• Member Since 4th May, 2013
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On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


It's a simple thing, really. Celestia and Luna would normally do it, but the palace has been rather busy of late. So all Twilight has to do is go to Baltimare and officially launch three ships, because launching ships is one of the official duties of a Princess. What could be simpler?

After Twilight instinctively chooses the wrong definition of 'ship' and desperately asks a friend for help? Just about anything.

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 58 )

What is the sex tag for?


For characters talking about sex. Sometimes just mentioning the possibility of interaction could qualify for the tag, and it's one of those cases where it's better to be safe and apply it than to leave it off and see just how many complaints come in.

Nopony actually has sex in the story, but two ponies do make out in public for a really long time.

And there's the first "NOPONY HAD SEX!" automatic downvote. Two hundred and ninety-nine to go!

Praise Celestia! The Voice of Reason! Praise! :moustache:

Rarity... Wow...

That last line... :rainbowlaugh: How many times has the foiling happened? ... Not sure she's sincere, 'cause that line is usually from a villain...

This needs a sequel


Sure, like it's the first time anyone's ever said that.

This was great. :rainbowlaugh:

Sorry I couldn't contribute to your downvote total.

Ah... I genuinely enjoy Raritwi too much not to empathize with Rarity's disappointment at the end, even knowing it was coming. Not to mention the rare sight of leaving Celestia unreconciled with her faithful student. But the journey was fun.

oh, that last line is hilarious! Rarity WANTS to be date Twilight!

I was mildly disappointed that I'd already read the blog and knew what was ultimately going to happen. Having said that, it was totally worth it.

Your description of Baltimore Baltimare is spot on. It's exactly like that.

The pony lowered the metal to the dock and released the rope from his teeth: the loss of tension made the walls fall away, and the crustacean angrily rushed out -- heading directly for the edge of the dock, where it dropped back into the water. The pony nodded with satisfaction, then began to bait the trap again.

Twilight watched the incomprehensible activity for a full minute before venturing the question. "What's the point?"

"To catch crabs. For a few seconds."

"Ponies don't eat crabs! Ponies don't keep crabs as pets! Ponies don't do anything with crabs!"

"But aren't they fun to watch?

This is brilliant, even if a slightly missed opportunity.

Plus we should probably eat out together.


We could have been dating and eating out and having sleepovers for moons


And the ending was perfect. Poor Rarity.


Nopony actually has sex in the story, but two ponies do make out in public for a really long time.

Long enough that a law was passed . . . they did the deed.

Late at night. Check Fimfiction before heading to bed. New Estee story.

Sleep can wait. I'll just be sure to keep that chapter title in mind.

Rain was the main character in my third-favorite Thaumic Fiction series," Twilight miserably continued, barrel now quickly descending to the floor. "And Excelsior was her sapient tail-mounted razorwhip."

... I'm going to be honest, I don't see anything wrong with this, at least as a thought exercise.

Oh dear. It's not so much that Twilight's been missing the signals as she's just not equipped to receive them.

so unless they saw or heard you...?

"Panicking alicorn, Rarity. I'm pretty sure the whole town heard me."
"Your mastery of the traditional Royal Canterlot Voice has certainly been... swift. And imposing."

I'm sure crabbing makes sense to the crabbers, if nopony else.

I get the sense that this description will be of great use to me come Bronycon. A shame I don't drink.

You only just introduced that romance between the waitress and the bartender, and yet I'm thanking you for resolving it. I can tell it's the most frustrating sort.

"...Cadance was my foalsitter."

:rainbowlaugh: This explains so much. So very, very much.

This was delightfully stupid in the best possible way. Thank you for it.

Oh great, now I'm distracted trying to come up with pony names for the characters from Cheers. So far I've got Doctor Haysier Mane... and that's it. Also I need a pony name equivalent for Seattle as well as equivalents for Martin and Niles. (I've seen more of Farsier and Cheers truth be told).


Also I need a pony name equivalent for Seattle


So, yeah, I can't give this either an upvote or a downvote. Mostly because, while it is kinda funny, it requires Rarity to be extremely selfish and manipulative. I mean, sure, she's a little like that in the show, but this is a bit far.

What have you done?

After reading this, here are my thoughts over the course of the day...

1) Celestia writes a letter:


You are never to refer to what your magic does as Shipping ever again. I've just had to explain the entire concept of waterborne cargo transport to Twilight, including what stevedores do when they're not on strike.

Yours in irritation,

2) Rarity, Twilight is a late-blooming, naive, shy, book nerd. You are going to have to take the direct approach. Possibly with diagrams. It's not romantic, but it might work. No guarantee. (Source: I was a late-blooming, naive, shy, book nerd myself.)

3) This is a prequel to Anchor Foal, isn't it? The press got wind of an Alicorn princess shipping ponies, and the stories that followed are what prompted Fluttershy to contact Celestia. If Rarity &Twilight go on a double date with Fluttershy & (mystery pony X) to a brand new genre of film, you'll have a whole new 'verse to play in...

(Thanks for the story. I had fun.)


including what stevedores do when they're not on strike.

I refuse to believe that any place exists in the multiverse where stevedores have spent so much as a single minute of their lives not being on strike.

Let me guess. The poor sap about to hit the unemployment line is about to have legal problems vis-a-vis custody of a minor.

Secattle, because we need some non-pony-majority cities too.



I don't want to know what would have happened if Twilight had been asked to do the Shipping Forecast.

Pretty sure Seaddle is already the agreed standard.

I'm not a fan of RariTwi, but I still absolutely LOVED this story.

I was pretty much smiling and chuckling the whole time. Poor Twilight and Rarity (Belle? I still have some gripes about that actually being her name, but I guess it's the pony equivalent of middle names that they almost never matter except in the most formal or legal circumstances... though isn't she usually also given the name Tabatha somewhere in there, for obvious reasons? Then again, as was my original train of thought, ponies don't really NEED surnames or anything like that, given that we already see how strange their naming practices are... I think people project too much of our naming habits onto them, without remembering that these are magical talking horses, so some differences are to be expected... although none of this is a major, story-ruining issue of course, it just brings up a weird, convoluted argument that doesn't really matter but the OCD in some of us just really compels us to-)

I'm off topic again. As per usual.

Loved the story, upvoted, 5/5 would ship again.

Also, ghost upvote for Baltimare vomit.


Are you, by the way, a Xanth fan?

Yeah. I got nothing.

I was going to leave this unvoted, because... I dunno. But since you specifically asked for downvotes I decided to give you one :twistnerd:

I knew the 'Cadence was my foal sitter' defense was coming the moment Twilight misunderstood. That was really the only possible explanation for Twilight's misunderstanding that could be believed.


Part of the reasoning for longer formal addresses is that it's kind of hard to issue a Full Name Ultimatum with just one name. The most recent chapter of Triptych was actually the reveal for the full 'verse names of the entire Mane Cast. To wit:

Twilight Sparkle (House Twinkle)
Rarity Belle
Fluttershy Phylia
Rainbow Dash
Spike Twinkle (House Twinkle)
Pinkamena Diane Pie
Applejack Malus (House Rosaceae)

"You went more than three years without telling me you had a title."
"So? It took you just about two before y'mentioned having an older brother."

Don't get me wrong, I love the ol' Full Name Ultimatum. Just questioning whether Rarity has a full name at all.

Also, maybe you posted the wrong link there, because I have no idea what Tryptich is, though you make it sound like some fanfiction.

I'm guessing these names are from some fanfic universe, rather than any kind of canon?

EDIT: Nevermind, searched it. Nice. Though to me it's just an annoying reminder that I need to get off my ass and go to work on all the stories I've left half-finished :P


And the lesson here: when you let autofill work on a link? You shouldn't. Corrected.

I'm guessing these names are from some fanfic universe, rather than any kind of canon?

Yes: my central 'verse. Comes with theories, show-contradicted ideas, and its very own Hatedom!

The Hatedom was free.

Meh, I'm just taking this story on it's own merits, not as part of some 'verse.

Speaking of which, your own verse, really? Hm...? Welp, let me tell you, I'm fairly a loyalist to the show canon, ridicule convoluted theories, and happen to like you. So for that's sake, no offense, Imma just avoid it for now. Still, if you have a TVTropes page, I'm going to assume that some damn good work went into it that people enjoy it that much, so congrats!


In my defense, they were perfectly workable theories at the time. :rainbowwild: One of those cases where episodes aired after the writing started created the contradictions -- and also helped to officially establish the 'verse itself.

Or in other words, when painted into a corner? Bomb the floor.

Legitimate strategy.

Still, I'll put it like this: whenever I see a Hatedom for a 'verse here, I've found that they usually have one reason that I strongly agree with, even if the rest of their points are stupid. Unless that hatedom is based on ships, which is stupid, in which case I pay the hatedom no mind.

Either way, I've only ever glanced at the lore of your 'verse, but if there is a hatedom there, however ridiculous they may be, there probably is going to be something in there that I don't like, so I'll steer clear, I'm afraid.

Still, you're alright :twilightsmile:.

As for the theories, ah, I see. Welp, not much a writer can really do at that point, huh? I really need to start setting up my own 'verse, but I'm reluctant to start it in the middle of a season, before an important finale and a MOVIE in October, no less. I think I'll start working on side stories and leave the core of the lore on hold for now, lest something within the next months come along and topple it too much from show canon.

8256223 If you're planning to do elaborate work in the 'verse, sure. But... beware. One of the short standalones I've written has already been contradicted by the show giving Fluttershy a brother. (Then on the other hand, I could reconcile that if I cared to write a sequel...)

I think some of those people who dislike Triptych do so because it's a more cynical world than the regular universe and that rubs people the wrong way.
I've also noticed a couple of comments regarding the style of writing which puzzles me as I've had no difficulty reading Estee's writing.

Oh heck yeah.
I believe that eventually all fan fiction is alternate universe if it wasn't already the instant something is written that wasn't already in a book, comic, television or radio episode.

Hah! I like this! Another!

I feel like I knew, really, that that's how it was going to end. Yet still, against better wisdom, against even volition, I held out hope. :raritydespair:


Rain was the main character in my third-favorite Thaumic Fiction series," Twilight miserably continued, barrel now quickly descending to the floor. "And Excelsior was her sapient tail-mounted razorwhip."

... I'm going to be honest, I don't see anything wrong with this, at least as a thought exercise.

I sure don't. See a problem with actually doing it. Or shipping a zebra with a sapient article of clothing she has. That said, I definitely didn't think of a specific identifiable ship that I like.


Or in other words, when painted into a corner? Bomb the floor.

Sometimes I wish people would do that more often and more comprehensively.

This was a great experience. Poor Rarity, Twilight has all the brains in the world and still doesn't get the important things, at least what Rarity thinks is important.

:raritydespair:: Lemme smash...please.

:twilightsmile:: No Rarity, go read some books.

Estee requires you to pay a lot more attention to minor details and it's really long. Both are things I specifically love, but I understand why others don't.
That's why I say if you're going to make a 'verse, commit to it. Nobody's going to wonder why Pinkie Pie doesn't have a sister when they're distracted by the fact that they're Power Rangers!
EDIT FROM FUTURE KAI: I was wrong. That did not work. It was a bad idea, and I feel bad.

Estee, is this story part of the Continuum, or does it just use the terms from such, like Anchor Foal does? I noticed that you didn't put the usual "Part of the Triptych Continuum" disclaimer at the end of the description, so I would guess that it's a case of the latter...


is this story part of the Continuum

Oh dear sweet pony gawds no.

*Nods* Just as I thought, thanks muchly.

I wonder how many of the downvotes on this were for disappointed shippers.

Rarity was so very close. But there is always next time!

I am so sad that after all that time and hassle that Rarity did NOT get The Girl!!! T____________T

* Reader digests about 1/3 of the story and suddenly jumps to comments section *

Oh, this is going to go so horribly, horribly wrong for somepony.

...and I think that somepony is ultimately going to be Celestia and/or Luna. :unsuresweetie:

* Reader continue reading *

"The Princess," Rarity imperiously stated, "was observing the way you two interact. The shoving. The casual infliction of small injuries upon each other. The constant questioning of each other's masculinity. Do you know what that typically reflects?"

Both stallions thought it over.

"...that we're bros who've been using our day off to drink together since just before Sun was raised?" the smaller shakily proposed.

"Unresolved. Sexual. Tension," Rarity sternly corrected. "You are clearly channeling your undeniable attraction to each other into -- well, denial. You hang out together because it brings you together. You drink together because it dulls the pain of not truly being together. You are, in fact, in love with each other, and neither has the courage to say it. Well, gentlecolts, that has ended. Because you are now officially -- and again, royally -- shipped."


* Reader finishes story. Reader laughs. Reader presses 'upvote' in response (and to generally confuse author). *

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #109.

My review can be found here.

Perfect use of Royal Canterlot Voice. (Hmm. Is there a RCV of Reason, by any chance?)


"the loss of tension made the walls fall away, and the crustacean angrily rushed out "

Was I the only one disappointed that Rarity didn't battle a crab?

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