Ground Rules and Other Pleasantries
“What kind of idiot can’t walk on four legs?”
“One who’s been on two their whole life,” came the unhappy response. “And why did you do this?”
“Because I didn’t want you to kick me or something by accident,” Twilight answered as she inspected a bolt, now cut cleanly in half from the improper teleport.
“You pulled my head off my body!” Jeremy yelled from his place on the small coffee table. “You can’t tell me that this isn’t a bit much!”
There was indeed a disembodied brass pony head, everything from the neck up, sitting on the table. There was a wire protruding from the stump leading to a small gem that acted as a power source. Twilight and the rest of the metal pony were on the other side of the room, where she was digging through a small cardboard box trying to find enough parts to repair the damage.
“Since when was it your body?” she asked absent-mindedly, levitating a bolt and trying to get it to fit through the hole.
“From the moment you accidentally sealed me inside that thing,” Jeremy answered harshly, far from happy with the treatment he had endured so far.
“Technically, the only thing you’re inhabiting is the head. I could just leave you like that,” Twilight answered, now tightening a bolt.
“No no no no! I’m gonna go crazy if you do that!” the body-less head yelled. “I’ll be good, I promise!” he pleaded.
Twilight’s smirk was hidden as she leaned over to make sure the leg was properly secured. She probably shouldn’t have been so happy, but it was so easy to control him. She made a mental note to keep the threat of decapitation ready for whenever he became unruly. “Okay, that should do it.”
“Finally!” came the reply from the other side of the room. “Put me back on. Er, please.”
“Not yet,” she replied. “I don’t want you to keep falling over. Need to find a way to - ”
“Oh come on!” Jeremy yelled angrily. “I’ve been stuck here for a whole hour now!”
“And you’ll stay that way until I figure this out,” Twilight said, trying to remain calm.
“Twilight!” came a male voice from outside the library. “I’m back!”
“Who’s that?” Unfortunately, Jeremy’s head was stuck facing away from the library’s door, leaving him unable to see who was now opening the door.
“I got the groceries,” the voice said again, its owner obscured behind a large paper bag, with vegetables poking out of the top. The bag disappeared into the kitchen, walking in front of Jeremy. He saw the back of a small bipedal reptile, with purple scales, green spines and a spade-like tail.
“Thanks, Spike,” Twilight said, not looking from her work. She had a hoof to her chin, deep in thought.
“Okay, seriously, this is stupid. Put me back already.”
“Who was that?” Spike asked from the kitchen, where the sound of tins and jars being moved could be heard.
“You know how I was building that clockwork pony?” Twilight asked.
“And you remember how I said it’d be easier to just find a stallion instead of building one?” came the response.
“S-Spike!” Twilight yelled, her face burning up. From his place on the table, Jeremy laughed.
“I like him already,” he said happily.
“I told you not to joke about that!” the unicorn yelled angrily at her assistant. She turned to Jeremy. “And don’t encourage him,” she admonished. “The last thing I want is him ending up like you.”
“Like who?” Spike asked, poking his head out. His emerald eyes met the glowing orbs that were Jeremy’s. “Woah, creepy.”
“Says the talking purple lizard,” the disembodied head muttered.
The talking purple lizard backed away slowly. “Did that thing just talk?” he asked as he pointed a shaking finger at the head.
“No, it was the table,” Jeremy replied. “She’s not happy with the number of coffee stains she has, you know that?” he continued happily. “You really should clean her more often.”
This strange comment was enough to confuse Spike enough to get him to stop backing away. His expression changed from fear to confusion. “Err, what?”
“Seriously, Twilight, put me back on my body, this is frustrating,” the head complained.
Twilight did eventually reattach Jeremy’s head to his body. Unfortunately, she still hadn’t figured out how to give him a sense of balance.
“Why can’t I move?”
“Um, I don’t want you falling over, so I kinda... disabled your legs,” Twilight replied timidly.
Jeremy gaped at her. Or rather, his mouth hung open loosely as his beacon-like eyes stared at the unicorn. The general effect was the same. “Why did you put me back together!?” he screamed.
“Well, you kept asking me to, and I thought - ”
“There’s no point if I can’t move!” he yelled, his tone somewhere between anger and sorrow. He would have been crying, were that possible. “This is sick and cruel!”
“Twilight, just what is going on?” Spike asked, eyeing the bawling automaton warily.
“I’m not sure, but I think I put a dead creature’s soul inside there by accident,” she whispered as Jeremy continued to ramble.
“Err, what?” Spike asked as he scratched his head.
“This is hell, this is hell and you’re my torturer, you’re gonna drive me insane, I can’t escape, I’m trapped here forever, I’m - ” All four of his legs were suddenly enveloped in a strange, lavender glow as he fell forwards. “Argh!” He exclaimed from his place on the floor. “I can move! Freedom!” he yelled happily as he wriggled his legs.
“Yes, you can move, but remember that I can disable them again,” Twilight said threateningly. “After all, I don’t want you - ah! My floor!” she exclaimed as Jeremy picked himself up.
He looked down and saw that two and a half tons of metal impacting wooden floorboards tended to do bad things. A good chunk of the floor had been gouged out, leaving a large ugly gash. “Whoops,” Jeremy said, not sounding very apologetic.
“Okay,” Twilight muttered, doing her best to keep her temper under control. “Don’t try to move unless me or Spike are there to catch you.”
“I dunno, Twi,” Spike murmured. “He looks pretty heavy. He might crush me,” he said, eyeing the metallic pony carefully, as though it was liable to fall over at any moment. As if to prove him right, that’s exactly what happened.
“Woah!” the possessed automaton exclaimed as he was wrapped in magic and held upright. “Thanks,” he said shakily as Twilight put him back on his hooves.
“Just... sit down and read or something, I need to figure this out,” she said warily as she descended back into the basement.
There was a brief silence as dragon and automaton stood there, not sure what to do.
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As for where I got the title for this story...
loving the story. Though twilight's personality seems a bit more sadistic than the show. please keep this up
Too much falling over the 3 chapters. Getting boring and repetitive. The chapters are waaaay to short for my liking as well.
I'd better see updates less often, but chapters more "meaty" and with more development - as it's 3 "chapters" and the story is moving nowhere. That could be one chapter for all I know.
One last piece of criticism - the moment to end this chapter was... ugh.
The real attention just started to grow, the reader just began to get his satisfaction and live the life of the character (mind that most people are reading this ongoing and not single cut) so for an ongoing reader that's just not enough. I recommend to at least double the size.
My critical rambling is ended for now, but I will be back!
1121269
You say that as though it's a bad thing.
This is awesome!
*RD* I'll be the judge of that. *reads fic* Wow, this is awesome.
I'm not sure about Twilight's behavior in this chapter, what she does is just cruel. Even if she does not intend to follow through with her threats I can't imaging her making them in the first place. I mean, how would she like it if she was paralyzed from the neck down ? And telling him that she would disable his body again if shes unhappy with him ...
She doesn't seem to take what he says seriously but heavens knows that if that would happen to me she would not need to do it all that often to me before I stand next to her bed at night.
Jeremy: "I can't sit. You see any joints on these legs?"
Or does he have knee joints?
You can just imagine him playing scarecrow and scaring the shit out of little kids
1121291
He can walk like a normal pony, he has all the necessary joints.
He just has trouble using them.
Twilight would be the worst roomate evar !
1121294
Oh. My bad.
1121293 ROFLMAO!!
I would definitely do that too!
I suppose Twilight may have had trouble seeing her own creation as "alive", But I'm glad that she finally grew a little bit of a conscience. (Or she just couldn't take Jeremy crying and begging
)
Why is Twilight such an unsympathetic asshole in this story?
1121327
Hey, it's Twilight, she's sort of socially retarded.
1121342
Yeah. But she's also not an unsympathetic asshole. I'm just wondering what the point of the change is, besides "haha, comedic sociopathy".
Listening to somone like Twilight make those kinds of threats makes me feel really bad for the poor guy anyone would freak out if they died just to end up in a brass equine.
1121357
Well, having a bumbling 2.5 ton metal pony stumbling around your house and breaking your things is punishment enough, surely?
Mooaarr
1121364 Not when said pony is frightened and freaked out from dying only to find out a purple unicorn has the power to disable his limbs and decapitate him.
1121443
That's what Spike is there for, to act as reason and morality. Though, that may be more out of selfishness in his case...
Nice chapter, although looking forward to more content. Not much happened so far. Only falling over and some banter.
1121327
Because she refuses to actually believe that Jeremy's soul is in her clockwork pony.
Clearly this is just a programming error that must be rectified, and said creation is not actually sentient.
Twi, how did you manage to break logic?
Loving it. Wish that chapters were longer though. Please make chapters longer. Oh, and fat jokes, lots of fat jokes.
I hope he gets control of his limbs enough to buck Twilight right in the fucking jaw
Catch 22 with short chapters is that unless the author churns them out fast, they tend to be a bit glacial. That aside, I remember seeing a lot of back and forth on Twilight's supposed lack of empathy concerning her... creation, shall we say.
I don't think she's being cruel or sadistic in any real way. Granted, she was acting mean, and in a lot of ways highly inappropriate given the situation at hand, but right now she seems to be more trying to do damage control than pondering the deep ethical and philosophical issues that are doubtlessly going to come up later on. Twilight is socially awkward in some ways, but calling in socially retarded is going a bit too far when you think about just how well adjusted she is in most "normal" situations. Lack of experience is her issue, rather than any level of genuine ineptitude, and that said, doesn't really play an issue here. She just inadvertently created life by accident, life that consists of a two and a half ton construct that's unable to keep balanced at the best of times and when it does, is doubtlessly doing all kinds of damage with it's metal hooves and the fact that it's two and a half tons of weight across four tiny surface areas on a wooden floor? Honestly its a miracle that he didn't go right back through the floor again just by standing on it.
It could also be argued that Twilight's attitude is a carefully calculated ploy to keep the formerly dead and now reanimated two and a half ton construct from focusing on it's situation, possibly panicking, and with it's combined weight, the fact that it's made out of a very tough metal and the fact that it's limbs are highly articulate... well, lets just say I wouldn't want four flailing metal bars flying around at high speed anywhere near me, causing massive property damage and possibly hurting or, very easily, killing someone in the process. Keeping it distracted with a blase' attitude and having it focused away from it's current state of being could very probably keep it calm enough for it to not have a panic attack when the fact sets in that it's a machine with a soul of a person stuck inside because of a random mishap caused by the creature in the same room as it is. A violent outburst or a rage attack because of the situation wouldn't be out of the question, and even if you know you wouldn't act like that, she doesn't.
But that's just my perspective.
1121558
err, magic?
1121623
Dude, I fucking love you.
1121629
Lucky guess I take it?
1121637
Well, you put into words what I couldn't, and threw in some stuff I hadn't even considered.
As for how Jeremy (name pending) hasn't fallen through the floor, magic. In that the floor is magically reinforced.
1121639
Magic or just really good cross-hatching. Carpentry is magic, after all.
It always warms my heart when I make folks think. It's a good fic, and I really am enjoying it, a lot. I wanna see more Grinding Gears because, lets face it, it's a unique idea and a fresh breath to an otherwise hammered out concept. Solid and well written too, which is rare for fics with shorter chapters, so I really do hope to see where you're going with this.
1121653
rlv.zcache.com/oh_stop_it_you_wrapped_canvas-r3370958182ed42b788dcef6fe1cb1542_29c92_400.jpg
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY IS GRINDING MY GEARS...
NOTHING I LOVE THIS !
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/tumblr_lwjg95ZYsO1r49sybo1_250.gif
I can see this happening at one point.
Please make this happen at one point.
I want to enjoy this, but Twilight's characterization is so terrible that I just can't. There's no excuse for how horrible she's acting, and whats worse is that she doesn't even seem to care about the implications of what she just did, or that she's pretty much tormenting a living, thinking, creature. I completely agree with everyone else who also said she's OoC, and unless you fix that and stop using it for comedy (haha, Twilight abusing a soul she just stole is so
stupidfunny!) I don't really see it getting better.1121623
Yeah, that doesn't make much sense. For one, even if that was meant to be shown in the story, then it's very poorly shown considering that so far she doesn't really even seem to care about how she's acting or anything like that. Also, if the idea that she's doing this to keep him from focusing on his situation and keeping him from getting angry is true, then it's a pretty stupid way for her to go about doing it. Oh yeah, to keep him from getting upset and focusing on his problems, let's just constantly remind him about how useless he currently is and how stupid he is for not being used to the body I forced his soul into, and let's also remind him that I can control his every action. There's no way he'll get angry or focus on his situation if I do that!
That said, Twilight in this story is pretty much an OC using her name.
only follow the floating pugs head!!!!!!
media.comicvine.com/uploads/5/52044/2060390-i_like_it_super.jpg
Very few if any grammatical errors that I can tell. And maybe it's just me, but the chapters are a little on the short side.
1121981
I'll sort of rehash what's already been said: Twilight hasn't fully realized that she really is dealing with what was a living being. And what's more, a different species without any knowledge of equine movement. When you think about it, if you create an AI that is already fully mature and has artificial memories, and stick it directly into an android and turn it on, it'll probably go OH GOD WHY AM I IN A ROBOT, too. And while you would try to help out, maybe try and explain the situation, you know it's just a machine. And it's hard to break it to someone that they're not real.
And, as has been stated before, I think it's justifiable that she wouldn't want to have his head moving his body while she was repairing it, considering the lack of motor control he possesses. He's already doing considerable damage to her stuff even just by standing and walking, let alone what could happen if he accidentally kicks her while reattaching the leg, with roughly a half-ton of force.
Even if Twilight is a tad more sadistic right now, I can't imagine it being any worse. Chances are she'll soon be able to have a talk with him; show him around the town. Make him feel more human (or, rather, pony).
1122120
My problem with the first argument (that she doesn't know he's a living being) is that it doesn't make sense. He's said several times that he's a living being, and nothing in there makes it seem like she doesn't know this. Also, it doesn't matter if she doesn't know he wasn't a pony (though, once again, this doesn't make sense because he's told her). In fact, that actually makes it worse. Because then you have to consider the fact that she's toying with the soul of a creature just like her, and doesn't care. No matter how you look at it, it's completely OoC for her.
As for the second argument (that she wouldn't want him walking around while repairing him), that would make sense if it wasn't for how much of a jerk she was being to him during the entire process (haha, I bet you like walking freely, huh? Don't forget, I can disable you whenever I want!).
Actually, her not wanting him messing things up due to how heavy he is makes me question something. The entire premise behind this fic doesn't make much sense when you think about it. Yeah, him being so heavy that he pretty much destroys everything he touches is used for comedy, along with her keeping him still to fix him so it doesn't happen, but it also makes you question why this even exists in the first place. Let's just consider what would have happened if the machine worked as expected. Now, it's clearly too heavy to be practical for helping with pretty much anything, so it's pretty much useless from the start, but that also means it's so heavy that's it's not even practical to move it. All that considered, why would she have even bothered with it in the first place? It wouldn't have been able to move without messing up her home, it wouldn't have been able to help without messing up her home, so what's the point?
1122247
I will admit that Twilight is being rather cynical about this, but she's probably a little ticked off by him messing up her house. And on that note, I'd venture to say that her original plan was to make an automaton that wasn't living, that had full motor control, and would therefore not be flailing around his two-ton body weight willy-nilly.
About the first argument: If I told you that I was actually a time-travelling alien trapped inside a human body, would you believe me at first? Twilight's heard his story, but I'd say she's probably still trying to grasp that he's not just an AI with someone else's memories, but an actual guy's soul.
1122304
Setting aside whether Twilight's OoC or not, and whether she's acting reasonable, I think we can agree she's being kind of a bitch.
Massivly.
Enjoying this fic
2.5 tons?
1121981
It was once said that anger and frustration are more useful than depression. Besides, it does seem to be working, given that he really isn't focused on the fact that he just died, nor that he's really agitated in a way that could become violent or panicked in any way. Sarcasm and dry wit are in the exact opposite direction as to where he could be, and probably would be if he had enough time to think about it. Instead he's sassing her back and forth, to which she's responding in kind, familiarizing himself with her even though he's never seen or encountered a talking animal before outside of the realm of fiction. As for focusing him on the little problems, well, it's easy to miss the forest if all someone is doing is focusing on the trees. His issue as he sees it is that he can't stand and he's destroying everything because he's clumsy. It's got his attention enough that I don't think he's realized that he's a soul trapped in a machine, something significantly worse. For all intents and purposes, he can't feel anything, and can only rely on his sight and hearing. Once he realizes that he's not going to be able to experience these things, it's going to get so much worse than a little bit of balance trouble for him.
What she's doing is a classic attention diverting tactic that's keeping him more focused on her than on him in the end, and given that, for all of her awkwardness, she really is a genius, really is quite intuitive and empathic, and more than likely has some background in psychology, if only from reading as opposed to practice. It wouldn't be a stretch for her to shift from "Oh my Celestia I just jury-rigged life!" to "Oh my Celestia I just jury-rigged life into a two and a half ton machine that, from my meager understanding, may or may not become extremely pissed at me for disturbing it's eternal rest!" Annoyed is preferable to homicidal after all, and given how humans are normally portrayed when the word "Legend" is invoked, for all she knows she may well have just bound the equivalent to Cthulhu into an extremely powerful body. Hell, even normal humans are prone to rage attacks and bouts of panic and irrationality when confronted with things outside their scope of understanding. And this? This is the scope being disassembled, wrapped in cloth, hit with a sledgehammer and then glued back together by rolling it through liquid tar before tossing it into a trash compactor. Right now he's in a daze. What happens when that proverbial sledgehammer smacks him in the face and he realizes that, "Oh shit, this is really real"?
It really won't be pretty.
Also, in response to your other question, as to why this would be happening in the first place, well, it's Twilight. She has new research and a fun little experiment to try. Why wouldn't she go balls to the wall out playing with it? It's Twilight. Reaching beyond the scope of her grasp is just what she does. Sure she might try to justify it to herself, give herself reasons as to why this wasn't just an exercise in mental masturbation, but really? She's doing it because she can. Just like us, in a lot of ways. For all of her genius, she really does tend to be very shortsighted sometimes. Remember Smarty Pants? Good example.
See, the problem with this is that the chapters are tiny and aren't updated often enough. It's alright to wait a couple weeks for something like, say, Blue Angel, because the chapters are usually really big. This, on the other hand, is averaging a thousand words every 2 days. If you slowed down and wrote bigger chapters, we'd be happy to wait longer, or if you could write short chapters faster, we'd also be happy. See, that's how it works.
1121250
That cover for the video...
xD
1121274
Believe me, it is. You'd better do what he says or he'll get both 4chan and Reddit and possibly 9-gag to shut this story down.
9-gag. *Shudders*
gosh Twi your being mean...
Think about it, not being able to walk, blink, or feel anything...
other than that i see the story has untold potential!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1121293 YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Honestly, I can't say this enough-- I am just waiting for him to pin her on the ground and point out it would be easy to crush her like a bug, if only for her to get it through her head that this is a living being that she's enslaving and tormenting here
1122304
Yes, I understand why she made it, the only thing I don't get is why she thought it smart to make something that weighs over 2 tons for help in a library. You keep bringing up her fear of him falling and creating a large hole in the floor, but once again, that fear wouldn't exist if she hadn't made a 2 ton robot to help in a library. And you say that like there's no way the robot could mess up and fall over at one point if he hadn't been put inside, but how is it possible to know that? I don't see her making perfect robot pony helpers in the show, so there's no reason to assume it wouldn't have been constantly falling just the same.
No, I wouldn't believe you. However, that isn't taking everything else into consideration. For one, I wouldn't believe you, but I also know magic isn't real, and neither are unicorns, dragons, etc. Were we in a setting like that (where I had also saved my home from creatures who could warp reality itself), then why wouldn't I? There's also the fact that from how they were talking last chapter it doesn't seem like she didn't believe him.
Look, we're obviously not going to reach an agreement here, so let me just finish and say that I really wouldn't care about all the details if it wasn't for how much of a jerk Twilight is being to him and lording over him the fact that she can disable him whenever she wants. Basically, if Twilight's characterization wasn't so terrible, I would love this story because it is unique.
1122666
I guess my problem with your argument is that it just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I'm just taking it too seriously and looking too hard at things being played for laughs. The reason it doesn't make sense to me is that there's nothing in the story so far to suggest any of this. There's nothing with Twilight thinking about distracting him or about him not considering his problems. He does know the big picture. He's fully aware of his situation, and she knows it considering they talked in the past 2 chapters about it. Basically, from what is actually in the story, this is nothing more than Twilight being a complete jerk to someone whose soul she just stole. There's no attempt at apologizing. There's no attempt to understand each other. There's just nothing. Yeah, she didn't mean for it to happen, and if she had done any of that I could look past it. But considering she doesn't even seem to care, how is that any different from her doing it intentionally? And seriously, how is making him mad and getting him frustrated going to help him at all? It doesn't hide any of his problems (he's made it quite clear he's aware of them, considering she took his head off and everything), and the only thing it really does is tell him that this sociopath has taken his soul, put it in a machine, and then doesn't care when she finds out. Oh yeah, that makes everything better.
Like I said earlier, I could actually ignore all those minor problems if it wasn't for the fact that Twilight is acting so mean in this story. As it stands though, Twilight's horrible characterization has been killing any of my enjoyment, especially when the latest chapter starts with her insulting him over something she's responsible for.
Edit: Another thing I just considered is the idea that she's being a jerk to him to keep him from going off on her. The problem with this is that when you consider how she's treating him after basically ruining his existence and not even caring, could you even blame him if he did attack her? Yeah, she doesn't know if he's aggressive or not, but how does that lead to the conclusion that she should get on his bad side when she doesn't want him to attack her?