tragicCaligula
Joined 25th Mar, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Enjoy.. or not. I don't care.
My response to this fic:
This is not a Deus Ex crossover. Why would you get my hopes up like that?
Okay, in all seriousness, I'll point out errors I see.
You said they were lost twice in the same sentence. Redundant.
Applejack, not AppleJack. Also, you might want to change the wording of that last bit. Something like this, maybe: "-and surprisingly, Rainbow Dash. Never figured her for the adoptive type."
"Hospital" shouldn't be capitalized, because it isn't a proper noun. If it were part of a name, like "Ponyville General Hospital", then it would be capitalized.
Put her stage name in quotations, double quotes since the subject is not actually being brought up in dialogue.
Past that, it's actually pretty good!
I really don't see the "young dude" angle played to its fullest extent much, but here you are, with your protagonist turned on by hot lesbian action, like any dude would be. And the choice of not spending much time on HiE tropes like "getting used to the new world" is an interesting choice, but I've seen it before in a few other fics, and it isn't actually a bad idea.
Continue...
YO YO YO
PEACE OUT
Deus Ex parody cover art, yet absolutely nothing to do with the series whatsoever?
1618634
Some people alredy fav'd this and I do not want to crush their spirits so I am forced to write... clop.
1619844
I love Deus Ex way more than you two ever will but remember that I don't give a complete shit about this abomination. Making a Deus Ex fic soon though.
1618717
You are suppose to hate this shit!
Anyway, thanks.
1618942
Yo Yo Yo
I don't blame you.
ooh, this is gonna be goood .. more plz
You know, it will funny if latter in the story, turns up that Rarity and Trixie where fighting for the human the whole time.
Hey, now that I remember something, does anybody now about "human/pony romance" with Rarity, I have being searching and found romance with everyone of the main 6 except Rarity. This is actually the first one that I found
Yours truly. NecromancerX69
Ps...
Fail me, I will swallow your face and chew your soul till it looks like old bubble gum... good day.
1620723
Threaten me again and I will tear your soul straight out from your rectum.
Have a nice day...
1620133
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSQ-pc4nvqfCgRNvbFz8FDCN6LmS-TRjfH61AAUf1uXCiIPZ2mP
1620802
Is that a challenge?
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHMZqqjOecAqDMUJZ1-p-EtwFpo5zKBsknFbVwa-QWVxOBK5djNeXUOrnXuQ
1620011 brilliant i would put in one of those pictures saying that but im to lazy to so you just get the typed version but this is really good for a dumpster project
1623675
Thnx
1623686 you going to finish it ? it be a shame not to but you said it your self you were only expecting people to criticize it
1623700
Unfortunately, some people liked this enough to favorite. So, I will have to write smut so I do not break their wittle hearts.
haza the funs have been doubled i always wanted to use that but dont worry im sure whatever you come up with will be great
you elude me good sir, if its not too much trouble, i would love to see this ever so romantic beastality brought to an epic climax, if you know what i mean.
If you people decide to dislike this, give me a reason why so I do not make the same mistake again. Don't be assholes and dislike it because your dick is too small and want to take your anger out on me.
I don't care for this story but come on; disliking for no reason is for bitches and punks.
THEN HE GOT ON THE BED AND I WAS LIKE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
1676768
Bloody fruit shop owner
1676986 I own no fruit shop.
my dick is numb
1808743
I'll take that as a compliment...
Nice.
I knew you had it in ya to finish.....................if ya know what I mean.
interesting cunt-clusion
This isn't Anon in Equestria. I suggest you read the blog post. Anon in Equestria is ANON in Equestria. Just because you have an unnamed human, that doesn't count as Anonymous.
2792515
And this is harmful for the entertainment of the viewer how...?
2792678
Because it's the rules. Anon in Equestria is literally a character named Anonymous in Equestria. Seriously, did you even read the rules before you posted?
2793232
If it was against the rules, then it wouldn't have been approved now, would it? Now stop wasting both our time and move on.
It was good. At the end I was giggling like a certain legendary pervert.
I like it so far
1620442 You can search by tag.
Doctor pony: "
I thought I told to rest! What the hay did you do to exert yourself so much?!"