Finding one's ideal assemblage of beauty products is somewhat more complicated than discovering the perfect mate: after all, when it comes to love, a mare has but to locate one pony. It's taken years for Rarity to learn what works best for her: in some cases, the only things which work at all. Which means that having a crucial shampoo (her only shampoo!) taken out of the mix may create something of a minor issue.
Well, it's surely nothing which a proper lady can't deal with in dignity and grace. Also explosions.
She's still a Bearer. There's always explosions.
(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)
Cover art taken from assembled captures by SelenaEde.
Chapters (1)
"Not Available in Sanity" is a chapter title that most of your stories could use...
I'm familiar with that struggle, oof. You have a roblem and nothing solves it, so you search and try and suffer and nothing is fixing it until something does and it's great and then it's gone - because when a solution is that rare, it's usually just as rare that the solution works, and so you're one of 200 left on the outside of that common denominator.
There's probably a very specific german word for that feeling.
There have been numerous cases throughout my life, ice creams and pizzas among other things that don't come to memory as easily...but interestingly enough both my earliest and most recent memory both fall in the beauty products category - an acne treatment that worked and -kept- working, and a particular shade of hair dye that didn't fade into a mockery of itself over time...I haven't found myself buying any of the marked up supply I've found online - but I can't say I don't empathize.
From the summary.
Well now I have to read this to find out how said explosions happen. I’m a sucker for (good)explosions.
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How do the forms get to them? Or are the Bearers / Twilight sorta like an "Here's a packet of forms to become a full Equestrian town! And your honorary disaster relief forms!"
Or Celestia has a guard / construction crew or something in the wings, to clean up when Twilight calls...
----
Twilight Best Scientist!
Also, Twilight's got a new income source!
Also also, How many security spells could she sell that she could guarantee they were proof against herself??
----
Now... How to solve this new issue... Minerals aren't as easily reproducible as chemicals are?
awesome
10310120
Maud. Maybe through Twilight, who can claim she came to know The Secret in an unpunishable way. Assuming my theories of how rock farming works are correct. Failing that, Applejack or Pinkie might be able to ask around.
Well, if the Maud of this verse anything like the canon one, she would know every location on the continent that would have the right mix of minerals.
For Zecora's colour incident, read Orange Is The New Blue.
For Rainbow Dash's collectibles scandal, see The Slipped Case
Interestingly, Orange Is The New Blue is in 'verse, while The Slipped Case is not.
“Rarity, what are you doing in my barn?”
“Oh, darling. It’s amazing. I have devised a three step process to replicate my missing hoof polish! You see, as you use your spinning whetstone it grinds away the iron of your tools. But your tools also wear at the stone. Combined with the water used to keep the stone and tool cool, it forms a slurry of the most fabulous consistency. It is nearly ideal for removing imperfections in the keratin of my hooves!”
“Uh-huh...”
“The problem is that the particles of iron rust. Any that are left behind leave an unpleasant discolouration. So they have to be removed. Your axle grease not only provides mechanical lubrication, but will trap the fine rust particles in itself. The tiniest smear is enough to remove them all.”
“...right.”
“All that is left to do is remove the grease. Darling, limestone has been an additive to soap for as long as there has been soap. It is also in those tins of whitewash. Dabbing it on lifts the grease, for easy removal with a plain water rinse before it has the opportunity to dry. The results are truly marvellous. I don’t recall my hooves ever looking so good. See for yourself!”
“-‘Ah guess ‘ah can’t argue with the results. So, are ya willing to trade for the stuff you’ve used?”
“But of course, dear. Just name your price!”
“Well, you can start by sharpening the blade of the plough. Then the market cart needs the axles greasing. And finally, the window trims on the ground floor of the homestead need a lick of whitewash. Seems fair ta me...”
“But, darling. All that manual labour will ruin the finish on my hooves!”
“...Rarity? I love you like kin. An’ that’s the only reason I ain’t kicking you in the snout right now. Get outta my barn...”
Doom. Doom!
Poor Twilight. I was expecting a "focus character checks with each of her friends, who all try and fail to guide her back to sanity" montage, but no, she's getting all the attention this time around.
Huh. There's a fascinating concept.
Didn't expect a moment of incredible courage and badassery in here, but I am by no means complaining.
Fantastic stuff. I've known the pain of discontinuation both personally and by proxy. (I'm pretty sure my mother went through four different brands of shampoo before I was fifteen, and cursed the heavens every time one went to the Big Beauty Supply Shop in the Sky.) Magnificent showcase of Rarity trying to steady a collapsing pillar of her life.
If they think Rarity is bad with something like shampoo, just imagine what she’d be like if they stopped selling her favorite brand of foal control tea...
According to the internet
So, if the company ever finds out what you've done
they can sue your ass into
OBLIVION!
"-- which at least means we're probably not going to get another incident like Rainbow putting my personal ownership stickers on extra books and selling them as alicorn collectibles --"
(snerk)
i.gyazo.com/38f3070afbb8418803d90dca318de25f.png
Poor Rarity! All that effort she has to go through, daily.
Meanwhile, here's me feeling like a slug because I pick my shampoos by how nice they smell.
10310291
I'll tell you where you can stick your non-Equestrian Earth laws!
Right into a big book of copyright legalities so others can understand them in due time. However, they may not apply to our alien horse-friends!
A very Estee Rarity one-shot. Loved it. And the ending was the essence of Generosity itself when she decided to share with the 3 other mares in town... it's at least a good way to mend bridge with Valley Blossom.
Twilight is really a genius of multiple field with a laboratory. Must be nice to have as a friend. But the the frequent explosions must be nerve wracking. Do not envy Spike living with her... must have learned some chemistry along the way, at least enough to know when to dive for cover or the need to air the lab. The addition of Trixie in the Cerea time-line might triple the frequency...
And an Umbra? Wow, don't see those often in fanfiction. They are kind of obscure so it's nice to see this. Rarity was very badass in that fight. Stuff you write legend about. Or make a movie out of the book.
Woah, there, Rarity! I'm not a fan of con people myself, but there's no need to be that harsh. If they want to try on dresses or consider transitioning, there's nothing wrong with that!
...I mean, they probably just wanted to resell it at a ridiculous price, but it's the principle of the thing. Trans rights!
She set her fillyfriend on fire!?
Delightful! My only nitpick is mathematical: if there are four mares in Ponyville that use it and 200 in Equestria as a whole, if access is equal, that would mean Equestria would have only 50 times the population of Ponyville: which means Equestria probably has less people than Albuquerque. Seems small.
This reminds me of the following:
Also, isn't Celestia supposed to be a very, very, very pale pink?
10310120
For any other unicorn, this would be a serious issue, but Rares has an advantage, her special gem finding talent. What are gems but specific types
of minerals? A little talk with Maud Pie, and she could probably adapt her talent to find any mineral she needs.
10310410
OF COURSE an author can make the law anything they want. IMO, you start with Earth laws & customs as the default. If the author doesn't explicitly change them, I assume that's more or less the EQ law.
10310627
Yep, IMO Estee dropped at least 3 decimal points.
Still, given the price, it's NOT just "ponies that have that hair type". It's "Ponies with that hair type who are willing AND able to spend that kind of money on a frivolous luxury."
You want a sequel? Blueblood fits in that group. Sooner or later, he will find out that Rarity still has a supply.
10310740
I see the humor didn't translate. But, that said, our laws, morality, and ethics are only the way they are due to our sociopolitical history. Happenstance, ultimately based on our biology at its root in the very distant past. Every single part of what I just said is wildly different for the Equestrians than us. Why wouldn't the law, based on these completely different factors, also be different? Logic says they must be, even. Especially for a herd-based species approaching post-scarcity.
Twilight's Alicorn Apothecary
Recreating Cosmetic Products since Rarity
10310599
Zecora, duck... You're black and white. That literally goes with any colour. A fact I explictly used for to advantage for the entire rear left half, explictly so they would be mix-and-match suitable for doing multiple factions.
(Linked because I still have never figured out out to do collapsable images in this posting system, if anypony would like to enlighten me...)
You could totally pull off coquelicot.
10310740
"Earth laws?"
I am not aware that that exists as concept, as the closest Earth has is international law. Is that where that paragrah comes from?
10310418 What is an umbra? I tried Googling it and I got a sword, a wizard-looking guy, and cards. Lots and lots of cards.
10310868 First: while both the colors black and white do indeed go with anything, zebra stripes only go with one thing: zebras.
Second: I think the implication was that it had turned Zecora black-and-red.
(Edit: I just realized I posted twice instead of simply posting in one comment and now I am unreasonably annoyed.)
10310868
I'm an American. By "Earth laws", I mean "the laws of the USA"
10310874
Glances at the front-most portion of the aforemention image.
Black-and-red. I still fail to see the problem. (Black and-colour or white and-colour works even better than black-and-white-and-colour, even.)
Heck, it's been good enough for Dennis the Menance (no, US readers, not that one, the other one), Minnie the Minx and Roger the Dodger for several decades.
Black-and-red Zebra stripes would be fracking cool.
Edit: The internet did not fail me: scratch that, it IS cool.
i.pinimg.com/originals/ca/d0/74/cad0744b333aeadbc01da390ab3ae8f7.jpg
...
Okay, so why does THIS picture have a click-to-spoiler option and the ones I upload from my image hosting or Steam doesn't?!
10310876
I've tried for a good while to put this as diplomatically as possible, given this is Estee's comment section; but I'm afraid current events compel me to challenge that the assuption of a default standard for a faction is behavior that should be encouraged and not called out, even in trivial forms; lest it become endemic in mindset to cause much large problems later.
There. That's my Best British Diplomacy.
As to the basic idea behind the story; Ain't it the truth!
10310876
There are countries that don't follow US law?! But they've created such a kind and easy-going country with no glaring faults or impending doom!
10310910
Hey, AFAIK, the USA is the ONLY former British colony that
Does NOT play cricket!
This alone proves that we are Irredeemably Evil
And this is why the alternate title should be "Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
The shampoo that I use was also discontinued about 3 years agoish and it is like the only one that doesn't leave me sneezing from the smell. I didn't catch immediately when it went away so it cost me like three times what it was worth to get my supply of it which will run out in about 4 years. Good thing about shampoo is it takes a decade+ to go bad.
This story showed Rarity and how resourceful, determined and stubborn she can be. I particularly liked the scene where she single-hoofedly (yes, that is a word) defeated the umbra, then ensured all her friends were safe and got them home. All while having a fabulous mane and working incessantly to find her unique shampoo.
But Twilight stood out as the true friend here. First in trying to reassure Rarity, then helping search and advising her actions and empathizing with her. And finally, doing what only a good friend would do...spend time and effort and risk bodily injury and hearing loss. I hope she doesn't have that much trouble with the hoof polish.
This was a very funny and heart warming story. And I love Rarity so that made it even better! Thank you, Estee!
10310868
Oh sorry, I made a mistake, the creature I was talking about is an Umbrum, a shadow pony.
In the IDW comics, there was this series where they explored the origin of Sombra and his later his redemption. Basically, Sombra was part Umbra, a race of smoke and like ponies that wanted to rule the world I think. Once every year, there was a celebration with the Crystal Heart in the Crystal Kingdom and Sombra, a little orphan, couldn't go a the festivities because he was sick with maddening pain because we learn later on that the effects the Heart has is hurtful to Umbrum.
They never made any more appearances beside that comic run and I think they were supposed to be something like the Pony of Shadow or the thing that possessed Luna a thousand years ago.
I basically miss-remembered the name and thought Estee made a reference to them in this story. Sorry.
10310291
You see this is where the magic of nepotism comes to save the day
10311084
Celestia quietly buys the patent from the company after she gets a friendship letter from Twilight? I can see that.
I find it deeply hilarious that when all is said and done, Pinkie Pie is by far the most sane and well-adjusted of the Bearers.
10311150
She might be the most random pony in all of Equestria, but you're right, she's the most sane of the bunch. (Well, as far as the Mane 6 go; Spike's had his moments too.)
10311071
The MLP comics have been very good except for anything remotely close to Sombra, where they have become unilaterally awful more quickly than Superman's powers vanish when exposed to Krytonite.
The Siege of the Crystal Empire should have been amazing, but instead was my miles the worst pony comic (offically or otherwise) I have had the misfotune of reading.
I would not hold it against you for having blotted it out of your memory entirely, let alone merely misremebered.
"her father on a international fishing trip"
"her father on an international fishing trip"?
"voice and affections while doing"
"voice and affectations while doing"?
Years ago, there was a brand of chocolate pudding in a can. It was by far my favorite treat. I'd have one every week.
And one day I couldn't find it. I shrugged and went on my way, thinking they'd just sold out.
I couldn't find it the next day, or the next week, or the next month. I can still taste it, even after 10+ years. I don't even know the brand name, (I identify products more by color/shape).
It's the only thing that I religiously bought, that nothing else could compare. And they discontinued it. I can definitely feel Rarity's pain here.
10311228
The idea for the origin of Sombra was a good one with potential. It's the rest that was botched.
The only other Sombra stuff that was good from the comics was the good Mirror Sombra Celestia was into.
10311172
10311150
Mirror, mirror off the wall
Who's the sanest of them all?
IMO, Applejack.
10311285
I would have to strongly disagree on both of those points.
Trying to foist off bad people as being always from Not Your Species (be it human or pony) is an inherently REALLY bad idea (which the comics had a tendancy to do). Humans have ENOUGH trouble with factionalism as it IS, without compounding the idea even more by encouraging the monkey brain's "us" and "not-us over there" response.
Fortunately, the show itself was smart enough to do a MUCH better job with Sombra in his glorious one episode, and also to give us Cozy Glow for good measure, which made up for the comic's bizarre blindspot.
10311255
Del Monte is the brand you're thinking of. I believe they stopped making the cans right around the time Del Monte sold their pudding division to Kraft Foods, sometime in the early 90s.
10311295
Eh... I mean, Applejack's not the worst. Rainbow Dash is in seventeen different kinds of denial at once, often about exactly how much denial she's in about the other kinds of denial, and her Ego is sufficiently huge that it's developed an independent personality and social life. Twilight Sparkle is the poster-child for OCD and swings terrifyingly quickly from the poster child for low self-esteem to the most self-assured insufferable genius alive, depending on whether or not Spike's nearby with a bucket of water. And Rarity is, in the immortal phrase, "One enchanted sewing device accident away from becoming a supervillain."
Applejack, though... anger issues, trust issues, an ego that's only slightly below Rainbow Dash when you scratch the surface of it, and she somehow balances being the Element of Honesty with a near-pathological inability to actually be honest in any conversation involving magic, her family, or her own shortcomings.
I'm sorry, I gotta give the prize to Pinkie Pie, if only because she's the only Bearer to have recognized her abusive past and taken steps to deal with it. Wouldn't surprise me to learn she's gone to Therapy, with the level of insight she shows.