Twilight Sparkle has always been something of a perfectionist. Sure, she enjoyed making lists of things and kept everything in a neat and tidy order, but that didn’t mean that she had a problem. For most of her life, she didn’t, but sometimes small quirks can evolve into things far worse and suddenly the order has to remain exactly as it is, never changing. Suddenly, Twilight finds herself thrown into unknown territory as she tries to uncover a solution for an illness that ponykind never really bothered with and she has to deal with herself: An Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
She finds herself drifting farther away from her friends and seeks solace and healing in something different, as she discovers infantilism for herself. Not everything goes perfect for her, as the relationships she has built over her time in Ponyville are put to the test and she has to deal with her own issues.
It all starts with a moment alone, a moment without books as she suddenly finds herself on a journey to discover who she is and why she does things her own way. Twilight is intent on not letting the world get to her and between her coming to heads with her friends and learning to deal with both her desires and problems, a cold winter approaches, bringing with it the greatest challenge yet.
Coverart by: fillyscoots42
Annnnd you lost me at ageplay/diaperplay.
I'm out on this one. Sorry.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2567425
Yeah, it's not for everybody. Still, you might find the first chapter to be a surprise, I think it works fine if viewed as a standalone, too. But that's just my opinion as a writer.
This entire first chapter seems to be nothing more than an introspective of Twilight's childhood, navel-gazing of such intensity that her belly button practically became a singularity. Why it was so important to meander through all of this, I can't say, but it felt unnecessary and was most certainly uninteresting. Your writing is a strange beast, the hints of a sharp mind peeking out from sentences of awkward construction and poor punctuation. The only reason I continued to read (and, indeed, why I'm favouriting this story) was the hope of Twilight getting her foal on. Hopefully it picks up when you arrive at the actual plot.
Im not really sure where you're trying to go with this story from what I gathered with the chapters ending and intro, but your writing style is fairly enjoyable and your vocabulary is enjoyable.
I feel like this is one of those things where she misses her childhood and is just trying to relive it or something, but i can also see it leading into a romance thing.
I understand that your throwing some age tease stuff in their but I really clicked your story because i was curious as to where this story would go.
overall I enjoyed the intro and will follow the story to see where it goes, but for now I guess have a mustache on interesting me in your story.
2567497
Yup, I totally know what you're saying. This isn't the best kind of opening and I'm far from happy with it myself but I needed to see how I'm going to portray Twilight in this one.
The introspective in and of itself is mostly just setting up later plotpoints, again, it might've been done a better way but the way I wanted it to go, I didn't find any. I'll guarantee that I'll go for something different in the next chapters. However, this isn't going to be a quick paced thing. Chances are I'll be stomping around a plotpoint once or twice for way too long.
But hey, I've got the readership to call me out when I do stuff like that.
Poor punctuation... yeah, still haven't found a guy to help me with that. So, yeah... It's a thing I'm aware of and I am reading stuff about the subject. I may or may not get better.
Anyway, thanks for the comment, I'll try to fix any issues in later chapters as good as I can.
2567501
Honestly, right now the only thing I myself know is that there's certain things I want to do but I have no idea about the when and how. So... take this as an overly long experiment.
Also thanks, I'll try my best not to disappoint.
hmmm, I think I might follow and see how this goes.
2567540
Best way to figure out punctuation is to either read a lot and make note of how professional writers punctuate their story or to read your story out loud and let your body's natural breathing rhythm guide you.
2567771
That's pretty good advice. Thank you!
2567780
I try.
We are interested in thy story. We like that thou hast laid down some detail instead of jumping straight into the age play. Thou also has good writing talent and We await thy next scroll.
P.s. We believe thou meant scientific?
Ooh, this is a good beginning so far. I hope chapter two will be up soon.
Love the set up you've made and am eagerly awaiting the next.
Rather intresting set up, I do like how you aren't jumping straight into the ageplay.
I sure hope you don't disappoint.
From the first few paragraphs I began to wonder whether or not this was even going to be about ageplay at all. It starts out with Twilight having what I'd like to call a "Twilight Moment" and pondering down unrelated avenues in ways that suggest she's about to go full-blown bonkers again
. Not that I don't enjoy Psychosislight, I'd just like a little warning beforehand 
.
2571117
Well, this thing will be thirteen chapters long, so I'm going to take my sweet time with everything.
Looks very good so far
I enjoyed the chapter.
I do like the premise, but I hope that you don't take the whole age play thing to a level of disturbing.
I'm not much for age play stories. But the way you write is enjoyable and I will mos likely finish it.
I got to say the cover art is probably some of the most f*cked up thing of fanart I have ever seen and it made me cringe.
But the way she blushed and the way her mane was done, made it so adorable that I had to cheek out the story.
Keep the awesome work coming and always remember that your awesome.
With love Asabrasa
Also if you need some help with the story, prereading, ideas or something.
Feel free to ask I would love to help.
2571172 god danm , so how long will that take :l ?....
2571486
Thanks and nope. I do not intend to do anything creepy with this one. I'll try to aim more for cute/funny. Never done that before, so it's a challenge.
And for the coverart, it was the thing (alongside the music album 'Nightbook' from Ludovico Enaudi) that inspired me to even write this thing. Maybe I could've found something better, but I kinda wanted to pay my tribute to it.
And really, a lot of the story will be much like another work of mine. I will make it up as I go along, so I'm open to suggestions. As to the pre-reading part. I shall keep that in mind.
2571569
Chapter 3 or 4 will have the first times Twilight tries to get involved with it, I think. Don't worry, though, I'm aware why most people klicked on this story to begin with and I do not intend to disappoint.
2571665 k and how long till those are made?.....
2571671
Actually, I'm doing one chapter per week, but I don't know how regular I'll be on the updates since Solaria is my current main project.
2571678 oh , this was only uploaded yesterday? thought it was a bit older then that....
2571683
But no, I just got this out yesterday. Kinda surprised at the influx of readers, too. But I guess that comes with being a niche-work. 
Well, on some meta level it surely is. I originally wanted to get this thing out by last month.
2571172
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Oh, no worries involving the pacing. Taking your time with things is rare in stories sometimes. I was just a bit shocked at OCD Twilight popping in within the first few sentences
I'm quite interested to see where this mindset takes Twi, especially involving the risque subject matter, so consider this liked and fav'ed.
If you can incorporate both the fetish as well as her insanity, I'll have seen a fic that, well, I haven't seen before. That's always a ton of fun
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2567540 Need grammar help for the continuation of this story, eh?
img.pandawhale.com/post-16985-Hunger-Games-I-Volunteer-gif-s6ZO.gif
"In principio, la Terra era incolta e disabitata..."
Bhè, bella, anche se la parte introspettiva non è delle migliori...
2572824
Any help'd be appreciated.
2577008
If I'd speak truthfully the introspective was more to gain an insight in how Twilight will operate in this fic and give hints at the stuff brewing in her. She's going through her own thoughts just to pass the time, mind you, and as it is, there was little sense in the act itself.
She did something that might've been done on an impulse by another pony but she herself had to go through some overly-complex train of thoughts to get to that conclusion. It wasn't meant to be perfect, that much I'll say. It could've been better, but actually I don't even know where I'll be going with this.
And what does the earth being uninhabitated have to do with it? I didn't quite catch what you wanted to say with that.
2577051 If you need a prereader I should be able to find time. As much as I want to do it, however, exams are currently underway, so if there is anyone else I would recommend them first before me.
2567540 No problem, Im not really worried about the ageing stuff and everyone has to experiment a little with a story before they figure out what they want to do so I understand if the story might be long or takes a while, besides, mature long stories that actually develop characters and a plot are the best kind!
also if you need help with editing I'd love to help, if it helps at all I got a 4 out of 5 on my AP language exam so im a little of a grammar Nazi
Interesting. You're off too a good start I think. Have a favorite.
Have a fave and a thumb up!
2577051
It was a joke about the name of the chapter
2579703
Ah, kay.
Please continue. This, love it
"Ageplay and diapers"? What's that?
2694938
Ageplay is acting a different age than you are. Kids do it when they play "House", acting as if they're adults with their naive (but cute) views of what "maturity" entails. In this case Twilight, as an adult, is considering acting more like a foal (as the diapers would imply). Some people enjoy wearing diapers because they represent a time of life where you had few worries or obligations, a stark contrast to the scramble for survival as an adult.
Hmm, you still have problems varying your sentences and descriptors, as well as choosing the right one for the job. For example:
>Her day started with her walking to the only restaurant in Ponyville where she got herself a sandwich to eat and some coffee to help her stay awake
>got
That would have been better as "bought", as it provides the same effect (she now has a sandwich and coffee) and also imparts additional information (the exchange of goods and services).
I'm not going to bother going through every instance of your use of a word that technically works, but has an easy replacement that would better suit the role. Just know that it's something you need to consider working on. Also, your pacing could use some work, as the story is still dragging its feet in terms of plot progress.
Hm perhaps the only question I have is why you changed the cover image?
Other then that you're doing a good job of not jumping headlong into things but not dragging things out.
sounds..............interesting? well Ive seen weirder shit but this DO looks good
Poor Twilight
I hope she gets to the Ageplay sooner rather than later, she needs it lol 
I love this story to death already, you do a fantastic job of setting up the characters and giving them depth and bringing out their personalities. Your prose is really vivid and it creates a very nice atmosphere which helps bring the story alive. I'm looking forward to how you develop the more, uh, interesting topics, hehe. I can already tell you'll handle it marvelously though
2695158 op did? what was it before then -.o?....
2571678 ok yeah i thought that update was a little off , 1 post per week my ass......
2700921 The cover image before was Twilight leviating a bottle of foal powder over he diaper while holding Smarty Pants. And I believe she had ribbions in her mane.
2702507 oh , thought so , just didn't really remember that for some reason.....
2694996
Ah well, that seems like critique on a higher level but I'll keep it in mind. Correct wording can be a bitch sometimes, too.
2695158
Because I thought this one fit the overall theme of the story better. The other pic was good, but maybe not the right thing for a cover pic. Art is difficult.
2695198
Thankies.
2696134
Don't worry, I'll completely
break her over the course of the storymake her fine and comfortable so she can enjoy herself.2696482
Thanks for the compliments
2700932
I actually made a blogpost about that. It's still the middle of the semester, so that takes priority. Still I'm sorry about the huge delay but won't guarantee that it won't happen again while I've still got science to keep me busy.
Wait BREAK? Is this a DARK story in disguise?
2703906
2703928
Naw, that was a joke. If it was dark I would've tagged it so. I'm not that cruel.
Hey, Dark has its moments
2703940
2703906 oh , took a glance but there was why to much stuff to find the specific entry you're talking about here , and what science might that be?.....