Grinding Gears

by Speven Dillberg


Ground Rules and Other Pleasantries

“What kind of idiot can’t walk on four legs?”
“One who’s been on two their whole life,” came the unhappy response. “And why did you do this?”
“Because I didn’t want you to kick me or something by accident,” Twilight answered as she inspected a bolt, now cut cleanly in half from the improper teleport.
“You pulled my head off my body!” Jeremy yelled from his place on the small coffee table. “You can’t tell me that this isn’t a bit much!”
There was indeed a disembodied brass pony head, everything from the neck up, sitting on the table. There was a wire protruding from the stump leading to a small gem that acted as a power source. Twilight and the rest of the metal pony were on the other side of the room, where she was digging through a small cardboard box trying to find enough parts to repair the damage.
“Since when was it your body?” she asked absent-mindedly, levitating a bolt and trying to get it to fit through the hole.
“From the moment you accidentally sealed me inside that thing,” Jeremy answered harshly, far from happy with the treatment he had endured so far.
“Technically, the only thing you’re inhabiting is the head. I could just leave you like that,” Twilight answered, now tightening a bolt.
“No no no no! I’m gonna go crazy if you do that!” the body-less head yelled. “I’ll be good, I promise!” he pleaded.
Twilight’s smirk was hidden as she leaned over to make sure the leg was properly secured. She probably shouldn’t have been so happy, but it was so easy to control him. She made a mental note to keep the threat of decapitation ready for whenever he became unruly. “Okay, that should do it.”
“Finally!” came the reply from the other side of the room. “Put me back on. Er, please.”
“Not yet,” she replied. “I don’t want you to keep falling over. Need to find a way to - ”
“Oh come on!” Jeremy yelled angrily. “I’ve been stuck here for a whole hour now!”
“And you’ll stay that way until I figure this out,” Twilight said, trying to remain calm.
“Twilight!” came a male voice from outside the library. “I’m back!”
“Who’s that?” Unfortunately, Jeremy’s head was stuck facing away from the library’s door, leaving him unable to see who was now opening the door.
“I got the groceries,” the voice said again, its owner obscured behind a large paper bag, with vegetables poking out of the top. The bag disappeared into the kitchen, walking in front of Jeremy. He saw the back of a small bipedal reptile, with purple scales, green spines and a spade-like tail.
“Thanks, Spike,” Twilight said, not looking from her work. She had a hoof to her chin, deep in thought.
“Okay, seriously, this is stupid. Put me back already.”
“Who was that?” Spike asked from the kitchen, where the sound of tins and jars being moved could be heard.
“You know how I was building that clockwork pony?” Twilight asked.
“And you remember how I said it’d be easier to just find a stallion instead of building one?” came the response.
“S-Spike!” Twilight yelled, her face burning up. From his place on the table, Jeremy laughed.
“I like him already,” he said happily.
“I told you not to joke about that!” the unicorn yelled angrily at her assistant. She turned to Jeremy. “And don’t encourage him,” she admonished. “The last thing I want is him ending up like you.”
“Like who?” Spike asked, poking his head out. His emerald eyes met the glowing orbs that were Jeremy’s. “Woah, creepy.”
“Says the talking purple lizard,” the disembodied head muttered.
The talking purple lizard backed away slowly. “Did that thing just talk?” he asked as he pointed a shaking finger at the head.
“No, it was the table,” Jeremy replied. “She’s not happy with the number of coffee stains she has, you know that?” he continued happily. “You really should clean her more often.”
This strange comment was enough to confuse Spike enough to get him to stop backing away. His expression changed from fear to confusion. “Err, what?”
“Seriously, Twilight, put me back on my body, this is frustrating,” the head complained.


Twilight did eventually reattach Jeremy’s head to his body. Unfortunately, she still hadn’t figured out how to give him a sense of balance.
“Why can’t I move?”
“Um, I don’t want you falling over, so I kinda... disabled your legs,” Twilight replied timidly.
Jeremy gaped at her. Or rather, his mouth hung open loosely as his beacon-like eyes stared at the unicorn. The general effect was the same. “Why did you put me back together!?” he screamed.
“Well, you kept asking me to, and I thought - ”
“There’s no point if I can’t move!” he yelled, his tone somewhere between anger and sorrow. He would have been crying, were that possible. “This is sick and cruel!”
“Twilight, just what is going on?” Spike asked, eyeing the bawling automaton warily.
“I’m not sure, but I think I put a dead creature’s soul inside there by accident,” she whispered as Jeremy continued to ramble.
“Err, what?” Spike asked as he scratched his head.
“This is hell, this is hell and you’re my torturer, you’re gonna drive me insane, I can’t escape, I’m trapped here forever, I’m - ” All four of his legs were suddenly enveloped in a strange, lavender glow as he fell forwards. “Argh!” He exclaimed from his place on the floor. “I can move! Freedom!” he yelled happily as he wriggled his legs.
“Yes, you can move, but remember that I can disable them again,” Twilight said threateningly. “After all, I don’t want you - ah! My floor!” she exclaimed as Jeremy picked himself up.
He looked down and saw that two and a half tons of metal impacting wooden floorboards tended to do bad things. A good chunk of the floor had been gouged out, leaving a large ugly gash. “Whoops,” Jeremy said, not sounding very apologetic.
“Okay,” Twilight muttered, doing her best to keep her temper under control. “Don’t try to move unless me or Spike are there to catch you.”
“I dunno, Twi,” Spike murmured. “He looks pretty heavy. He might crush me,” he said, eyeing the metallic pony carefully, as though it was liable to fall over at any moment. As if to prove him right, that’s exactly what happened.
“Woah!” the possessed automaton exclaimed as he was wrapped in magic and held upright. “Thanks,” he said shakily as Twilight put him back on his hooves.
“Just... sit down and read or something, I need to figure this out,” she said warily as she descended back into the basement.
There was a brief silence as dragon and automaton stood there, not sure what to do.