REALLY?!
A cool breeze rolled across her body and a thousand little blades of grass poked into her sides. She stirred as the warm sun pressed on the outside of her eyelids and turned the darkness within them a warm red. She wrestled with the weight of her slumber, fighting to open her eyes.
She fidgeted with a groan. “W… wh-”
“‘Where am I?”’ A familiar voice rasped with a stifled snicker.
She gasped. Her eyes snapped open, pupils shrunken and tense. Rainbow Dash hovered above her with a hoof over her mouth to suppress the laughter that was already escaping from her eyes. Her body was quivering and buckling under the stress from trying not to melt down into uncontrollable hysterics.
“Bu- bu-...” Twilight’s eyes darted around frantically, taking in the endless green hills dotted with lush trees and the clear skies. The sun hung at a perfect angle, not beating down, but still maintaining enough heat to complement the nearly constant gentle breeze. “Y-you… b-but I?”
“BAAAA HAAHAAHA!” Rainbow Dash exploded. “You should see the look on your face right now! Oh, Celestia, it never gets old.” She flicked a few tears from her eyes. “And I thought AJ’s reaction was funny!” She glided around Twilight in a circle before touching down and offering her a foreleg. Twilight numbly took it with her own.
“I don’t get it. You? AJ?” Rainbow Dash tugged her onto her own wobbly hooves as Twilight’s mind tried to cram together impossible bits of information into the mold of a rational explanation.
“Geee, yeah, it’s a real mystery...” Rainbow Dash deadpanned. She took to the air again and gestured to her body with her hooves, then struck a pose. “Oh, oh, oh! And look how young I am too! Been a while since you’ve seen the awesomest flyer in all of Equestria -er, I mean from all of Equestria- at peak performance, huh? I bet you’re gonna freak out about that now too!” She hovered in Twilight’s face, teeth digging into her lower lip out of anticipation.
The alicorn took a deep breath and sighed. “No, ‘Rainbow’, I’m not.”
Rainbow Dash’s expectant expression loosened into a gape. “HUH?” She floated back a bit, a dejected look stamped across her muzzle. “WHY NOT?”
“Because,” she sighed as she stepped past her, closing her eyes. “I’ve dreamt of you before. All of you. I can’t stop thinking about you girls. I guess it’s cathartic to see you again, but it’s just going to make waking up in the morning all the more painful. I don’t want to forget you, our friends, and everything we had together, and I know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard to live with the memories too.”
“Phhbbbt, what a buzzkill. I guess you’re still the same, egghead.” She rolled her ruby eyes and flapped around her. “Well, if you’re worried about ‘waking up’ and ‘living’” She said, raising her hooves to punctuate the air around the words with quotation marks. “Then - good news - you’re not gonna be doing much of either now, y’know, being dead and all.” She raised a preemptive hoof towards Twilight, closed her eyes and turned her head away. “And befooore you move onto the next cliche - no, there hasn’t been ‘some kind of mistake’. They made that pretty clear to me when I got here after my - err - slight miscalculation on my nose dive… 90 degree turns at terminal velocity is deeefinitely a young mare’s game, and I probably should’ve realized that. Eh heh heh…” She scratched the back of her head. “Bet that made for a heck of a friendship lesson, huh?”
They had started to slowly idle across the seemingly endless expanse, Twilight walking on the ground with Rainbow Dash flapping over her shoulder. Light streaks of cirrus clouds marbled the blue above them like foam on ocean waves. The supple grass cushioned her every step as the weak wind billowed at them from behind.
“You’ll forgive me if I’m not convinced, ‘Rainbow’. I think I’d remember dying.” The pegasus stopped, exhaled hard into her elbow, so violent it bordered on becoming a frustrated scream, and mutely shook her hooves at the sky before accelerating back to Twilight’s side.
Rainbow Dash dragged her hooves down her face, stretching her skin. “How the heck did they get me on “it’s not a dream” duty again? You’re really gonna make me read the list, huh? I shoulda known.” Grumbling, she pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and fumbled with it until it was only slightly crinkled and illegible. She began scanning down it. “Dreams… dreams… dreams, ha, okaaaay here it is. Are you listening?”
“Uh-huh.”
The pegasus inhaled deeply and blurted the words off the page.
“Normallyyoudon’trememberthebeginningsofdreamsandhowyougotintotheirsetting,butyoushouldbeabletorememberwhenyoufirstrealizedyouwerehere. Convinced yet?”
“Uh, no. I was unconscious until you woke me up.”
“Buh? Wha- THAT DOESN’T COUNT!” Air fumed out of her nose as her eyes returned to the paper. “Rrrgh! Ifthiswasadreamyouwouldprobablybeabletopointoutinconsistenciesintheenvirenmontbetweennowandthetimeyouentered.” Her gaze darted up at the alicorn.
“Dreams come in all types of forms. I should know, I’ve been managing them for about a hundred years now.”
“THINKBACKTOYOURLASTWAKINGMOMENTWHATWEREYOUDOING.”
“Rainbow, this is ridiculous. Celestia and Luna have lived for a thousand years, so how would I die after only living a little more than a century? I had finally just gotten off work, and-” Her pupils shrunk to the atomic level and she came to a dead halt. “Oh.”
“IFTHISWAS- oof!” She gasped as she flew straight into Twilight’s body. “What the hay is wrong with you?” She circled around to see the limp expression on the alicorn’s face. “AHA!” She tossed the paper away. She put her hooves on her hips and bore a smug, vindicated smile. “You just realized you’re dead, didn’t you?”
Twilight looked away with a pink blush. She rubbed a fetlock with a hoof.
“Heh, no wonder why they keep making me do this job. I’m the best.” She dusted her hooves off on each other before landing next to Twilight. “So, how’d ya kick it? Was it awesome? Spill the beans, girl!”
“Erm…” She twisted her face away from Rainbow Dash’s beaming eyes. “It was. Awesome, I mean. It was awesome.” Her face contorted into a sheepish smile. The pores in her forehead opened, and a gallon of sweat was about to start seeping out and spilling down her face. “I just wouldn’t want to bore you with the details of my... experiment…”
“YOU DIED BEING AN EGGHEAD?” She gaped in disbelief before cutting Twilight off with a raised hoof. “Stop right there. Consider me bored.”
“Really?” The relieved bliss that filled her body rushed through her like a tsunami. She felt like she might rise into the air from the feeling alone.
“Duh. Besides, I’m sure if it really was awesome I’ll hear about it in no time. After all, it’s like all we talk about down here.”
“It is?” Twilight gulped. Hard. Somepony had just filled her lightened soul with concrete, and her stomach began rehearsing for a new acrobatic routine. Her eyes deadened into a stare at a far away nothing. A legion of sweat droplets marched down her face. She tremmored.
“Sure is. The first time you see anypony down here that’s like the first thing they ask. Your brother, your mom, your dad - everypony. It gets old quick, even with a story as awesome as mine.” Rainbow Dash draped a wing over Twilight’s shivering form. “C’mon, I gotta get you to the girls. They’re gonna be dying to see you, well, they would be if, y’know…”
They disappeared over the crest of a hill, underneath the sun-encrusted sapphire sky, and Rainbow Dash’s raspy voice gradually tapered off into the endless serenity of still, green waves of grass.
…
“Twilight!” Princess Celestia called as she and Princess Luna touched down on her former balcony. “We noticed you did not lower the sun and feared the worst.” They pushed through the bedroom door with urgency. “Are you o-.” Her royal jaw loosened, then plummeted downwards. As Princess Luna entered the doorway, her eyes bulged to their physical limits, and her muzzle copied her sister’s.
“. . .”
Though the room was dim, it was illuminated by the rays of the still risen sun pouring through the door and a few lavender scented candles. Hanging from the top of a ceiling fan by a long, yet apparently durable, piece of satin, was the current ruler of Equestria, in none of her regal glory. It wrapped around her neck, burrowing into her skin, practically squeezing Princess Twilight’s bloodshot eyes from out of her skull. Her tongue flopped limply out of the side of her muzzle. Rolled on the ground beside her was a cornucopia of vegetables - cucumbers, zucchinis, carrots, eggplants - even a hefty, yellow plantain. On the other side of her was a fallen copy of Playmare magazine, propped open on a page bearing a well-endowed stallion wearing nothing but a royal guard helmet and a toothy grin.
The sisters turned away from the scene, still battling to regain control of their faces. Princess Luna recovered first, swallowed, and spoke in a very delicate tone. “Well, sister, so much for our Silver Shoals retirement.”
Princess Celestia just walked over to the wooden railing of the balcony. It was centuries old, masterfully carved, and had accompanied her every night for a thousand years when she had stared out at the night sky, waiting for her sister’s return in silent melancholy. She looked across Equestria, her former, and now present, charge. She breathed deeply from the high Canterlot air.
Then she smashed her face through the railing.
Thanks for reading, folks. If you've got any advice or even opinions, any at all, please, please, PLEASE let me know in the comments. Check out my other stuff too if you want! I've got one more one shot in the chamber, possibly two if I consolidate my other fic into a single chapter.
Anyway, peace
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Ooh, suicide? Might want to label that. But good story.
10211797
Not suicide, but accident.
Otherwise there would have been fewer vegetables. Like, obviously.
10211838
Oh, misunderstood.
Well that's... huh. Unexpected, I'll grant you.
? above teen what I think this looks like happened ? \/
Wasn't that autoerotic asphixiation gone wrong?
Heh. Died being an egghead. They should put that on Twi's grave
"And THAT my newest student, is why you always have a spotter when you engage in more *cough* strenuous physical activities."
-Celestia to yet another student
Funny but terrible.
It may e that the entire purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.
This was actually kind of sad. Mane Six being dead, Twilight dying after only a hundred years? Punchline was funny, although you hit me too hard in the bittersweet feels in the first half that it was hard to laugh.
Enjoyable read!
10212372
I'd have to agree; bittersweet and comedy kind of subtract from each other.
Thanks for the feature, everybody! Really appreciate it.
10212765
10212372
I see where you're coming from, it just didn't really feel all that sad writing - maybe cause I knew where it was going. I'm not sure I should throw a sad tag on it though, might be a tad bit misleading. Thanks for the feedback though!
10212111
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10211888
Care to rephrase, my Austraeoh brethren? What do you mean?
I'm...I'm not sure I understand...how, exactly, did Twi get herself into that position by accident? I mean, I get it was somehow sexual or related to that, but...
10212777
Restricting the ability to breathe is believed by some to heighten sexual sensation, in particular the orgasm, because your brain does weird things when it's suffocating that can sometimes be misidentified as pleasure. This leads to various fetishistic practices, the most direct of which is to simply get choked during sex or to choke yourself while masturbating. Thousands of people reportedly die from this every year when they fail to take safety precautions or go a few seconds too long; it often gives the initial appearance of a suicide, because people who practice such things will often use hangings and similar suicide or execution methods as inspiration for their ill-conceived roleplay.
I would not recommend this to anybody, by the way. Suffocation is not something to play around with; even if you don't kill yourself, you're still causing brain damage.
10212776
Badly drawn turtle went into what I was seeing happening in this fic. I put it behind spoiler tags because it is a bit on the mature side of teen. It is probably okay but I tend to err on the side of caution.
LMAO Okay, okay, omg I did not expect THAT oh my fucking god
10212809
Behind spoiler tags because it's still to do with the story.
It has nothing to do with restricting the ability to breathe, that's INCREDIBLY dangerous. It has everything to do with the slight restriction of bloodflow. And I'm not saying that's not dangerous, which it is, same as with hair pulling (you can damage vertebrae), and so it should be done with those that you either trust or are otherwise experienced with such actions. It is called Edgeplay for a reason.
Now that's a big OOF, with a capital F
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10212765
It's sad. Then a little funny as you follow along. Then sad once you've finished. Then heartwarming when you realize that they will always be together, always have each other as best friends... THEN HILARIOUS because Twilight will never be able to live it down!
10212952
Breath play does, in fact, have to do with restricting the ability to breath; hence the name. But either way, it has the same effect; the goal is hypoxia of the brain, which some people interpret as a euphoric state. Unlike hair pulling, which can be done right, this CANNOT be done right, because that feeling of euphoria is, in reality, a signal that your brain cells are already dying. There is no safe amount of hypoxia; people only do it because they don't understand biology.
This is so sick and disgust me...
It's wonderful, great story
She accidentally killed herself. Wow
Fun! Well I knew her death would be something like that once the questions started...
Hope the rest of the afterlife is more interesting than endless grass and gentle breezes. Makes me think of Love and Death as it's described. Wheat...
Rainbow Dash on Soul Introduction Duty! Perfect. Bet she'd be good at it. Sometimes brashness and an irreverent attitude is exactly what's needed.
So since you asked, thoughts. I did enjoy it but thought it could have had just a bit more time to breath and play with the concepts and banter. Maybe follow up on the introduction of things being a bit more ambiguous. They're good concepts, they deserve it. Is this Dash getting a dumb idea in her head again? Is this a prank? Also, quotes in quotes are "And then she said 'But what about the kumquat?'" There were also some places the phrasing could be polished. But yeah, enjoyed that.
Until the magazine was mentioned, I totally thought Twi hanged herself because the others were dead. But, NO, it had to be even more awkward.
(Secretly, I loved that little twist. It turned tragedy to comedy with ease. Great work!
Have a favorite!)
Hey! april was autoerotic asphyxiation month, not may!
Thats rough
I feel Celestia's reaction was entirely justified.
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I'm glad you guys enjoyed it, really appreciate you both giving it a read.
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10212765
I see where you're coming from, and I don't disagree (even though the actual feeling of bitterness is lost on me as I read it because I know the end). I love some bittersweet action, and I'll keep a closer eye on the ratio.
10214106
Ahhh, your long form review is welcome my friend.
Seems like one of the things you thought was lacking was more or less the flushing out of certain concepts. I've got no excuses, but I've got some explanations. 1) I kinda subscribe to the camp that the shorter can effectively be the better it is. Effective being the key word there. I know more about the story than anybody else, and that can kind of get in the way of me realizing there's a blind spot of info between what I know and what's on the page. But RD was just taking the opportunity to troll, more or less. 2) The other problem is that creative stamina is in low supply for yours truly.
If you need more proof of that check out the story I wrote lol. It's something I don't really know how to do. Maybe write scenes and bits out separately before combining them? Who knows. If you got any tricks I'd love to see them. You've got an impressive array of longer stories. As for the quotes I'll keep an eye on it, and the phrasing as well.Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story and thanks for reading, and thanks even more for the comment.
10213272
Thank you for that clarification, I didn't realize it was one and the same. But hypoxia occurs only if it's completely cut off, sure, but with most types of asphyxiation, it's restricted for moments at a time, not minutes. Alcohol and spicy peppers are technically poison, but with responsible use, there are no negative side effects.
10216710
For alcohol, that isn't actually the case. Even small amounts have negative long-term effects, which accumulate with each use; it's just so embedded in society (and supported by massive business interests) that it's not honestly discussed.
Not true. A reduction of oxygen levels below normal can cause damage without there being literally no oxygen; you appear to be attempting to rationalize a dangerous practice, which has the effect of putting more people in danger.
10213167
Kinda hard to live it down when you're already dead.
It doesn't need a "Sad" tag, that might not be fitting, but a "Dark" tag would be accurate. Otherwise it seems to have a tonal shift that isn't warned for by the tags. Craft-wise, the description during the beginning was good.
Seriously. How bored do you have to be that that activity needs a lethal possibility?
10217470
And yet it's surprisingly, depressingly, common.
10218778
I blame the fact that biology courses don’t focus enough on theoretical lethality.
10220588
I personally blame human nature. Why is autoerotic asphyxiation a thing? Why is meth a thing. Both will kill you or ruin your life with only a slim chance of a slightly heightened and very brief feeling of satisfaction as the pay off. I say try sky diving, at least if you try to enhance it in, that, way it'll be much less obvious what you were doing.
10220670
Skydiving always struck me as a rather terrible way to go. It is one of the few ways to go where once you realize something has gone wrong you have a decent block of time to marinate in just how screwed you are. It would be like finding yourself in a Bond movie villain trap except you only have yourself and parachutes to blame.
10220946
I could see that being the case. At least you got to experience the high of skydiving. And I still think any form of lack of oxygen death would still be worse. You have plenty of time to see it coming and you have to suffer through it. Personally I want to go in a way that if there's a video of it it'll make people cringe.
Ha ha! Twilight's a gasper!
Oh I see, the sinking feeling was people asking how she died. I thought it was from RD saying 'down here', implying they were in hell. Like that one Twilight Zone episode.