• Published 18th Oct 2012
  • 3,041 Views, 204 Comments

OH JESUS! - Chuckward

  • ...

Pinkie vs. Jesus!

Before we begin I'd like to let you know that this story is completely canon and there's nothing you can do about it. It takes place between seasons two and three.

" What are you,"Pinkie asked.

"Ok, well I wanted to inform you. Also, Ashley went home sick, and im gonna bring you something after school," Jesus replied.

" Is it racist bulldogs?"

"Is a racist badger good enough? If not, ill get you the bulldogs for christmas."

"I don't know, badgers tend to be allergic to cellophane, and I like 3D movies."

Jesus stood there, stunned by Pinkie's quick thinking. If he didn't think of something, Pinkie was going to win.

I'll just have to step up my game,Jesus thought to himself.

"Dont forget though bacon pumas can breath on the moon and the average black man uses a rock to fish," Jesus said.

"Yes but once you pour liquid cucumber skins into a hippos mouth, you've truly seen the face of god, and speaking of hippos, you must remember all new yorkers after take-off must jump through the halo of a jalapeño."

Jesus felt as though he was being struck by lightning. In his entire life he'd never met a being so powerful. He felt himself losing consciousness.

"You have defeated me, Pink warrior," he said just before he collapsed.

Unbeknownst to the entire populous of Eqeustria, a dark evil was looming over them. Eager to take advantage of the fact that Jesus was no longer under god's visage. It was the devil's father Ultra Satan! He decided to infiltrate the small town of Ponyville by disguising himself in the best way possible. After checking the Internet he decided to take the form of a red and black alicorn, after all, according to the Internet they were not only very common, but also really badass and cool, with more power than the princesses themselves. He turned to see a pony trotting toward him, probably to be his friend, after all everybody loves red and black Alicorns.

"Hey there mister, what's your name," the small pony asked.

Deciding that Ultra Satan probably wasn't the best thing to say he quickly came up with a totally badass name that was dark and mysterious.

"It's Cursed Shadow."