• Member Since 26th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 4th, 2013

TritiumAge00


T

In the year 2745, humanity's grasp of the sciences has advanced to an almost unfathomable level. Sub-space matter transfer technology grants almost instant access to countless worlds across thousands of light years. These advanced machines are not without their limits. The vast energies which constantly course through them put immense strain on their inner workings, and it is your job as a highly trained maintenance tech to fix what breaks. On your way to a typical repair job things take a turn for the decidedly weird, and you suddenly find yourself thrown into a world both familiar and alien. Will you ever learn the cause of your displacement, or will you be forever subject to the whims of this strange new world?

One thing does become quickly apparent. The citizens of your new home are frightened to learn of your species' carnivorous ancestry, the signs of which are made painfully obvious with every toothy grin. What's a pony to do when these ancient surges of primal fear sow a quickly growing seed of carnal need? A tumultuous avalanche of the deliciously devious awaits.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 204 )

Haha, this is hilarious, keep writing it! More, more! :rainbowlaugh:

OH wow. I am loving this! For the love of all that is good...MOAR!

Ahaha this is amazing
Very well written, with few typos and a hilarious narrator.

Keep up the awesome work!

Really good, write moar. :pinkiehappy:

I'm reading this in TotalBiscuit's voice.

Jesus this is fun.

Oh my god, it's like Roger Wilco plus ponies.

(That's the main character of the Space Quest series, you n00bs)

2500 square light years out?

...

I'll keep reading, but try to avoid the really dumb mistakes.

Great job so far, keep it up!

538552
My bad! I feel like a moron for making a simple mistake like that! Thanks for the heads up and comment!

Always nice to have more second person stories around, and your writing is good to. :derpytongue2:

541099
Thanks I appreciate it!

This is great! Can't wait to see what happens next!:pinkiehappy:

Thus far, well written and interesting. No real criticism's just yet, aside from chapter lengths being on the short side.

I'll be keeping an eye on this one. :moustache:

Oooh ouch. :fluttershyouch:

Haha, I love the little exchange between Dash and the hero, there.

Oh god cliffhangers, how I despise you.

Good story so far, I'm loving it.

I don't always read about humans, but when I do, I prefer "With Teeth" =P More please! =D

Oh! I get first! Yay!

Awesome story so far! Keep it up.
Although I have read lots of human in equestria stories this one is interesting.
As I said before, keep it up!

(Twilight is such showoff with magic!):twilightsmile:
The G.A.P.T will not be pleased.:trixieshiftright:

547165
Thank you I really appreciate it!

547706
No problem! You have at least posted something.
I have good Idea's but suck at writing.
So I encourage others to keep writing instead.
But If you ever need another Idea, give me a post!

This is really good so far, keep em coming.

Hahahaha , effin great man :rainbowwild:. You got me on needles waiting for the next installment.

Okay, I've got a few gripes:

Now, I'm no writer, but I know for sure that when writing a second person narrative that you want to be vague about the character's appearance so readers can insert themselves into the story a lot easier. So things like "six foot build" in chapter 2 and "black hair" in 3 could be cut to "build" and "hair" respectively. However, I would be a little more descriptive of the suit that the character is wearing and mention it in the first chapter.

That said, chapter 3 confused me. I can't really figure out how much time passed between the character initially climbing the tree and the end of the chapter, nor can I tell how he could pick out details about the ponies from 190 feet.

In Chapter 4:

"That was a pretty good trick" you remark […]

"The levitation of course" is your reply.

> You're missing the comma before the end of the dialogue/quotation.

I've seen thousands of applications of simple levitation before, but none using a particle field.

> And here you're missing the ending quotation mark.

Other than that, good job so far. I can't wait to see where you take this.

OH MAH GOD!:pinkiegasp:
CLASS M PLANET!!!
awesome star trek references are awesome:pinkiehappy:

Ooooh, look guys! An actually well written HiE fic! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

I await the next chapter eagerly.

Witness - Red Fang

Not really relevant, but the image reminded me of the album cover.

I had to lol at the prey thing is was too funny reading about Twilight like that.

566482
Well now that you mention it I guess the image I chose looks something like the logo used by the band 'Behold! The Arctopus'. If you're a metal head (as your moniker implies) then you should check them out.

Hmm, why does Twilight not mention omnivores? Humans are omnivores, and the ponies in the show display omnivorous qualities in the fact they eat eggs.

This story is shaping up to be very interesting! You have my attention sir. :ajsmug:

You made Twilight very adorkable with this chapter, I just loved it. I don't really have any criticisms thus far, well done!

Hahaha oh god, Narrator is best troll.

*smiles showing teeth*
*snort* *snort* MAGIC!

Really good so far!

lol, really good! The entire situation is indeed adorable! =)

Twilight was so adorkable in this I think I got diabetes.

Taking over the world one massage at a time.

566604

There are cases of herbivores and carnivores eating meat and plants, respectively. Exceptions to the rules and whatnot.

If a meat and plant diet isn't neccessary for them to live healthy, they can't be considered omnivores.

569006

He's absolutely right. Deer will occasionally eat road kill and/or small birds and eggs in order to correct a calcium difficiency. Likewise my german shepard would eat the crap out of tomatoes, everytime.

As for the deer thing....

http://www.nefga.org/forum/showthread.php?32658-Omnivore-Deer

Also I seem to recall a party scene in which Applejack is considering a table of food and there's what looks suspiciously like a bologna sandwich on the table, but.... naw, I'm sure it was pink tofu.

Um, good story but that whole prey sitting still high out of her mind on endorphins?

Wot? :rainbowderp:

That would be a horrible response, evolution wise.

Unless you just got impatient and you are working in magic seduction technique for the later clop. :P

Woah, this is really nice. I always like to see the whole meat eater thing brought up in a HIE story. Can't wait for your next chapters.

I hope she doesn't freak out when it's revealed that he's an omnivore, will she even understand that word?
Oh wait it's Twilight, ofc she will. :twilightsheepish:

I have to say, I'm usually not in to humans in Equestria, but I really like this story! =D

Antics in Equestria? Sign me up.

Sexual Tension building between a male Human and The main six? ...I'm intrigued, go on.

Not that I'm normally for that kind of stuff, either, but the manner in which you present it is hilarious. :twilightsmile:

Can't wait for next chapter!

I love how you had their years be 9 galactic standard years. This explains why Applejack is ALWAYS bucking apples despite having already done it a hundred times over. Not too mention it adds a nice Sci-Fi / Fantasy twist to the world few other authors bother to explore. Haha, ingenious; Well played sir! Well played indeed. :moustache:

Also, the interactions thus far have been great as well. Very high quality and engaging story, you have me completely hooked! The character is so original also. I haven't read any stories with a flirty wise guy yet, and you write them so well.

These paragraphs could use some light touching up. Looks like they got skipped in editing or were being changed and ended up overlooked.

You had also met five of Twilight's closest friends when they stopped by to check in on her. You couldn't blame them, as you Twilight was apt to get to engrossed in her historical and cultural lessons that she would forget to feed herself

"Oh, fish? Getting fish will be trouble at all" she perks up, all unease seemingly evaporating in an instant. "I thought you were going to try eating some of chicken or bunny friends or something horrible like that."

Wow this just keeps getting better.

589680
Thanks for the review!
Gah, don't you just hate when you completely skip over something like that? Thanks for the heads up!

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