• Member Since 4th Jan, 2013
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I like writing ponies. And violent explosions. For some reason, that's not a problem here.

Comments ( 44 )

This is an interesting ending. Nicely done.

Yikes, and I thought the last ending was the bad ending.


At least this ending has "better results" than Ending Two: Operation Free bird, right?!

Well that was interesting and intense
Good job

This was good. I especially liked the ending ending.

Well, I do say I have to like this ending. Shame about Pinkie though and I like how Twilight essentially threw a decapitation strike. The saddest part is Twilights fate, going nuclear. Was it more for her hatred for Celestia and her supporters or was it grief for the friendships lost and the little brother that is now dead?

Good job dude this is a very believable representation of Twilight's descent into Lesson Zero Madness/vengeance towards Princess Celestia of which who wronged her and the rest of the unwitting Pony kind so grievously not to mention punishing all the sycophants and bootlickers so righteously. It is unfortunate for all the collateral damage i. e. the children but hey you can't make a omelette without cracking a few eggs. So all of that being said take it thumbs up any favorite and a Watch congratulations. I look forward to seeing more soon.

Thank you everyone for the kind words!

10950230 And for your question I would like to say it was both. At that point, she both wanted to die and burn the sycophants and bootlickers that led her here. More than that, she wanted to burn Celestia's legacy, especially the city she built, filled with depictions of her achievements and monuments to her own greatness. The Nuclear Option achieved all that efficiently, and even in her madness Twilight would be a mare of efficiency.

Now this was entertaining, kinda unnerving, but entertaining. I very much liked it and the way you wrote the final straw breaking Twilight. A fantastic job well done.

Ah. So she DID go up with Canterlot.

I guess I'm just a bit confused why she spared Martin, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Her attempt at atonement?

She spared Flutershy and Martin because she realized they were right. Rarity was simply too busy being unconscious to piss her off with more zealotry, and Twilight had far bigger fish to fry. Marshmallow horse is alive purely by dumb luck.

Tragic yet at the same time there was a pretty good closure in the fact they handle it together instead of trying to block it out and try to forget it

So twilight killed herself I had to reread that at first I thought she had decided to kill all ponies not on the side of humanity in an act of genocide


Wait?! She also attacked humanity in her rampage??!!

No what I mean she probably killed newfoals
I said I first thought that she was wanted to kill all ponies not on the side of humanity ie after canterlot go to other cities and not stop until all pony life is basically eradicated. Part of me wanted this because I kind of wanted to see her surrender afterwards.

Like imagine an insane twilight after kill more than half of her own race. Just surrendering how would humanity deal with her if she is willing to submit to anything in an attempt to clear her conscious and self hatred


Well, her kind did deserve it for multiple reasons. But sadly, your theory won't happened. Because, Twilight did went "magical nuclear" and killed herself, but finally take xenophobic/racist, tyrant Celestia, and her zealot fiends.

Although, what would you think happened IF she survived, and surrendered to Humanity? How would we all feel about her? I mean, she did our job for us, and finally stopped the war, and killed that psycho bitch ( Celestia )!!!!!!!!!

BUT, she is one of the main reasons this happened in the first place. Not to mention that she created that dreaded "new foal" formula. But, she is also manipulated by Celestia herself, and she was very naive to figure that out, before it was too late.

Ok, is this going to be a fanfic trend, where everyone on this site writes their own alternate ending for Fallen by Rated Ponystar? :applejackunsure:

Not that's a bad thing or anything. But counting this, we have four different endings to that alt universe story of the Negotiatorverse now.:twilightsheepish:

I don’t know but I have thought that would be an very interesting read for a long while now it would be great to see from the perspective of a human I don’t know how you could do it from twilights perspective though because it’s really hard to write from the perspective of a broken person

Also when I said genocide I meant it I thought she would end up hating her own kind to the point that she thinks most if not all of pony kind can and should not be redeemed and one of the reasons she does not go after Ponys on the side of humanity is that she does not want to cause more pain to a race She feels she has wronged

GOd I hope not, this just popped out because I think I got really sucked into the Negotiationsverse with Fallen, and between updates I just had to do something to satisfy myself.

Yeah well. Considering that Rated Ponystar kinda stick the landing with Fallen's ending. No offense towards the guy. He's a pretty good writer and usually has a good or decent ending to any story of the Negotiatorverse. But he did wrote two entire different endings to Fallen. Which is either a hit or miss for some of the readers. Just be honest here.

Plus a guest created alt ending by zelkova48. The fanfic author who wrote "Choice" another Negotiatorverse story telling key events that happened before the first story.

And than we got your alternate ending. And knowing this site. I wouldn't be surprised if a fanfic trend has been started inadvertently from all this. Just saying...:pinkiehappy:

So Twilight commited suicide yes? Damn.

Actually there was another fanfic that did an ending, it just got buried because it made no effort to show it was actually an alt ending.

Oh is that right? Is it still on here?:trixieshiftright:

Hmm, well, will you look at that. But damn that story got downvoted to oblivion though. :twilightoops:

I think the problem is they didn't really do a good job relating it back to Fallen, meaning people went into it thinking it was an original story, and got confused when they only found an ending.

Perhaps so. I read it. And... I didn't really care for it if I had to be honest. What about you, friend?:applejackunsure:

I'd recommend "Setting Things Right" by the author. Its one of the best conversion bureau stories out there.

That I have to agreed. It is a well written TCB story and it rightfully earned its 1000+ upvotes for sure.

Unfortunately for me. I must have stop around chapter 23 and never got around to reading it further. I think it was mostly because I got burned out on TCB stories at the time.

Rated Ponystar's Negotiatorverse series of short fanfic was what really rekindled my interest in this subgenre of the MLP fanfic community.

I never really got burned out of tcb because most of them never seem to be very good despite the very interesting premise and I quite before I get into them. Either they make humanity too capable and eliminate and sense of struggle, or its poorly written it seems like. Which is a real shame as it gives a real opportunity to compare and contrast human society with that of a fantastical one without doing the fandom's knee jerk reaction of "humans bad". Those that do succeed to strike a balance are always great.

That's what made me burned out on TCB stories. The poorly written ones or the down right laughably awful ones. It basically made me...

A lot of potential story ideas poorly executed.

Comment posted by ABCdist123 deleted Aug 28th, 2021

There was a sudden blur, and Pinkie was now staring down at Fluttershy. Yet her body faced the other way. It took both mares a moment to realize Pinkie’s head had been twisted completely around, her neck shattered with a series of crushing pops, like a plastic bottle in a car crusher. Then Pinkie’s eyes rolled up. Her jaw went slack as her body went limp. Twilight dropped her, letting her body crash unceremoniously to the ground. It still held that same terror in its face.

“At least now you’ll be genuine.” Twilight mumbled, bemused. “No more lies, no more covering up the pain.”

I guess Twilight wanted to turn that frown (or fake smile) upside down huh?

What happened to the rest of Equestria? With both of the princesses and much of the leadership dead, I'd imagine there would be one hell of a power vacuum and a possible civil war like what happened in the "Operation Freebird" ending.

I suppose I can answer this directly. Here, with the military leadership and bureaucracy all annihilated, Equestria fell into absolute anarchy right before the UN invasion. Invading troops looking for vengeance for their homelands instead found themselves to become peacekeepers more often than not, and Equestria was swallowed up within the UN's jurisdiction for rebuilding. In the other timeline, the continued existence of military structure allowed Equestria to offer resistance, even as it was fracturing. Here, there were less than fractures and shards, military command was literally non-existent and Equestria was easy pickings for the UN, to the point where the frontlines swept over the Dungeon before Fluttershy, Rarity, and Martin even had to worry about someone from the surrounding area noticing and alerting a local garrison.

This is a good story. I have a little problem with the ending:

In the original Fallen, after the death of the death of the Alicorns, Equestria had about a score of admirals in the navy and generals in the army left. They started a civil war, which lasted half a decade before General Valkyrie won and then made peace with the United Nations too.

In your story, Twilight destroys Caterlot, along with both the civilian and military leadership. That leaves several hundred colonels in the army and captains in the navy. If left alone, they will have a power-struggle, leading to civil war, which will weaken Equestria nicely for the UN. If the UN invades immediately, that will give them a common enemy and lead to the remaining forces uniting against the UN. The UN would be better off letting what is left of the Equestrian Military destroy itself. Given that Equestria has a magnitude more colonels than generals and captains than admirals, Equestria will be even more divided before, during, and after the civil war.

I for one see Celestia centralizing military command more by this point in the war, as her paranoia really ramps up. Sure you might have a colonel or two with a base's worth of troops out there, but I like an ending that sees Equestria under UN jurisdiction. Besides, military leaders aren't the only ones that survived in the original Fallen. Keep in mind plenty of civvies were around too, civvie leaders that are now so many scattered atoms on the wind. Basically, the only ones dead in the original Fallen were Celestia and the Element Bearers besides Fluttershy. Now we have a whole host of ponies that were probably responsible for the rise of the other nation-states on top of them, plus whoever was in that fortress Celestia had built. Equestria, as an idea, is freaking dead, and there's nothing like a purple mushroom cloud to signal to the UN that now is the time to strike, which I always thought they could have done a lot quicker. I mean, once the Thallmans are online, wtf are the ponies gonna do? At this point, they have some WW2-level tech at most, and not even a lot of that. The UN should've laughed at their spears and capped their soldiers in a heartbeat, you ask me, but that's just me.


Sure, all of the generals and admirals were in Canterlot, but someponies have to mind the bases and ships.One cannot just leave the base under command of a private just out of basic training.

Organizing an invasion is not easy. D-Day took years to plan and execute. I can see it requiring an year to prepare.

against a bunch of ponies, mostly armed with spears, mostly bombed to all shit, and who's administrative center was just blown to shit? I don't see it


It is my reading, which could be wrong,that as we prepared to invade we gave the ponies an ultimatum to surrender by such-and-such a date or face the consequences. During that time, we stopped bombing (this not being bombed, sure is nice, ¿isn't it?; but is you do not surrender , we shall rain death unto you). The Equestrian Navy is of no concern (before the Thalmann-Generators, it could easily defeat the UN-Navy, but without magic, it was destroyed in hours, but the Equestrian Army, although doomed to defeat without magic, could force the UN-Army to pay for every Klick (military-slang for kilometer) with blood. The UN would win, but many soldiers would die. It is far better to let the Equestrian Military do our dirty work for us:

Every Naval Captain would self-promote to Admiral and claim to be the new leader of Equestria, as every Army-Colonel would self-promote to General and claim to be the new Equestrian Leader Then, theses hundred, if not thousands of factions would fight among themselves. Let Equestria destroy itself, and, then, step in and clean up the mess afterwards.

I still say that the main thing is that without magic, the Equestrian army is a non-factor. Some spear and sword-wielding ponies would be of almost no concern, capable of scoring the occasional lucky hit but little else.

Good job

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