Jimmy neutron isn't in this chapter.
Before I begin this chapter I'd like to say this. I wrote the first chapter at midnight, when I woke up I felt very sick. Maybe a certain deity wasn't too happy with me. Oh well, my motto is " If you break it you buy it" and I'm pretty sure that's applicable in some way at this point. I almost included a disclaimer for this story, but then I remembered that I didn't want to.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
The next pony to approach Jesus was the angry looking orange one in the stetson.
"Now what in tarnation did you do that for ya friggin' varmit," she screamed.
"Wow,"Jesus replied," that's the lamest fake accent I've ever heard. What's your name anyway?"
"My accent is not fake," she yelled, steadily growing even angrier," and my name is Apple-"
"Apple? That's a stupid name, what kind of loser parents name their kid apple?"
"My parents are dead."
"Well if you ask me, I think they got what they deserved, anyone who names their kid apple deserves to burn in hell."
"MY NAME ISN'T APPLE," Apple screamed before lunging at Jesus with the intent to kill.
Jesus simply stepped to the side, avoiding the attack, then he dashed towards Apple and sent her flying with a vicious uppercut.
"SHORYUKEN," Jesus shouted as he began to descend from his epic attack. He looked at Apple's trajectory and calculated the exact point where she would land with his Jesus math and ran to that spot, where he caught Apple and threw her in the direction that Fluttershy and blue pony had went, then he returned to the remaining two ponies.
The purple one was the first to speak up.
"Why are you doing this to my friends,"she cried,"they never did anything to you."
"I'm pretty sure that Fluttershy looked at me crossways."
"Oh, well in that case I forgive you, I really need to teach that pony some manners."
So Purple pony also ran off in the general direction of where Jesus assumed Fluttershy had gone.
"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie."
Jesus jumped, startled by the loud noise. He turned to the Pink equine.
This is gonna be so easy,Jesus thought to himself,"There is absolutely no way that this pony can keep up with the things I'm about to say.
Pinkie simply grinned.
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It's been done, but meh. Let's see what you have to offer.
Oh, good lord!
allright, i just read the first paragraph and i am already offended, an emissary of god will go a kick you in the balls
1462808 what happened to turn the other cheek
and love thy neighbor
and wrath being kind of a sin
Obvious troll fix is obvious. Although I enjoyed most of the first chapter, I don't think I'll bother with the rest of it.
Religion + Ponies?
Nope.
Someone get the TWE in here so they can rip this to shreads.
I downvote, faved, why just why? Isn't this a trollfic?
1462887 I just did.
Bringing religion into this fanbase?
assets.diylol.com/hfs/a64/a6e/b33/resized/insanity-wolf-meme-generator-how-dare-you-9ebd7c.jpg
1462929
It sure was! :D
1462808
You're clearly angry. Just sit back and take a few deep breaths okay?
Okay, religion and MLP:FiM don't mix.
1463791
You don't say.
1463851
Yes I say.
1463860
Believe me, I wrote this with a goal to offend people.
1463889
I wish that I one day can understand trolls.
Also getting infamous thanks to offending, I don't know if that is so good. But hay, it is your choice.
this will be my new bible LOL i dont see why people would dislike this it so funny KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
As much as I don't give a fuck about religious flame war thing.. all I can say is
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/053/566/1274587871210.jpg
By all means experiment with Jesus, and fucking with the religious populace, but seriously? Obvious troll fic is obvious?
The picture itself made me smile. This is a lot of effort to put into trolling though.
1466613
How do you figure?
1462887
Bitch I'm train proof.
i.imgur.com/2w591.gif
1478890 I'm not an atheist.
1478917 that makes it even worse.
I'm Christian and this is HILARIOUS!
Honestly though, i think MLP and Religion mix, god probably brohoofed celestia
1479361
Oh well. If I gave a shit about people's opinions I wouldn't have written this.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4xap4RBtf1qiwcbgo1_1280.jpg
I'm coming for you!!!
1483378
Here's Twenty bits. Go hit the clubs.
1483849
K 
1483849
Your safe for now
iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=54229
I AM IN REAL PHYSICAL PAIN FROM LAUGHING THIS HARD
HELP MEEE