The Moon Doesn't Dance

Tirek has come to Canterlot, the princesses have fled, chaos runs amok, Moondancer makes a decision.

Entry to the Thousand Words Story Contest II. Drama category.

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Comments ( 7 )

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Moproblems Moharmoney

Moproblems Moharmoney #1 · Jun 15th, 2023 · 1 · ·

A wonderfully crushing sense of nihilism here. Bravo.

overdue

overdue #2 · Jun 16th, 2023 · 1 · 1 ·

Moondancer's sacrifice was remembered by Tirek for about 30 minutes, and no one else

Rewan Demontay

Rewan Demontay #3 · Jun 16th, 2023 · 1 · ·

I can only hope she lives and learns. Her tale is sad and woven with depression. Perhaps this act of darkness of uplift her into the light...
Excellently written to make me me feel for her and relate on a deeper level.

resonance

resonance #4 · Jun 16th, 2023 · · ·

Gotta respect those last stand types

Good choice on only giving her two shots, but wish the interaction went in a bit longer.

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Bicyclette

Bicyclette #5 · Sep 18th, 2023 · 1 · ·

Indeed, Moondancer was no one. She’d spent her life chasing the coat tails of the princess’s personal student and found herself outmatched in every possible way, and now that student had herself become a princess, achieving impossibility with all the ease in the world. A cruel twist of the knife.

oof yeah, sucks to be her as well as anypony comparing themselves to pre-alicorn Twilight in any way!

And she was the princess of friendship too, for there was no limit to cruelty. The mare who had forgotten her birthday and instead gone to a whole new town to make new, better friends. She’d been rewarded the title of princess of friendship. Moondancer had to be no one then, it was the only way it made sense.

yeah that has gotta suck extra

Binoclarde, she hadn’t heard that one before. Prench maybe? Points for originality at least.

yay, always love adding Prench insults to my vocabulary

She felt her body battered by the attack, every skip across the stones tearing away at her fur and flesh. Eventually she came to a stop with the help of a metal base belonging to a magical light pole. She heard something crack inside her at the impact. The world swirled around her in a sudden cascade of pain.

oof, that’s not very rubbery pony cartoon violence!

Internal bleeding, a helpful diagnosis jumped to mind. She wondered where she’d read about it.

oof! Moondancer’s quite a mare, going hoof to hoof with Tirek as a “no one”. and all this to know that after this, Tirek is to be defeated by the Twilight that Moondancer was ruminating on… poor Moondancer!

love this could-have-been-just-offscreen scene, and study of the depth that Moondancer can have as a character. all the other Twilight Sparkle clones referenced in

Before it all went dark, Moondancer thought about how much she hated her name. It was a stupid thought to have, but she couldn't help herself. Moondancer. A joke. The twilight does sparkle, the sunset does shimmer, the starlight does glimmer, but the moon doesn’t dance.

all ended up mattering in a way that Moondancer did not, just twisting the knife of her existential angst here. it would be great to see more stories do her justice like this, giving her the center stage and character study she deserves. thank you for writing!

LucidTech

LucidTech #6 · Sep 18th, 2023 · · ·

11697820

Thanks for the in depth comment as always Bicyclette! Getting these always feels like it's own little reward just for participating! I know it must be draining to put these up for so many stories so I'm always happy to see them show up on my entries.

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #7 · Sep 19th, 2023 · · ·

Nice work with both the echo of Twilight confronting Nightmare Moon and Moondancer’s blend of courage and utter resignation. The ending falters, though. For one, Tirek’s rampage predated Starlight; there’s no reason for Moondancer to think of her. For another, it’s just a weird final thought. Of all the things to cross Moondancer’s mind in her last moments, that one comes out of left field. Barely any thematic connection to her self-loathing throughout the story; it just feels like you forced a callback to the title.

Again, a powerful scene for the most part, but you stumbled at the finish line. Still, thank you for it.

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