Current Events
"Do you want to see a new generation of heroes rise and defeat new evils?" The voice said from the television.
"Yes!" The Rainbooms collectively shouted with excitement. The Rainbooms sat on a couch in the commons room of Canterlot High, eagerly watching the television to see the trailer for the upcoming Crimson Chin TV show.
"Do you want to see the Crimson Chin pass the torch to Cleft the Boy Chin Wonder?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to see new Crimson Chin adventures that contain the most popular elements of the old stories while still retaining a degree of originality?"
"Yes!"
"WELL TOO BAD!"
The Rainbooms looked at the TV with dismay. "What?" Rarity asked uneasily.
"Do you want to see Cleft become a mentor to a new young hero while struggling with his flaws, with Crimson Chin popping up from time to time to offer the now-adult Cleft advice as a gift to the fanbase?"
"Uh...yeah?" Fluttershy asked timidly.
"Sorry," the TV announcer said insincerely, "cause instead, we're gonna give you a Crimson Chin show that doesn't feature Crimson Chin?"
"Not even a small, well-received cameo that would reward fans for their dedication?" Rainbow asked.
"Not a chance," the TV mocked. "Also, Cleft will appear in only one episode..."
"You've got to be kidding me?" Rainbow said unhappily.
"Nope," The television boomed, "in fact, we are renaming him Cliff, and we're making him into an Eskimo while only letting him say a few words, pandering to racial diversity without any effort, ironically objectifying stigmatized groups while only offering the illusion of inclusivity."
"Then who is the show going to be about?" Applejack asked with a mixture of anger and confusion.
"We're making it about Cleft, I'm sorry, Cliff's cousin Zoe!" The announcer boomed.
"Will she be a well-rounded female character with flaws she must overcome to defeat her enemies?" Rarity asked with fading hope.
"Of course not!" The TV announcer said with excessive glee. "We're going to make her perfect in every single way while claiming her life is hard and miserable, cheapening female empowerment and ironically dehumanizing the women we claim to be representing by holding them to a ridiculously high standard."
"You guys can't defeat me!" The Zoe character proclaims to a group of bad guys.
"Why is that?" One of the bad guys asked.
"Because I'm a girl!" The Zoe character chirped. "That makes me better than guys. Because that's what gender equality means nowadays."
"OK," the bad guy character said with resignation. "We'll have to give up and go home."
Rainbow watched the screen. "Can this possibly get worse?"
"It can!" The TV narrator said with enthusiasm. "Because instead of a cool action show that explores societal problems, we're gonna make this into a kid com set in high school, with first-world problem stories that are barely disguised product placement!"
"Oh no!" The Zoe character said, tears running down her eyes. "I lost my Crimson Chin stockings, which retailed for 9.99 at Barnyard Bargains. Even though there are people with no food and water, it is my life is ruined forever!"
"Don't worry!" A father character said. "We'll get you a new pair! Now for only $8.95!"
"Thank you, Daddy. You're a lifesaver!" The Zoe character said. "I would've died...from a lack of bargains. But that's not a problem at Barnyard Bargains!"
"No, no...," Pinkie Pie said with horror in her voice.
"Oh yes!" The announcer. "Instead of featuring mature humor balanced with a touch of humanity and empathy, we're gonna make every character an obnoxious jerk in a failed attempt at being edgy with shoehorned political opinions that are inappropriate in a kids' show."
"Despite having tons of friends and everything I want, my life is completely terrible, and I'm stuck with losers like you!" The Zoe character whined to a male friend. "And it's all the fault of the patriarchy, which you are a member! I hate you! Your dumb!"
"No, you can't do this!" Rainbow said with a pleading expression.
"We will. Also, instead of well-rounded side characters with plots and story arcs that can provide a source of character development for the protagonist, they'll be emotionless drones who exist to do nothing but say how perfect Zoe is no matter how horribly she behaves!"
"Zoe is, like, the best and most moral character ever!" A female character who was Zoe's friend exposited.
"You are all sheep who pander to the patriarchy and don't recycle!" Zoe said before punching the friend in the face.
"And she has good aim as well!" The friend said, smiling while rubbing her black eye.
"Why would anyone want to watch this?!" Applejack asked with disbelief.
"Decades of corporate brainwashing, ensuring will bring in customers no matter how terrible our products are!" The announcer taunted. "We're also giving Zoe a kid sidekick named Roy."
"Will he be a nuanced character who gives the female protagonist a meaningful sisterly bond?" Fluttershy pondered.
"HAHAHA! Not at all!" The announcer mocked. "We're making him into an obnoxious pest who does nothing but talk in buzzwords and catchphrases no matter how nonsensical it is!"
"So Roy, what is your favorite book!" An adult character asked him.
"It's Amazeballs! Let's Go!" Roy yelled, jumping up and down like a kid on a sugar high.
Fluttershy let out a horrified squeak.
"Instead of coming up with intelligent jokes with self-referential humor, we'll tell horrible quips that will make you want to pull out your ears without a laughter track!"
"Oh no!" A mother character said. "My baby has been kidnapped!"
"Well, we better start collecting that life insurance!" The Roy character snarked with an obnoxious smile on his face. "Because that's what you say to a grieving mother whose child is missing."
"Ah, my ears!" Fluttershy said, trying to yank her ears out of her head, before a laughter track echoed, with soothed Fluttershy's rage.
"Coming this summer is the sequel to the prequel to the third reboot of the Crimson Chin TV Show..."
"Crimson Chin 2: Crimsoner Chiner: The Destruction of Canon!"
"SHUT IT OFF!" Shrieked Rarity.
Applejack immediately took out her lasso, swung it onto the TV, and yanked it out of the commons rooms through a window. "Phew!" Applejack sighed with incredible relief, no longer having to watch that abomination. But that wasn't enough for Rainbow, who collapsed into tears over the mangling of one of her childhood shows.
Fluttershy held Rainbow while she cried profusely. "Don't worry, Rainbow, Crimsoner Chiner doesn't exist. It can't hurt you."
"Why are you trying to lie like that?" Applejack whispered to Fluttershy.
"Sometimes you have to lie to children to protect them!" Fluttershy whispered back, patting her athlete friend on the head lovingly.
"The Crimson Chin," Rainbow cried, "ruined...forever! This is the...WORST...POSSIBLE...THING!"
"Oh, Rainbow! There's no reason to be so dramatic, darling!" Rarity assured her friend before making a horrible realization. "Oh no, I wore my purple scarf with an aquamarine skirt. This...this is the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"
"Yeah, sure," Sunset said distractedly, looking down at her notebook and doodling something.
"Sunset, are you OK?" Applejack asked her magical friend. Throughout the trailer, Sunset was the only Rainboom who doesn't say a single word, a dejected expression on her face.
"Yeah, sure," Sunset repeated in the same tone.
"Sunny-Wunny," Pinkie Pie chirped, "why are you so down-," Pinkie gasped. "I know, you miss Timmy-Wimmy, don't you?"
Sunset glared at the pink-haired girl defensively. "That's-that's not true."
The Rainbooms all looked at their unicorn friend with an unimpressed expression. "Darling," Rarity uttered with amusement and pity, "it's clear you have a deep care for young Timothy."
Sunset's expression became even more cagey, "That's not-"
"Remember the nightmare you had two days ago during our sleepover about Timmy never talking to you?" Rainbow asked with a smirk on her face.
Rainbow was doing her usual late-night exercises in her weight room when she heard a loud yell.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
Rainbow entered her bedroom and found a shaking, sweating, and hyperventilating Sunset. "Sunset, buddy," Rainbow asked her unicorn friend with a saddened, concerned, and horrified look. "Was that you screaming in terror?"
Sunset trembled for a few moments. "Yeah," she said sadly after a few moments.
"Alright, just checking," Rainbow said abruptly with a smirk before leaving the room. "Night."
Sunset sighed, annoyed, before bundling herself in her sleeping bag and returning to sleep.
Sunset's expression became more uncertain, her gaze falling back to her notebook. "Well-"
"And then there's the song you sang at band practice." Pinkie Pie intoned.
"Oh Timmy, Timmy, Timmy," Sunset sang sadly while strumming her guitar "I miss you, said your best friend Shimmy." The Rainbooms watched this with no small amount of concern on their faces.
Sunset's expression became even more nervous. "I was just-"
"You're even doodling about Timmy right now!" Pinkie Pie chirped.
"What are you-" Sunset began, only to realize she had begun absent-mindedly doodling a picture of herself and Timmy hugging. Underneath the picture was a caption, "TIMMY AND SUNNY 4 EVER!"
"OK," Sunset said miserably, "I miss him...a little."
"Darling," Rarity said with sympathy, "it is obvious to us that you've grown close to young Timothy when we've known him. Your care for him is nothing to be ashamed of."
"Yeah," Rainbow snarked. "We can tell you miss your boyfriend so much!" Instead of laughing, her friends all began glaring at her. "What, what did I say?"
"Rainbow, what's wrong with you?" Pinkie Pie asked the sports lover with sheer disgust in her voice.
"What-"
"Do you want people to think I want to date a ten-year-old?!" Sunset asked with fury, her melancholy broken by her disgust with Rainbow's joke.
"How could you be so coarse?" Rarity asked, the pitch in her voice showing her horror at Rainbow's joke.
"But-"
"My granny would wash mah mouth out with soap if she heard that!" Applejack yelled, her expression making it seem like she also wanted to wash Rainbow's mouth.
"Go to your room right now, young lady!" Fluttershy ordered with an unusually severe tone.
Rainbow looked at the animal lover with annoyance and confusion. "Um, we're not in my house-" Rainbow paused and yelped as the pink-haired animal shelter employee yanked her by the ear. "OK, OK, I'm going!" Rainbow yelled as Fluttershy pulled Rainbow out of the cafeteria by her ear.
"Ignore Rainbow, darling," the purple-haired girl said with a roll of her eyes. "Your feelings for young Timothy are perfectly normal. You've grown a genuine bond with him, and it pains you that he wishes to be apart. I'm sure he'll come around eventually." Rarity held up a pink collared shirt. "And when he does, you can give him this beautiful new shirt I made," the fashionista gushed.
Sunset's expression twisted into a mixture of frustration and confusion. "I mean, I don't feel this way when I am away from you guys for a week."
"Sugarcube," Applejack said with a roll of her eyes. "We're your friends. But havin' kin of your own...well, that's a different creature. Having friends is nice, but when you look after someone as much as my Little Bloom, you'll always worry about them."
"I mean, I love all my sisters so much!" Pinkie Pie gushed. "I'd hate to be away from them for more than five seconds." Pinkie Pie looked at her watch, which now read "five seconds." "Oh no! Now I'll never see my sisters again," Pinkie whimpered before crying a river of tears, which only ended when Maud came up to the table. "Oh wait, I see her. Bad feelings are gone." Maud then walked away from the table. "And now she's gone again!" Pinkie whimpered before once again crying.
A sad expression appeared on the former unicorn's face. "Well...I've never felt that way before about, well, anyone."
The words made the Rainbooms look at their newest member with concern. "Darling," Rarity asked sadly, "you've never felt that way? What about your relatives? Surely you were close to them?"
An even more morose expression appeared on the fire-haired girl's face. "Well...the truth is-"
"RUN!"
"PANIC!"
"THE END TIMES HAVE COME!"
The Rainboom saw the students running throughout the school in panic and terror, with many screaming in fright. The sheer amount of fear ended the discussion of Sunset's private life. The Rainbooms jumped up from their table and saw Flash running toward them like he'd seen a ghost. "Is it another magic thing?" Sunset asked her ex-boyfriend with a stern expression.
"Oh boy!" Rainbow said excitedly, pumping her fist into the air, excited for more action. Her friends gave her an annoyed side-eye. "I mean...oh boy."
"No!" Flash yelled in a terrified panic.
"Mad dog?" Fluttershy offered.
"No!"
"Girls scouts?" Rainbow asked.
"No! NO! It is a thousand billion times worse than those things combined!"
Applejack immediately looked concerned. "What could be worse-" Rainbow tapped on her shoulder and pointed toward the door. What she saw made the farmer girl's blood turn cold.
It was Limestone Pie. Doing something she had never done before.
She was smiling. No, it was much worse. She was laughing. Not just any other laughter. It was rib-bruising laughter. The sight filled Flash with so much terror he sprinted out of the room so fast he left his jacket behind. "MOMMY!" He shrieked.
The Rainbooms stayed but could barely maintain their composure as Lime strode toward them, looking happy as a clam."Did you eat puppies, Limey?" Pinkie asked with fear and suspicion, her friends joining her in a protective hug at the sheer madness of the sight.
"Hey, Limey!" Gilda greeted casually as she strode up to the rock farmer, giving a quick kiss on the cheek. "What's so funny?" Lime pulled out her phone, snickering, and handed it over to the Gilda. The white-haired girl began cracking up, much to the growing suspicion of the Rainbooms. "You dweebs have got to see this!" The martial artist gushed. Sunset took the phone, more out of suspicion than any laughter. It was usually a sign of terror and pain when Gilda and Lime laughed.
Sunset saw it was a live news report from Dimmsdale covered by Chet Ubetcha.
"Hello, I'm Chet Ubectha," the diminutive reporter said while hanging from the edge of a news chopper. "On the Channel 7 Live App. Prolonging network news' inevitable demise for a few short, miserable years." The man said sadly before his trademark smile reappeared on his face. "Earlier this morning, at the top of Dimmsdale Spire, a young man fell victim to the world's highest wedgie." The chopper reached the summit, where they found a kid hanging from the pointy tip of the 500-foot structure.
Sunset's eyes narrowed when she saw who it was. "That's Francis!"
The grey-skinned child was hanging from the spire by his underwear, screaming his head off and begging to be let down.
"I'm being lowered in for ann interview with the unfortunate young man." Chet hung from the lowered helicopter until he was close enough to wave a microphone in Francis' face. "So, Mr. Francis, do you have any thoughts?"
"Oh, I don't know!" The grey-skinned bully said, rolling his eyes and his voice replete with angry sarcasm, "How about...GET ME DOWN?!" The 12-year-old shrieked at the reporter.
The short broadcaster let out an amused chuckle before returning to the camera, unconcerned with Francis' plight. "Tune in for the daring rescue mission at noon." Francis let out a sigh of relief. "Next Wednesday." Francis started panicking again. "Here's a word from our sponsor: Dimmadome Brand Blubber Nuggets. Mmm, they're chewy!"
"Wait! No!" Francis screamed before the camera was cut off.
"Wait, you know that loser?" Gilda asked Sunset as her laughter died down.
"Yeah, he's Timmy's bully," Sunset said with no small amount of disdain.
"Wait, Timmy has another jerk in his life!" Rainbow said with some exasperation.
"I'm not surprised!" Applejack said with a tired expression. "That boy attracts trouble the way a light attracts a moth."
"Well, it appears Beaver Boy is fighting against the creeps in his life." Limestone said with no small amount of appreciation in her voice. "He's being his fancy rock to good use." Sunset and the other Rainbooms' eyes widened in concern when they heard that. The first bell rang, and Pinkie's oldest sister started to leave.
"He's finally learning how to deal with the dweebs in his life," Gilda said admiringly, "Maybe he's ready to get back in the gym where he belongs, and he'll stop his pouting already." The military girl said, eager to start training with her young protege again.
The hackles of the Rainbooms rose at Gilda's dismissive tone. "Pouting?" Rainbow asked with disgust. Gilda's insensitivity was one of the reasons why Rainbow tended to keep Gilda at arm's length. "Did you remember what the D-those three psychopaths put him through?!"
"The poor dear's also afraid we'll take advantage of him." Rarity chimed in with a sad expression.
Gilda snorted. "Oh please, I would never use the kid for wishes-" Just as Gilda said, a rolled-up piece of paper fell out of her backpack.
"What's that?" Rainbow asked sternly.
Gilda immediately got defensive and nervous. "Nothing?" Rainbow's suspicion grew, and she immediately lunged for the paper. "I said it was nothing!" Gilda said, diving for the paper, but Rainbow got to it first. While Gilda was stronger than Rainbow, Rainbow was faster.
"Let's see." Rainbow opened up the paper and began reading it aloud. "Gym equipment. Hiking boots. A new punching bag."
"It's not a list of things I want Beaver Boy to wish for me," Gilda said defensively.
"Then why does it say "List of Things I Want Beaver Boy to Wish for Me?" Rainbow asked with disdain. The other Rainbooms, especially Sunset, glared at the white-haired nuisance.
"Uh," The martial arts specialist stammered. "It's a Christmas wish list...of things I want him to buy me...legally from... the Internet."
Sunset crossed her arms, not buying Gilda's excuse. "Christmas is seven months away."
"You know me, I love getting an early start on my work."
"Gilda Silverwing Griffin! Your homework is overdue!" Gilda turned around and let out a horrified gasp. I saw a short but menacing old lady coming toward her.
"Oh no! My kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Stevenson!" Gilda stammered, cold sweat running down her forehead. "Hey, Mrs.-"
"Your fingerprint assignment hasn't been submitted! It's been twelve years!" Mrs. Stevenson.
"I'll have it in tomorrow-"
"That excuse may have worked the 9,563rd time, but not the 9,564th time." The old lady narrowed her eyes. "You leave me no choice," she said ominously.
"No," Gilda begged in terror.
"I will...send a note home to you!" Mrs. Stevenson said, holding up the menacing piece of paper. "You will become a productive citizen who contributes to society."
"NEVER!" Gilda proclaimed defiantly before leaping out of a window.
"They always run," Mrs. Stevenson mocked before tearing off her professional attire, revealing a ninja uniform underneath. Holding a pair of nunchucks, she dived out of a window.
With the white-haired menace gone, the Rainbooms returned to the subject at hand.
"This is terrible," Rarity remarked.
"I know!" Rainbow exclaimed. "These monsters have ruined the Crimson-"
"Rainbow, I'm talking about what Timothy did to the rapscallion." Rarity admonished with a severe expression. "Shouldn't we be worried? Timmy seems to be acting out again."
Rainbow rolled her eyes in annoyance. "If that jerk is messing with Timmy, he had it coming." The athlete scoffed at Rarity's concern. "I hate to say it, but Gilda's right: not every creep is some loser who needs a friend. Some are just idiots who need a punch in the face." The harsh tone in Rainbow's voice showed the Dazzlings, and their horrible treatment of the boy hardened her quite a bit.
"But dangling someone by their undergarments from such a high altitude...seems harsh," Rarity intoned. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie didn't say a word, but their expressions made it clear that they felt Timmy's retaliation against Francis was too far.
"He's alive, ain't he?" Applejack said, unsympathetic toward the plight of the grey-skinned thug.
"Weren't you afraid of Timmy using his magic?" Fluttershy asked her farmer friend.
"I was concerned about him causin' mayhem," the blonde girl replied. "If he's defending himself from some varmint, I don't have no problem with that."
The Rainbooms all looked to Sunset, wondering what she thought of this. As someone from a magical dimension, her human friends decided she had the final say on everything regarding magic, even though the magic in question was not Equestrian but fairy.
"Cosmo and Wanda care about Timmy a lot," Sunset said. "Sure they did...turn me into a worm, but only because they thought I was a threat to him. While they have to grant Timmy's wishes, they can rein Timmy in when he goes too far because they do want what's best. So if they wanted to do this to Francis, then I don't have a problem." Sunset said, her eyes cold with contempt for that oversized idiot. "As long as they don't cause trouble for anyone else, then there's no problem."
"There is a problem: a giant sea monster menaced the Dimmsdale Yacht Club!" Chet Ubetcha said, showing footage of a giant purple squid attacking the club, sending its wealthy patrons running and screaming for the Hills.
"Cool!" Rainbow said, watching the broadcast like it was some excellent monster movie. "I mean, not cool!" Rainbow replied after Fluttershy gave her a side-eye of disappointment.
"We have a live interview with Commander Spitfire from the Dimmsdale Emergency Sea Monster Response Team."
A fire-haired commander stood behind a press podium, her uniform replete with medals and her pose stern and authoritative. "I want it to be known to the world...that we are not a waste of money," she said before leaving the podium and strolling into a nearby solid gold helicopter encrusted with jewels.
"During the massive giant squid attack, however, only one yacht was destroyed." Sunset's hackles were raised when she saw who the owners of the yacht were.
"First, the yacht was, like, there," Chad described in an interview with a spacey expression.
"And then it, like, wasn't," Tad finished. They were too astonished by their yacht's destruction to feel outrage or disgust.
Sunset's face scrunched up in horror, but Rainbow offered her explanation. "Look, this could be just a coincidence. Those two goons transferred out of Timmy's school. I can't think of a reason he would attack them now."
"The destruction of Tad and Chad's yacht was followed, entirely by coincidence, by the publication of the best-selling novel Timmy's Diary."
The Rainbooms' suspicion rose before it became replaced by fear. "Diary?" Sunset asked with concern.
"Revealing such strong revelations about Timmy Turner," Chet said, opening the diary. "Such as his orange allergy, fear of clowns, and that he has two fair-"
"Oh no!" Rainbow said, cold sweat running down her face and the faces of her friends.
"Fairly nice goldfish," Chet Ubetcha exclaimed. The Rainbooms let out a sigh of relief before a thought came to Sunset. "Wait, didn't Tad and Chad transfer schools? How did they get their hands on Timmy's diary."
Remy Buxaplenty watched the interview from television in his family's limo, his face contorted in rage, and Juandissmo sitting in his lap in the form of a ferret. "What's this? Why weren't Turner's godparents exposed!" Remy exclaimed angrily. His plan was relatively simple. Wish for Turner's diary, have those two idiots publish it in their name so he could have deniability, and get that reporter to reveal to the world Turner's godparents.
Juandissimo took on his fairy form, looked at his godchild form sternly, and poofed a copy of Da Rules. "According to Las Reglas, if a godchild tries to expose another godchild's fairies, he forfeits his fairies?" Juandissimo's eyes narrowed even more. "Would you be willing to hurt Timmy just to lose me...again?"
A thoughtful expression appeared on Remy's typically smug face. "No," Remy said with unusual empathy toward his godfather. "No, Juandissimo. It isn't worth losing you again."
A relieved smile appeared on the Hispanic fairie's face. "Gracias, Remy I am glad-"
"I'll have to get Turner a different way!" Remy said, a nasty smirk appearing on his face.
"Hijo, why do you hate Senor Timmy so much?" Juandissmo asked empathetically. "He's just a nice boy who wants to be your friend."
"Nonsense!" The blond-haired kid barked. "It is unfair for Turner to have people who love him more than me!" A crafty smirk appeared on the rich kid's face. "Besides, if Wanda wasn't his godmother, you could start dating again."
Juandissimo had to admit the boy chose his bait well. "Mi corazon burns for mi Amor, Wanda!" Juandissmo poofed up a picture of Wanda and hugged it to his sexy chest. "But my brain tells me not to involve the godchild in the romantic dispute of the godparents," Juandissmo said frankly, thinking his crush didn't give him a right to ruin Timmy's life.
"Very well," Remy said. "We'll find other ways to get at Turner." Juandissimo facepalmed in annoyance. While he loved his godchild, he was sick and tired of being Remy's minion.
The Rainbooms watched the news report with no small amount of trepidation. Subjecting his bullies to torment was one thing, but destroying property, even in retaliation, was a bit of a step too far. "Well," Rainbow said uneasily," at least no one died."
"There were several casualties of this disaster," Chet Ubetcha reported solemnly. The Rainbooms all gasped. "Many beloved were lost in the attack." The Rainbooms began hyperventilating. "Six prized vases, seven antique chairs, and dozens of porcelain dishes." The Rainbooms let out a sigh of relief. "But you can replace that without sacrificing your wallet at Barnyard Bargains: The Store of the Common Man!"
"Dude, are you so desperate for cash you need to shill in the middle of the news?!" Tad asked, annoyed that the broadcaster used the destruction of his family's yacht for product placement. Chad himself glared disapprovingly at the short journalist.
"I wasn't advertising!" Chet denied with a nervous smile, then looked nervously to the left toward a limo, where the Barnyard Bargain CEO, Mr. Rich, was standing outside glaring at him ominously. "I was giving an objective report on Barnyard Bargains," he said, beginning to sweat nervously, and his voice became more frantic and high-pitched, "his sponsorship of the studio and ownership of my likeness has not all influenced the objectivity of myself or Channel 7 News!"
With the broadcast over, the Rainbooms looked to themselves in concern. "C'mon guys," Rainbow said somewhat reluctantly, "Timmy was defending himself. Besides, those idiots had it coming for breaking his ankle. Besides, what's the worst Timmy could wish up?"
"THIS JUST IN!" Chet Ubetcha yelled into the microphone. "GIANT PLASTIC DINOSAUR TOY ATTACKING DOWNTOWN TOY STORE AND STEALING TOYS!" The massive monster started tearing apart the toy store and stealing all the toys, with children and parents running away, screaming for their lives.
"The origins of this mysterious monster is yet unknown," Chet Ubetcha began, a mysterious band-aid on his forehead before his expression became more dark and foreboding, "but it is in the opinion of this reporter that such an incident could've only been the creation of an evil, destructive, and monstrous child who deserves a bit time out."
The Rainbooms looked shell-shocked, but before Rainbow could even argue that this was a coincidence, Chet Ubetcha began an interview with a certain "witness." "So, young man?" Chet Ubetcha asked, holding up a microphone to Timmy's face. "What do you think happened?" Sunset noticed Timmy wasn't wearing his pink hat and had a pair of sunglasses on his face. But Sunset could see Timmy's face was full of guilt and nervousness.
"Well, someone couldn't have possibly wished it up," Timmy insincerely argued into the microphone, his posture and demeanor becoming even more nervous and defensive. "After all, magic is definitely not real and certainly didn't cause this disaster!" His defense wasn't helped by the fact that there were two nervous squirrels, one pink and one green, behind him, who were also sweating bullets.
The Rainbooms looked dejected while Sunset facepalmed. "Timmy," Sunset said through gritted teeth, "you are such a horrible liar." After a few moments of hesitation, the Rainbooms decided to make a game plan.
"OK, we'll go talk to him and see what's up," Applejack muttered with a sigh.
"I got Mr. Turner in my contacts and let him know we're coming over," Ranbow said as she pulled out her phone, only for Sunset to yank the phone. "Sunset, what are you-"
"Don't call Mr. Turner," Sunset hissed to Rainbow.
"Why not?" Rainbow asked in confusion as she pulled back her arm.
"Because if Timmy knows we're coming, he might wish we won't," Sunset warned.
The Rainbooms eyes widened, remembering how much power Timmy had at his disposal. "So you want us to spy on him again?" Fluttershy asked with a stern expression. The Rainbooms also looked at Sunset with disappointment, remembering how that revelation damaged his trust in them.
Sunset's expression briefly descended into guilt over having spied on Timmy and violated his trust. But after looking at the ruins of the toy store, her guilty expression became one of stern resolve. "Princess Twilight said that Timmy has a right to be said, but he doesn't have a right to cause destruction." Sunset gave her friends a serious glare. "If he acts out, then he loses the right to privacy. And if Cosmo and Wanda can't rein him in, then it's up to us."
The reluctance of the Rainbooms was replaced with the same resolve, remembering their responsibility as the Elements of Harmony was paramount to their relationship with Timmy. With that, the Rainbooms walked to the music room, their de facto headquarters, and began making plans.
"You just want Timothy to try on the shirt, do you?" Rarity asked in a teasing tone.
"Yes!" Sunset squealed girlishly, holding up the shirt with an excited smile. "Wouldn't it look so adorable on him!"
"Wait," Applejack said before looking at Rainbow with suspicion, "how do y'all have Mr. Turner's contact?"
Rainbow looked nervous and guilty. "Uh, I'm helping Mr. Turner with some...projects."
At the Dimmsdale Annual Cook Out, Mr. Turner and Dinkleberg had reached the finals. "Mr. Dinkleberg has presented us with a gourmet quiche," the judge said approvingly. He then sneered at Mr. Turner's abomination that he called cooking. "While Mr. Turner has presented his sweaty-sock casserole."
The putrid thing made a bird that flew bird collapse to the ground while the audience let out a disgusted grimace.
"We all know who the winner is-," the judge began. He took a deep breath as he prepared to make the announcement.
"Mr. Dinkleberg," a woman on the intercom announced, "your car is being towed away."
"Not my car!" Mr. Dinkleberg sweated, "I just made my monthly payment."
"Well, with Mr. Dinkleberg technically absent," the judge said with annoyance. "Mr. Turner is the winner by default."
"Default!" Mr. Turner cheered. "The two sweetest words in the English language."
Dinkleberg strode to the parking lot and saw two men in jumpsuits preparing to tow his car. If not for the fact that they had brown mustaches, he would've mistaken them for two girls, one with rainbow hair and another with purple hair.
"Sorry, Dinkleberg!" The taller man said with a stern expression. "But...you can't park within two inches of the white line."
"But I'm five-" Dinkleberg protested, only for the tower to cut him off.
"Are you questioning the tow truck man?" The rainbow-haired tower asked menacingly.
"That's punishable by an entire time out!" The smaller man with purple hair chirped.
"A time-out?" Dinkleberg replied fearfully. "That's worse than death." Resigned, the upper-middle-class man pulled out his checkbook. "How much do I owe you."
"Uh.." the taller tower drawled, "a lot of money?" Dinkleberg wrote a lot of money on the check and handed it to the older tower.
"Thanks, but we'll still have to take your car to the lot!" The rainbow-haired man said.
"Understood," Dinkleberg muttered, but a nagging thought came to him before he could walk away. "What's the name of your company."
"Uh," the purple-haired man stammered. "Local...out of town...towing company." He meekly handed over a card written in crayon on an old newspaper.
"Local Out Of Town
"Alright, everything appears to be in order!" Dinkleberg said with an obvious smile before walking away. When he was gone, both men cheered.
"Yeah!" Rainbow said, "We got him!"
"Take that Dinkleberg!" Scootaloo cheered. Another thought came to the young girl. "I thought you hated cheating, Rainbow?!
"Scoots," Rainbow said to her surrogate sister, "you know what they say: it's not cheating if you don't get caught!"
"Makes sense to me!" Scootaloo said, accepting the logic.
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About the death of the Crimson Chin series, I think that one might be the Nega Chin's work. I mean he's the only comic book villain to escape into the real world
11783593
He also stole the idea from The Increadibles?
Rainbow, Scootaloo and Mr Turner, screwing over Dinkleberg for fun and profit!
Nice Simpsons quote.
11783593
I thought it was a critique on how modern comics and shows about comic books are being made nowadays
Wow, this chapter was published quicker than I expected, but I’m not complaining. I love the whole take that to the woke garbage in Hollywood. Considering The Rainbooms are three-dimensional, strong young women, they are the perfect people to be disgusted by woke garbage.
Now, onto the plot. It looks like the girls are concerned about Timmy, and they’re going to spy on him instead of just talking to him. A part of me is disappointed that they don’t just speak with Timmy, but I remember the events of the last story where things were and did the two groups keep in space with each other because it’s a trauma Timmy suffered. I understand why Sunset would be concerned that Timmy may use magic to keep her from talking to him. Still, I feel that she should’ve just tried talking to him first, and she should be called out on that later.
Tad & Chad with Remy Buxaplenty are causing trouble again. Publishing Timmy’s diary that’s a new low. Can Tad & Chad really get away with that? I know this is fiction, and very rich, but there has to be a limit to how much they can do before their wealth can’t save them. It’s interesting to know that Remy Buxaplenty can’t reveal Timmy's fairies without losing his fairy godfather; Remy Buxaplenty shows that he may love his fairy godparent, but he will not stop his feud with Timmy anytime soon. Juandissimo Magnifico, for all his love for Remy, is sick of the feud and sees Timmy as a nice kid and wishes that Remy would leave him alone. Even the thought of dating Wanda doesn’t have the appeal for Juandissimo Magnifico anymore.
The rest of the chapter was good with the gags. I thought it was funny that you use the same job for the last chapter of someone older dating Timmy, with the other characters being disgusted. And we have someone who wants to use Timmy with just to get things.
Finally, there’s the elephant in the room; the Rainbooms should know that Timmy can’t wish actual harm on people because of the rules. Granted, he can accidentally hurt someone if it’s magic, but the rules were never mentioned in this chapter, and I wonder why. Why are the rules not mentioned in this chapter? Did they forget about it? I will say in the later chapter.
It's a great second chapter, and I’m looking forward to what you have in store for Timmy.
Reminder that in canon Rainbow's choice to get the camera from Mr. Doodle was flat stealing it, so I can't say the exchange is out of character.
Pretty good commentary on how some franchises try to be woke and progressive with some reboots. Granted we've gotten some great ones too like MLP Friendship is Magic and the Equestria Girls spin off, DuckTales 2017, Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated, and She Ra 2018 as well so not all reboots are like that.
Based on Gilda kissing Limestone, does that imply that Gilda/Limestone romance is an official thing? I can definitely see that.
Man if Timmy's causing some reckless wishes on Francis, Tad, and Chad, one does wonder if he has or will also make reckless wishes in getting revenge on Vicky, Crocker, and Dark Laser too?
Surprised Pinkie is now against Timmy using his wishes to get revenge even after finding out Timmy can't kill anyone with Da Rules, considering how the last story had her actually side with Sunset and Rainbow in being okay with it when he was getting revenge on Gary and Betty.
Looks like we're getting some backstory on whether or not Sunset even has parents and if they're still alive by now. And a possibility of that tying in with why Sunset became mean in the first place. I can see you were intending to address that in your Sunset's Steps series before you opted to put that series on indefinite hiatus.
I have seen a common headcanon that Sunset is an orphan who sees Celestia as her adopted mother or at least a parental figure.
Let's hope this attempt at spying won't cause Timmy to get more distrustful toward the Rainbooms, though at least Cosmo and Wanda would vouch for them this time.
Interesting how Juandisimo is getting a bit uneasy on helping Remy get revenge on Timmy, it does fit in with how he is friendly with him, Cosmo, and Wanda when Remy isn't around, being why he is more of an ally to them after season 5 (being when Remy stopped appearing).
That's why they aren't rushing to speak with him, if his magic could be used to serious hurt someone they would not spy on him and instead speak with him at the first opportunity.
Also, I thought Maud was Pinkie's second oldest sister while Limestone was the oldest one.
11783632
it can be both
11783593
I never considered that actually.
But now you've given me an...idea....
11783627
Isn't envy a wonderful emotion?
11783632
Pretty much! I was taking a swipe at Fairly Odder and the modern entertainment industry as a whole.
11783692
This is a swipe at a lot of modern entertainment, but mainly Fairly Odder, The Last Airbender, Velma, and the worst aspects of the Marvel Movies.
The key issue is this: while they know Timmy is suffering genuine emotional trauma, they are concerned that he can't seem to get it under control nor can Cosmo and Wanda reign him in. Even without rules, Timmy can still a lot of damage, which is why they feel the need to intervene. And they do it secretly because Timmy has enough magic to make hard to reach out to him.
Aside from hitting on a married Wanda, and you really shouldn't do that, I never considered Juandissimo evil. As a being whose job it is to help kids, I can picture him trying to guide Remy toward better choices than pursuing a stupid grudge;.
Running gags are one of the best parts of the show.
But even without rules, again, Timmy can a lot of mayhem, and the Rainbooms want to rein that in.
11783730
I think in the more morally ambiguous setting of FOF, Rainbow would do a lot more shady things.
11783710
She's a villain. By their nature, they don't know when to quit.
11783786
My main target was Fairly Odder for its disgraceful existence, but yeah my criticism was the broader subject of bad reboots.
I felt they would be a natural couple.
You'll see.
Remember, Timmy turned her into a worm in a fit of Dazzling-induced madness, which would make Pinkie wary if he started acting out again.
You'll see.
The worst thing Juandissimo did was hitting on a married woman, but he's never shown any malice toward Timmy. I can picture him getting annoyed with Remy's vendetta.
11783852
Mistake corrected.
11783853
Definitely a critique.
When you remember Timmy pretty much deals with this stuff and a long assortment of villains on a weekly or daily basis it is kind of hard to figure out how much is too much or if the Siren training he got was a bit... Too effective.
Also got to love Rainbow Dash and Timmy's day being on the same wavelength even after all this time.
Side note... Yes it would be hard not to leave a side note wish list when knowing someone could wish stuff up so long as they avoided the restrictions in Da Rules... And now I realized how lucky the world is that Timmy has Crooker for a teacher... Imagine Timmy with a proper education to further enhance his lawyer like abilities.
11783692
They know Timmy is a smart kid hampered by a bad teacher. He knows exactly how far to twist certain rules to rather frightening ways if possible.
As one joke went 'You can wish yourself to be a giant monster to stomp on someone, but can't wish a bolder to drop on someone?'
As a less funny joke - he nearly got rid of them by turning them into worms and feeding them to birds.
Timmy is a very effective rules lawyer if needed and he hasn't exactly forgotten all or the Siren training tips even if they weren't good life advice.
11783864
So, what do you think of the some of the Rainboom ships with Rarity/Applejack (which Rollercoaster of Friendship emphasized a lot with the writers admitting to shipping them and Spring Breakdown having Rarity fall in love with a male Applejack), Fluttershy/Rainbow Dash, Sunset/Princess Twilight, and Sunset/Sci-Twi?
11784047
Sci-Twi/Shimmer and Rarijack are the most believable ships!
Whoever made that clearly has no soul or care about children or content explicitly made for them.
down?" Pinkie gasped.*
Thanks for being a great friend Dash.
https://m.Uh huh...
Now that is a woman I'd not want to mess with!
Just had to jinx it Sunset.
I should've known it was him.
Life isn't always fair kid, take it or leave it.
Do they clearly not think about the people who watch them!!!
Yep, Timmy has lost it.
deserves a big time out."*
How on earth has he not be disqualified yet!?!
winner is," the judge began.*
Of course it was Dash and Scootaloo...
"Local Out Of Town"*
Something sad that I always keep in mind about Timmy is that all that bad things that happen around they would solve themselves if Timmy didn't was there.
And we know about this for the episode where he wishes that he never existed.
And everything is fine for all the people close to him.
So I ask to myself, it's the same with the equestria girls?
Everything it would have been better if he didn't exist?
So back to my point. It's the episode where he travels back in time and ruins Crocket life already happened? And the one that he wised he never existed is canon here or is something you have reserved for the future?
Daran Norris (voice of Cosmo, Timmy's Dad, Jorgen, and Anti-Cosmo) has recently confirmed there is another FOP revival in the works called The Fairly OddParents A New Wish.
https://www.nickalive.net/2023/07/daran-norris-confirms-new-fairly.html
A pitch bible for the show mentions it happens over 10,000 years after both the 2001 original and Fairly Odder.
https://files.catbox.moe/9qi8pq.pdf
Thoughts?
11785239
I was aware of the new story, and I already discussed it in this blogpost.
In layman's terms, I am not very optimistic about this idea because of how poorly conceived Fairly Odder was, but I won't rule it out completely.
11784887
OK, that episode WAS an abomination for implying that you should believe jerks who tell things would be better off if you weren't around. I will not go down that rabbit hole.
11783277
Well, what about Juniper Montage and Vignette Valencia? How were they? I have seen a lot of people considering them to be the worst among all the EQG villains for their incredibly rushed redemptions and getting off scott-free for their crimes (at least Wallflower's worst actions never reached the same level as Juniper and Vignette) and easily forgiven too.
11788708
Don't think to highly of them.
11788719
So given you don't think so highly of Juniper Montage, what was your process for how you approached writing for her in Vanishing Act where she plays a major role in that story?
11789175
I saw making her into a more well-rounded and sympathetic character as kind of a challenge.
Had I written the story a year later, I might have gone with Moondancer or Wallflower.
11789675
So, what do you think of how Princess Luna's redemption (aka the very first Gen 4 redemption) was handled? Considering you can tell that Sunset takes some inspiration from her with becoming corrupted by their darker sides into Nightmare Moon and She Demon, and both trying to kill Twilight and her friends when in their corrupted states (I don't think Sunset and Luna would've resorted to outright killing if they hadn't been corrupted by their darker sides), and subsequently becoming instantly remorseful for how far they went for their dark goals after the Elements of Harmony revert them out of their corrupted states, Sunset and Luna do parallel each other a lot.
And how about the way fans can coddle Princess Luna the same way you criticize the fandom for doing with Sunset, what do you think of that? Especially with those same Luna fans occasionally trying to make Celestia look like a bad person in response.
11790169
I don't think too much of it. It was written when MLP was just a girl's show, so I didn't obsess over the details.
11790198
Fair given this was early in the show's lifespan.
Also, did you know Nicole Oliver (Celestia's VA) sang "You Are My Sunshine" at a convention back in 2014 (this video being a fan animation synching to Nicole's vocals?:
Considering the first story had a chapter with Celestia singing a lullaby to Sunset when she was younger, keep this moment of Nicole Oliver singing "You Are My Sunshine" at the back of your head in case you get ideas. Wink wink.
So, what do you think of how the show handled Lightning Dust? Considering Lightning Dust never really showed redeeming qualities or any sign of changing the same way as Gilda and you trying to show Lightning in a more positive light in this story, what did you think of how she remained a bad person to the end?
11793560
I don't think much of it.
Finally finished the original and caught up to the story, excited to see where it’s gonna go. I know that the Rainbooms might be wary of Timmy’s magic, but spy on Timmy 2 electric boogaloo doesn’t seem well thought out.
Also kinda curious how/if the boyfriend joke will pay off somewhere down the line.
11783277
Considering you find Starlight's motivation to be super weak, what did you think of Moondancer? Like, she kinda has a similar backstory to Starlight in that she let losing one friend (Twilight for Moondancer and Sunburst for Starlight) embitter her and gave up on friendship because of that. What made Moondancer's backstory work better than Starlight's given they are kinda similar in a sense?
11803564
Well Moondancer acted more “bitter” than “supervillain crazy.” Moondancer was more rational by comparison.
11803633
Fair enough.
So, what do you think of the occasional tendency to demonize Timber? Banshee531 especially really loves to play up Timber's worst qualities a lot in their stories almost as they're trying to make Timber look like he's on Zephyr Breeze levels of flirting and making him mean to Flash even though he never shows any sign of that sort of behavior in canon. He even goes so far as to portray Timber as somehow being a worse person than Adagio, like it's weird how he'll be okay trying to write an Adagio redemption but not try to do the same for Timber. One story even tries to claim Adagio is better at handling romantic rejection than Timber is, which feels like blatant character bias at play.
Weirdly, this isn't coming from the Sunset Shimmer fans. In fact, the Sunset/Sci-Twi fics that do bring Timber up tend to at least have Sci-Twi and Timber's break up as an amiable one rather than requiring Timber into being demonized. It's coming from the small minority of Flash Sentry fans who are salty Sci-Twi never ends up with Flash (ignoring how Sci-Twi is supposed to be a different person with different experiences so she obviously isn't gonna be romantically involved with Flash just because her pony counterpart was).
Like I myself never really liked Sci-Twi/Timber shipping myself (I'm more on team Sci-Twi/Sunset), but demonizing Timber feels like overkill especially if they're making him worse than Adagio (who has canonically done much worse and outright refuses to change). What's your stance on the demonizing Timber tendency?
11804829
I think better writers would make him more interesting.
I really don't wanna come off as pushy so don't get mad at me if I ask this, how far are you in writing the next chapter? Any estimated release date?
Also, I have noticed that in a lot of your Equestria Girls stories, Sci-Twi's often out of focus or not shown much. In the Equestria Girls/FOP crossover series, she is absent due to it being in the time period between Rainbow Rocks and Friendship Games, with only a brief appearance in the final chapter of the first story. In Sunset's Steps, she is completely absent due to the stories in that series either being between the first movie and Rainbow Rocks or Rainbow Rocks and Friendship Games. And Vanishing Act focuses on Sci-Twi going missing so she's kinda absent from the present day events by default there (mostly just appearing in flashbacks) with the canon itself diverging after Friendship Games with Legend of Everfree onward never happening in that story.
This isn't a complaint, just an observation of how your EQG stories tend to not really show much Sci-Twi at present day and always tend to be within or between each of the first three movies with no stories being from after Legend of Everfree (and by extension the later specials and shorts after that). Did you ever consider doing a Equestria Girls story (seperate from the EQG/FOP, Sunset's Steps, and Vanishing Act stories) that did include Sci-Twi in the present day events and actually acknowledge and be after Legend of Everfree and the other later specials and shorts?
11805472
It's because she isn't convenient to be there at a certain time and place in those stories.
11805718
So where does Diamond Tiara hold for you as far as redemptions go? Considering she's the only one of the redeemed antagonists who actually had the abusive parent backstory for why she's so mean, how'd she hold?
Awesome chapter but wouldn't a leather jacket be better you know like sunset's but made to suit Timmy's a style
11816528
This is Rarity we're talking about, she likely has different fashion tastes from Sunset.
11817034
Fair, I just think it would look cool if they matched
This part was so true and sad that I almost wasn't able to read it. That's also why I stopped following new media releases, because like 90% of what is currently made could be summarized with this.
At least we have some passionate fanfic writers...
11805718
Awesome stuff man. Also is Gilda dating Limestone? I assumed from your other stories, Gilda would date Micro Chips. Plus don’t Likestone and Gilda seem to similar and not be able to balance each other out?
So, do you think there has ever been an MLP reformed villain with both a good backstory and a good redemption?
And now the FOP sequel series is officially been announced to premiere this spring with a 20 episode first season.
https://variety.com/2024/tv/news/fairly-oddparents-sequel-series-nickelodeon-original-voice-actors-1235920460/
I am a bit curious in this fanfic are you going to have sunset and her friends learn more of Timmy past since it will be quite interesting to see how their would react to many of his past adventures. Are you also planning to reveal to them that cosmos and wands use to be Crocker godparents since it be quite interesting and how he once use cosmo and Wanda ti help people. It be quiet interesting to see how their opinions of him would change especially when their learn what cause him to lose his fairies in the first place. Would their try to redeem him or still treat him the same way.
11805718
Will there be mentioning of the “Her” that Adagio despises? If so a good way to establish her threat would be having her have eyes everywhere and be so inherently malicious, that even Gilda, Sunset shimmer and Twilight shiver in fear subconsciously.
Good news, we have a new trailer for A New Wish, now with a confirmed release date: