• Member Since 21st Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 12th, 2014

Blue Dragon

Stay classy and read more shipping.


Twilight Sparkle must go to Ponyville to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration. She sends Spike to check on the preparations so she can study Nightmare Moon and the Elements of Harmony. She meets five unlikely ponies that may turn out to be her friends and the key to defeating Nightmare Moon, as well as other challenges.

How will Twilight deal with Nightmare Moon's return? How will she handle these ponies? And just how different will everything turn out? Read to find out!

Additional tags: [First Episode] [Different Mane 6] [Derpy] [Octavia] [Bon Bon] [Lyra Heartstrings] [Spitfire]

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 159 )

If anyone is wondering why I made this story, it's because of this: I love the background ponies. I wasn't sure about some of their personalities, so I gave it my best shot. If you think it doesn't seem right, or seems OOC, just let me know. And if you spot any errors, also let me know. :twilightsheepish:

At first the inspiration for my story was this: What if Twilight never met the Mane 6? So I started off like that, but then I wondered, what if she met other ponies instead? And I picked off two earth ponies, two pegasi, and two unicorns that never really got any screen time, and voila! This was made. :trollestia:

I am going to try and make it different than the show so it won't be a copy. And if anyone couldn't tell: yes, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack do exist. Twilight just hasn't met them. (Some of them will be referenced occasionally, and if you saw some of those have a cookie.) :scootangel:

Hm, I think that's everything. I'd like to know what you guys thought of the story, and any input is gladly welcome. Constructive criticism is nice, but I'm not going to be the person who says to limit what you write. ("Only constructive criticism, please!") So just put what you think. Even if it's just hateful. I can find things to correct through that stuff, too. :moustache:

When I read the description I was a bit sceptical of it's worth. Upon reading however I'm happy to report that I enjoyed. Nice jobs sir/ma'am. You have my up vote.


A blue pegasus with a rainbow mane

:rainbowdetermined2: Can i have my cookie now? :pinkiehappy:
It's a good story, i like the way you write Derpy and the idea is interesting.

Well, here's one reader's opinion of this.

"Who are you?" The question was out before Twilight could stop it. She felt impolite in asking something like that, but this mysterious violin player was asking for it.

This whole segment seems a bit awkwardly phrased.

Other than that, though, the writing was pretty decent. Honestly, I find it a tad boring, but with the first chapter in any story, there's not much that can be done about that. It's a good thing that you plan to divert plot from the show, since reading a remake with changed characters would be unbearable to view, even if it was expertly written. Overall, you show some potential as a writer, and this could go pretty far with an interesting storyline.

Ohoho~ Found this because of moderator duties for a group and it seems interessant. I'll be giving it a read when I'm able :pinkiehappy:

Oh No Peppy might get an idea run for the hills!:trollestia:

Anyway this fic seems like it could be intresting. I wonder how you're going to work around Spitfire and Octavia's jobs though given that one's on a tour that often takes her cross country and the other lives in Canterlot.

Now that I've read it, it definitely is interesting, but I hate, hate, hate what you did with Derpy.

Very good choices with the mane 6 subs. Just thinking through the various episodes and how they will work and other than :flutterrage: episodes, there wouldn't be a ton that this group would fail at that the mane 6 would walkover. It is also a much more mature group (both in age and demeanor) and a more musical group with lyra and octavia.

this is great

except derpy. imo she could do without the speech impediment being typed out; when i read it like that it sounds really bad in my head.

Hm, perhaps you could tell me what didn't sound right? ...I tend to have trouble with summaries in general, but I'm glad that you gave my story a chance! :twilightsmile:
Sure can! I hope that wasn't the one AJ and Pinkie made together... :pinkiesick: And thanks for the compliments! I'll try my best to keep up to par. And as a side note, I wasn't sure how to write Derpy's speech, so I just kinda...tried. :unsuresweetie:
Thanks for all the feedback. I was writing that part while in the car, and actually made a self-note to go back and change it, but forgot about it... I have fixed it so it's easier to read, but thanks for reminding me! And I agree about the first chapter thing. I tried to keep it with the same tone as the actual show, (how Twilight met all of the bearers one after another) but did change some things. I am also going to change a lot, so it won't be just...plain. :twilightsheepish:
Mod duties? For the group Twilight Sparkle, maybe? And (replying to second comment) by what I did with Derpy, are you referring to having Twilight lie to her? Or maybe something else? If it has to do with characterization, I can try to correct something, or keep it in reference for the future. Thanks for taking the time to point it out.
Seems like everyone's saying that it's 'interesting...' That's good. I have some ideas for that, as in the show the Mane 6 were always in Ponyville. I decided that actual jobs that were in different places could spice it up, but you'll have to wait and see. :trollestia:
Thanks, and mang? :rainbowhuh:
Thanks! At first, I hadn't actually thought of the Wonderbolts, and was going to use Vinyl Scratch instead of Spitfire. But then I remembered that there were supposed to be two of each tribe, and that would tip the scale. I also didn't want to have too many ponies with music backgrounds, so I had to change it up. I'm hoping to have them (Lyra and Octavia) have their own music-type interactions, but nothing is set in stone yet. I agree that they're going to be more mature, too.
Thanks for the compliment. I'll try to lessen that out so it doesn't sound so weird. The way I feel is that since fans named her Derpy (due to the eyes and all) is that it's now a big part of her character. The eyes, the speech, the clumsiness... I'm not saying that's all there is, but just that if I wrote her like a normal pony then there wouldn't be that much of a difference with others. Although, your feedback is very much appreciated. I will try not to do that so much in the future. Thanks again!

1639928 It's how you made her literally retarded. I don't mind when people make her ditzy or airheaded or whatever, but the 'I is sorry Cuz I doesn't mean to' is just too much.

Hm, alright. I see what you mean. It was my first time trying to write Derpy, (I haven't actually read many stories about her, either) so I'm apologizing for that. I will make sure to not make her like that in the future. And, referring to my first comment, I wasn't sure how to write really any of the background characters. Thanks for letting me know about that. Don't want to make anyone too mad. :twilightsmile:

1639991 All the others are fine. I just can't stand it when people assume Derpy is retarded cause she has a lazy eye.


Actually, there are so many stories with Derpy not having any conditions beyond lazy eye that I actually find it refreshing when someone actually does make her mentally challenged. Bonus points when she lives a relatively normal life and makes friends despite this; Forrest Gump deserves love too.

1640543 I don't mind having mentally challenged ponies as assuming everypony is perfect is just dumb too, but every story I've read involving mentally challenged ponies makes Derpy the one with the issues. Never have I seen any other pony portrayed as Derpy typically is. Tis why I hate it.

An interesting twist on the original, well worth a follow. :heart:
Derpy seems OK so far. I hate it when fics take a physical illness and make her retarded. She is a normal mare with some sight and coordination issues. She aint brilliant but not everyone has to be Twilight. There is no reason she can't be as smart as say ... RD, AJ or Fluttershy. :derpytongue2:

Oh, don't take me wrong. It's not that anything sounded wrong, it's just that the idea sounded a bit ah... Strange. Untill I read the story I was a little confused about the whole idea and untill I read the comments I didn't understand what the point was.
But I understand now and I personally like the summary.
Good job.

Okay, this goes into the interesting pile. It's not a favourite yet, but definitely something to watch.


Okay, this goes into the interesting pile. It's not a favourite yet, but definitely something to watch.

1638713 I noticed that you said dwindle instead of dawdle, also, it would be Oversee, not overlook. overlook means to turn blind eye to something, the exact opposite of what you're aiming for.

Oh my... Not sure why I did that... :rainbowhuh: Thanks for finding those for me!
I know what you mean, and I'll try to not make them so...similar. I think that's what made them seem empty. I shall find/make up traits that each one has that will make them all different. :rainbowdetermined2:
I understand. I'll try to make that up in the next few chapters, I suppose. Writing Derpy out seems like a minefield. It's kinda difficult, but I'll try to please all of you who didn't like the characterization. Although, being the kind of writer I am, I can't say anything is certain. :moustache:
I'm glad that you think so. Hopefully, I will continue to improve with this story, and overall as an author.

This chapter took a long time, and a LOT of planning. I really didn't want to split this into two chapters, so I tried to cram it all in. I hope it doesn't seem rushed because of that, but please feel free to let me know. Did the characters seem okay? Was it really boring? And any comments on who got which element? Let me know if you saw any mistakes, too. That would be wonderful. And for all of you that commented that Derpy should've been different--let me know if this suits you.

Thanks for taking the time to read it, and I certainly do hope you enjoyed the experience. :ajsmug: I look forward to seeing what you all thought of this. Don't consider all problems presented to be resolved, however. You'll just have to wait and see about Octavia and Spitfire. :raritywink:

really glad to have a second chapter :D

Dumb question time...
Does Derpy have a Dinky? :derpyderp1:

an idea along the line perhaps we can see a story wehre this mane six meets the canon mane six

Hmhm, who to ship of the new Mane6 with Twilight? Probably Spitfire since she replaces Dashie, but Octavia is also a cool pony to ship Twi with or Derpy for the D'aaaaawww factor.
Lyra and Bon-Bon are already shipped with each other and that´s kinda a law so they´re outta the picture. XD

1710031 well, it didn't feel rushed, until you pointed it out. now it feels just a bit rushed, kinda like when you speed up just a little bit crossing the street because you don't want to be rude to the person waiting for you to cross.

I'm glad you pointed that out. I wasn't sure if everyone would see the personalities I picked out entirely. :twilightsheepish: And I'm also happy that you liked them. I was a little afraid I wouldn't be able to 'deliver' correctly. As for the story, I'm not intending to end it here. For the moment, I think I'm going to, at the very least, finish the first season. Perhaps I'll go to the second season, but I guess it depends on how I feel at that point. :twilightsmile:
That's not a dumb question. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with Dinky, but she will be in here somewhere. I don't know if I'm going to have Derpy be the mother, but if you like Dinky she'll be in the story. You'll just have to wait and see relationship-wise I guess. :unsuresweetie:
I'm not going to say anything, but I have an idea for that already. :derpytongue2:
Shipping? Hmm, I'm not sure if I'm going to do that in this story. Seeing as how none of the Mane 6 in the show had really any romantic stuff other than Rarity and Spike. But yeah, if I were going to do shipping with these characters, it'd probably be between those three you mentioned. Yeah, I'd probably get attacked if I tried to ship Twilight with Lyra or Bon Bon. :rainbowlaugh:
Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it then... Good way of describing it, though. Although, I'm glad it wasn't branded entirely as 'rushed.' :moustache:


Maybe doing some side-stories as one-shots? Or letting other authors do those one-shots/short story lines which happend besides your story and you feature the links to them in your header above your original story?
Cause i think if you continue with this story regulary and gain a bigger pool of readers and up-votes, sooner or later people will think of shipping Twi with those 5 o better three ponies (given how Lyra and Bon-Bon are a couple already for many bronies) and that could give you the oppurtunity to try out how shipping Twi with Octavia would work. Or with Lyra jsut for the heck of it. :rainbowlaugh:

1713037 1719130 Twilight x Spitfire? I SHIP IT :twilightsmile:

but for why I am commenting,.. I am loving this fic :heart:
But just to point out, Lyra's first appearance in the show is before Spike was introduced when Twilight was still running to the library at the start of the first episode. So I have a whole dual headcanon, one is Lyra x BonBon and the other is Lyra stalks Twilight.
I accept either of these for my headcanon

That's...Not so bad of an idea. If this story gets more fans and whatnot, maybe I will do one-shots or side-stories based off of it with shipping. And if other authors really did want to try their hand at it, I'd let them. :derpytongue2:
Twilight and Spitfire? Sounds interesting. :moustache:
Yeah, I know Lyra appeared before Twilight was in Ponyville. But I decided to omit that, seeing as how I wanted her to be in Ponyville. Lyra stalking Twilight? That would make one funny story :rainbowlaugh:

1720846 there is one for Lyra stalking Twilight, it is on EqD but I can't remember the name :rainbowlaugh:
if you give me like 10 minutes I will try to find it

edit: found it http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/07/story-lyrical-musings.html

Been a while -- is this one still in progress or have you switched focus to your other works?

You'll just have to wait and see. :derpyderp1:
And yes--I should be done with the next chapter soon. I am currently working on a mind-boggling six different stories so... I'm trying my best. :rainbowderp:

Hm, somehow feels like it got less impact cause not all of them wanted to go there as badly as in the original.

Also Spitfire being there so conventianly... maybe it would be better to let her have a holidy house over there in ponyville? Though then you would have to include RD, SF number one fan sooner or later so that´s kinda out of question as you want to avoid them getting too much screentime.

I would have loved Lyra to sing the best pony song like PP but that would have been too much copy-cat so good one with the comedy happy birthday surprise.^g^

Now that i think of it, what do you gonna do about the CMC and their episodes? Dinky we got but who´s the rest? Also Dinky seems to have an older sis, Sparkler, given the fandom/what we saw in the show, not sure if you want to include her, either as adopted or as a "sister" in the sense of good friend to the family like a babysitter.

One more thing, it´d be good to describe Twi´s face after SF´s tease, else we readers are left out of the joke Spits and Spike laughed about.
And wasn´t Octavia supposed to be on the Gala anyway as musican similar to SF? So why including a ticket for her too? Maybe you couldhave changed that into Octi trying to use that Gala to get to know Celestia personal/play for her and her noble guests? Ya know, kinda like Rarity but with music instead of mode.

Still liked the chapter, especially the Dinky Doo part. And the Twi blushing part, Twi blush is always good. :twilightsheepish:

Wow, thanks for all the feedback! :rainbowkiss:

I'm planning on addressing Spitfire's living situation, as well as Octavia's pretty soon. In this chapter, Spitfire was hanging around Ponyville, and as of right now you guys don't know how her living situation is. You'll see soon, though. As you mentioned, I really don't want to give the original Mane 6 an appearance.

Yeah, I thought about adding the song, but it would've been a mirror. Instead of Pinkie's song, I used the 'Happy Birthday' song as the song for the chapter. Kinda.

I have a brief idea for the CMC. The main reason I brought Dinky into the mix (you guessed it!) is for her to be a part of that club (excluding the original members.) I don't think I want to spoil the characters just yet, so I'll let you guess on that one. As for Sparkler, I did a little research before posting this chapter to make sure I got Dinky just right appearance-wise, and I'm probably going to use her as a foal-sitter.

I intentionally left out that part to the reader's imagination, but I see what you mean. :rainbowlaugh:

Hmm, I'm pretty sure I left out Octavia in the tickets. Princess Celestia sent 5 tickets back to Twilight, and that includes her, Lyra, Bon Bon, Spitfire, and Derpy. I think you accidentally figured that Twilight still had hers and thought that the extra went to Octavia. That would have made a nice idea, if I hadn't mentioned Octavia having personal audiences with the Princess in...chapter one? Something like that.

I'm glad you liked it, and I appreciate all your comments! They made me think on a more in-depth level for what I'm planning to do, and I commend you for that. I'll try to add more emotion in the future (seeing as how you thought their emotions didn't have a very good impact, so I'll work on that.)

Once again, thanks! :twilightsmile:

I can't wait to see more Dinky (one of the cutest foals Ever!) thank you for putting her in the fic. :heart:

will there be any oc villains in here?
I was thinking one could have the abillity to go to the canon universe and the two mane six groups could work together to stop him!

I agree, she is adorable. :rainbowkiss:
Uhh, I don't think so. Since I already used Nightmare Moon... I'll probably use the original villains, but that's a good idea! :twilightsmile: If I hadn't used Nightmare Moon beforehand, then maybe I would've considered it.
It's cool. Any feedback at all is helpful, whether or not it's positive. I'll do my best to improve the next chapter's quality control, and I've been worrying about Lyra being like Pinkie. She won't be breaking the fourth wall or anything, but I'm working on a way to differentiate them. :rainbowderp:

As for Dinky, I have special plans for her, and a couple of other foals. :yay:

I'm going to be trying harder to flesh out the characters even more, and to make sure Lyra isn't exactly like Pinkie. You should look forward to the next chapter, as I'll be working twice as hard.
(Compared to other fanfiction sites, this one seems to be more critical with stories. I'm glad for that, because anywhere else I post I usually get the usual 'I like this story' or simply 'This sucks.' Anyway, I applaud you for that, and I hope not to disappoint you again. :moustache:)

eye hart au storyz liek dis

This is really awesome. I like it a lot

The cover art is great.

As for the story, I especially loved the sequence between Derpy and Octavia; also, the use of letters instead of apples was perfect.

Since this story seems to be going in the same order as the actual series, I'm guessing the next chapter will be about...............oh dear.

When I first saw the notification, "the parasprite" has commented on your story, I was a little nervous. :rainbowlaugh: I thought it was going to be someone trolling or something, but thanks for the compliment, and reading! :pinkiesmile:
Glad you like it! :twilightsheepish:
Thanks! It took longer than it should've to make, but I like how it looks now. In the picture, Octavia just wouldn't come out right, though...

Derpy and Octavia do seem to make an unusual pair of friends, huh? :rainbowderp:

Yes, I'm going to be going in the same order as the show, even though 'seasonally' it doesn't really make sense. Oh dear? :rainbowlaugh: I'll let you in on one thing--it's not going to be an OC. :trollestia:


That's fine. I'm sure I'll enjoy reading the next chapter once it's posted. :twilightsmile:

I swear, you had me a little nervous at the first line of your comment! :trixieshiftleft: Heh, got me.
About the experimenting, I'll make it a little more original. I'm not quite ready to go entirely out of the box and, you know, come up with something not even covered in an episode. For now, I think I'm going to change the scenes so it's not so repetitive and not so alike, but will have the same lesson/idea in the end. I guess I'll see what that looks like and go from there. Maybe when I feel a little more confident with the characters I'll throw myself out there and make up everything. :unsuresweetie:
Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the constructive stuff, too! :pinkiesmile:

Interesting. I'll be taking a look at this later. Why do I love concepts like this so much? Maybe that's a small portion of why I wrote my fic... Anyway, before reading, this seems to have some of the best background ponies, and it seems to have quite a few good reviews. You can probably expect to see me in the future, though, I haven't read anything in a while because of my own writing.

Lemon Daze is so cute! I really do like the drawing, well done. :pinkiehappy:
Also, couldn't Lyra just ask Vinyl to come with them to the orphanage with them? Oh well, it's still a good spin on Griffon the Brush-Off.

I'm looking forward to seeing your own opinion, and I picked my favorites. :rainbowkiss:
Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

Well, since throughout the story Octavia doesn't actually see the problem the way Lyra does... She doesn't actually know that Lyra's upset about not spending time with her. Where I finished off the chapter was a way of pretty much summarizing the lesson, and to hint at the fact that both Octavia and Lyra talked about it, since that's the only way Twilight would've been able to find out. Although, I do see what you mean, and I appreciate your input!

P.S. Trying to hit 'Watch' on a phone is hard work. :rainbowwild:

Ah, I understand now. Thanks for explaining.
Plus, I hate doing anything on my phone, so I know you're pain. Also, thanks for the watch. :pinkiehappy:

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