Frocto
Joined 23rd Aug, 2014 ·
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this story has really interesting meaning behind it, and the fact that people arent looking past the sex actually proves the author's point
Holy crap that was excellent!
Really looking forward to see where this is going.
The only thing that's missing for me to make this perfect would be for the cows to be tied up! ^_^
I always enjoy every piece of your work. Hope there's a new chapter of The Pink Circle coming out soon!
6192690 i.imgur.com/nxWg4Jc.jpg
Is this a HIE fic with anthro ponies?
Bravo. o//
Thanks for taking my input into consideration, Froc.
furniture of law enforcement
he is a robert
he is a cop
he is a robertcop
Although I tend not to criticize a story that, at the very least, I haven't attempted to read, I gotta say, the description, cover art, and overall first impression that you're making here is pretty indicative of a serious lack of effort.
Now, let me give you a quick disclaimer. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that it's not that you're shiftless or unwilling to make an excellent first impression, but rather that you're either ignorant of how to do a proper description, or that, considering both the fact that you take commissions and that you have obligations to your Patreon patrons, you simply don't have the time to do it. However, first impressions count for quite a bit, and when your fic enters the Feature Box and is subject to more scrutiny than it normally would go underneath, you might find it difficult to find further Patreon patrons or commissioners, and, more importantly, you will have briefly pissed off people who care too much about the Feature Box that one of them "mindless clopfics with no effort put into it" made the feature box again. I stress, of course, that i have yet to read this story, and as a result I can't honestly say if it is a mindless clopfic with no effort put into it, but the purpose of this long-winded comment that I'm leaving here is entirely that the impression that you are making with the way one can see this fic in the Feature Box is that is, in fact, a mindless clopfic with no effort put into it.
I'm just going to dissect this description and a few other things bit by bit so that you can have an idea why you're making yourself look like you don't give a damn, which may or may not be true, but I would very much like to believe that it isn't true.
Firstly, your cover art is a (fairly poorly cropped) picture of a clearly human Babs Seed, while the description and tags clearly tell us that the story is an anthro story. This might seem like a small quibble, but your cover art should reflect the themes of your story more faithfully in order to present itself more effectively. I recommend you scour Derpibooru and other pony-related image sites to find a more relevant picture, or, failing that, commission such a picture using some of that Patreon money or commissions cash.
Secondly, I'd like to note that your description here is only a fraction's worth of description, and is, in fact, copy/pasted from the short description.
Short Description:
Description Proper:
While this technically isn't against the rules per se, it, most likely unintentionally, speaks to a great amount of laziness. A short description should be something that hooks in a reader, and the long description should give said reader a more detailed version of what the short description has said. Instead of giving us a better idea of what the story is about via the long description, we're left with just as much information as we were before.
Also, two out of three paragraphs of your long description plug something or someone. First, you plug your collab partner...
...which is fine, of course, but is best put at the bottom of the long description.
Second, you plug yourself, and, in fact, you plug yourself twicefold.
The first thing is completely and utterly irrelevant to the story, and is content best suited to a blog post and/or your main author page. The second is a plug to your Patreon, a plug that's already at the top of the page in your author bio. This is also questionably relevant to your fic at best and downright obnoxious-seeming at worst, which is not a way someone wants to be.
Overall, you have left a flabbergastingly incompetent first impression on me, and that's sad, because it could be possible that despite you clearly having no idea how to do a proper description, you may, in fact, be an entirely competent author. In fact, I say that it might be entirely possible, considering that you're seemingly trying your damnedest to turn your talent into something that you can make some disposable income from. Between a Patreon page, being open for commissions, and in the process of designing a website, it's apparent to me that you must have a sufficient readerbase and following that can support all three and make them a success, a pair of balls as big and brassy as those lion statues outside of the Art Institute, or a somehow admirable amount of foolhardy stupidity. Again, without knowing more, I can't say which one reflects you best, and again, I'm certain this has less to do with you being a stupid lazy jackass and more to do with you being unfamiliar of how to properly present yourself on a big website like FIMfiction. I'll give this a read later. Terribly sorry for the long-winded comment, but this sort of stuff just kinda bugs me, and at the very least, you didn't loudly proclaim to the world "FEATURED ON 6/66/6666, THANKS GAIZ!!!!!11!!!"
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Honestly, most of your criticisms don't hold up if you take your mind away from obsessive nitpicking or do a cursory google search. You start off with by complaining that the cover art should reflect the themes more, its tagged as anthro so it -must- have an anthro pic yeah? Putting the ridiculousness of that aside, are the cow horns, ears and "milk me" cowbell too subtle for you? Just because she doesn't have fur doesn't mean it isn't anthro.
You claim that the author should have scoured derpibooru for hours in order to find objectively perfect cover art or coughed up the patreon and commision money you go on an on about (jealous? it comes up again and again in just about every argument you make) - which is ironic because that cursory google search I mentioned earlier would have shown that the art was drawn and provided by SpindlesX, a collaborator on the story who is mentioned as being an artist.
The complaint about the amount of "mindless clopfics with no effort put in" making it to front page is utterly irrelevant to this story, blame the people who are putting them there, not the authors. Also, who the hell are you to say this story had no effort put in? Just because you happen to dislike something doesn't mean others can't enjoy making it, put passion into its construction.
The molehill that is the description can be dismissed as just that, as had you actually bothered to read the story before spewing pretentious bs into the comments you would see that's about all there is to the story and it needs no more. Funny how that works.
Then you really start tearing in to the author about 2 lines mentioning he's looking for some help with starting a website and that he has a patreon for anyone interested. These -two lines- are placed in the extended description where you can't immediately see them and you take extra time to mention that he also mentions his patreon on his bio page. A completely different page, which , lets be honest, the vast majority barely glance at. How very dare he.
Throughout the whole thing, you tear into the author with reckless abandon, insulting him at every chance you get. You call him ignorant, shiftless and say he simply doesn't give a damn about what he's doing, putting no effort into his work. You start off nice, but as you read more of your "critique" your bitterness begins to show more and more - culminating in you calling the author incompetent, foolhardy and eventually "a stupid lazy jackass" who doesn't understand how to properly present themselves on a "big" website like Fimfiction. Because, as everyone here should know, Fimfic is the absolute height of proper, professional literary achievement, a place where even the greats wait with baited breath on that career making feature on their works.
You strive desperately to paint the author as a greedy, obnoxious halfwit only here to capitalise on patreon and commission money, typing one-handed any old crap he can think of in order to desperately churn out mindless porn to get more and more funding. You pull all of this, all of these character, intelligence and moral judgements from -two- lines. Two lines, merely mentioning a patreon and that he is looking for help, and from that you can tell that this person is an incompetent, stupid lazy and obnoxious jackass.
I'm sorry to tell you that you have a few more than just two lines.
6194703 You must have read a completely different comment then what I wrote.
Firstly, you assume that I am jealous because I bring up more than once that the author must have some kind of disposable income from both his Patreon and his commissioned work. This is an entirely valid assumption, as it requires a pretty significant userbase to be able to support yourself entirely on Patreon and commissions work. In fact, many authors and artists that have Patreon and take commissions still have day jobs that they have to attend to, because at the most, if you're lucky, these things are designed to give you easy ways to monetize your art.
Yes. Yes, it must. Cover art should reflect the tags used.
How is it ridiculous to expect an anthro story to have anthro cover art? Certainly, a skilled author can paint a picture of how they intend their characters to look like, but visual aids help quite a bit, and visual aids that are either accurate to the story's description of the character or consistent with what one would expect from the tags are the most helpful kinds of visual aids. Visual aids that go against what one would expect from the description and tags are very poor visual aids. Also, you tell me that just because she doesn't have fur doesn't mean that the picture isn't anthro. Well, horses don't have fur, they have coats, but more importantly you're asking me to blatantly ignore her clearly human facial features, such as a human nose and jaw structure.
That's not irony.
However, I will concede that I may have unintentionally disparaged the artist who drew the cover art, and I sincerely apologize for any interpreted or misattributed frustration with his artwork. I was simply perplexed that an anthro story had human cover art, which seemed to me like an oversight on the author's end. However, I do still hold my ground that an anthro fic should have anthro art.
Firstly, any "complaints" about feature box bait clop was almost entirely hyperbole. Any idiot can take a quick, cursory look at my library and see that I tend to write things that are in that vein, although I like to think that I put a lot more effort into it than most authors there. Secondly, the feature box is an automated system based upon a heat algorithm, placing the new releases with the most "heat" at the top six slots and the bottom three slots reserved for high-heat stories that have recently updated. Nobody is placing anything in the feature box. Thirdly, I never said the story didn't have any effort put into it, I merely made passing observations on the description. In fact, I'm going to quote myself directly a few times here and bold for emphasis the parts that you didn't read.
I'll have to make another concession here, however. That last bit about foolhardy stupidity does really seem like a passive-aggressive insult, and I apologize that it slipped through the cracks in what should have been an entirely civil comment.
I believe that this little bit here is the result of misinterpreting what I had said. Firstly, I never intended to critique the story. I was merely making a series of observations about the description, for I have yet to read the story, and it's sitting in my Read Later now so that I can, in fact, do that. And I plan to, as you can see here.
I'll have to make another concession that I worded the second sentence poorly, as I never intended to imply that I thought that the author was a stupid, lazy jackass. The only things I tend to look over before I send them in are my stories, and as a result it becomes clear that I'm sometimes unable to properly put my point across. In no way did I mean to disparage the author.
It's not, but that doesn't excuse not giving a single flying fuck, which, I stress, is very, very likely not what this author is doing. Fanfiction, being literature, shouldn't be a space where incompetence is protected and critique, regardless of legitimacy, is silenced. Although certainly, an incapability and unfamiliarity with how to properly present a work in any public space is okay here due to it being a safe environment for entry-level writers, an author should not be protected from someone telling him, in no uncertain terms, that he can do it better, and grow as an author and an artist by reading, accepting, and applying critique. I'll also admit that I tend to be rather rough with my criticism, which is a terrible habit that I've been trying to break for years, and in no uncertain terms I could have worded my critique better, but regardless, it is still a critique.
Firstly, it's capitalize, and secondly, capitalize Patreon, and thirdly, no. If I intended to paint the author as anything, I intended to paint him as a well-meaning individual who has formed some bad habits in his descriptions due to a lack of critique or oversight on the matter. I fully admit that there were more helpful and constructive ways to say it, and I apologize if I came off as brash, rude, ignorant, passive-aggressive, bitter or spiteful, because I'm none of those things. In your blind defense of the author's description, however, you've still failed to address several things.
Firstly, the author already has a link to his Patreon on top of his page. The link in his fic's description is redundant. Secondly, the author's call for help for building a website is still better placed in a blog post, because that is where things irrelevant to stories and other things tend to go. Thirdly, the author has still copy-pasted the short description into the long description, thinking, most likely due to nobody telling him otherwise, that this was perfectly okay to do. It's not. It comes off as lazy, which, again, I'm pretty sure the author isn't, because anyone who writes 10+k words on any subject has some degree of dedication to said work, and deserves at the very least a small nod of respect.
No. As emphasized above, I never intended to say anything like that, and anything I said that was poorly phrased and resulted in me coming off as passive-aggressive and bitter are results of my own incompetence. Yes, I do, in fact, think I am incompetent at things.
I'm sorry to hear that you misunderstood my comment entirely. I'd very much recommend that you chill out and think about what you're getting so angry about for a minute. Somebody pointed out a bunch of opinions about something you liked, you didn't like that opinion, and then you proceeded to write an equally long comment attempting to rip that person a new one for what you saw as his bitterness, hatefulness and cynicism. I have those things in spades, but they have very little to do with authors making money off of fanfiction. I'm not productive enough to be able to do those things and I greatly admire those who can make a living off of doing something that they love, which is something everyone hopes to strive for, I'm sure. I hope that this, once again, equally long-winded comment has dispelled any ideas that I think that the author is a stupid, boorish dick, for nothing could be further from the truth.
Intriguing imagery, but I feel that the author is too much in love with the concept and spends too much time describing everything.
Are you people seriously arguing about how good porn is???? Or in this case an Oppai paradise with milk going all over the place... It was original in a sense that many authors don't usually portray those three in that type of light especially Babs.... But it was the fact that some of you are literally whining about this fic, besides the fact that you're reading this type of fic to wank off too. Shows you are dumber than your shitty argument about PORN of all things!!!!
6195012
I'd just like to point out that an anthro image was drawn specifically for this story (by me), but Froc wasn't sure if the image would be allowed or not, and it would have to be cropped quite a bit thanks to the content. As such, he went with the safe route and chose another older image I had drawn. I imagine he could swap the picture at any time, should it be approved, but he likes this Babs quite a bit, so it's all good.
I fucking love this and I don't quite understand why!
So far, I don't rightfully know what to think about this story so I'll pass judgment later.
However, you definitely have me intrigued, so I'm tracking and will see how you'll write the next chapter(s)
Woaw! Such an amazing story I've just read!
It's baffling how you described the three main characters. And even with all the work you did to make it clear you didn't forget to also give Rarity a certain personnality and a description! 
I'm amazed by your story.
When I first read the description I wasn't into reading the whole 20k+ words thing. It took me a party with some friends who last till the next day's morning and a good sleep all day long to make me ready to read the story. It was interesting to imaginate such bodies.
The plot of the story is worth reading it. Keep going like that!
,Peace from Midnight.
Everyone is complaining about lobotomy and such.
I'm just like, "Ooo, a new clopfic!"
Well then.... That was uh..... What the fuck is going on?!?!?!?
~The Rift Walker
6190402
i.imgur.com/06gnIhK.jpg
6192908
Hi! Sorry for the late reply, I took a while getting to the comments on this. It could be a Human in Equestria story! It could not be! I left it up to the reader's interpretation.
6192043
I've been working on it! I think the new chapter, which is Gilda-centric, will knock people's socks off when it's done.
6193004
I'd be crazy not to!
6195245
i.imgur.com/wIRymlh.gif
6207076 Nice, thanks for clarifying it.
Wwwoooowwww!!!!!!!!
Honestly, I never really liked second-person fics and found them weird to read and write. But seeing that Spindles participated in this one and that it has several themes that I adore (those two things are probably very related), there was no way I couldn't at least try out this one. And I'm so glad I did. This is really a hot story that I found hard to put down, when I first started. The descriptions of the breasts alone were enough to make me love it. Pretty soon, it didn't bother me that it's a second-person fic.
I can kinda understand that some people are bothered by Fluttershy's... mental development. But it's an (intentional) unrealistic clopfic, a pure fantasy, that shouldn't be taken too seriously. And Fluttershy enjoys being a breeding, lactating slut, so that's a plus.
The only thing that bothered me a bit is the overuse of exclamation marks.
Overall, a really great read, that made me more comfortable with second-person fics. I look forward to the next chapter.
6207076 Please tell me the second chapter is on the way? This was SO HOT!
6455475
I actually just posted on my tumblr a few days ago that I'm done with the initial writing stages of chapter 2. Now I've sent it over to Spindles to get his opinion on it and write any extra bits he has ideas to include, then I'll distribute it to Patreon supporters. It'll be on Fimfiction a month after that, so the entire process will probably take about six weeks to two months~
It took a little while to write because I was also working on Grazing Saddles, which I just put up a few days ago, as well as a story about Applejack as a school teacher which I'm not able to upload on Fimfiction and of course chapter 5 of Ancient Equine Analysis which will pop up eventually. Lots to take care of!
6455584 When you say you can't upload it to FimFic, where did you upload it to?
6456845
I've been told by Fimfiction staff that "links to nsfw content is off-limits," which I take to mean publicly discussing or providing access to off-site content. I've already removed several such items, and this would be creating another.
6456872 PM? Or better yet, we could come up with some sort of clever coding system based on... I don't know, how many children Gary Glitter has fucked.
Oi, can I get a link to a full pic of that cover art?
6461570
Linking the picture is against Fimfiction's rules. I can't link to Spindles' tumblr, either.
6612288 Well, can you P.M. me the link, instead?
Update?
6673925
I'm ready to go ahead with the next part of the story, it's in the hands of my Patreon subs now. If you saw my recent poll results in my blog update, you'll see it got barely beaten by another story by 3 votes.
Question: Update?
6910229
That's some amusing timing, given I just released chapter 2 to Patreon backers. They get a month of exclusivity and then it will be posted up here. I encourage people to follow my Tumblr for updates and stuff of this nature~
*rubs hands excitedly*
It's back, thank Christ, it's back!
My first reaction to seeing this chapter was "Oh my God it updated!" Awesome to see the story continue.
Picture link?
And here I was starting to think this was actually a one-shot.
IT LIVES!
It lives! It finally lives!
Dang yo.
Now I wish I had read this story much earlier.
About the image... Is that a fairly new piece from Spindles? I haven't seen it before, but I'm pretty sure it's Spindles' art.
Those poor customers, waiting in line to get their share of milk.
Yaay! finally another chapter!
Cover art is by... who? It looks awesome, so I wanted to look it up.
7013767
I would also have accepted "sexcellent."
i am not blaming you, but for me, it is uncomfortable to read smoothly in some of the parts: you altered some of the English words (which was supposed to) by Swedish words (replaced 'milk' by 'mjölka').
Frocto, you're a saint. This was an incredible piece of smut <3