• Member Since 23rd Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Frocto


Specimen of Maximum Nerd.

Comments ( 22 )

Fun idea keeping Angel a Mute. Really stresses that all his attractive toys have to anticipate his demands and wants.

Im having a hard time figuring out what Angel looks like in this story. Is he a bunny or a human?

Wait, what? :rainbowlaugh:
Okay, I can see that this will be a very amusing read!

EDIT:

Okay, so, first chapter finished. Amusing indeed.
Let's see how you handle the rest of the story :raritywink:

Like now, for instance. She glanced sideways down at Angel, and saw the boy eye-level with her breasts had his arms folded and his cheeks puffed out, one foot impatiently tapping on the floor.

That's one big bunny... that I actually have no idea how to imagine it... Probably because I never had to before.
I mean, a bunny-boy (probaly 15-17years old), 1 meter tall, and looks like Angel Bunny? Nope, can't imagine it.

Also, probably the first time I read about someone dominating themselves. Sure, Shy may think she's just saying Angel's thoughts out loud... but if you're not gonna convince me Shy can read the mute Angel's mind (body language only says so much), I start to think Shy is dominating herself by convincing herself these aren't her own thoughts, wich seems to immensly arouse her... and which is fucking hot.

Curious where this will go, keep it up. :twilightsmile:

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I like leaving these things up to the reader's imagination. For the sake of your guy's sanity, I think you should just imagine him as a human, haha~

6858651
That's what I thought as well.

... And then Fluttershy started rambling about ponies. What the..? Are they human, ponies, bunnies? Or is Fluttershy just crazy?

Well, either way, I'm now imagining a version of Fluttershy's Pet Song, only that she looks for the right critter to dominate Rainbow Dash.
"Now, Rainbow, my dear, I cannot express my delight
It's abundantly clear
That somewhere out here
Is a master that'll dom you just right

Rainbow Dash:
I can't wait to get started, but first let me set a few rules
It's of utmost importance
The stud that I rut
Is a master who'll make cum and drool..."

HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK


good fanfic

So . . . when's the next chapter?

Some things I've noticed: "she she" and "to flash let him see her panties" (haven't read the whole thing yet, way too hot for a single sitting).

Also, and I'm surprised to ask, at least from what I remember last chapter... does Shy see Angel as an actual bunny? (Again, only read a quarter of the chapter, so I'm not sure if this will be clear down the line)

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Fixed both of these! Thanks for spotting them.

As for Angel's appearance, I forget if I already mentioned these but he's just meant to be a smol, cute male. I like leaving the species and terms vague where I can so that people can imprint humans or anthros on the text where they prefer. It can be confusing at times, you're right.

Okay, some more things I noticed:
"His teeth gnawed gnawed and nudged her surprisingly gently" Not sure if gnawed was supposed to be twice or not.
"her bust was being used to provide something eye candy for a non-female, something for him to stare at" Something eye candy, eh?
"splosh, It was" My inner grammer Nazi wouldn't shut up.

And again, four ultrabusty babes, but no titjobs. :fluttercry:

I do have to mention (and I hope I'm right with this...), you are one sly writer. I mean, going on and on about how Shy thinks Angel is doing nothing wrong or naughty at all (especially weird if this continues on the previous chapter, where I already stated my mind on Shy's... special fetish), and then suddenly drop stuff like this:

She was just about to turn and begin sloshing her way out of the tub, when she saw Fluttershy smiling a secret little smile that, under these circumstances, seemed to have dire connotations indeed. Trixie froze like a deer in headlights as Fluttershy giggled, coiling a finger in her pink hair. The levity the full-figured animal-lover was treating the whole situation with was enough to make Trixie's blood run cold.
"But we haven't even washed each other's backs yet!" Fluttershy purred, [...] Of course, Trixie knew as well as anyone else here that it was impossible for empty-headed Fluttershy to have planned any of this, no matter how suspicious her actions seemed. And yet that just made it all the worse! How did you even begin to explain to such an unconsciously perfect train-puller that her actions were sacrificing every pussy in sight on the altar of an insatiable, and fantastically selfish, meaty cock!

I think I can explain... Shy had this all planned from the start, and was in control of pretty much the majority of what happened (or is at least my take). Magnificient bastard indeed, and I'm not even sure who I'm referring to.

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Ohhh, thanks so much for getting all of those, I've fixed them up in the text now. I had two editors go over it, but I know little things slip through here and there.

And yes, you pretty much hit the nail on the head as far as Fluttershy's subtle involvement goes. In this chapter, she was basically meant to be the ultimate enabler. The concept of a girlfriend doing all the work for her boy - leading him to other pussies - is one I super-duper like and would love to write more often.

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That's pretty flattering, coming from you! Thanks so much~

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this is a thing i want done these lyrics fit together perfectly

Well, that was super hot and I absolutely love your ditzy, air-headed Fluttershy. I am suspicious though, whenever she was defending Angel, did she really believe he was actually well behaved and innocent or was she fully aware of what he was doing and simply saw no fault in it?

Although, I also like the idea of Fluttershy being a bit more devious than dumb and taking a more proactive role in steering the others to debauchery than she let on. Either way, this was a fun chapter and I'd love to see more.:heart:

And now Angel Bunny engages in 8ish months of cutesy-wootsy exhibition-play wtih Floot's body while she gets graved and heavy with all his brewing brats.

Fun reading.

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Hopefully he'll let the rest of the gang join in too, then!

Doesn't belong in the Foalcon group. Please remove.

*reads description*...wut?

This was pretty good. I'd love to see more. Maybe with Angel conquering more women, a few Milfs, pregnancy scenes.

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