CloudRoller
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Ahhh but featuring whom?? maybe some Luna?? or Twilight??
1830820 uhhh... its got twilight, rarity, spike, celestia and luna so far... but if you're asking who is involved in the "act" then you'll have to wait for the later chapters
I like it but reAlly all the mane six looking at him....... Aleast put some RD in.
1830834 she could feature, she could not. I'm only just coming to the end of chapter three, after a week in totals work
looking good so far .. first time i've seen this though .. "It is in a state of faint.” .. fun
1830863 well she is still a bit old fashioned, it does work with her character, i believe so anyway. but im glad you enjoyed what is there so far. I'm nearing the end of chapter three now, so stay tuned
The spa ponies are named Aloe, and Lotus. Noy Vera.
This story shows potential
I decree more! It's not everyday you get a good fic like this to come out! THis is starting off to be good! Can't wait to see more! :)
Well... that was unexpected...
.....well I think someones going into heat.
This creature was weird: it stood on two legs, had strange claw like things for hooves, and very little fur. Nothing anypony had ever seen before.
Spike would disagree.
Oh, I wonder who that could be dropping from the sky yelling like a tomboy.
1831108 my apologies! can soon change that
1834505 its clearly fluttershy
a little bit IN YOUR FACE here and there concerning plot progression, but I really like it so far
maybe try to not pace it too fast in future chapters?
Asking this before I read it; is this Dan from...Dan Vs?
1837827 nope. dont have a clue what that is. its just the first name that came to mind
I am pleased and so is my phone case (it now is sticking to the phone and it looks like a smiley face!)
It seems like a good story. Continue!
1846406 I am, thank you for the support
Chapter 4 may have to wait until after Christmas, I'm a busy boy this holiday season.
Oooooooh. This ought to be good!
I don't think I've ever read a story that's progressed this fast. Slow your role bro. Also when formatting you need to double space every break in speech, otherwise we get this wall of text. Also is there a specific reason every mare is attracted to our protagonist? Some people say that's a very stuish trait to give an oc. But since you're going that route anyway, are we going to see a herd relationship, aka a polygamous one, since Rarity, Twilight and Dash like this guy? Just some food for thought I guess. Anyway I just think you need to work on the pacing and you'll be fine.
Well until your next chapter later.
Ok what? Well, goodbye, see ya never
Moar needed, short chapter, short comment (from a short guy)
1853409 seconded
1830820 (Your username) Eeyup.
DIS GON' B GUD!
RAINBOW DASH DOESN'T APOLOGIZE!!!
Oh I love this already. You have earned a favorite star from me and I'll be looking for future chapters.
Still an awesome story and I'm liking Dan more and more. Best part though was the last lines. Dashie is coming up next.
1854204 I have to agree with you here. It's like a read one story to start and then this chapter just turned it all upside down. Excuse me but WHAT DA FUCK did I just read? This writer is making Dashie into a whore and bisexual. Hell no. You had Rarity almost throw herself on him. And now Twi? Dan, a human, something that has never been seen in Equestria has been in Ponyville for a few days and all the mares are attractived to him sexually or at least partially with minimum interaction? It's different that you have everypony open about the topic of sex and masterbating but don't make it a focal point of your chapters. I get the story is rated to have sex in it but you have to create something, give it substance, and give the relationship time to grow and develop into someting memorable and awesome. You have to do this otherwise bronies are not going to stay to read this. Don't trample on the characters personalities by portraying them so out of their element because that leads to haters. This is because bronies need to tell fellow bornies straight up when they need to seriously fix something or somethings wrong with their story. I'll still give you the like and favorite because I need to know if this will get better or not. Reply. Don't Reply. Doesn't matter. I'm going to be watching this story.
Woops, I'm sorry I just fell from the sky at just enough speed for you to contemplate the meanings of life, and hit your incredibly weakling back. LETS FUCK.
Did I mention I'm a 4 foot pony who you could easily dodge if you weren't so slow in the head, wait what is this marines badge, magical syringe, and MP3 Player in your bag? You want to play me some shitty rap song? i'll pass.
I think it's good but surely he would have been a bit more... panicked?
1864766
All my this. This is rushed as hell and kind of OOC, but it has some potential. Will be watching.
Right a message to you all. This is my take on characters, I make them how I want them. You are all assuming the next chapter is sexual, when in fact it isn't. I want things to progress how they are progressing, don't forget this is my first time writing a story like this.
I would of went with dashes on this one. Like come on.
The pacing here is absolutely brutal. And not in the good slang method, I mean in the oh my god what is going on this hurts! term. You should slow things down, take the opportunity to utulize your literary devices, flush out your characters, give us some info. To give an example, a story I'm writing covers a 48 hour period using ~17,000 words. That is more on the extreme end, but you're just going way too fast to enjoy anything about this story.
Plus, the 'me man, every mare want my dick' is extremely Gary Stu, especially without any buildup or preamble into it. It just deters me from wanting to read any further.
1963734 i will say this HiE stories will Always seem "Gary Stu" as you put it. Why because it's one of a kind(or more depending on how many humans to a story)Unique to the ponies. Also there is SOMETHING called Love at first sight, old fashion but it works. since you appear to be anime fan i'll say this, it COULD be as long DBZ But be as lame as Serial Experements Lain. It could be as Short as FLCL but be as Meaningful as Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Oh By the Way
Outlaw Star>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cowboy Bebop
Now Luna wants his cock? God damn this guy is a Stu.
Ok first time someone put that stallions can have multiple partners but I can dig it for this story. And your going slower in the relationship that Dan is sticking with. Nice.
Mate you're going faster than scout on bonk at the moment, that is my definition of your pacing mate.
Luna, heat, human!?!? This wont end well.
About those updates?:3
are you dead or something?! I can understand needing a break but the last time you updated this was in January and its now friggin august seriously dude
A bit rushed, but I'll give it a go.
Update?
I can,t wait for the next chapter!!!
Doormat dan