• Published 18th Oct 2012
  • 3,054 Views, 204 Comments

OH JESUS! - Chuckward

  • ...

Ultra Satan vs. Jesus

Ultra Satan charged Jesus, punching his skull into a splintery mess. Thankfully Jesus survived but then Ultra Satan threw 400 houses at him, crushing his solarplexus. Jesus got super pissed, turned green and threw up.

"Get off of this planet!" Jesus said.

"This is my planet now," replied Ultra Satan.

"Okay then you get off of this planet."

"Fine I will!"screamed Ultra Satan.
Then he left forever. The End.

Author's Note:

I'm fucking sick of this story, it shall never return.

Comments ( 43 )

Such an action-packed ending.


Author Interviewer

Uh, yay...I guess?

i am a christian brony and find this funny but still, :twilightoops::twilightoops: WUT?!?!?!?

I crame.

No! I refuse to read this!

No! I refuse to read this!

I enjoyed this. Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to check myself into a hospital. Because, as clearly indicated by the first sentence in this comment, I most assuredly have a mild case of permanent brain damage.

i actually read your comment and gave it a thumbs down

I have to say, when they read this fic on that livestream, it had me rolling on the floor laughing. Great work. I normally don't like trollfics, but this one is smartly executed and rather hilarious.

This is the single best chapter of anything ever.

I don't wish to sound offensive or cruel I am merely stating an opinion, and that is this story ruined a perfectly good idea this type of story has to be done in a serious light. Making it a joke is just wrong, if this story was done in a serious light it could have been made into a novel with great philosophical and spiritual meaning. After I read this story all I could do was hold my rage for the death of an idea.

So because you like something, it's automatically not allowed to be made fun of.

no that is not what I said you can make fun if something that's fine I even got a few laughs out of it, and by the way I'd just like to point out that I am not Christen, but I do know that there are 3 things you never insult directly race, culture, and religion. What you did here was not making a joke but insulting the very core belief of Christianity, and I'm at lest 70% cretin that I am not the only one that thinks this way but I am probably the only one that will speck up about it. If you don't like criticism then you shouldn't have put this story up on a sit that allows comments because that is the very reason they are here for praise and criticism I will speak no further on this matter, unless you have a direct question on my reasoning.

You're clearly offended, and quite frankly I could give a shit.

The fact is, I don't care if you think I'm insulting Christianity, I don't think I am. Actual Christians have read this story, and some of them liked it.

What you've provided isn't the criticism that I care to listen to. If you want to critique my writing(which I assure you has vastly improved since this story) then I'm absolutely okay with that. As it stands, the "criticism" you provided was nothing more than complaining to someone who could care less.

That's my sense of humor, if you don't like it, leave.

I'm Athiest, and I really loved this. Well I think that this story is disliked because of my type or religous people that did not even read this. Great story by the way, it was really hillarius!:rainbowlaugh:

This is the best ending for an anime ever.

Well Cyber, long ago, before the Earth was formed, a ragtag group of reviewers sought to purge the site of terrible fanfictions.

Then knighty iced them.

Welp Jesus has a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus. Ill give it a chance.:pinkiehappy:

By Odin this story was hilarious! I thank you for writing this and making my day better and today was a pretty crappy day. Thank you Chuckward, write on you crazy monkey.:rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy:

I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasin' Jesus :ajsmug::ajsmug::ajsmug:

So far the comments make this story awesome and I have yet to read it

homes, you get a favorite on the title alone.

You mean you died twice because a hobo punched you in the butt, or you died because he landed two smacks on you sorry ass?

2563049 It was pretty hard to tell, guess either one would work.

I saw this on Regidar's page...I'm scared to go any further...

2680408 Don't be scared, Regidar preaches great truths.

Such a beautiful ending! :')

I shall never see anything as beautiful

1913703 1913730 I know, right! Chuckward really knows how to pull off a good story.

2162106 Gah, spirituality is not meant to be taken seriously on non-100% serious-websites

Hey there, I'd like to know where I actually insulted Christianity.

you depicted jesus as a selfish, self absorbed, asshole, with no care for others, that used his powers for nobody's gain but his own
in other words the exact opposite of who he was
also I apologize for how poorly done my first rant was done, I was dealing with some serious aggregation at the time and you just had the misfortune of being the one caught by the bomb
now that I have calmed down I will give a proper review
rating 2/10 the character portrayals are all either bland or completely pointless, the passing horrible the entire story seams rushed like it's trying to avoid becoming to complex witch is actually what it needed, the concept had potential it could have been an amazing story if given time but it seems that it was that it wasn't ready when you started writing, I also realized that one of the themes never showed up "Romance", it seems as this story concept was thought up during lunch and was posted before dinner, in all the story could have been better it just needed a bit more time to fester.
now I am done with this story and hope that I don't have to look back at it and I apologize for my previous rant


you depicted jesus as a selfish, self absorbed, asshole, with no care for others, that used his powers for nobody's gain but his own


in other words the exact opposite of who he was

and scootaloo is an angel. that can fly. :scootangel:

but seriously. were you alive back then? do you know that he wasn't just a selfish bastard? he might have been. we'd never know. but people only assume he was this ancient superhero.

Chuckward's OH JESUS! is a must read for all fans of My Little Pony.

The premise begins as the usual Human in Equestria story but with a controversial twist; Jesus christ, the son of God as stated by christianism, is the protagonist.
After being sentenced to execution by crucifixion, Jesus is on his last minutes when his father takes pity on his state and sents him into Equestria as a gift.

Chuckward's prose is lightning fast and efficient, leaving little space for distractions but with hidden meanings and detail in every phrase.
The effective use of symbolism coupled with the superb interpretation of Jesus as a character and his highly realistic and smooth interaction with the main characters of My Little Pony: Firendship is Magic, create a complex and layered view into both sets of characters, show-casing and exploring each of their personalities in few lines that expose with great accuracy and depth each character through short phrases with oodles of content.
Jesus is a humble and noble character, human as any of us and conflicted with his own power, a part of his character which comes to play when the final resolution of the story.

Don't be fooled by the chapters' titles and lenghts as this also plays a part into the complex and highly speculative nature of the story.

All in all, OH JESUS! is a short but delightful read.
Obligatory for lovers of religious literature and all literature in general.

"9.5/10 it's shit. won't play" - IGN
"I can make a glorious veggie and cheese omelet." - AA-12Ducky
"you sure convinced me with those hot opinions" - /lit/
"Twist is best pony." - Regidar
"ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" - Applejack


I concur!!!!!

10/10 would bang - Nexosaur

[i don't want you knowing my time zone] Billcosbward: Someone tell Ducky that I'm bleeding to death from laughing so hard.

Soundspeed is only second to jesus in best pony

The first chapters I read because of the title, the last because I love Bane. It'd be better edited. Also, could be funnier.

I hope you have an alt dude, I love reading your shit

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