The Wheel Turns
Death was entropy, and entropy was chaos. Many fleeting fools waxed on and on about it in their treatises, but none of them understood it like he did. Intricately. Like greeting an old friend in a new set of clothes.
Though he was never quite a fan of sowing chaos in the form of death. It was so simple, so boring. For ages immemorial that was the only adjective he could describe it as. Boring. Ponies stumbled and died, sometimes believing they’d accomplished some big ordeal, sometimes after merely being hit with a brick on their head. For him it was all the same.
But then, he got to know her. Every day since he couldn’t wrap his head around it. He who battled the Sun and the Moon, who considered the laws of physics and magic bad jokes, fell for a pony?! It was absurd! Ridiculous! And so so delightfully chaotic. She had friends of course, of varying annoyance… the pink one was at least somewhat fun, but otherwise? An unremarkable bunch of loathsome Harmony. It was her alone who became the centre of his attention. A centre! For someone who hadn’t had one!
Under her spell even time itself seemed to slow down. He and Time weren’t exactly on good terms. They needed each other, sure, there’s no meaning of time without change and there is no change without time, but that didn’t mean they were friends. One day he decided to be two hundred years older in a second, just to spite Time, and it never quite forgave him for that little hijink. But that just made it all the more amusing.
But now? Days, no, minutes suddenly had meaning. And for the first time he could no longer ignore Time. Because she didn’t have as much as he did. Oh, he tried so hard to forget about that fact. Ponies stumble, but she wasn’t just a pony… right? She had the God of Chaos on her side, after all. Nothing could come to harm her.
So when he spotted the first white strand in her mane, he said nothing. Just a new style and she hadn’t told him, he reassured himself. It’d been only, what, fifteen, twenty years? A blink of an eye! Nothing to be worried of.
Then, a moment or maybe five years later, she smiled at him. It was a deep and rich smile, the sort that filled the screaming void of chaos in his core with pure, unrelenting love. But while the warmth burned him so sweetly inside, he noticed a tiny little wrinkle under her eye. Surely that was just a trick of the light. Some petty vengeance because of that one time he had to get somewhere faster than it. But no, he blinked and blinked again, and the wrinkle remained. Her smile slowly morphed into a concerned frown. She asked if something was wrong. He tried to smile back and hoped with all of his being that it was convincing before saying “no”. Nothing was wrong at all, ponies do change a little, don’t they? It was their only non-boring quality. So why wasn’t he happy about it?
He wasn’t sure when it happened. They walked down a little meadow and he went ahead to turn a few flowers to match her mane and coat. She always humoured him with a little giggle that reminded him of wind chimes. This time, however, there was only silence. He frowned, she was never one to not appreciate his art, but when he turned he had to stop himself from physically breaking into pieces. She’d stumbled and was lying on the ground, silent pain written on her face. He didn’t even think as he snapped, the world crumbling away to reveal the nearby hospital around them. He screamed like a lion for somepony, anypony to help.
Time took its revenge then. Every moment felt a century. Doctors dashed in and out, their stoic faces betraying the slightest hint of fear. That fear was nothing compared to his own. Day by day he stood at her bed, guarding it… There was nothing else he could do. He was the Lord of Chaos. He could not turn the wheel of time backwards.
A thousand years in stone could not measure up to a millionth of the anguish he felt in the moment when her lips weakly pulled themselves into one final smile and her hoof fell out of his grasp limply onto the sheets.
Mountains shook and trees collapsed from his roar. He screamed and pierced the void, tears floating into the nothingness beyond. He found that old snake, Time, and yanked its tail deep from its throat. “Give. Her. Back.” His words rumbled the astral plane. Time merely smiled… then relented.
He found himself back in the hospital. The birds chirped, the machines beeped. With mounting dread, he lowered his eyes onto the bed.
He found her in front of him. No white strands, no wrinkles. As pristine and holy as she ever was.
Slowly, she smiled at him. He smiled back.
Then she began to shake.
There were few times someone of his calibre learnt something. But that day the God of Chaos learned that though he may be spared by it, even he was not above Time, and it was never his friend. And he would pay for his folly. The thing, that facsimile that emerged from beyond… was not her, it couldn’t have been. She wouldn’t have begun to convulse. She wouldn’t have begged to be let go, to be killed again. Her lovely butter coat wouldn’t have started to fall out in patches, rotting into mulch the moment they hit the floor. Those shy little eyes wouldn’t weep crimson, and they wouldn’t beg “Why?” as they looked at him, while her legs buckled.
The Lord of Entropy wept with her. With agonising slowness, the Lord of Death snapped his talons and granted her wish. And Time marched on, forever.
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Damn, this one hit pretty strongly. I've seen quite a few of these, it's too tempting a premise not to be tackled by writers of all types, but that only adds to the way in which it can be written, and yours was quite interesting. I've seen versions of this that range from Discord killing himself to Discord granting Fluttershy immortality to Discord growing old with Fluttershy. But this one took it a step further into horror in a way that is particularly twisted and cruel. I've read other stories that take a more Lovecraftian approach, but this one just feels tragic, in a good way. I really like the concept behind this, especially that fight between concepts that are so absolutely beyond anyone, it really brings up how small and fragile Fluttershy was compared to the creature that fell in love with her. My only nitpick might be Discord bringing Shy to a hospital as his first instinct instead of starting to tear reality then and there, but it does allow for such a delighfully cruel moment at the end when he is forced to kill her after bringing her back. That is just Sophocles level of fucked up, I love it.
I think you did a pretty good job with this one. The prose also carried the weight of the situation and the actions particularly well, and there's a sense of measure and distillation that is obviously helped by the strong word count limit, but which regardless is worth praising. Good job!
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Ah, based. Only read the obvious ones from him, but it is very tragic stuff.
Could you please elaborate on this one? If you mean it literally, he does tear reality, since the two of them teleport to the hospital. If you mean why he didn't go and beat up Time there and then, it's both because he's in denial and because he didn't really have a reason or the state of mind yet.
Otherwise, I'm very happy to hear this one hit better. Thank you!
Sure. It's very tricky to write Discord when he can do anything, but basically what got me a little confused was requiring a hospital at all, since, I assume, he might have been able to try healing her on the spot. However, now that I think about it a little bit more, I see what you were going for. I assumed she had stumbled because of old age and not, you know, a worsening condition. Making it so that another entity is to blame for the decay mortals experience, instead of just physical ailments is a good way to get around the fact that Discord can just alter the bodies of whomever he wishes and could, theoretically, revert Fluttershy back to full health with a snap of his fingers. I guess the idea of taking her to a hospital seemed too, I dunno, "rational" for Discord, in my eyes at least. But in a state of panic, yeah, I believe it considering the situation. The fact that no pony else is mentioned at the hospital also speaks to how Discord probably didn't even wait more than a few minutes before looking for Time, which is a cool way to imply the urgency of the situation.
That was damn solid, Filly. You should write more Discord, I really liked your way of conveying his thoughts and how he perceives the passage of time. Great read, would have loved to see an expanded version.
I have two nitpicks though. I was expecting the fic to end with Discord having to deal with his responsibility as Occasionally Grim Reaper. That horror turn surprised me, but it came out of nowhere and honestly didn't hit very hard for me. I'm not sure my idea would have been any better though, and certainly not what you were going for anyway.
Also Discord ripping the Ouroborous' tail out of its mouth was really clever, though I laughed out loud at that. Probably not a great reaction to invoke in that moment.
Regardless, good stuff.
Sombra x Sunny romance sequel when?
Beautifully written and very haunting. I think it almost doesn’t need the final twist of the knife (it feels a little cliche) but at the same time it does firmly establish Time’s feelings towards Discord in a way that doesn’t require a word of dialogue, and I think that’s powerful. Best of luck in the contest, fellow competitor!
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I knew someone else would get it at first glance, I didn't.
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I like that idea a lot actually! However, what I was going for (it was really a spur of the moment thing) is that Discord can only ever really cause entropy. Ultimately it's up in the air whether Time is just a spiteful twit or if Discord brought it on himself directly, but bringing someone back being beyond even him was the idea from the get go.
True, but I'd still rather make you snort than roll your eyes. Oh well
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Thank you very much. I've seen you submit some of your own 1k fics as well, good luck you too! I'm really enjoying this contest, the word limit brings out the essence of authors.
That was beautiful. Beautiful, but haunting at the same time.
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This pretty much covers everything I'd say.
It's a newer take on an old idea, but damn does it ever hurt.
Ah, great idea of also personifying Time, love it. Makes a lot of sense that Time would hate chaos, as, for Time, things happen naturally in an order.
Written beautifully with how Discord values Fluttershy, leading perfectly to the end. The "additional" ending is also adding a nice horrific touch, although to me, personally, the fic is more of a Drama than Horror. Yeah, sure, the ending is shocking, but it's kind of fitting to get revenge on Discord and him accepting the flow of time.
Well done!
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Disagree. Getting a laugh out of the
victimI mean reader, right before the blade twists is perfect.And Discord still has options. He could kick Time's ass harder, demanding a proper resurrection. If that fails, there's always omnicide.
wow... just wow... beautiful job, such a haunting concept of discord's perception of time shifting now that he had someone who had less of it than him
11616417 Entropy is not synonymous with chaos.
Entropy is actually a VERY orderly process, with energy gradients steadily moving in one direction. Chaos would be entropy being capable of randomly reversing and creating MORE work energy from waste heat.
Question: in this version of Equestria with a Lord of Death... how do the Alicorns exist?
I would assume this entity is FURIOUS that Twilight and Cadance were ascended.
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Yeah, I just felt like Discord's grief was portrayed really well (short as it was, but that's a given in this contest), and the tail thing was so funny to me it ruined the moment.
I would like to request everyone writing about discord not to mention entropy!
so true actually, the best takes on FlutterCord incorporate this somehow
very rude!
hehe that is so Discord, love it
well we all know where this is going!
yeah those older Mane 6 models in the finale were very rip weren’t they
oof, burn on ponykind as a whole!
aww that is so cute! perfect thing to say right before twisting the knife
so true
ooh, love this interaction with literal versions of metaphorical versions of abstract concepts
and having to kill her himself at the end is just the final twist of the knife of Discord’s agony. lovely prose, and a great take on an old concept. thank you for writing!
The immortality blues always ring truer for Discord than Twilight. Twilight makes other friends; she’ll always cherish the five she made in Ponyville that fateful day, but her social circle isn’t locked to them, no matter what some authors may claim. But Discord? It’s a struggle for him to find anypony beyond Fluttershy he can truly relate to, and that’s a recipe for a tragedy as inevitable as heat death. Brilliant portrayal of him; I don’t think I’ve ever seen Discord as Death before, and this employed the idea to devastating effect. Thank you for it.
(My only complaint is that it’s arguably a better fit for the Drama category. The “came back wrong” Fluttershy at the end feels like an obligatory inclusion to justify where you put the entry. Yes, Discord wasn’t going to take this one lying down, but the main focus is still on the tragedy of his denial than the horror of his mistake.)
Meanwhile Somewhere within "timey whimey" places probably in a comic
???: sorry discord but time always marches on
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They're probably like death from puss in boots the last wish