It’s been 500 years since an immortal Princess Twilight Sparkle buried her last friend. Nopony who remembers them is still alive, other than the princesses. Her friends are remembered as the Elements of Harmony and former teachers at the School of Friendship. Their lives are told the way they were written in storybooks.
Twilight is ready to become a legend with them.
Contains triggers such as self-harm and suicide. Viewer discretion heavily advised.
The cover art does not belong to me.
Chapters (1)
Wow this reminds me of a song
Why am I thinking of Kings Never Die by Eminem and Gwen Stefani
Sad, but powerful. Excellent work.
Dang this was painful to read. But I thank you for writing it. As someone who helps people who are dealing with depression/suicidal thoughts, you did a good job of portraying how these individuals feel. People need to be aware that things are not always as they appear.
Nicely done...
The only thing I miss in such fics, is the lack of chapter showing the aftermath of suicide.
This was a good, if sad and draining, read.
Who decided that was a good quote to use? That's like if I died and the words "What the f*ck?" were enscribed on my tombstone.
I'm definitely a little biased in this regard, but I hate how Spike was so brazenly written out of the story. Him getting killed off-page by a random "rare dragon disease" feels contrived, and more like an excuse as to why he can't stop Twilight from offing herself. The fact that the cause of death wasn't mentioned until the Author's Note doesn't help either.
Not really "fans" then, are they?
Again, the sequence feels like a contrived way to make Twilight miserable; since she's already decided to kill herself, it feels overly-angsty and pointless.
I could be reading this the wrong way, but this gives me the implication that most ponies at the very least know Twilight was friends with the Elements of Harmony, and are thus attempting to offer their condolences. But at the same time, the illustration insults "Not-So-Loyal" Rainbow Dash. What a wonderful way to cheer the sad alicorn up, random foal!
And while I do like the idea of knowledge of Twilight's friends becoming distorted over the years, it raises the question of why Twilight never tried to set the record straight herself. Or Discord. Or any of the other Immortal characters who knew them. Also, 500 years is way too short of a timeframe for fact to become legend; everybody here still knows without a doubt that Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492. And how do ponies still know about Daring Do, which for all they know is just a random series of old novels, but not THE Rainbow Dash?
Twilight, when Celestia was talking about "everything", she was talking about your everything. In which case, no, everything will not be alright, because you've killed yourself.
Also, it irritates me that there are no on-page attempts to dissuade Twilight from killing herself. We get all the reasons why she apparently should do it, and none for why she shouldn't. It's almost like this story is trying to portray Twilight's suicide as a good thing; writing "please reach out for help" in the Author's Note ISN'T ENOUGH. To quote a conversation I once had with Flutterpriest, the last thing you want to do is validate the action.
That's it? Nothing about anyone else's reactions? What about Discord, who's just lost one of the few ponies who can remember the past like he can? Or Cadance, who has now lost her sister-in-law? Or Flurry, who's just lost her Best Aunt Ever on top of having also lost her father? Again, showing this would add to the intended message of "suicide is bad", because it would show that Twilight's abrupt departure was felt.
But no.
I apologize for the wall of text and for my occasionally harsh words, but this story just rubbed me the completely wrong way. At the very least, I hope that this little commentary helps you understand your less-than-stellar like-to-dislike ratio.
Again, I'm sorry.
9684865
I understand, this is my first time writing a story like this, thank you for the constructive criticism. I’m probably going to take my work in a different direction, this was just something that I wanted to try.
I would definitely do this if I were immortal and had to watch all my closest friends die. Life is good, but not if you have to go on and watch generations of loved ones pass on. I'm currently working on a fic where Twilight passes with her friends set after the finale. Jim Miller said the ending was open to interpretation so we can all make our own versions. Mine is going to involve all the immortals passint. Yours could happen though. I'll take a full look at it later. Good job.
Somehow I feel like I can somewhat relate to this story.
This was a good story, a few misspellings and missing words.
Like here
Where it says
It should say
Other than that small error, I loved the story
Y'know, I could see this being a reason she turns into Midnight Sparkle. As hatred, and anger takes hold of her heart.
damn, this was quite deep end