for enjoying it and giving such kind words!

1735392
Your yes is greatly appreciated.

1735451
Look, I understand if something isn't your cup of tea. I don't like bondage. I don't like domination. I don't like BDSM. But I don't downvote for that. I downvote for terrible plot and bad trolls. Should I complain that stories like that often find their way on the selective list? I'm also asexual, by the way. I didn't write this for my dick, or yours. I wrote it for a story, alright? That is why. It has an odd topic, but hey, at least I can say it's one you don't see often. I'm not hatin', I'm just saying; you didn't have to read this.

1735613
Was that a good thing?

1735620
Thank you for actually looking at this for the story, and not just the content. Thank you very much!

1735659
You didn't have to read this, you know. At least give me some constructive criticism.

1735704
Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed this. She is a cute one, isn't she?:yay:

1736591 Yeah I loved the story dude

yay, its on here! Are you gonna make more chapters?

1736684
Then thank you!

1736685
Then why even bother commenting? What do you get by downvoting and wasting your time posting gifs?

1736703
I plan too.:pinkiesmile:

1736803
No, see, can you tell me why you downvoted it and left a comment that merely said "nope" multiple times? Let's not forget that "lesbianism" is an act against god to some. I see you've faved some of those. Should I spam you with "nope" comments on your webpage?

1736787

>> Sgt. Alex
Then why even bother commenting? What do you get by downvoting and wasting your time posting gifs?

oompa, doompa doopady-doo, what on earth shall we do with you?
Wasting your time trolling someone elses fic?
how bout I kick you right in your...

meh, forget it, to tired, I will do a decent something or other tomorrow maybe.

As for you conflicted thankyou for finnely posting this here! I know its not everybronies cup of tea but I think more then our little branch will enjoy this IF they take the time to read it, I will be back tomarrow for sure to give you a better comment when I am more sane.

:pinkiesad2: too little sleep and to much computer make A_mess go... something something...
:rainbowhuh: go crazy?
:pinkiecrazy: DON'T MIND IF i DO!

1736874
Trolls confuse me. I just want to understand what goes on in their minds, because this one seems coherent. Anyway, thank you~ I will eagerly await your review.

1736914
Look, I'm not trying to fight. I just want to know; why bother? If I don't like a certain food, I just don't eat it, I don't mock people who like it. I just want to understand why you ever bothered to comment when you gain nothing from it.

I read this story ages ago, but I forgot where.

Its really nice to say the least and it was adorable the way through.

1737138
Thank you very much! You read this on Furaffinity, my friend.

1737158

That must have been where I read it then.

I strangely liked the scenes where Mr. and Mrs. Cake were lying down talking to each other and the scene where Mrs. Cake goes into the baby store to find the Adult Foal items, you really added quite a bit of detail here and there to show how characters move through the story and end up going with certain decisions instead of acting on the spot as seen in other stories.

Are AB/DL stories the type of thing you write or is it just something that you wanted to experiment with? Just a question.

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/318/843/378.gif

Interesting Story, At first I was wondering what this was, but then after reading the first chapter, It had one phrase that sums it all and even of MLP:FIM,

“Don’t be nervous,... This isn’t a monster’s world you’re entering; it’s a world full of love and happiness.”

Truly Inspiring words. I commend you, Conflicted Writer :moustache:

1736591

For the record you may or may not have inspired me to write one of my own, you know.. :twilightblush: I'm a bit stuck on the ending, but i hope it ends up living up to the tone you set.

1736803 :ajbemused: :facehoof: You didn't think that one out, did you?

There are times for love and tolerance.
This is not one of them.

That being said, the prose and dialogue are both unnecessarily expositive; while I can't exactly attack the latter, because even the stiltedness of Boomer's speech—sounding as he does like an author proxy—manages to get itself tastefully contrasted with Cake's intuitive explanation to Pinkie, its overall character is thoroughly argumentative (with the reader, not between characters). The former is inexcusable, of course, and the overall mechanism of the plot is clearly meant to convey an agenda than tell a story, but it's interesting enough in itself to hold attention and manages, outside of its expository moments, to almost entirely avoid fremdschämen. That isn't inherently good, but it is an impressive feat for a story about miniature, pastel-coloured cartoon horses acting like miniature, pastel-coloured cartoon foals.

Overall, it's less a ‘story’ than it is an apologia, and even though the punctuation slips in places that give off the unfortunate impression of an author's mounting sexual arousal, it manages to be good at what it's trying to do.

Just not so much, unfortunately, at what it seems to be presenting itself to be.

1736914
>acting like a petulant child on the internet
>2012

alecks plz

You already know what I think, so I won't repeat myself. However, it's a shame that people are downvoting this as much as they are without reading it, though it doesn't seem to be as disastrous as when I put my Apple Bloom fic on here.

Still, glad to see this here. It deserves all the praise it's getting.:pinkiesmile:

1737259
Thank you, I take extra care to make sure there is a steady progression when I write. I believe the happy feelings should be earned, so I add things like what you mentioned to create flow. I also study characters carefully so I know what would cause a change in feelings or mentality.

This is my first AB/DL story, but I've been interested in it for a whole, though not in a fetish sense. If you please, be sure to read my other story "Celestia's Daughter" to see how I write. I do write of types of fetish stories, though I don't intend to post them, an also plan to continue writing babyfur.

1737264
Well, thank you very much for reading this! It does my heart good to see someone who is willing to at least give something a shot. I wrote this for the tender feelings, not much else.

1737297
Please, tell me when you're done writing it! I want to see it if it's about tender feelings. Do you want any help? I like helping!

1737383
It is a waste of time, if they don't bother reading.

1737444
Wow, that was deconstructive, thank you. Unfortunately, some of those words flew over my head. In earnest, I'm asexual, so the actual sexual parts of the fetish fly over my head. And the errors are my failed attempt at fixing some punctuation that was annoying to some people. I guess I missed some. But how is the dialouge needlessly descriptive? I tried super hard NOT to do that, taking care not to describe anything that seemed pointless (please note, I never bring up the color of their fur). I really didn't know what to remove without it looking like skipping. I really was hoping to tell a story with the babyism being a tool, so I feel bad the it came off as the point. Still, I thank you for the advice and criticism.

1737490
Thank you very much, my friend! Well, it happens. I was expecting this, honestly. But, those that like, like, and that makes me happy as long as they enjoy it. Thanks for helping me decide to post this! Now, how do I get it in the group?

1737618

Its like in my version of the Pattycakes story. I've intended to focus on the character interactions and their choices to why they are doing what they are doing to ensure that people understand fully with atleast a explanation of their actions. I'll continue to keep on a steady eye on you and your work because it fits my interests. :twilightblush:

1737618 I've just added it in the 'Adult Foal Stories' section, but for future reference just click the 'Add To Group' button at the bottom of the story's description and pick the appropriate folder/group.

Also, where did you actually get that cover in the first place? It kind of looks like Fillyscoot's work, though I'm not sure.

1737776
What 1738274 said, it is indeed Fillyscoot's work, used and approved with his/her permission. Also, I tried to add it, but it wouldn't let me, for some reason. I thought I had to be a moderator after being rejected like I was.

1738821

after being rejected like I was.

You was rejected from the group? I'm sorry if I didn't follow this, but why? What happened?

1738835
Oh, no, I wasn't rejected from the group, my apologies. I clicked the "add to group" button and tried to put in in a folder in the group, but I couldn't add the story. I got in just fine.

1738877 I've looked at the group posting permissions and all users can post. It may have been a server of some sort, I don't know.

I've bumped your status to 'Contributor' in any case.

1737618

But how is the dialouge needlessly descriptive?

For the same reason it seems to me to be an apologia. Consider the following:

Boomer sighed. “Mrs. Cake, this here is a secret supply store of all things Adult Foal, as it’s called. I’ll put it simple; an Adult Foal is an adult with foal-like tendencies. They can talk and walk and behave just fine, but some part of them wants to do some of the things babies are allowed to do. Personally, I don’t think it’s quite that way. I think they just never wanted to stop, but were forced to because of standards. For some, they’ll say it makes them feel young. For others, they can’t give a response. But most will tell you that cuddling a stuffed animal, being wrapped snug in a diaper, and sucking on a dummy makes them feel safe.

“I secretly sell these items to those who want them. Here in my shop, I make, collect, and trade supplies for any foal, no matter how old they may be. Now, can I interest you in anything or do you have everything you need?”

While this is contrasted by

“I saw you the night you tried one of Pumpkin’s dinkies. I didn’t understand at first, but I figured out what you want. No; I figured out what you are, and what I am. You are actually a little foal, and you haven’t been allowed to be that. And I am a mother, and I’ve wanted to be your mother for a long time. I just didn’t get it until I saw you being a foal with my own eyes. If this is what you’d like, my little Pie, it’s yours. Just be who you are and I will figure out what you need, like any mother needs to do for a foal.”

, Boomer's dialogue feels contrived. A lot of the dialogue, really, like the Cakes conversing, feels directed more towards the audience than it does each other. The prose's flaws seem to fall when it becomes slightly opinionated: knowing the items would be so much more than mere objects to herself and Pinkie, for instance, feels as if the narrator's suddenly deciding to wax poetic.

Overall, it's not too bad and manages to avoid feeling like it was made for clopping, but I'd really watch the baudrillarage.

(I swear I'd start including glossaries with my comments if it wouldn't be pretentious as fuck)

1737618

Sure! If you wanna look over what i have and offer me some advice, i would love it! I have some ideas on the ending, but i'm not entirely sure how i want to put all the remaining pieces together.

1739267
Ah, I see what you mean. Again, I tried my best as someone unable to be sexually stimulated, and was hoping that it seemed like I was trying to tell a story using an odd plot point. I mean, I wanted it to be about Mrs. Cake deciding Pinkie was her daughter, and this, of course, could be done without the babyfur. I used it because I just thought it worked and made sense in the context, since this kind of thing actually happens in real life from time to time.

That line you mentioned was waxing was my attempt to show Mrs. Cake's thoughts. And some other people actually said they enjoyed the scene with Mr. Cake and Mrs. Cake talking, allowing for better character development. I guess it's a taste thing, in that regard. In any case, I understand where you're coming from, and I appreciate your taking the time to give your honest opinion.

1739308
Sure, I love to help people! Link me to what you've got and I'll give an early opinion/review for you and see what I can suggest.

... I'm not sure if I should be saying anything. This... is magnificent. But I feel so conflicted as to whether or not to hit the Fave button or not... why? WHY?!:applecry:MAKE SENSE, BRAIN! MAKE SEN-*crack*:pinkiecrazy:
In all seriousness, this deserves to be continued. This is actually a pretty interesting concept to follow. Now let's pray this doesn't happen to Twilight.
Or should we be praying it does?:pinkiecrazy:

1742588
Hit the fave button, you know you want to...:pinkiehappy:

Seriously, thank you for at least reading this and saying such nice things. I imagine that actual babyfur content is what's confusing you, yes? Fair enough. Just note that I don't look at it as/for the fetish. This is a serious psychological issue. Some just can't grow up, or don't in the ways society wants them to. This is what interests me, the tender feeling of trust that exists in these relationships.

In any case, Twilight will not be babied in my story. She will, however, have a part in the parent/child formula.:twilightblush:

1745422 Nah, I've seen plenty of the sick crap on the internet you can think of, and babyfur doesn't fall under that category in my eyes. As you said, some people just don't want to, or do it as an escape of sorts. Honestly, I abhor the idea that society is everything. Then again, I was never a guy to fit in; in fact, I'm considering appending the title "Mad Scientist Extraordinare" onto my name. :pinkiecrazy:

Welp, here's hoping Pinkie doesn't do what Pumpkin did to her and put a diaper on Twilight. And faving in 3... 2... 1...

1745817
Okay, that's a relief in a couple ways. It can go a weird way, but I don't like going that way. It's nice to find so many like-minded people who agree that the idea of society is ridiculous in quite a few ways. As Mrs. Cake said in the story, standards are dumb. I approve of your "Mad Scientist Extraordinaire" title. It stands out, and nothing's better than making other people laugh/go "wtf?":rainbowwild:

Promise, no diapered Twilight in this story. But there may be one or two others...

1748470 Haha, I totally agree. Standards only exist to be exceeded. And there are going to be more diapered ponies? That's what you're making me think right now...

You're welcome, by the way.

1748725
In all seriousness, there will be more ponies in diapers acting childish, though not until chapter 3. This isn't a bad thing, right?

1748807 Nope, not at all. Not in my eyes, at least...

You write much of the dialogue and internal monologues with quite a bit of understanding here. You say in comments that you're interested in the psychological aspects. As am I, but I'm also AB/DL. Curious if you are as well or if you just find this an intriguing premise.

Regardless, this has been interesting and fairly cute so far. The characteriztions are probably as well on as you can make them, given the themes and all. Also count me among those who enjoyed the converseing between Mr and Mrs Cake, quite genuine and a loving couple those two, easily likable.

I look forward to your next update, very curious to see how you play out Pinkies little, ah, quirks, to the rest of her friends.

1754593
Indeed, my understand of the phenomenon is a personal one; I am an AB/DL. But I want to understand why I am this way, and think the lifestyle is extremely interesting in a way I can't grasp.

Thank you very much for reading. I'm glad you think it's intriguing so far. But only fairly cute? :pinkiegasp: Aww, I need to try harder. Seriously, I take that characterization thing as a great compliment. I think about the characters very hard before writing them down, and try to make the situation apply with their mindset. And thanks, I thought that scene worked well at showing them off and keeping the story going.

Most certainly, though a different pony will deal with Pinkie quirks first...

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