This story is a sequel to A Mare in the Wilderness
A master of alchemy and magic trusts his instincts when taking on a young filly as a new apprentice. Years later, her training is put to the test when they are called to Canterlot to aid Princess Celestia. With her master away on a mission of his own, the apprentice must use all her alchemy and magic skills to save the princess and help defend the castle.
This story is part of The Quicksilver Chronicles, a series of stories that follow the adventures of Quicksilver and Misty as they make their way through whatever fate throws at them.
Cover art by 108Fiona8Fay.
Thanks to my pre-readers OConnerGT-R, mikemeiers, and FionaF. With a special thanks to my editor EverfreePony.
Chapters (8)
I have to say, getting this story edited wasn’t exactly easy. The pre-readers more or less praised it, though the nitpicky editor saw much more unused potential in some of the scenes and had to figuratively crack the whip to make the author give this story his best. (And he surely did. Meaning you’ll get a story that should feel much more livelier and gripping.)
Given the focus on different characters and settings, this story stands out from the rest in the series, and could easily pass for a standalone piece with some gentle tweaks here and there. In other words, if you're not familiar with the rest if the chronicles, you should still be able to enjoy this story just fine. Chances are, you’ll most likely want to see more of Ann after finishing this story.
Channeling his inner Gandalf, I see!
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Yup. I just couldn't resist it.
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Who are we kidding? None of the stories have been an easy edit. Over the course of the chronicles, whole sections, even chapters, have been trashed or re-written. I'd guess that at least half the content of this story is replaced/new from what the pre-readers saw.
But, the pain seems to be worth it. The stories are better because if it, and I believe my writing has improved. Those are good things.
What an intriguing prologue! Really draws me in to the reading. I can't wait to read on!
I find it a bit weird that Ann just let herself get dragged away from the alchemist to have a meal and a rest. Running halfway across Equestria for small talk with a royal guard... what about the incoming invasion? I get that the next scene is supposed to satisfy that, but the sense of immediacy from the evacuation just doesn't fit in with what happened.
(please don't take this personally, I still love your stories)
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You have a point. I just figured after walking/trotting all night, she would be receptive to some food and a bit of rest. I don't know if a comment to that effect would be helpful, or just draw more attention to it.
** Edit **
One other thought...
The Princess of the Sun and ruler of all Equestria just assigned a member of the Royal Guard to escort you out of the throne room... You probably don't want to be raising any objections.
That was an enjoyable fight scene that flowed organically and logically. Well done.
I’m trying to come up with a D&D equivalent for the Alchemist class. Maybe a wizard with levels in Druid. In any case, one rule applies:
“You see that figure in the cloak? Don’t mess with them. Ever.”
Sounds like one of them might be a changeling fully attuned to their partner!
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I can neither confirm or deny such theories. Although... I have read some fanfics that establish that changelings have been around as long as ponies have, living among them. Different hives, each focused on a particular type of emotion, and therefore taking jobs that maximize exposure. So those feeding of gratefulness would gravitate towards the medical fields. Changelings employed in the castle a millennium ago? Hmmm...
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That actually sounds quite intriguing. Though I’m not sure if gratefulness would be the best emotion one could feed on in a hospital, especially a millennium ago.
Great story!
And we get a preview of the next one as a bonus!
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). I have some cool stuff to share...
Glad you enjoyed it. It improved significantly after editing. I'll talk about that and a bunch of other stuff the next two Wednesdays with my backstory blog entries (part 1 and part 2
Former pre-reader here. I was going to do a mid-review of this story during chapter four, but I think this is as good a spot as any to point out a few things that would make my final review a bit bloated.
The student-teacher relationship between The Alchemist and Windflower is one of the reasons I love this story. I personally haven't seen a good depiction of this kind of relationship in a while, so it's refreshing to see it done so well here. Usually the teacher, or student, in more recent stories I've read won't be very well fleshed out as characters. Their reactions to things always seemed very robotic, and not acting like how a real person, or in this case pony, would act. This is mostly going to be pointing out those moments, as well as highlighting the main relationship between the two main characters.
Okay, I really enjoyed this moment. Normally, at least from what I've seen, people that have a high degree in their field will hold themselves to a high standard to a point of being extremely uptight. This isn't always a bad thing, but when someone has seen that type of character a dozen times over it's moments like these that make me smile and make the story, and character, feel a bit more refreshing.
I like seeing The Alchemist flex his collection of artifacts even if only momentarily. It's funny hearing him say how hard it is to get a Stone of Protection, only to then flex his skills by saying he has several.
Also, I really like all the artifacts that are shown here. I always thought it was a missed opportunity that the show didn't delve more into ancient artifacts. Or, if it did, I might have just been craving more than what I was given, but I digress. This is a really interesting moment as it shows just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what the alchemist has found in his travels. And the best part is that due to this being in a series of stories, the author has the chance to use items like these again in the future should they so choose to. I'm sure any hardcore fans that see these pop up again in another story will be like, "Ah, he did it. He used the thing from this story!"
Again, another moment I like. Windflower is a child, but that doesn't mean she needs to be portrayed as stupid. I've seen many stories from many mediums that will depict a child as being really dumb, which gets old rather quickly when seeing it dozens of times, but Windflower is portrayed differently. Yes, she is written as a child and thus has a few child like impulses, but she is also written as being smart and intelligent especially when it comes to making decisions. She knows she wants to be one, and a scene like this helps reinforce that she isn't picking this career one a whim.
I love this scene. Windflower is once again able to show her intelligence in that she can do basic math, and can call someone out on a mistake when it has been made. I also like how it can be interpreted in two different ways, either the clerk is making a mistake, or they truly are hustling their customers, either way he is in the wrong but is given the chance to make things right before things are made worse.
Nothing in depth to say about this, I just really love it.
This! I love this. The Alchemist has a backbone and isn't afraid to remind people it isn't a good idea to cross him especially if someone else is acting on his behalf. I also like the implication that his apprentice acts on his behalf, meaning Windflower needs to make sure to be respectful, kind, and curious to others even when not in presence of her teacher as it will reflect on his teachings.
I do like how this echoes something that Steve Rogers said during Captain America: Civil War, which is that someone tries to save as many people as they can, but that doesn't always mean they can save everyone. This scene goes to show that saying is true in many professions. I know this probably not a nod to that, but I've seen this lesson taught in several different ways so I thought I'd point out the similarities.
This scene, and exchange, does a lot. There's a saying a pair of directors used that goes like this, scenes need to do more than one thing. This means a scene should, at least in theory, highlight something about the story, it's characters, and some other third thing I'm forgetting. Not all at once, but a scene at least needs touch on one of those things. This scene does that very well even if done so unintentionally.
The first thing I'll point out is how well this shows Windflower does in fact make mistakes, she isn't always right, but she is confident in her growing abilities as an alchemist. This is shown by the alchemists injured hoof that Windflower does make a mistake or two. Windflower is also showing that, while not an expert, when something is wrong with a formula she is smart enough to figure out why that is.
This scene reminds me of a scene from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I've got a point to make with this, so give me a moment to explain. Windflower is using her critical thinking skills to figure out that something in the original formula isn't right, and makes the changes necessary to fix the issues she's having. What I'm trying to say is that Windflower is acting like younger Professor Snape who has written down the correct steps in his potions book, which means she is putting that brain of hers to use. Not to bash on Herminie, I love her as a character, but Windflower isn't acting liker Herminie who is just mindlessly following the instructions step by step without questioning if something might be wrong.
A very astute observation by the alchemist, but I do believe Windflower's logic is sound.
This is a good highlight of their student-teacher relationship. I love how the teacher acknowledges his student's growing skills, but does so by giving her a warning that more difficult problems are her reward for her good work.
This is what I meant by child like impulses earlier. Windflower has a craving for knowledge, and it shows here, but she will be taught certain things as time even if she is a bit impatient about want it. I understand that to, it's a truly awesome feeling when you get to learn something new about something you love.
I recently had a conversation about this with an acquaintance of mine that basically was what this scene is showing. There is something to be said about learning the basics of any field of study. Those basics are what build the foundation of how to do something. The simple spells, such as levitation, are what go a long way in being able to do more complex spells later on. Eventually someone can become so good at the basics they can do what Windflower is said to be able to do below.
I enjoyed reading this scene because of how much growth, and general life advice, that is packed into it. Also, it reinforces what I said earlier about scenes needing to do more than one thing. Good job to the author with this.
This is just awesome! The alchemist is smart enough to know how to collect gold so that he has a steady enough income that will allow him to focus more on his alchemist work. I approve of this scene and the brain power being used to make easy bits.
Before I close out this mid-review, I'd like to apologize to the author for taking so long with my reading of this story. I'm doing so slowly to enjoy and savor the story a bit more while I get through real world obligations at the moment. This story is a lot of fun to read. You've packed a lot of entertainment into so few words already, and have even packed in a few life lessons to boot. Honestly, if I tried waiting for a full review, I'd probably end up typing out a short story for people to read from how much good things this story does. Job well done, and I look forward to finishing the rest.
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Thanks for your mini (??) review. It's always interesting to see what readers get out of, or focus on in a story.
I think you will enjoy the payoff on some of the things you mentioned during the course of the second half of the tale. I look forward to your next mini (??) review.
And thanks.
This was a really good read. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Windflower’s character development underwent a few really good edits. Not sure how to describe it, but something is there now that wasn’t when I originally read it.
Any nitpick I could have has pretty much been hammered out, any other criticisms I might otherwise have would mostly be heavily opinionated towards a few lessons Windflower learned, which wouldn’t be a fair critique to your story thus I will refrain from them this time.
I will say, and I might have missed it, the jump from Windflower being a filly to being a full grown mare threw me off a bit. Due to this medium being text based it's hard to see a difference from a character being a child to then being fully grown from one chapter to the next. It’s not a glaring issue just one that made me pause a bit.
I know a time jump is mentioned by the Alchemist during the graduation chapter, but maybe next time mention it sooner if possible. Again that could just be an oversight from reading this in small chunks over a few weeks so don’t dwell to much on it.
I believe I said this in my mid-review, but I’ll say it again. The relationship between the Alchemist and Windflower is fantastic! This aspect of the story is what could make or break it, but you knocked it out of the park. I believe your editor helped strength it even further as I believe I saw a few additions that weren’t originally there that helped you earn that metaphorical home run with it.
The skills Windflower uses are great! I always enjoy seeing smaller skills being practiced that are then used to solve a big problem. Windflower being able to levitate individual grains or ingredients was awesome to see utilized here. These small details, and being able to see the character train with them, is what is missing from a lot of newer content these days. I’m glad to see you have acquired this skill of showing your character’s trials and errors as it makes reading about the character way more fun and enjoyable.
This was such a good story that I forgot it started with Quick Silver and Misty telling stories to one another. That’s a sign you, and your editor, have done good work with this story.
This is easily one of your best works right now. I’m going to have to work harder the next time I read a story of yours to find errors with it. Keep up the great work!
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You could say that. The version you pre-read was 12K words. The final version is 22.5K. The castle sequence was almost totally rewritten. So there's a lot of "something" that wasn't there before.
See the backstory blog entry for more details.
It was more of a gradual thing. A few years learning school lessons. A few years learning alchemy. It adds up over time.
Anyway, thanks for the mini-review (which, in two parts, isn't that "mini"). Glad you enjoyed it.
Finally, I can read this story, after handling all those responsibilities in my real life. This is a new experience to know the old history of this series. I like science and magic are both taking an important place here, these skills make Alchemist different from normal ponies. They are unique. Here's my little suggestion: when you have a time jump in your story, you can describe the difference in your character's body. I was a little confused about how long the time had passed. Besides that, it's an interesting story to read as usual. (I really hope that Grammarly can help my grammar be more understandable.)
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Thanks for your thoughts. Glad you enjoyed the story.
That's a good idea about showing a size changed. Since she started pretty young, she would have grown some during the course of the schooling followed by the alchemy training. It would have only taken a couple half sentenced to note that (door knob easier to reach, table seemed smaller, etc).
Just a Discord's advocate thought that went through my mind, but if I was a spy, getting close and friendly with powerful individuals would be a great strategy (like a personal guard for example) another strategy would be to isolate problematic variables like an alchemist or medic who could identify that something was wrong with the Princess.
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Yeah...that's certainly true.
carrying an ore I suspect you meant an OAR - as in rowing.
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Absolutely right. Good catch. Fixed. Thanks.
Speaking with my Chemist Hat on... I love the laboratory scene. Paper chromatography to separate the ingredients! Perfect!
My Little review & Feedback I did your review.
That was a really good story.
Many moons ago, when life was quite a bit more cruel than we know today...
Look at the little bookworm go!
Clever girl.
Creating cascaded triggers is impressive and useful. 🤔
Hrm. Something tells us Thunder may not survive...
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It will show up in another story (if I ever get it edited and published...).
Well it sounds like they're trying to make the coup bloodless. Let's see if they're willing to parlay...
Wax on, wax off. Skills that ended up being useful.
Behold, behold!
Twas fun!
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Glad you enjoyed it.