This story is a sequel to A Changeling Builds a House in the Everfree Forest
The venerable lords of cinders return once more to Ponyville to attend a 'welcome-to-Ponyville' party. Zarathon hopes to announce his vassalization of Ponyville during these favorable circumstances. Mute is there to support his fellow Lord in this quest. However, Ponyville might not be as receptive as Zarathon thought to the idea of having a pebble liege-lord, and neither Mute nor Zarathon can feel the encroaching darkness from the Everfree forest.
(The death tag was added due to the brief mention of death in the story. The sex tag was added due to the mention of lust and suitors. I think at least that is how these tags are meant to be applied due to the content of the story. There is no explicit scene of death or sex in this story.)
Many things to say regarding both chapters, let’s begin.
Chapter 1:
-1st paragraph, I believe you meant “none” instead of “non.”
-Seamstress, interested in learning more about the seamstress to say the least.
-He can’t use magic, perhaps an injury procured while traveling with Zarathon?
Chapter 2:
-1st paragraph, again, I think starred is supposed to be stared; and hurdles is supposed to be huddles.
-The mare who’s listing over Mute, like 99% sure she’s supposed to be a entomologist. She’s either really enthusiastic about being an entomologist to the point where she gets lustful about a new bug to study, or it’s a combination of Mute’s dashingly amazing good looks and the former.
-Beetle is spelt wrong when describing her cutie mark.
-“Lords of Cinder,” fancy way of saying firebender. In all seriousness though the chapter actually explains their titles and purposes pretty well.
-Nice reference to Celestia’s undying affection for cakes at the end.
-Zarathon has parents?! Starting to think that he wasn’t always a rock… not to forget the off mention of him giving up his form.
Quite wordy yes but I tried to put things that might be useful or show you what I think/see on certain points.
11083365
This is perfect, thank you, man!
Tonight on "A Changeling-",
A pegasus complains about a pampered rat,
Zarathon wears a hat,
And I reminisce about my fight with a cat!
Honestly I think you should make this and the chapters before this one all one story I don’t really understand the need to have them separated like that
11083996
Aye! You spitting bars, man!
11083997
Honestly I had them separated because I assumed they'd all be random one-shots with the same character. But now it's taking on another form. I'll consider making the next one the start of a multi-chapter fic.
I'm in love with this universe and characters, eagerly looking forward to more
11084144
Thank you!
11083996
Needs more music.
Yeah, rave music can do that to ya.
I'd hate to be the bureaucrat that has to fill out the paperwork for that though. Where would you even deport a talking pebble to, anyway?
Anyway, turn of events though it is, this was very enjoyable, and my interest in these two ragamuffins has only increased, so I look forward to more. And I agree with other commenters--probably time to drop pretense and make this a single ongoing fic at this point, if just for ease of reading.
11084442
As this is the second comment that suggest I make this one long fic I'll probably do that.
Moar! I require another!
11084566
There shall be moar
This is a really good series.
11084695
Thank you! I am so glad so many people like them.
I was not ready for lore.
Getting eaten by a black ooze monster
He knows
11085396
Oh, I have so much lore~ *Evil laughter*
11085552
Of course, he knows! All must know to be safe!
Answer one question, two more shall take its place. Hail Zarathon!
11085876
Hail the lord of cinder!
Now watch Zarathon and Celestia be old buddies lol
11086407
Well... Buddies is a bit too friendly word
Zarathon having power is a really funny twist.
11092639
Once he had more.
That's Pinky alright.
11093463
Nice I got her character right
Wonder who that is who will be wearing Fluttershy.
And just like how Equestria was basically in a thousand-year peace before the Elements were rediscovered just in time for the return of Nightmare Moon, one must question the causal relationship represented by the sudden appearances...
Zarathon must modernize himself or his battle will be unnecessarily difficult.
11115596
Aye, and get some friends.
11083365
And the mention of hooves.
This is amazing and I hope this gets more chapters!!
This is pretty interesting. I like it.
11255568
Thank you.
11122385
It is hands now actually.
11296467
I suppose they finally lost their cowardice after the defeats they suffered at my hooves.
11299000
God dammit— Let me go edit that.
11113996
Wearing Fluttershy?
11306861
Possessing?
11306861
He meant that the being would possess her.
11306878
Correct.
11300652
did you get it?
11440287
Yes I did ^^